Somewhere across the vast field she found her soul,
hidden among the weeds, forgotten amongst the soil;

it glowed anyway.

As if a year was just a moment, and winter never yielded snow.
and in her solace she did know, it would always be this way.  

she would glow anyway.

Please steal me away, in the middle of the night,
Hold my warm soul, so very tight,
Please search for me when I'm out of sight.

I'm floating above my body, watching it wander,
And baby, I see you, steady on your way.
I'm a jealous woman, I may pull you under.
Be strong in what you say, keep your head above the waves.

I'm a quiet heart, I won't beat too loud,
But my mind's a train heading out of town,
Are you steady, darling, are you feeling strong?
Cause I'm a loose thread that won't last too long.

I sit on the stand-still lake,
Running my hand through the water.
I see the fish swim below.

Completely dry,
I'm merely floating.

And here comes the wake.
The rippled rush.

I'm submerged.
Down I plunge to the bottom.
Sitting in the sand.

I hold my breath.

Why don't you forget about me.
When you're feeling lonely.
When you need a ****.
How about you forget about me.

I am not your cigarette
Smoke me and leave me on the pavement.
Why don't you forget about me.

Why don't you leave me where you found me.
Alone.

sometimes I let myself be happy.
rarely, I relax just enough to feel it.
the calm wave, moving through my chest.

everything will be okay.

The smallest little fingers,
Reaching out for me.
The darkest circles,
Lining my eyes.
The sweetest love,
You'll never see.

In the darkness of the night,
In the warm glow of the dawn,
You and I sit by the window.
Another sleepless night,
Gone.

I once found magic in the stars,
in red tail lights beaming from a sea of cars,
but my lens is *****,
and the night is dark,
the cars are stalled and sit in park.

I once found magic in someone's soul,
now I see one hundred holes,
golden opportunities,
tarnished.

There's no tears for me to weep,
only poison slowly seeps,
and sinks into my core,
and leaves me wanting nothing more.

I once found magic in myself,
now i'm a doll upon a shelf.
seeing life through my eyes,
and hiding many silent cries.

Burning, burning, burning
this fear that has no right to own me.
Long gone is trust,
and a connection I long for flies overhead
with his wings stretched and hovering.
Lightly drifting in the wind.
No troubles.
And I a flower yearning to blossom, to break free of my roots.
Yearning to have wings.
But burning is this fear.
An emotional challenge turning physical fast, fastening me to the ground.
What will break it free?
Why, nothing,
nothing but
me.

A bump.
A lump.
Swallow.

You’re never prepared for life.
But this was ready for me.

A single rose sits in its pearly vase,
Merely resting on the wooden table,
With the crooked leg.

And here you sit.
In today. This very moment.
This is now.

If life is a story, then mine is a song.
And I'm only in the second verse.
Waiting for my chorus.

And this is it.
This is your life.
It's ups and downs and turnarounds.

And how beautiful is today.

I still hear pencils tapping,
as if I was sitting in the second row,
at my own small desk.

I can feel the blood rush to my head,
sitting upside down on the sofa,
with my legs over the head rest.
Talking on the cordless phone.

I see the sand pebbles,
collecting in my converse,
from afternoon bike rides at the beach.

The coolest breeze crosses my face,
and I wake from my daze.
I see the sky outside my front door.
I feel the tile under my feet.
And I hear no one.

He stood on the corner waiting,
for the light to flash its cue.
He wore a Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt,
his hands worn and tired with age.
A twitch formed in his left hand.
A laugh formed on his lips.
And when the light changed he stayed and waited.
Until out of nowhere a small child raced across the street.
"Grandpa!"
His sweatshirt matched.
And my heart was happy.

It's old news.
Forgotten by most.
But it haunts me,
like an unwelcome ghost.

Bravery colors my voice,
but my thoughts,
have grown so quiet.

As if admitting it's true,
even in my mind,
would be something,
to hard to do.

Lemonade & sugar.
Tar & nicotine.

To be held & be known.
To be kissed & be seen.

There's a lot you don't know about life.
There's a lot you don't know about me.

There's a lot you don't know,
about loving me.

Evergreen needles stretch upwards.
Rays of the sun glide gracefully through the sky.
Pine cones are scattered throughout the forest floor.
My bare feet step carefully through.
My eyes searching the tall tips for clouds.

Maybe this is home.
Maybe wherever I am is home.

They say it's all about control,
that's the key.
Not her soul, her thoughts,
her therapy.

They say I'm fine,
nothing's wrong with me.
Not this building wall, or gaping hole,
or quivering.

I stare at shaking knees,
a plaid tablecloth and ***** blue jeans.
No one says what they really want,
no one explains what they really mean.

Just *** and lies and therapy.

Under the sun,
And the moon,
Tis the season,
For snow-
For friends, and love,
For warm fires,
And real hugs,
For deep breaths of fresh air,
For showing others kindness,
And that you care.
For taking things slow,
When they say to speed up,
For taking the time,
To fill your own cup.
It's easy to lose yourself,
This time of year.
But it's all what you make it,
Be grateful you're here.

Much love,
Me

I'm thankful for what I've lost.
Because it changed me.
I'm thankful for how I've hurt.
Because it's shaped me.

I'm thankful for what I have.
Because he loves me.

I want to climb a moss covered mountain and stare out at the ruins of a past civilization.
I want to taste your lips like honey, dripping down my chin.
I want to savor the sounds of the rain,
as they beat down our troubles.
I want to fall into your arms just the same.

I want moments not wishes,
I want more than I can hold,
but I'll carry myself just the same.

I was sitting in my windowsill,
feet dangling towards the ground,
when a small bird perched itself on my leg.
I didn't dare move in fear of frightening him.
He sang out and fluttered in the morning light,
chirping and cooing with delight.
And I couldn't help but smile.
Like a child, I sang back to him.
I wondered if any strangers could hear us.
We were a 6 AM alarm.

Simple as sage
burning and bright
ashen and hazy
lights the dark
night.

color me cryptic
call it unsolved
thick rolling fog
that will not
dissolve.

Flee, dark spirits
ghoulish and gall
vanish at once
and heed our
call.

Don't go looking for an answer.
Don't stir the sitting ***.
You'll hear nothing in a murmur.
You'll see nothing in the dark.

If he wants you, he will show you.
Still my heart, be still.

There is nothing in this moment,
That won't surely show again.

I wore his hat backwards,
And laughed at everything he said.
And my thought hung in the air,
If he'd be taking me to bed.

Put your heart out there,
Put your whole self out there,
Just leave things, let them be,
Cause goodbye kisses are the sweetest thing to me.

And see you soon.

what if we could fold up the mountains,
into a small square that we keep in our pocket.
what if this barren road littered with cacti,
wasn't a bittersweet median,
between what you want and what you have.
what if it was all enough,
what if it didn't break your heart.
what if it isn't the end,
but the long- awaited start.

Such a moody colored mess
Lying between the sheets.
"Not today"
Let me sleep.

A swollen throat,
From all the things she never said.
"Not today"
Let me lay here in my bed.

And the clouds pressed onward,
And her cares hung above her head.
Such a wild mind she wrestles,
In this beaten bed.

"Not today"

My friend and I are writing a song.
I have been trying to write from the heart and not from my head.

"Feeling crazy from this loneliness,
From a girl who fell too hard,
oh my darling, where's our love song,
Some love never lasts that long."

Careless caring
just cross each other out.
Forced feelings
just dirt among a drought.

A U T H E N T I C I T Y

that's      what      counts

I’ve just recently learned to stand.
Before, there were hands beneath my feet.
Ideas flowing in my head,
From a different mind.

I spoke, as I had been trained.
I loved the way I was told.
I cried when I didn’t understand.
To please every demand.

But broken, are feet without their bones.
But quiet, is a mouth without words.
But numb, is a mind without thoughts.

And a heart without its body,
Is never really beating.

Pour into me and I'll be your flask.
Take a swig when you need it.
Fall onto me and I'll be your cushion.
Leave when youre ready to.
Curse at me and I'll be your fondest memory.
Look back at me when you need to.

I'm many things. But I'm not your doll.
And I'll speak when I want to.

To worry about the future is to worry over what may or may not happen.
To regret the past is to agonize over what is unchangeable.
To live in the present is to create the future and replace the past.
The bad becomes good.
The large worries are swept behind into the dust,
left behind as the road stretches out ahead.
Live for now,
love for now,
play for now.
Because tomorrow may never come anyway.

Glossy paper like glossy lips,
Words are written into existence.
Can't take them back, can't keep them in,
and though they hurt,
they fill the void.

The space in the air we can't avoid.
We **** them in and can't begin,
to ever let them out again.

She sat in the sky,
Keeping warm in the glow of the moon.
Surrounded by only black.
And yet in her eyes,
The reflection of a thousand stars.

She wondered why some things were so romantically alluring.
The blanket of darkness we call night,
The burning glow of a candle,
The orange radiance of a full moon in the sky.

It's in the mystery of the night,
The call of a midnight wind,
The silence of a world asleep.

It's on the moon where she feels free.

This kind of feeling can drive you mad.
Slowly brushing your hand,
Trying not to let you see me blush.
Knowing what's happening can't happen.

But I still need to know what you're thinking,
I still want to know what you feel,
I still want to be so close.

And I can't say a word.
I can't ask the questions I want to.
I don't want to ruin it.
I am pretending to like not knowing.

I don’t decorate my lips.
I hear my words for what they are.
I see my actions as they pass,
I no longer cling to scars.

I’m no longer made of glass.

I took off my dress of glue.
The one that had words stuck to every stitch.
Mean, bossy, ugly, spoiled, selfish
- *****.

I’m a work in progress.
I don’t try for perfect days.
I don’t cry for what has passed.
I live here.
I have now.

If you stay long enough to watch,
You’ll see,
I finally know who makes me happy.

Just me.

I'm awake,
With my eyes closed.
Write what you're feeling.
Paint a masterpiece.
Take photos all day.
Make short films like you once did.
Read every book you can.
Bake new creations.

Live up to your potential.
I'm asleep, with my eyes opened.

I found a corner in my mind,
barren, if not for a box.
I dare not visit, or stand to close,
or it may begin to talk.

What if, how come, why not,
maybe so, maybe not,
Try it on, this weighty coat,
see if you can float.

But I begin to fall,
and spiral down,
and lose all control.

So I take some tape,
and surely seal this container,
of my woes.
And hope and pray,
that one day,
I can somehow let it go.

It’s the essence of a moment.
A chapter in your life becomes minimized to a mere, few pictures of it.

And then just snapshots.
A whole year, in one blurry mind shot.
And then it’s gone.

Wrapped up with the rest in yesterdays,
Saved for a dull occasion or a sentimental moment.

A moment in time.
That’s all these are.
Each fleeting day.

What moment do you see the most?
And why is it that your mind-
won’t let it go.

How is it that a glass can go from empty,
to brimming,
within mere hours?

One strong pour.

My intuition never leads me wrong,
and yet I've been surprised a number of times.
Where did this come from?

What are we building?
But better yet, what are we building it on?

Small sips could never quench it.
Deep breaths could never soothe it.

And I'm left to watch the glass.
As it stirs within itself.

Cut it all off.
Paint it a different color.
Change your address.
Change your mind.

But the past is permanent.

It’s as if the stars were only fireflies,
The moon hung by a string,
And the sun flickered,
As a burning candle.

Before I met you.

And now the world is bright,
And the light is tangible.
I can taste it in my mouth,
When you kiss me.

My whole world is aglow.

Since I met you.

It wrestles with the leaves,
Hurries with the cold,
Floats with the knowing,
And chills in the bones.

A fickle friend,
To taunt and play,
To cool you off,
And breeze away.

The wind you say,
That is the answer.
Or is it fear,
The silent dancer?

When the day sits still, in graceful reflection,
the sky a mirror image in its place-
My mind does drift to floating figures above,
The chasm that swallows me whole and steals my sole attention,
The very hands, the very lips -
My body frozen with thoughts,
My mind racing around the track-

My heart thaws.

Writing is one of the few ways I know to explain myself.
To work out what I'm feeling,
And to express myself.
And yet with you there are no words.

No adjective or verb put together could reflect what I'm feeling accurately.

It's just a moving picture in my head,
Small memories and thoughts about you molded together.

Your laugh, your lips,
the freckle in your eye.
Your breathing as you fall asleep.
The covers wrapped around us both in the middle of the night.
The way you try and make me laugh when I'm angry.
Your jokes and one-liners and isms that make you, you.

That's how I know that I mean it.
When I say I love you -
I can't describe you any other way.
I can't verbalize what I feel for you any better,

Than those three words.

Gun shot wound above the button.
Small scar resting by your left eye.
Freckle on the thumb,
Gripping your scotch.

Left hand tapping the table.
Lightly playing the tune of an old rock band.
Dark circles lay under your eyes.
Stubble painted on your chin.

You don't have to say a word.
Your body says a lot.

And that's just hello.

who am I now?
This body I once recognized,
Is transformed.
Softer, fuller, different.
My mind has always been a map,
With roads that spin in circles.
But my body was no match.
Now my skin tells the story,
Of a new life formed.
Of hard months and sleepless nights.
And I dont feel better off or stronger,
Like the others proudly say.
I feel foreign and unhappy.
So I'll drive down these new roads.
Looking for familiar landmarks.
Until I can once again,
Call this body home.

I ache to feel that embrace.
The one where your whole being feels understood.
Where you can watch as the world washes away.

I'm just getting to know you.
The feel of your fingertips so foreign,
the smile you put on so sweet.

I think of you in the smallest of things.
Elegant words, rainy windows, clouded skies.

The only way I can describe it is,
that I'm curious for you.