Mind attuned and strung
with balanced chords, struck to the
beat of my new stride.

We’re so bad
Partners in crime
Breaking house rules
Ignoring the time

Scheming in the night
Intensity matched
Struck together

a fervency as active
as a constant eruption
filling our lungs with gasps

Keep my hands to yourself
and I’ll keep yours close
Don’t give them back

Reawakened, I kindle this fire
for it is a precious warmth
I will put out if I breathe too deeply

and it’s getting cold out…

Seeking harmony
in one's home is challenging,
though it shouldn't be.

With some grains of salt,
I sprinkle them over your words
and watch them dissolve.

Periodic change
is needed for those who grow
complacent quickly.

Your eyes are rustic in the morning
contrasting your sun-stained skin to
have a glow about it–perhaps it’s nicotine
   Eight a.m looks good on you, for you
   It’s nice not waking up early alone
It’s nice being conscious of the sun rising together
though we’re still tangled in arms under covers
   It’s just nice to not sleep alone
Though there is such a thing as too much heat
  But I miss it when it’s gone
More specifically your heat
and your scent–slightly nicotine
  and natural morning rust
How is your skin so smooth
and your form robust?
Your breath so gentle, along with your touch
which can play the part of rough when
the heat becomes too much
Your front hugging my back
a situational brushing igniting
blood rushings–like nicotine
I’m not quite hooked but I do like
a taste of you in the morning

Minutes equal hours,
days blend to weeks; the months
recycle quickly.

Refutation with
all of my selves--vortex of
insecurities.

Too content to write
even about exhaustion
from working so much.

Connection is best
when mouths are lubricated
with honest intent.

Marking my worth[lessness]
by defacing my template
with the corroded hands of others
who spend their time chiseling away at
life’s most imperfect perfections
  Embroidered with a cross stitch
ravelling us all together in one big quilt
showcasing one’s collected patches

Finding myself unable to convey
my lack of conversation skills
or the assumptions that I already know
and everything I could do is better than this
and I deserve better than this--
what I choose to accept
will never meet my own standards
as my standards are based on accepting others
but my other side lives in a fantasy
and believes what genuine souls tell me
which is I “deserve better than this”

Maybe I don’t, in a parallel universe
I can’t accept what I want to believe
because I can’t explain why I accept
   “less than I deserve”
when I’m unsure of what I deserve in the first place
What deeds have I done to merit great things?
Is my moral compass pointing north or south, east or west?
Does it matter when each way leads to eternal rest?

Opportunity
knocks when you've stopped answering;
Open the **** door.

Uncertainty *****
with me mentally. It is
a bother to me.

Spiders devour
not just their mates, but even
their own genus kin

Taking things slow
but certainly daydreaming of you
every chance I get.
Maybe I’m just taken
  by the idea of it all
  because ideas excite me
and I want to manifest them
but become overwhelmed
   with taking it slow--
I do the opposite.
I feed on the ideal
and swallow the real
without savoring every bit;
I narrow my scope
and remember static feelings
so my body doesn’t forget
that I’m switched on your circuit,
charged and ready to go,
when I should be focused
  on taking it slow.

The pressure I put
on myself in regards to
growing is heavy.

One more year older
and I’m still learning how
to alleviate it.

Mutual desire
like a flint rock and steel can
spark a glowing fire.

April didn't have
nearly as many showers
as May brought for June.

I wish people stuck
around like they like to
stick you with feelings

Sometimes you get things
you didn't ask for or know
you really needed.

Water and fire;
Smoldering mix of passion
I had not yet felt

Been forgetting to
make a weekly haiku since
getting drunk a lot.

There is too much to
sum in just five to seven
to five syllables

Lessening sadnesses
by appropriating real-time
  I wish for certainty
but don’t grant myself
that luxury–unworthy of
getting my way, fulfilling
my desires…all renters
no buyers, not in this market
Writing without cause
to satisfy my purpose
Giving your name
less power by replacing it
with Jump Ship, ‘cause
that’s what you do, when
the action gets too hot
you can no longer allot
your time…your priorities
change within a day
  I wish for consistency
but don’t grant myself
the serenity to accept
it won’t come from you.

The breeze from today
tickles the back of mind
where all the thoughts hide.

I lied again and said some words were
the last I'll say about you
but I thought of one more pretense;
I ******* hate you, you know
You're just like my Mom
in the sense of saying things you'll never do
and saying you'll do things you've never done
Delusional and high strung
Determined but so done, with everything and
everyone.
I don't know why I still hold out
waiting for your words, I laugh they're so absurd
coming from the horse that can't fix its own hooves
Please don't say you miss me
or want to see me
or you'll be there
Because it's all lines to feed -- your ego
and my need for reassurance
just to put another hold on your obligations
a little bit longer
some sort of attending to your problems
that have built up so high they're bound to spill
any time now, very soon
because you're awful at staying connected
and getting back to people
and showing you care -- because deep down you don't
and even then you're more dead than alive and repeating lines
you stole from somewhere, someone you felt thrive
before you decided they weren't unique enough

A beautiful day
to become aroused; waiting
Anticipating

New Home Depot store
Bearded man cuties galore
Eye candy is real

When like minds combine,
the world is easy to grasp;
Two worlds become.

Panning down hills,
coasting behind the scenes
of unfamiliar streets in
the backseat of navigation
 voice singing with elation
no nerves or trepidation
of immersion into new
Branching out on a blank canvas,
chasing the dream evading me
surroundings barking with
flying furs carried by winds drier
than my knees, with every
direction a different path
a secret passage to self-reflection
Ready to erupt, to spew the flow
of a different viewpoint--a change
in an ever-changing mind
I hope to find

Been feeling myself
lately, unimpressed by those
who aren't feeling me.

You must have laser
eyes, 'cause your stare is setting
my body ablaze

all day on the brink
saline hinging on lashes
reading minds far away
fortune-telling actions
and overgeneralizing
filtering the nonsense
to make room for the
  nonsensical
minimizing positivity
maximizing black and
white negatives
focusing on despair
internal anguish;
vicious cycle of
irrationality
automatically
a day in the life
inside of me

What matters
in this verse full of
    anti-matter
What is substantial
not circumstantial
    of any reality
What holds all of it
all of us in place
     Together
What keeps us spinning
        Going
Perseverance? Or
Perseveration?
What really hurts more
with each revolution
   What gets harder
with each new solution
What is contingent
on our progress
     What are we
striving towards
What is repeated
during this process
What is retained for life
     after death?
What is to blame
for the walking dead
   unable to connect
reincarnation to resurrect
what was lost in time
in between space
What do we see
when our selves
are effaced?

I want to be over you
because it’s exhausting to keep putting in
giving in, L-I-V-I-N without your acknowledgement
Why do I need validation for the love I harbor?
I want a well-equipped sailor to stay in my tempestuous shores
but apparently I can’t see loyalty through my own turbulent seas
Consiciveness--speak with brevity, pull back the shades of transparency
I used to think you saw me
if that were so, you’d know how dispirited I’ve been
and that you’ve had a small part to play
by sending me mixed signals at some point some days
or maybe I’m insane, as are you
repeating the same actions expecting different results--
is not really the definition of insanity;
some author with a pen coined it, suggesting it were genius
but it’s because it makes sense to the mind of the unsound
when too much noise has filled sensitive ear drums
You’re a storm that’s blown over
destroyed my residency, moving on to the next
I’ve always been terrified of bad weather,
but thought obsessive rituals would quell the thunder
I wonder if it’s me--about the reasons you give
and everyone else I’ve met in this laugh of a life I live
I’ve been left to infer and draw and conclude
Perseveration is more likely the cause in our repeated flaws
but really, these are the last words I’ll write for you
and for myself about you
unless you show me I’m all you could ever want
which I know won’t happen so why daunt?

I want to stay a
balled up cocoon in my bed
for eternity.

Laying down truths handpicked for the youths
Don't pass judgements between tooths
Stay all about the sooth-saying
We're all screaming instead of praying
That's why we lose so quickly what were steadily gaining
Don't assume I'm playing when I trip you up
With unexpected grease too slick for a slipper
Servers appreciate a big tipper
But don't break your bank to eat and pay no thanks
Don't knock a gender when you knockin boots with someone who's dead at the roots
Don't go down the wrong way on a one way street
If you're gonna shuffle gotta lift up your feet
If you're cold go out in the heat
If you're old get ready for what you're about to meet
I've stayed silent for so long
Speak up before the moment's gone
And you're reaching for something intangible
Because you felt it was intelligible
Don't suppress what makes you you
Cause there's no one else who can fill your shoes
Don't overthink your thought
You only end up killing that truth you sought
Don't detach yourself, just rewrap yourself
Around peace and harmony, it's good for your health
I'm delirious but are you hearing this?
Sleep's for the weak when all you want to do is weep
Sometimes it's all you need to treat the disease
An escape from your predetermined reality
When you're unable to comprehend what it all means
Remember, loving one another is loving You and Me

When the bowels churn,
find a lavatory stat!
Don't let them compact.

The old is rotting
my insides, my perception
I am not present.

Sleep was an escape
just like my dreams were, but now
you are always there.

I need to trust in love and not make a fuss
when a day or week passes without reassurance
  that what was said is still believed
when I have no reason to disbelieve
I just love too deep and when you don't exercise
you're weak and I've repressed my heart for
so long it yearns hard when it's unguarded
Ultimately, the fence falls because I've been rocking
on it too long and then I'm uncertain where to stand
I want to lean on you but worry you've had enough
of being somebody's crutch
I just want what we all desire;
an unhidden connection with someone
who loves me as much as or more than I do them
It is said patience is a virtue
but who cares about high morals anymore
when commitaphobes run abound
because everyone's at least once given their hearts
to someone on the opposite spectrum
to leave them in pieces by misdirection
But like a 10,000 piece puzzle, with time
and patience, it can be put together again
If all hearts are broken or closed off completely,
how will I ever find one to reciprocate my love so freely?

Warm laundry gives me the
fuzzies, makes my hands grasp
   majestic purple soaps
to cleanse away the ***** wails
compacted under fingernails
A selection of smell good things
lotions accompanied by fuzzy things
to rub away and radiate the aura
of calm, balance, and tranquility
Lavender is condusive to many
different uses, inhaling the graces
of herbal essence, soothing said coolings
inducing mood peelings of layers of grime
a skin liberative—figuratively speaking
Flowers of passion brew thoughts into actions
silent buds permeating scents
   so invigoratingly innocent

Silence is golden;
Communication matters.
Find some middle ground

Creature of magnificence
I am ecstatic to see you glow
You’ve been lost in shadows cast
by those you want to know
You are more than what you think
though at times it may seem
your worth is less than zinc,
the final page from a ream
  I know the light is there
I can feel it in your stare
your fingertips move mountains
and quiet fountains of despair
Your words can build temples
  and leave them in ruins
Your mind screams for purpose
while abiding outside influence
  The system is broken
and we are broken too
and we fill our cracks with darkness
but the light always shines through

Above and beyond
you soar, rejuvenating
yourself and others.

My dreams remind me
of what's important and it
is no longer you.

I'm over trying to satisfy
your insatiable expectations
I'm sorry only because I've
wasted so much of myself
with lying and hallucinations
truth disguised with binding ties
of desperate adoration
now I can see that I was
nothing you could ever want
but you knew not how to tell
Intuition and observation
served me rather well
but doubt is a black lake
an ominous void that
invalidates what I need to
be told so I'm hanging on
to rowing oars and reeling
through frigid cold to be released
back into the unknown known