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Nikita May 2021
Roll forward
Clench the cutch
I look at you and
How I love you so much
Nikita May 2021
Push me
Blow against my skin
Ptsd you win
Nikita Mar 2021
Push me
Pull me
Shape me
And mould me

Invent me
Destroy me
Create me
Lie to me

Pack me
Wrap me
Seal me
Deliver me

No matter how hard
You try

No matter how much
You hurt

I will always shatter
Your image
High expectations and cookie cutter categories. **** that.
Nikita Mar 2021
As cold as ice,
Their touch left me
Alone.

Comfortable with invisibility,
I mistook love
For a stranger in my home.

As warm as light,
His company left me
Scared.

Familiar with invisibility,
I mistook love
With something that I feared.

As bright as fire,
The gaze from his eyes left me
Reassured.

Comfortable with closeness,
I now know how true love
Should really feel.
When we are used to being treated neglectfully, we often search for partners that reflect this. We become so comfortable with loneliness that kindness is a foreign and terrifying thing. We can often become doubtful and insecure when someone cares for us the way no one else has. Rather than questioning and pushing this love away, we should embrace the kindness we all deserve.
Nikita Dec 2020
Stroke by stroke,
Oil glided onto the canvas.
With precision and ease,
She created her reflection.

Over time,
She grew impatient.
Gliding became stabbing.
Her reflection, distorted.

What was once graceful,
Was now forced.
Frustrated and torn,
She began to lose grip.

She turned her back on her creation.
As she walked away,
A faint cry floated towards her.
It whispered- don’t leave.

She was gone.

Stroke by stroke,
Oil glided onto the canvas.
With precision and ease,
She created another child.
My mother has five children to five different men. Each child is significantly different and is told different stories about themselves. My story was “You are smart but an ugly psychopath”.  This poem is my interpretation of her struggling with her identity as a mother and passing it onto her children who are symbolised as paintings.
Nikita Dec 2020
Everyday
You would shout
Scream
And belt.

With each word
You drove a sword through
My child mind

Thank you for the wounds
Thank you for the insults

Without your fierce
Sad and insecure stabs

I’d never be so determined
To be the exact opposite
Of who you think I am.
Nikita Nov 2020
Knotted in my throat,
My breathe lifts me up.

My toes curl inwards,
A laugh escapes my mouth.

There’s something about the air,
Something that moves me around.

Like a puppet on a string,
I sway carelessly to the sound.

Letting this feeling carry me,
Weight falls from my shoulders.

No pressure.
No judgement.
Just free.
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