Stardust flows through
your veins and every touch
creates galaxies upon my skin.

After so much pain
under the chill of the winter moon,
a kiss from the sun herself
is enough to get me
through one more
year.

In this heart,
I keep the memories
we share so far and I
nurture them every single day.
I hope we can add more to this heart one day
but until then I am content knowing
that you are happy and loved
and making your own memories.
As for me, I can open this heart
and recall the way you smile.
Indeed, there is nothing more beautiful
than you and our memories will
stay in this heart forever until
the next one we create.

We all get a little
overwhelmed sometimes
but the memories of you and I
sustain me the most.
I submerge myself in the thought of you,
that sublime smile and
the sunflower that is your heart
and I feel better again.
Just knowing you exist,
the miracle that you are,
is more than I could ever ask for.

Just know that
you are not the only one
going through this
all-too-human and
inevitable pain.
The grief, the loss,
the unbearable weight of it all.
Just know that you do not have
to carry it all on
your own.

We are born
naked and alone-
the centre of someone's universe.
And yet,
we remember
none of it.

I have never been
anyone's favorite person-
wouldn't that be nice?

12:00 AM
25/6/22

For muscles to grow,
they must bruise and tear
and it is the pain we must endure.
Surely, it must be true
of the heart?

I was not born a
leader nor a follower-
I was born to write

3:58 PM
3/6/22

As the stars come out each night,
as do my thoughts of you
the way they set my skies ablaze
in your beauty and every
memory we shared.

To wake up and
remember that you're gone,
that you have left,
that your body
no longer warms mine
makes for the coldest mornings
I have even known.

Dear diary;
I hate to admit that
I am still dependent on
feelings I promised myself I
would no longer feel and
now I punish myself
for it.

My mind,
the largest metropolis I know.
Thoughts of you roam the streets-
our memories are set in concrete.
This city never sleeps,
but with you as
its population,
it knows peace.

Regret, repent and
repeat and I will never
learn from my mistakes

11:09 PM
17/1/21

Soft haired girl,
like a bed of roses,
blooming all over the world.
Lucky was I to get lost
in her garden,
her aura-
but little did I know that
her thorns would leave
such a lovely mark
upon my heart.

They say
you remember all
the little details when
you are in love.
Every word, every smile,
every adventure and
every argument.
I still remember it all,
and you can barely
remember my name.

I hope I wake up
when this nightmare is over-
it's taking so long

8:17 PM
14/3/23

One day,
someone will want
your smile as the first image
they see for the rest
of their life.

It is the human cycle to
surrender to love just as
we surrender to grief.
No one can control this cycle-
it teaches us truth and character,
it builds us up and cuts us down
in the best and worst of times.

I need my solitude
like the sunflowers
need the sun.

I was born up there,
between the stars and the strange,
between the silence and space.
I was born up there,
alone and afraid and
far from anything we call human.
I was born up there,
as an alien, an outsider, a foreigner,
a small gift sent from the cosmos.
I was born up there,
thrown down to Earth
with nothing but by innocence
to guide me through this
rock I call my home.

Why is it that I
find beauty in everything
except for myself?

11:59 PM
31/1/23

You and I were
never truly alone-
our demons always accompanied us
through love and through pain.

Do not give up hope just yet,
you have still not met all of
the people who will love you.

Dear diary;
my heart
met my soulmate
in the space between
slumber and waking.

Better off alone-
a smile on my face and
a hole in my heart

10:47 PM
29/12/19

Maybe most relationships fail
because they start as lust.
Maybe the best way to begin is
with appreciation
and friendship.

It has taken me too long
to realize that you aren't coming back.
At first I thought you would eventually
miss me like I miss you-
that you would constantly check your phone
as I check mine,
but it was never you.
I spent all this time waiting for you,
trying to remember the memories,
the way you made me feel,
while you spent all this time
falling in love with
someone else.
It pained me see the two of you,
perhaps it always will,
but at least I know now that
you are not coming back.
Indeed, you had not thought about me
that way I still thought about you
but rather, it was as you never loved me at all,
as if I had never existed.
It's time to begin the process
of letting go.

Sometimes
things don't work out
the way you hoped they would.
It's as simple
as that.

Even if I don't
see you anymore, you still
come to me in dreams

3:56 PM
25/1/21

Let spell your name
in the fields and let it
blossom into sunflowers.
Let each stem, each petal
and each root feed on
these warm rays of love.

Hope is killing me
yet hope is the only thing
keeping me alive

7:20 PM
10/12/22

I could be elsewhere,
but I've decided this is
where I want to be

2:06 AM
2/4/22

Insomnia-
I don't mind it
if it involves making
memories
with you

I don't know
how to leave behind
all of these lingering feelings
that still dwell
from within.

Bound
by words
I cannot speak.
Caged
by thoughts
that leave me weak.

I wonder what the
prettiest colour in the world is.
I think it is a mix of the hues in your eyes
and those teeth the moon could only
dream of shining so brightly
when you smile at me.

I left a piece of me
with you.
Can you still feel me
like I feel
you?

How easily it was
for you to leave.
How simple it was
for you to turn off the switch
and move on with
your life.

Sometimes missing you
is like a soft and sweet bird song-
other times, a shriek of a harpy.

Loving someone from
afar is as heartbreaking
as it's fulfilling

4:27 PM
14/9/21

She casts spells upon
the world and charms them into
unseeing her soul

3:50 PM
20/7/21

Growing older is
a privilege not everyone
will experience

6:01 PM
8/2/25

Dear diary;
I am still learning to
let go of that of which I
have no control over or that
remains in the past.
Some days are harder than others
to accept things the way they are
and not the way I had hoped
they could be.

They say it is unhealthy
to live in the past,
but it is okay to visit it
every now and again,
right?

Nobody talks about
the side effects of trauma.
The ones that make you
way too forgiving,
way too empathetic
to the point of putting
another's needs above your own.
Or maybe you'll do anything
to please people in hopes
they do not repeat the
trauma you so desperately
try to avoid.

Going home isn't
necessarily returning
to your house,
sometimes it's about returning
to a certain someone that
makes you feel
at home.

To this day,
I can still sense you
in every sunray and
all its warmth you have shared
with the world.
Daughter of the sun,
it is with your light
this world doesn't seem so cold
so for the sake of humanity,
don't you take that away.

A thousand laughs,
a million smiles,
countless memories that fill our lives.
Each one timeless and forever
stored in our hearts.

There is no soul,
it is merely an illusions
we have created to
project our desires in death onto
in hopes of an afterlife.