Time and distance may have frayed
what we had, and what we could have had.
Yet I am still missing you and
missing what could've been and
missing what will never be.
And even though you are far away now,
just know that you are in my thoughts,
that you are in my heart,
that you are wanted by my side.

In this heart I hold your smile
every second of every minute
of every hour of every day
as its warmth and joy
will nourish this soul.

I live my life through you,
it's incredible,
it's like I'm living two lives at once.
I may walk alone but our hearts beat as one
and I may sleep alone but we dream as one.
It's like I am in two places at once,
through you and me
until we reunite.

Let spell your name
in the fields and let it
blossom into sunflowers.
Let each stem, each petal
and each root feed on
these warm rays of love.

Dear Diary;
I feel tired-
sleep just ain't
cutting it anymore.
I've felt this way for
the last ten years-
at least.
I wonder
if anyone else
feel this way too.

'It is what it is',
so you had better find a
way to live with it

5:17 PM
30/8/22

Bound
by words
I cannot speak.
Caged
by thoughts
that leave me weak.

Dear diary;
Once again,
I am shutting myself away
to give myself a chance to heal.
I find nothing but pain and sorrow
outside these walls that
have served me well
too many times
before.

I don't know
how to leave behind
all of these lingering feelings
that still dwell
from within.

If you truly want
what's best for your heart,
then loving me is not the path
you should venture down.
I am but a dead end
waiting for you at
the end of
the road.

No one breaks your heart
more than yourself by over-
thinking everything

4:13 PM
16/8/24

Does it still hurt
when you look at me
like it hurts me?
I am trying to forget-
have you?

This life
is everchanging
but I will be here,
always.

It died when I
no longer felt warmth
in your kiss nor
the spark in your words.
So just bury this beast
we call 'love',
anything else would be inhumane.
Anything more and we’ll die too.

You broke me even
though I was already in
a thousand pieces

3:47 PM
8/11/22

I do not
feel loved,
never have and I
would not know what to do
anyway.

Your soul
is a sunflower-
that's why you light up
any room that you enter.
Your light beats to the rhythm of the sun,
a radiance that sparks joy to those
whose eyes are lucky enough
to reflect your light.

Relationships and solitude:
they are just two sides of the same coin.  
I aim to flip the coin and find
the balance in every outcome
and each side the
coin may fall.

How hard it is to
want you and not have you
since you are not here

9:18 AM
24/9/23

Going home isn't
necessarily returning
to your house,
sometimes it's about returning
to a certain someone that
makes you feel
at home.

The gates
to heaven
are now closed.
Tourists really do
ruin
everything.

I wanted you
to be right for me
more than anything
else I could want.
We could have forced it,
maybe,
but it wasn't right.
To this day,
I still think about
what could have been but
I always remind myself that
we would have only
been delaying the
inevitable.

My heart
is a field of sunflowers-
she leaves no petal
unpollinated.

Time has a way
of turning people to memory.
The process can manifest
as a wound slowly healing or
a humble nostalgia that you cannot
help but smile when looking back.
In the end, will they leave you smiling
or with another scar to carry?

You are not at fault for
anyone’s warped view of you.
Stay true to yourself and
let your truth prevail.

I am the last of
my kind and hopefully the
only one you'll meet

12:18 PM
17/6/23

One day you said
your last goodbye
and we turned away.
We just disappeared
from each other's world
and that was that.

Maybe most relationships fail
because they start as lust.
Maybe the best way to begin is
with appreciation
and friendship.

Dear diary;
I am still learning to
let go of that of which I
have no control over or that
remains in the past.
Some days are harder than others
to accept things the way they are
and not the way I had hoped
they could be.

We move on from
most souls we embrace,
But the ones that got away,
they are never really gone.
There they remain,
Roaming in the
distant cosmos
of our hearts.

I overdosed
on love
and found a detox
in lust.

To stay like this,
forever far away, silent
and unknown to your heart
is something I hope will
not burden me for the
rest of my life.

In this desert
we call life,
you are my
oasis.

I could be elsewhere,
but I've decided this is
where I want to be

2:06 AM
2/4/22

Nothing exists in
me that does not know your name-
you are all I know

4:31 PM
21/1/22

Some of us are living in
our own little battlefield,
fighting to survive an inner war.
We are broken, we are hurting,
fighting for those missing pieces
that prevent us reaching peace.

Her heart is a country
foreign to me.
I am just a traveler
admiring its beauty
in all its culture and
history.

I close my eyes and
my mind gives itself to you
like the a sunflower to the sun.
You planted your seeds
inside this heart,
only for a garden to grow
over this wasteland of a soul.

Depressed and
spiraling into
darkness.
I am calling out
for help but I
am in far too
deep now.

All my worst fears came to be
the day you turned into a succubus
and devoured this heart and soul.
I was helpless watching it
all come crashing down.
And I had no one to blame but myself-
I chose to focus on your human side and
ignore the subtleties of what you really were.
Deep down I had always known and
I wonder was it love or was it
your strange powers that
let this guard down?

I miss you like
a seed in winter
craving the warm sunlight
of your touch and the
rejuvenation of your rains
to keep me blooming
throughout  
the year.

Growing older is
a privilege not everyone
will experience

6:01 PM
8/2/25

The devil must
live in the ocean.
That is why the costal cities
are nests of sin and squalor.

I write
even though you
are not reading.
I will continue to write
in hopes that one day
you will.

We don't really talk anymore
but when we do,
I cherish every word,
every giggle and grin
you reciprocate.
I do miss our conversations-
time had a way of slipping away,
like all my problems disappeared
but for those moments with you.
Indeed,  they take this heart on a rollercoaster
and I must remind it to keep still.
Sometimes I think that I shouldn't
talk to you anymore,
that I am only opening up wounds
I thought had healed long ago-
that my soul drinks your every word
as if to quench its thirst.

Insomnia-
I don't mind it
if it involves making
memories
with you

Dreams have a way
of reuniting us with those
we have loved and lost
to the grave and to time.
Dreams have a way
of telling us they're not really gone,
but forever with us
in heart and in soul.

If I lived in a
vast gingerbread house, I would
have built it with you

11:40 PM
5/12/21

Sometimes,
we all feel a little lost-
lost in a void-
a prisoner of silence.
So come lay with me
here in the darkness,
in silence.
Perhaps we can bring
a little light to
each other's world.

Dear diary;
I have always felt
like an inconvenience.
Perhaps that is why I flee
before I am made
aware of it.