Even if I don't
see you anymore, you still
come to me in dreams

3:56 PM
25/1/21

Soft haired girl,
like a bed of roses,
blooming all over the world.
Lucky was I to get lost
in her garden,
her aura-
but little did I know that
her thorns would leave
such a lovely mark
upon my heart.

You have proved me right-
nothing lasts forever and
you broke that promise

3:55 PM
25/6/22

Lust leaves
a bitter aftertaste-
yet the thirst for it
never wanes.

To wake up and
remember that you're gone,
that you have left,
that your body
no longer warms mine
makes for the coldest mornings
I have even known.

In this heart,
I keep the memories
we share so far and I
nurture them every single day.
I hope we can add more to this heart one day
but until then I am content knowing
that you are happy and loved
and making your own memories.
As for me, I can open this heart
and recall the way you smile.
Indeed, there is nothing more beautiful
than you and our memories will
stay in this heart forever until
the next one we create.

It has taken me too long
to realize that you aren't coming back.
At first I thought you would eventually
miss me like I miss you-
that you would constantly check your phone
as I check mine,
but it was never you.
I spent all this time waiting for you,
trying to remember the memories,
the way you made me feel,
while you spent all this time
falling in love with
someone else.
It pained me see the two of you,
perhaps it always will,
but at least I know now that
you are not coming back.
Indeed, you had not thought about me
that way I still thought about you
but rather, it was as you never loved me at all,
as if I had never existed.
It's time to begin the process
of letting go.

It is the human cycle to
surrender to love just as
we surrender to grief.
No one can control this cycle-
it teaches us truth and character,
it builds us up and cuts us down
in the best and worst of times.

Why do I still dream
of you to this day?
You are no longer in my life-
you are out of thought, out of sight,
so what is it about you that
my mind still finds the need
to place you in my dreams?

It was nice
To have the idea
that I had met the living embodiment
of all my dreams and fantasies.
It was doomed from the start
because that's what it was, a fantasy.
Still, I do not regret dreaming-
giving in to what was probably a
delusion more than a dream
because to this day,
you are still the closest thing
to what I could dream of.

They say it is unhealthy
to live in the past,
but it is okay to visit it
every now and again,
right?

I saved our photographs
for days like this when the
nights are cold and solitary.
Hard to believe that I
was loved by some,
and above all,
by you.

Knowing that you are
loved is what keeps this heart beating.
I hope you know just how cherished you are
and how many smiles you bring to so many people.
I think I speak for everyone when I say
what a difference you have made in so many lives
and that we will be forever grateful.

A thousand laughs,
a million smiles,
countless memories that fill our lives.
Each one timeless and forever
stored in our hearts.

Call me in the early
hours of the morning
and maybe,
just maybe,
my heart will
find another place
for you.

They say
you remember all
the little details when
you are in love.
Every word, every smile,
every adventure and
every argument.
I still remember it all,
and you can barely
remember my name.

Loving someone from
afar is as heartbreaking
as it's fulfilling

4:27 PM
14/9/21

Dear diary;
The sorrow comes in waves
and today I am
the sea.

I hope I wake up
when this nightmare is over-
it's taking so long

8:17 PM
14/3/23

As the stars come out each night,
as do my thoughts of you
the way they set my skies ablaze
in your beauty and every
memory we shared.

How easily it was
for you to leave.
How simple it was
for you to turn off the switch
and move on with
your life.

Sometimes missing you
is like a soft and sweet bird song-
other times, a shriek of a harpy.

She casts spells upon
the world and charms them into
unseeing her soul

3:50 PM
20/7/21

You and I were
never truly alone-
our demons always accompanied us
through love and through pain.

Just know that
you are not the only one
going through this
all-too-human and
inevitable pain.
The grief, the loss,
the unbearable weight of it all.
Just know that you do not have
to carry it all on
your own.

The more you
understand someone,
the harder it is
to hate them.

Better off alone-
a smile on my face and
a hole in my heart

10:47 PM
29/12/19

I'm famished,
I'm tired,
I asked for a glass of water
but left with my heart of my sleeve.
You came back for breakfast
but I came back for
one last goodbye.

Nobody talks about
the side effects of trauma.
The ones that make you
way too forgiving,
way too empathetic
to the point of putting
another's needs above your own.
Or maybe you'll do anything
to please people in hopes
they do not repeat the
trauma you so desperately
try to avoid.

What better feeling
than to look at someone
who once broke your heart and
feeling nothing at all.

Dear Diary;
I failed again.
Somehow I can’t learn how to
love others the way that
I want to be loved.
I am the enemy of
my own story.

I left a piece of me
with you.
Can you still feel me
like I feel
you?

One day
we will meet again.
Our time in this life
was far too short and
it has left me with a broken heart,
a piece of me now missing forever.
I am now left to grieve
for the fact that I cannot watch you
grow into the person you supposed to be,
or that I will never see nor hold you again.
Nothing can prepare us for that kind of grief,
the kind that comes so suddenly
and is out of our control.
The only thing that keeps me going
is the hope that one day we
will meet again, not today,
maybe not tomorrow,
but our time will come
again.

This life is
really not so poetic.
It's dreary and empty,
and almost ordinary.
These poems are but therapy-
an attempt to make sense of
this world and all emotions
that come with living in it.
They're a coping mechanism to
work through the pain and
better understand oneself.

I wish I could mute
myself from overthinking-
how convenient

5:25 PM
20/7/23

It was upon the
Romanian Mountains
where I watched you fall
out of love.
Who knew that
such sorrow could occur
up in the clouds?

I want to wrap “I love you,"
onto every curl on your head
so that you can hear a chorus of
"I Love you's" each time with each
brush plucking your hair like a harp.

It's always going
to be a beautiful day
when you're on my mind

4:18 PM
9/5/22

Two souls sprouting
like two sunflowers
beneath the sentimental sun.
There are no shadows,
just light and love
and you and I.

De-center them.
De-center anyone and everyone
who gives you the slightest shred of doubt.
De-center from those you need to
and center on yourself.

Sometimes
things don't work out
the way you hoped they would.
It's as simple
as that.

My silence is
every word, every scream
I have had to swallow.

So full of dreams that
that it no longer hurts to pinch-
my dreams do come true

10:09 AM
27/11/22

Is this farewell? Maybe…
But aren't our lives filled with goodbyes?
From our pets to our childhood friends,
how many people in your youth
who you once held dear
do you still talk to this day?
Whether it be time, location or our feelings,
life is always changing and we
are always saying goodbye.

I was in love with a wasteland
because it was once home to sunflowers.
My memories had become locusts
and left nothing to grow in their wake.
Little did I know that the sunflowers
did not stand a chance.

Your silence shrieks throughout me
like a banshee in distress.
It ***** the air from these lungs,
corrupting this heart and
leaving me a hollow shell.
You leave me in turmoil
as you move on to
your next victim.

I am still enduring the pain
from loving you.
I loved you so much that
my soul was set aflame.
and I had to burn a thousand times
to be born again, and to forget you.
And just like the phoenix,
here I am, I am reborn.
Now I ache for all that love
I did not know how to
restrain with you.

If you truly want
what's best for your heart,
then loving me is not the path
you should venture down.
I am but a dead end
waiting for you at
the end of
the road.

In this heart I hold your smile
every second of every minute
of every hour of every day
as its warmth and joy
will nourish this soul.

No one breaks your heart
more than yourself by over-
thinking everything

4:13 PM
16/8/24