When I first saw him,
I wished nothing upon him but death.
He is a simple organism, after all, a grotesque one at that.
But who would want to take life from such an innocent, perhaps even kind and gentle-natured being?
One who, despite his place in the world as but a mere, insignificant speck
Trudges onward with his life
Desiring nothing more than food, water, shelter, and the accompaniment of his brethren.
He gleefully treads across the seemingly unending expanse of the tiles upon which he has found himself
Due in part to an open door
And in part to his raw curiosity.
That has caused him to skitter across the floor
Inexplicably dodging the hands of death by my crushing, weighty feet.
All of his time here has been spent in a miserable environment, devoid of food and suitable company
And yet, he, being the cheerful beetle that he is, crawls on his merry way to everywhere and nowhere.
Who would end the existence of such a happy creature?
One of pure optimism and contentment in his seemingly isolated environment.
Thus, the beetle whom I now love so dearly
Will exist mutually with me
In his new accidental home.

Just when it felt
You were the one
I heard something about you
And if it's true
This isn't the first time
I've had to change how I feel
Because you can't change
How you feel.

It's fine if you are who you are
I can't change you for my sake
But I'll still let the water
Fall from these eyes
That saw you that day
And tricked me
Into thinking you were mine.

and when his life was taken
his pain had ended
as soon as it had started

there's something about you
that buries itself in my chest
growing its roots somewhere deep inside
blooming and blossoming
reaching and tangling around my veins
wrapping its vines around my bones
spreading its pollen through my bloodstream with every gentle heartbeat
seeping through my fingers and toes
crawling up my spine and flowering in my thoughts
I carry you everywhere
and as I fall asleep at night,
I think about the way it feels
to have you next to me

haunted houses don't look the way they do in the movies.
they aren't dark and dreary.
there's no antique gothic furniture, no creepy paintings.
no books for some spectre to pull off a shelf
and throw at a wall-
those got sold at the garage sale over the fourth of July weekend.
and you couldn't salvage the bookshelf,
so you left it on the curb.

and there's probably a good number of cobwebs at first,
but everything will be vacuumed and dusted before the week is out.
and it smells like fresh paint when you first walk in,
so the colour appeals more to new buyers,
but you can still see the gaudy yellow underneath the crisp white.

and as for the ghosts,
rest assured they'll be there,
but whoever moves in won't see them.
it'll just be me,
and the faint outline against the wall
where the sofa used to be.
and when I look close enough,
I can still see them sitting there.

I don't miss you.
I miss who I thought I had.
I miss those dreams about you
And what my imagination made you into.
I miss having feelings for you,
But I don't miss you.

I'm sorry God
If I've let you down,
I know I've done something
To deserve this punishment.
To deserve no friends,
To deserve no happiness,
To deserve no luck,
To deserve it all.
What have I done?
That has made it this way?
Can you tell me why
A being of heaven
Has brought me hell?
What have I done?
Why do I deserve
To be locked in this life
And bruised by the past
And stabbed by the present
And threatened by the future?
What can I do
To please you, God?
So that you shall bring me peace?
What more do I have to give
To get a bit of it back?

I'm sorry, God
If I've let you down,
But you have to let me live.
I know you know not
Of mortal pains and suffering,
But you of all beings
Must know some sympathy.
When can you end this madness?
What more must I achieve
To appease the ultimate puppeteer?
How much more must I sacrifice
To be worthy of your affection?
What must I apologize for
That will allow you to free me
To bail me out
To leave me be
To let me go?
Have you reached your breaking point?
When will such a day arrive?

I'm sorry, God
If I've let you down,
But don't you think
That all of your people,
Including myself,
Deserve a blessing at some point?
Deserve some freedom?
When we know not
Of what we have done?
Oh, God, when will that freedom come
If not in the form of angel wings?

we are two souls floating
drawn together
and when it's only us
and I belong to you
and you belong to me
it's like we're infinite

and the universe is all
grey sweatshirts
and headphone wires
and hazel eyes
and conversations
we're floating, infinite

two souls intertwined
tangled together
you are part of me
and I am part of you
we are here
and we are infinite

I tread on broken glass
And see the past in its reflection
Thousands of twisted faces
A stranger in every section.
Memories better off forgotten
Cold and distant and blue
Yet the constant in the chaos
Is the blurry, dizzy truth.
I'm the monster
I'm the stranger
In every silver piece,
But the monster
And the stranger
She just isn't me.
Only I could have changed
The reflections that I saw
But what was in those mirrors
Wasn't myself at all.

Shades of blue
Remind me of you
And that sweater you look so good in.
Shades of brown
Remind me you’re alive
Because of your eyes.
Shades of red
Remind me of my heart
That can’t help but fall
For everything you are.

Shades of blue
Changed the way I thought of you
And are still changing
In this very moment.
For all the shades of blue,
There is a new meaning.
And your shades
Respond to the inconsistencies
In how I choose
To let myself portray you.
Shades of brown
Are the mask which hides
All the unrelenting doubts
About who you are.
The cover of those shades
Is a one-way mirror
You can see me
But I fail to see you
And beg to break through the glass
And grasp at what I can.
Shades of red
Reflect my burning heart
Full of the heat of desire
For that perfect world
In which you and I
Are the perfect couple.
And all of my efforts
To set our fire ablaze
Are snuffed out by my mind
Who scares my heart
Into a retreat
And the shades of red fade.
I must be confident as a match
Ready and able to spark
And use you as my gasoline
To set us aflame.

Shades of blue
Still remind me of you
But in another way.
The bluest drops of water
Remind me you might not stay.
As the rain keeps beat on my window pane,
And my tears trickle just the same,
I cry myself to sleep
For your shades of blue.

Shades of brown
Still remind me you’re alive
But in another way.
They block me from the secrets in your soul
Behind your eyes, I’ll never know
What lurks in that heart of yours
Beneath those shades of brown.

Shades of red
Still remind me of my heart
But in another way.
The day it told me you’d be mine
I listened to it’s lies.
The minute it fell in love
And held it prematurely
Before I knew it could break
Like glass under pressure of heartache
When I realized my heart
Might have convinced me
Of an impossibility.

A once blissful state of mind
Corrupted by emotional knives
Cutting deep within my brain
To break me in my sleep again.

The steel bends to form a cage
Trapping in surreal thoughts and pains
And images of who I was.

I become a creature
A subject of my mind’s devices
A reflection of the monster inside
To succumb to its every whim
Be a puppet on its strings.

I’m dragged along by words
And drowned by tides of pain.
No matter what I try to see,
The creature shall remain.

I writhe and wiggle against the cage
It wakes me from my sleep
But in the dark of midnight,
The cage escapes my dreams.

"How are you?"
Depressed
Useless
Ugly
Sad
Pointless
Tired
Worthless
Stress­ed
Shattered
Annoyed
Empty
Angry
Guilty
Dead
"Fine."

She came to a fork in the road
Not knowing where the path would lead.
The forest was daunting,
Twisted trees and black waterfalls
A chilling wind blew in the air
Carrying with it a cold fear
That perhaps if she entered,
She would never leave.
And yet,
As she stepped over the threshold
Into the dark,
Into her final breaths,
Into death itself,
She was calm.
For she could feel her soul
Pulling her towards the darkness
Telling her that there was nothing to fear
And on the other side of the eternal night,
There would be rainbows.
And so she stepped
Beyond the fork in the road,
Still vaguely unsure of what lay ahead,
And yet so certain
That when she met the end of the road,
It would be beautiful.
And so, down she skipped
Into twisted trees and black waterfalls
Pushed only by the chilling wind
She skipped
Down the road.

I watched as the first was pulled away by someone else,
And my jealousy consumed my heart
Like a field infected by dandelions in the spring.
I watched as the second drifted further and further from me
Gone faster than a cool breeze
By forces bigger than the earth
But it consumed me nevertheless
And now you, the third,
The one I watch so carefully now,
Shall not slip away
Before I have a chance to reach out.

I am worn
I am beaten
I am tired
I am blue.
I am broken
I am shattered
I am splintered
I am through.
I am done
I am gone
I've been squeezed
Of every drop.
I'm a shell
Of myself
And I think
I need to stop.
My brain is worn
It is beaten
It is tired
It is blue.
It is broken
It is splintered
It is shattered
It is through.
It is done
It is gone
It has been squeezed
Of every drop
It's a shell
Of itself
These emotions
Need to stop.