i'm not superstitious
so i don't believe
in phantoms

but yesterday
i came face to face
with the ghost of
who i used to be

*i'm not so sure any more.

it's hard to find peace within sleep
when the moths in my chest
are constantly awake and cutting my lungs
with the sharp edges of their wings

it's hard to focus on where i am going
when every single step i take
feels like another further away
from your warm embrace

it's impossible to go out and find someone new
when every time i kiss them i remember
the way you used to bite my bottom lip
and the way you used to tell me that

you loved me.

when you cry, i can feel
every single one of your tears
being shed.
even when you're suffocating,
i can feel myself gasping for air
my lungs don't even need...

i hate knowing that this is
what you go through.
and what scares me the most
is the thought of you having to
endure the suffering i go through too.

i know love isn't
the solution to everything,
but it's the closest thing we have
to happiness, so…

i love you, and i sincerely hope
that you love me back enough
for the pain to fade
every time i kiss you.