Back at it again
Knife in hand
But it's not the blood I want
It's the pain
The pain just makes it all go away
It's distracting
It's grounding
It makes me feel like I can control
what's around me;
what's happened to me

What's happened to me?

I don't really care about my past
I just know I don't want a future
The present is such an impossible inbetween
And I'm stuck

This isn't what I want
This isn't what others want for me
But their expectations
Their glances
I just want to go unnoticed
In the dark and in the quiet
Unloved and unwanted

The anguish in this alienating aloneness is alarmingly enlightening
I am aware as the colors of my aura
fade from vibrant to mute
A spiraling sense of self grasps at false promises of hope or help
Each face that shows itself as an ally is simply mirage or ghost
Or wisps of nothingness I probably hallucinated to cope
I am an anchor in a rushing tide
Life floods by with no more than a glance over the shoulder
Some collide from behind urging me to move on, frustrated when I don’t align with their idea of time
I need to be unapologetically ‘not ok’
Imagine my electric shock when I find that’s not an option
The anguish in this alienating aloneness is alarmingly enlightening

Each day tears pour as rain,
Terribly hurt and torn going insane,
Hundreds of ideas hitting my brain,
Depression crutches each root of my vein,
You showed me that life has no gain,
And filled me with all types of pain,
To whom do I owe this gratitude of pushing me in drain,
Covering my body with words and feelings of filth,
Knowingly causing the vision of spilth,
And assuring me that my life is worthless living,
For which, till this day I am still grieving,
Of the bitterness you shedded on me,
With the cruel attitude you let me be,
I have learnt karma has its own way of dealing,
Till then am making my life worth living...


©sim

Love me but don't hate me,
Cuddle me but don't strangle me,

Break me but don't leave me,
Trash me but don't throw me,

I give you my world, don't reject it,
My love for you is deep, I don't regret it,

Why have you changed adapting psychotic nature?
Do you have a clue of our coming future?

What future is there, you took it all,
Wired my neck like an ugly doll,

Eyes wide open gasping for freedom,
Life became short, you forced me off your kingdom,

I begged for love, future and life,
You stabbed me with your favorite knife,

Stabbed and strangled, you showed me your love,
Such an agony, you carved my face like a dove,

Laying lifeless in my own pool of blood,
He's painting on canvas using drips of my blood...


©sim