I overdosed
on love
and found a detox
in lust.

I don’t like
that I miss you this much.
No matter how many lies
I tell myself,
I still can't shake
these lingering
feelings.

I have found havens
all over the world where I
can escape my skin

10:57 AM
14/9/21

It is impossible to separate you
like the sun from the moon.
It still hurts to remember you,
but the memories still
brighten my days.

Lose yourself in the
sunshine of the summer sky.  
Let the sunflowers cradle you like
the sun cradles its children below.

Time has a way
of turning people to memory.
The process can manifest
as a wound slowly healing or
a humble nostalgia that you cannot
help but smile when looking back.
In the end, will they leave you smiling
or with another scar to carry?

Acknowledgement does
not equal attachment and
most of the time it is inevitable
to get lost in one or more
of these states of mind.
It is inevitable not to miss
what you once attached
yourself to.

We don't really talk anymore
but when we do,
I cherish every word,
every giggle and grin
you reciprocate.
I do miss our conversations-
time had a way of slipping away,
like all my problems disappeared
but for those moments with you.
Indeed,  they take this heart on a rollercoaster
and I must remind it to keep still.
Sometimes I think that I shouldn't
talk to you anymore,
that I am only opening up wounds
I thought had healed long ago-
that my soul drinks your every word
as if to quench its thirst.

You do not know what
to do with me but that is
okay, no one does

5:58 PM
23/9/22

It may not seem like it,
but no one,
not one person,
has their life 100% together.
Everyone has their struggles
and everyone shows it in different ways.

I was in love with a wasteland
because it was once home to sunflowers.
My memories had become locusts
and left nothing to grow in their wake.
Little did I know that the sunflowers
did not stand a chance.

You cannot teach
someone how to love you-
you can only find
someone who does.

To wake up and
remember that you're gone,
that you have left,
that your body
no longer warms mine
makes for the coldest mornings
I have even known.

Dear diary;
The sorrow comes in waves
and today I am
the sea.

I have dreams
that only you can
make come
true.

A thousand laughs,
a million smiles,
countless memories that fill our lives.
Each one timeless and forever
stored in our hearts.

sometimes time is the
only remedy for a
little broken heart

8:28 PM
26/12/19

I remember the memories
you left on my plate.
To this day,
they keep me satisfied
and leave me wanting seconds.

The world's lost flowers
follow your aura
to find their way
back home.

Have you fallen in
love with a dream that you could
never make come true?

9:06 PM
17/8/23

I write
even though you
are not reading.
I will continue to write
in hopes that one day
you will.

Come and fill this space
in my heart that no one has
been able to fill

4:11 PM
28/3/22

The heart is
a heavy burden
for anyone
no matter how strong
they think they are.

I will no longer
know anything about you
and you will no longer
remember my name.
I will no longer
cross your thoughts
and you will no longer
dream about me.
I will no longer
share your warmth
and you will no longer
hold these hands.

Dear diary;
I find myself either
staying home and
wishing I had gone out or
going out and
wishing I had stayed home-
there is no in between.

Dear diary;
Once again,
I am shutting myself away
to give myself a chance to heal.
I find nothing but pain and sorrow
outside these walls that
have served me well
too many times
before.

The gates
to heaven
are now closed.
Tourists really do
ruin
everything.

Let us discover
different places together,
where you go, I go

3:45 PM
18/1/21

I never thought,
I'd miss the rain and
cold of London winters-
the hustle and grind,
of everyday life.
I miss the tube,
the trees and the tulips
of St James Park
but most of all,
I miss you.

Fingers on my skin-
your heavenly touch sure feels
like a sin sometimes

1:32 AM
2/8/21

There is nothing I can say
to make you want to stay.
Nor will staring at our photographs
or replaying our shared laughs.
Nor will reading your horoscopes
or your old envelopes.
All I can do is to move on
and hope that you are gone.

You are not at fault for
anyone’s warped view of you.
Stay true to yourself and
let your truth prevail.

Some of us are living in
our own little battlefield,
fighting to survive an inner war.
We are broken, we are hurting,
fighting for those missing pieces
that prevent us reaching peace.

Why do we feel so
alone when billions of us
also feel alone?

4:13 PM
19/1/21

To move on
is not to find someone new-
to move on
is to have no one
but still love
yourself.

No matter how many  
obstacles life throws at me,
I will always love you,
and will fight such obstacles
to hold on to and cherish
the miracle that is you.

I am the last of
my kind and hopefully the
only one you'll meet

12:18 PM
17/6/23

One of my
favorite things to do
is to make you melt
again and again-
melt you into a puddle,
build you up again
and melt you yet again.

One day you said
your last goodbye
and we turned away.
We just disappeared
from each other's world
and that was that.

Truth hurts, few people
want to hear it and many
feel attacked by it

3:31 PM
29/10/22

Is this farewell? Maybe…
But aren't our lives filled with goodbyes?
From our pets to our childhood friends,
how many people in your youth
who you once held dear
do you still talk to this day?
Whether it be time, location or our feelings,
life is always changing and we
are always saying goodbye.

It was easier when you were here.
You filled each day with a joy
I have not found since you.
No matter what came my way,
your smile was enough
to make me forget the pain
at the end of the day.

It is true that
I have never been
an excitable person.
Even when it comes to
celebrations, birthdays,
and even my own, I find it
hard to muster up the joy.
Perhaps I wasn't given the
social battery required to spark
enough excitement for those
day-to-day activities and achievements
but that is fine by me.

I close my eyes and
my mind gives itself to you
like the a sunflower to the sun.
You planted your seeds
inside this heart,
only for a garden to grow
over this wasteland of a soul.

This ship is going
to sink despite the fact that
I can hold my breath

6:26 PM
15/8/21

I wish I could mute
myself from overthinking-
how convenient

5:25 PM
20/7/23

This heart
beats in silence
but then I met you
and now it can't
stop singing.

So full of dreams that
that it no longer hurts to pinch-
my dreams do come true

10:09 AM
27/11/22

Dear diary;
I do not feel-
no, I do not feel anymore.
Sometimes I can feel my heartbeat,
or a lonely butterfly in this stomach
but that pales in comparison to
when I used to feel alive,
to feel any hope at all.

Dear diary;
I have always felt
like an inconvenience.
Perhaps that is why I flee
before I am made
aware of it.