dear chaser,
you had only one goal and yet you failed,
after all the chasing, how could you
leave so easily?

i never thought remembering
would burn this much, nor that it would consume my sleep at night.
I remember how happy and sentimental
cute clingy songs made me feel, because my pathetic heart felt every lyric.
I now find myself skipping those songs because they remind me the pain of you. That last taste of your lips that used to give me comfort, but none of it was real. How could you sit there, look me in my teared up eyes and lie to my face? I wonder how many times you touched me, kissed me knowing **** well you did not love me anymore, these questions torment me on my daily basis. Therefore I keep myself busy to distract my thoughts from you,
I can heal all i want, but how do i get this feeling of betrayal off my skin? I find it very ironic how you used to blame me for the sins you were comitting. Broken promises and blood spilling, but you're perfectly fine.
That's such a *******.
These memories became a wound on my soul and you my stabber but i gave you the dagger, i regret you all the time. We became a tainted memory id like to fully erase from my being.

i lay on my bed
writting poems, writting our lasts moments of love,
our memories.
Remembering myself why i fell in love with you
and why you're so worthy of every tear that has come through
my eyes.

I hope someday far away from this present your soul and mine
could connect the same way it once did.
In the meantime, may our souls be apart from each other.
For your good and for my bad.

you used to tell me how much you
liked my eyes and sight, just to end
up making them sore and lose their brightness.

you said you had no intentions of hurting me
but here am i, crying till im out of breath.

you said you loved me and that i made you
happy, but you still left me for her.
So tell me, how am i suppose to trust
and love another human being when none of
it was real...

she is lost but she does not crave to be found.
her world went quiet but she accepted it cause in some sick and destructive way it brought her peace and she felt safe in her own madness.
And although her days are full of tears and anguish... she cant picture herself ever getting out of this labyrinth of suffering she trapped herself in.
this is her silent punishment.

I find myself hiding
under my bed sheets,
every corner of my room haunts me.
The alcohol on my breath worries my mother.
The aroma of your cologne
remains impregnated on the sweater
I wore the last time I saw you .
I hate you even though I miss you through my teeth
and even though this feeling consumes me,
I would not choose you again.
I hate the way I left but what I hate even more
is the fact that you were gone way before me.
My favorite part after a long and exhausting day
was to walk by that one street corner,
that **** corner where you first told me you loved me,
Now simply viewing it from afar hurts, burns.
I expressed out the fear that loving you caused me,
due the damage I had already lived through
and even so you continued to do me the same damage
I drown seeking answers for the endless doubts that you left me.
I drown in wine because it somehow brings me back to our first kiss.
Did you ever thought of me? Or did your narcissism get the better of you once again?

loneliness, anguish and fear,
is all you made her feel.
all she wanted was to feel loved,
to feel loved by you....

in the bottom of her heart
She knew she would always be in love with him.
their memories will always haunt her
despite how much she tries to erase his memory.
He was her one true love.

Somehow hope still lingers through my soul.
Time has broken me in ways that i sometimes wonder how I'm still standing?
But that little hope that keeps me sane ironically has a first and last name.
Aint it pathetic how my sanity depends on the person who unintentionally keeps breaking me? Aint it pathetic how he is having the happiest days while im here patiently waiting for his comeback although i deep down know that day is not anywhere near this present. Pathetic little me right?

i want to pretend i dont care,
that watching you be happy with someone else doesnt makes my heart shatter.
Call me selfish but i wish you were not
because maybe in that way you would come back to me, to us.
But then reality hits me
and its that you are there with her
and im here trying to find you in another person.

Overcoming the pain your absence left
has been a challenge but eventually i started doing it.
My days have become bright, i can see far away a tiny light at the end of my tunnel. Its gonna take me time to get there but at least
now the impossible seems more possible.

i am both beauty and destruction,
I know how to love but not how to be loved.
i've felt pain in all its forms and yet
i still try my best to put on
a fake smile.
CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?

I will light up a cigarette and smoke your memory.
As I inhale I will savor your minty flavor for the very last time then,
i'll exhale all the love I feel towards you.
I will throw you out like you did with me in that April night.

i hate how often my brain and heart are in a constant battle over that old love i deep down know i would never be capable of forgetting .
my heart keeps telling me i have to try again when in the other side my brain knows its a catastrophic idea and it would hurt more than not trying.
But my heart only tells me what my consieuse wants and my brain tells me whats best for my mental stability.
i really have no idea who am i suppose to listen

i remember our last winter,
where flowers bloomed instead of dying,
as our love

You holded my trembling hands
while they were freezing and kissed them with your soft pink lips.

You warmed my body with just one look
and  made my heart beat too fast.
I miss the feeling of our las winter,
i miss your warmth and our little flower.

its a never ending cycle,
loss after loss. Im tired of my friends
telling me that time heals, i know it does
but for a moment i just want to stop healing, breaking.
i keep breaking myself over and over, im tired.
Tired of healing, tired of breaking,
tired of giving my all and  receive nothing but sorrow.
When will I get off this labyrinth of suffering im trapped in?