Abandoned umbrellas on the beach float by
And remind me of the broken promises I made to myself
When I was 7 rocking out to the new sounds
Then everyone told me something I shouldn't do
Then everyone chained me to the desk, destroyed the creative thunder
Then everyone trapped me deeper inside the attic
Of my own misery where nightmares became my best friends

Been sitting here all day, done nothing all day
Staring at it, just staring at it
Staring at it, just staring at it
Been sitting here all day, done nothing all day
Staring at it, just staring at it
Wishing I could walk through it
Find myself as someone other than who I am
If only for a day
And I wouldn't have to pretend that you don't really give a f**k about me

Been here four seasons expecting something to change
But I'm still the same me and I don't think shaving my head would change a thing about me because the thoughts are still there
Always gonna be there as four seasons pass

I want to play in the water
With them
But you can't teach a rock to swim
With dolphins
And I never learned how not to drown
So let me mope sitting hunched over drowning in the harsh light reflecting everything I'm not

It's only a temporary place to rest my head
But I can't sleep
How I wish the door didn't open because someone
who wasn't me unlocked it
"It's open", "Of course"
But will I walk through it?

The doctor is a liar, The doctor was a liar
The doctor, oh that doctor stuck a needle in my arm
And told me I was free to go home
The doctor is a liar, The doctor was a liar
The doctor, oh that doctor gave me an apple
And told me I was free to go home

But everyone knows that the doctor is a liar
Smile in the seconds that pass
Even thought you'll always be too slow
Tripping when they've been walking since 9 months
Trying to get ahead, but constantly falling behind

When did everyone's eyes become blank white sockets
The doctor said
But the echos of "just fix the holes" are yelling through the thunder
Aren't we all just trying to get home?
And I can hear the echos of "just deal with the holes" ringing over and over through the thunder
I've been listening since I was 7 years old
We used to run then
With broken umbrellas
But now we walk
Away from umbrellas
Because even if we drown in the rain we're gonna get home

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
A time out in the corner flashes before my eyes
When my first grade teacher forbade me from going outside
But wouldn’t tell me what I had done wrong
What had I done wrong?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
I snuck out of bed at midnight
A soft carpet welcomed my feet
Promising a silence that wouldn’t disturb sweet lullabies
I was watching with wide eyes, screaming within crowds
Till it was over
Why did it have to be over?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
Loneliness is my greatest tragedy
A malicious motivator
Second place didn’t matter as long as I had a place
You granted me moments
But left me on the swing
I walked home while the emptiness within my chest
Mirrored the gray winter days
Why did you leave me?

Days like this hold my mind
What we left unfinished
Umbrella abandoned by the ocean
Little children collecting seashells
An elderly batch are playing chess
Until the sun sets
But I’ll be sitting by the ocean
As days like this hold my mind

I know a boy
With eyes like mine
He is breathtaking, refreshing like the ocean
When the tide comes in
He is extraordinary, radiant like fields of amber
When the harvest begins

I know a boy
Who loves Java as much as I do
My favorite pass time is when we’re coding
He is teaching me theories
We’re experimenting
Seeing what works best
Efficient, Effective solutions  
We’re engineering the simplest algorithms
It’s a practical approach
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
He knows me better than I know myself
He understand the explanations I cannot give
The result isn’t a misunderstanding
I don’t have to scream, but I want to
I want to argue with him
Even though I’m running out of air
My face is about to break
My heart is about to explode
And my mind is moving a mile a minute
But when the war is done
In the silence I find familiarity  
I’m falling asleep to affectionate lullabies
I’m waking up to inside jokes
This warmth has me leaking like a faucet
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
He blows my mind
The conversations are weird
Slow and Sweet
Anxious and Calm
I’m rambling without a filter
Swearing and Laughing
I just want time to stop
Just hit the pause for a moment
So I can memorize the moment  
Save the conversation
So we can live it together later
And it’s all his fault
It’s the best **** thing

I know a boy
With eyes like mine
And it’s the best **** thing

My friend is in my pocket
though she is many miles away
before we met... time just spent
and today was just a day

but now I know and can't forget
it's special because the one I met
19 years ago this day
was destined to type in all caps: "YAY!"

Sometimes, I day dream about him, the boy with eyes like mine and ***** blond hair, and the different moments I wish we could experience. One of these moments begins with waves crashing against large rocks, the sun is high, it’s hot and birds are flying above us. We’re under a big yellow umbrella, on towels placed parallel to each other.  He lies on his back with his eyes closed, his left arm covering his face, while his right grasps my own. I’m seated with my knees pulled close to my chest switching between watching the ocean kiss the shore, playing with the sand and admiring the smile playing on his lips. It’s a sweet day.