A thousand laughs,
a million smiles,
countless memories that fill our lives.
Each one timeless and forever
stored in our hearts.

Why do I still dream
of you to this day?
You are no longer in my life-
you are out of thought, out of sight,
so what is it about you that
my mind still finds the need
to place you in my dreams?

She casts spells upon
the world and charms them into
unseeing her soul

3:50 PM
20/7/21

Silence comes in
many shades,
for good or for worse.
Sometimes the soul can take
solace in silence and
sometimes it can drown in it.
Other times we cannot tell the difference,
and we are left to decipher our soul
and what shade of silence
it chose today.

You never know which
'goodbye' or 'I love you' will
be the last you hear

8:46 PM
25/5/25

I think a part of us
knew this was never
meant to last,
and how could it?
We were too different-
two worlds colliding,
and yet we did not care.
We let love prevail-
it was too strong to deny.

I saved our photographs
for days like this when the
nights are cold and solitary.
Hard to believe that I
was loved by some,
and above all,
by you.

What better feeling
than to look at someone
who once broke your heart and
feeling nothing at all.

De-center them.
De-center anyone and everyone
who gives you the slightest shred of doubt.
De-center from those you need to
and center on yourself.

Dear Diary;
I failed again.
Somehow I can’t learn how to
love others the way that
I want to be loved.
I am the enemy of
my own story.

I am still enduring the pain
from loving you.
I loved you so much that
my soul was set aflame.
and I had to burn a thousand times
to be born again, and to forget you.
And just like the phoenix,
here I am, I am reborn.
Now I ache for all that love
I did not know how to
restrain with you.

It was nice
To have the idea
that I had met the living embodiment
of all my dreams and fantasies.
It was doomed from the start
because that's what it was, a fantasy.
Still, I do not regret dreaming-
giving in to what was probably a
delusion more than a dream
because to this day,
you are still the closest thing
to what I could dream of.

One day
we will meet again.
Our time in this life
was far too short and
it has left me with a broken heart,
a piece of me now missing forever.
I am now left to grieve
for the fact that I cannot watch you
grow into the person you supposed to be,
or that I will never see nor hold you again.
Nothing can prepare us for that kind of grief,
the kind that comes so suddenly
and is out of our control.
The only thing that keeps me going
is the hope that one day we
will meet again, not today,
maybe not tomorrow,
but our time will come
again.

Does it still hurt
when you look at me
like it hurts me?
I am trying to forget-
have you?

I was in love with a wasteland
because it was once home to sunflowers.
My memories had become locusts
and left nothing to grow in their wake.
Little did I know that the sunflowers
did not stand a chance.

The more you
understand someone,
the harder it is
to hate them.

Dear diary;
Once again,
I am shutting myself away
to give myself a chance to heal.
I find nothing but pain and sorrow
outside these walls that
have served me well
too many times
before.

I wish I could mute
myself from overthinking-
how convenient

5:25 PM
20/7/23

My silence is
every word, every scream
I have had to swallow.

I want to wrap “I love you,"
onto every curl on your head
so that you can hear a chorus of
"I Love you's" each time with each
brush plucking your hair like a harp.

It's always going
to be a beautiful day
when you're on my mind

4:18 PM
9/5/22

How hard it is to
want you and not have you
since you are not here

9:18 AM
24/9/23

No one breaks your heart
more than yourself by over-
thinking everything

4:13 PM
16/8/24

My heart
is a field of sunflowers-
she leaves no petal
unpollinated.

It died when I
no longer felt warmth
in your kiss nor
the spark in your words.
So just bury this beast
we call 'love',
anything else would be inhumane.
Anything more and we’ll die too.

I do not
feel loved,
never have and I
would not know what to do
anyway.

Your silence shrieks throughout me
like a banshee in distress.
It ***** the air from these lungs,
corrupting this heart and
leaving me a hollow shell.
You leave me in turmoil
as you move on to
your next victim.

Time and distance may have frayed
what we had, and what we could have had.
Yet I am still missing you and
missing what could've been and
missing what will never be.
And even though you are far away now,
just know that you are in my thoughts,
that you are in my heart,
that you are wanted by my side.

So full of dreams that
that it no longer hurts to pinch-
my dreams do come true

10:09 AM
27/11/22

Time has a way
of turning people to memory.
The process can manifest
as a wound slowly healing or
a humble nostalgia that you cannot
help but smile when looking back.
In the end, will they leave you smiling
or with another scar to carry?

Is this farewell? Maybe…
But aren't our lives filled with goodbyes?
From our pets to our childhood friends,
how many people in your youth
who you once held dear
do you still talk to this day?
Whether it be time, location or our feelings,
life is always changing and we
are always saying goodbye.

What was once a mighty continent.
Like the land we shared,
this heart was torn in half.
Now we are but two islands
drifting further away
upon the solitary sea.

In this desert
we call life,
you are my
oasis.

Two souls sprouting
like two sunflowers
beneath the sentimental sun.
There are no shadows,
just light and love
and you and I.

December trudged
after November looking haggard
After carrying another year on its back.
As if that was not enough,
we burden December with our
expectations and hopes
of a miracle.

I'm famished,
I'm tired,
I asked for a glass of water
but left with my heart of my sleeve.
You came back for breakfast
but I came back for
one last goodbye.

You cannot teach
someone how to love you-
you can only find
someone who does.

To break old habits
is the seed of change,
but to sprout, it requires the
fortitude of the sun.

You are not at fault for
anyone’s warped view of you.
Stay true to yourself and
let your truth prevail.

It's true that I can't
see you anymore but I
still can't forget you

5:24 PM
25/2/25

The gates
to heaven
are now closed.
Tourists really do
ruin
everything.

I write
even though you
are not reading.
I will continue to write
in hopes that one day
you will.

In this heart I hold your smile
every second of every minute
of every hour of every day
as its warmth and joy
will nourish this soul.

'It is what it is',
so you had better find a
way to live with it

5:17 PM
30/8/22

I do not believe
that I was made for this world
nor the world for I

4:46 PM
19/5/22

I live my life through you,
it's incredible,
it's like I'm living two lives at once.
I may walk alone but our hearts beat as one
and I may sleep alone but we dream as one.
It's like I am in two places at once,
through you and me
until we reunite.

Relationships and solitude:
they are just two sides of the same coin.  
I aim to flip the coin and find
the balance in every outcome
and each side the
coin may fall.

We move on from
most souls we embrace,
But the ones that got away,
they are never really gone.
There they remain,
Roaming in the
distant cosmos
of our hearts.

It was upon the
Romanian Mountains
where I watched you fall
out of love.
Who knew that
such sorrow could occur
up in the clouds?

I wanted you
to be right for me
more than anything
else I could want.
We could have forced it,
maybe,
but it wasn't right.
To this day,
I still think about
what could have been but
I always remind myself that
we would have only
been delaying the
inevitable.