Up at 2 AM,
No one else around.
Thunderstorm outside-
Lightning hits the ground.

The pitter patter of the raindrops
Reminds me of the crash of waves on
The sand - chaotic, but with purpose, as
Water always is. The clouds flash their secrets.

Exhaustion overtakes my body, but longing over-
Comes my soul. Looks like that's the only sleep I'll be
Snatching tonight. Watch the clouds flash again, and then
Move across the sky in endless harmony with all things Earth.

Thunder slowly gets softer and softer, slower and slower in coming.
The flashes seem off-center, and the wind pushes the raindrops ever away.
As one of few living creatures awake here at 2 AM, I heave a sigh and go back
To the endless cycles of busy work that consume my body in every way this week.



© 3/21/13

He walks back to my welcoming doorstep,
Hand over his face.

I ask him what happened... what his emotions are.
He reveals a smile.

As he opens his mouth to reply, I already know.
I hug him hard.

Surprised, he whispers, "How could you tell?"
His face is an open book.

"I just know. Was it good? What was her reaction?"
I smile as he blushes.

"She was pretty confused, but it was good."
He's excited.

Careful, I thought, hold in that new, unbridled mustang.
Don't become too wild.

"Tell me everything. From the beginning." Consenting,
He sat down by me.

"We were dancing, but got too tired.
We sat down.

We'd only been there for an hour and a half,
But we were exhausted.

She was flushed, but laughing. We had just
Danced the polka."

Inside my head, I imagined their dancing.
I snorted.

"What?" He asked, a confused smile lingering
On his tanned face.

"Oh, nothing," I quickly assured him.
"Continue!"

He didn't notice my head shaking as he went back
To his dreamy expression.

"Well, I asked if I could get her punch...
She said 'No, it's fine.'

So we just sat for a minute, music playing.
And... I felt it."

"Felt what?" I asked, trying to remind him
That I was still there.

"That overwhelming urge... so, I leaned over,
And asked if I could.

She was so surprised, and that made me
A little sad.

But she reached a slender hand towards
Her neck.

She pulled the necklace I made her into the light.
Its reflections danced."

He had made her a necklace on the finest chain,
Delicately, carefully.

"Staring at it, a smile crept over her face. 'Okay.
You can kiss me.'"

He looked like he could sit there for hours,
Remembering.

I had to nudge him along. "So.... what happened then?
What'd you do?"

He looked at me, as if surprised to suddenly find me there
Next to him.

"Oh... umm... well, of course I kissed her! What else?"
His eyes spoke volumes.

"Yeah... I got that part... but how?" Sometimes I had to remember
That boys weren't girls.

If he were my sister, we would have talked for hours
About one kiss.

But, this time it was my brother, and I needed
To be patient.

"Well, I leaned down, eager but a little hesitant. An inch from her,
Her lips reached to mine."

Satisfied now, I watched him stare at the stars. Quietly,
I went inside.

As I looked out the window at him, his eyes still searching
For answers in the moon,

I wondered how I became so experienced, so knowing
About love,

And wondered how I managed to give advice to those I love,
Advice that's useful,

When I have never yet experienced love for myself, except
In my dreams.

There is this little poem I wrote
I hope you learn it mote by mote
Like good little children
Don't worry, be happy
Listen to what I say
In your life expect some trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
Don't worry don't do it, be happy
Put a smile on your face
Don't bring everybody down like this
Don't worry, it will soon pass
Whatever it is
Don't worry, be happy

I wonder if you remember
The smiles we shared
As we laughed at each other
Across the room

I wonder if you might recall
Our eyes locking hard
Past hundreds of swift bodies
Rushing by us

I hope that I leave impression
On your crystal soul
When shivers run down my spine
When I see you

I ponder over thoughts of you
As I do schoolwork
Or during cold, sleepless nights
In the silence

I believe at times we connect
A psychic pathway
Opening similar doors
Into our hearts

I'm afraid to commune with you
In fear that you don't
Return the sharp sensation
Of uneasy love

There- I said it, that blazing word
That causes troubles
If true feelings are not shared
Or rejected

Four letters that shine as moonlight,
Resound deep within,
And sing of what things could be
Or what they are.

It's strange- the feelings I hold close
Remain unspoken
By fear and timidity
That restricts me.

I don't want to make it awkward
Between us, I hope
That we can become friends
Somehow, someday.

I wonder if you remember
The sparks between our
Frozen fingers as I slipped
And you caught me

You assuredly don't realize
The effect you have
On me whenever I see
Your striking eyes

I wonder if you remember
Where our chemistry
First started, or where I thought
Allure began.

I wonder if you felt far
Before I realized
Who you were, and I became
Intrigued by you.

I vaguely remember you there
At that first concert
Where you played the high trumpet
With the joined schools

You express yourself through music,
Come to think of it,
As do I. I wonder how we
Are so alike.

You tumble through my emotions.
You're present in all
I ever think about now.
I think of you.

I wonder if you remember
Our eyes, both dark blue
Locking as we sat down in
The cages called chairs

I wonder if you feel the same
Feelings as I do
Or if I'm stepping into
Problems, not love

I wonder if you will ever
Know the way I am
Consumed by you in ev'ry
Helpless daydream

I wonder if we will ever
Amount to something
Together, or remain our
Separation.

Those words which I dread to ever
Share with someone now
Are slipping through my fingers---
I love you.


© 3/1/13

I'm sorry if I have to transform myself
From one form to the next
In order to feel free.

I'm sorry that even when I mean the absolute best,
I forget my true self and hide
In one of my alternate selves.

I'm sorry if the only way I feel I can break free from
The cages of  life hanging on threads
Around me
Is to not be me.

Is it wrong of me to feel restricted by one path,
Forced to restrain from ever-tempting deviations
From the narrow, plain course that has been
So unceremoniously placed upon me?

Tell me if you really think that this is the absolute best thing for me.
If you support their decision, then tell me to my face
That you support their chains and manacles
And you'll coolly gaze on as they slap
Them on my desperate body.

Don't you recall the words that we shared with each other before we
Were forced apart? Didn't you PROMISE me that you'd find
A way to bring us back together? Didn't you say
That you would always be my support,
That your heart would never change,
That you longed
To see my face
Once more?


Why this, then?



I'm sorry if I've changed too much for you,
I'm sorry if I protect myself by shifting
Into different forms,
But take a moment to glance at yourself
And now try to convince me that I am the one
Who's changed.


© 3/14/13

Shoot me down
And leave me on the ground?

Thanks.



© 3/14/13

Today I sat despondently
As I realized you're avoiding me.

Perhaps its that you just suspect
That someone (me) has now unchecked

Your name off people with sad eyes-
I see they're only tired, no sighs

Adorn your heart as delicate strings
Of ivy clinging to a house

That holds regrets of things gone by
And wishes for more time to cry

But no, I understand that you
Are more important to me, it's true:

Merely checking you on a list
Was a silly excuse to dream of wrist

In wrist, a symbol of trust and light
That streaks my thoughts of you each night.

© 3/6/13

Numbness, Fright
Then delight

                                                                            Of course I remember...
How could I forget?
                                                                             Lonely, of course...
How could I not be?
                                                                             Move a little closer.
Step far away, leave me while you still can.
                                                                             Don't ever leave me.
Is this really what should happen?
                                                                              I need you right now.
I'm not betraying you.
                                                                              Calm down, I'm here.
When have I not?
                                                                               Do you really feel that way?
It's the same for me.
                                                                               I don't know if that would really be the best thing.
Is there nothing else that matters?
                                                                               I've missed you.
I've spent every moment thinking about you.
                                                                               Fine... I feel the same way.
More than you will ever know.
                                                                               Are you sure?
This is exactly what I wanted.
                                                                               She'll be so mad!        
So this is who I'll trust in that manner...
                                                                               I'm serious. Listen.
If you only knew the effect you had on me.
                                                                               She won't forgive us.
As if that really matters to me right now.
                                                                               I'm so sorry.
No, don't give into what I'm saying!
                                                                               Wait!
Come back. Come closer.
                                                                                I don't care anymore.
Your lips are so warm.
                                                                                Look at the trap we're putting ourselves in.
Once we get into this, you won't escape me.
                                                                                If only she hadn't made you promise.
You won't be able to escape!
                                                                                May I kiss you more?
You really won't! I care for your welfare.
                                                                                I'm sorry, my tears are salty.
I'll throw it all away for this moment
                                                                                I've been waiting for you all this time.
Never leave me again.
                                                                                I've been broken inside since what happened with HIM.
You take my breath away.
                                                                                Thank you.
I really hope she won't barge in.
                                                                                Someone's coming.
Speak of the devil, and she will appear.
                                                                                Perhaps you should leave.
NO! Don't go! Let's face her together, as one!
                                                                                I might become my alternate self again.
At least you'll be safe if you leave.
                                                                                Go now, she's almost here!

You're gone.



I'm glad I didn't tell you that you may never see me again.


© 3/16/13

Today I planted to heart's satisfaction
The flowers that will soon illuminate
The beauty of our garden
And I couldn't help but wonder
If you would be able to see that glory
Because you can*t see the wonder
And special pulchritude
In yourself.

Brittle words hang low over my ears-
Echoes of screams past, children crying,
Newly widowed women numb from loss.
There's a smile watching from afar.

A malicious figure laughs softly.
The cold, unfeeling chortle echoes
And all those who lie upon the field
Hear this sound and tremble from pure fear.

Yet women stand, hate in our dark gaze,
As we know who is to blame for this.
Losing everything hardens all.
A single, once-happy figure stands.

Blazing eyes appear behind dark hair-
Eyes that once were free to laugh and whoop,
But now lack joy and only hold tears.
We know her well- the child of our King.

That dark, laughing figure from far off
Now moves mockingly to sunder hope.
Our brave new Queen neither speaks nor moves.
We catch the feeling she radiates.

Deducing now, we quietly stand,
Building an impenetrable web
That no male being can e'er explain.
Our children cling to our bloodied skirts.

Silently, we wait for our Queen's move.
At first it is soft, but it builds up-
The battle song of Aesma, our land.
Our voices blend into one- we sing:

Merry is the gaze of kings
Upon our prosperous land.
With a battle cry,
We fiercely fly
With valiant swords on hand.

As voices ring, there is no King,
There is no you nor me,
There is only this melody
That binds us as we sing.

Our volume continues rising strong.
Those of us who deign not to sing, clap.
Sorrow clouds many a mind, and yet-
Rage enters our hearts as we sing on.

Aesma, Aesma, keep us safe,
As we fight to stay the blade
Of those who do fight
To end our right
And force their own wrong to trade.

The dark figure has stopped his advance.
His cold smile has begun to falter
We know that his evil power goes
Only as far as fear does remain.

As voices ring, there is no King,
There is no you nor me,
There is only this melody
That binds us as we sing.

Our Queen stops us with a pale, raised hand.
We know what she intends, and so wait.
As her hand moves down, we start to sway,
And stamp and clap in synchronized beat.

The Queen raises her voice first, the note
That begins our final battle cry.
Keeping the beat, we begin to march
Toward the figure, singing once more.

We are one.

We do not care if our lives are harmed.
This evil shadow has taken all
That we ever held dear. We are strong.
We move to ****, to avenge rightly.

We are one.

We feel the spirits of our people
Supporting us and driving us on.
Nothing can ever stop us in this-
Our final march. We know we must die.

We are one.

But we have purpose- we can never
Falter-- if we all die here, we shall
Have the satisfaction of knowing
We are taking the shadow with us.

We are one.
We, fighting are one.

Time grows late for the frozen shadow.
He knows there cannot be turning back.
He prepares his strength to survive,
But knows in his cold heart he shall die.

And none else shall ever reign
Upon this-

Last thing seen riding into chaos-
Is the darkened figure, doing the
Only thing right he has ever done-
Accepting his fate alongside us.

OUR land.


© 4/3/13

All around me, I see endless fear.
Fear of heights, sure, fear of scuttling things
Fear of darkness, fear of bites
Fear of brightness, fear of fights.
This is the fear we can display
Because it’s little, simple, understandable.
But the fear I really fear
That we all let consume us
Is deeper,
Darker,
Cold.
It’s the fear of friendship, fear of love,
Fear of what’s ahead of us
But even more of what’s behind us
Fear to see what’s really beyond
The faces we all fake.
Fear of the unknowable
Fear of what we know
Fear of speaking out or up or for
Fear of conforming to something more
Fear to test the limits
Fear to taste the truth
Fear of what’s uncomfortable
Rather than the deception of comfort
Fear of what to do
Fear of striving for perfection
When perfection’s so unattainable.
Fear of to leave what has been known
Fear of what has been done
Fear to see past fabrication,
Fear to show the truth.
I’m talking fear of emotion
Or fear of not feeling enough
Fear of silence, but worse,
The fear of candid words.
Fear to look someone in the eye
And say, “I know you,
And I care for you.”
Fear to let someone see the darkness that comes with your light
Fear of rebelling though it’s time someone did
Fear of doing what you want and know
Because of what someone told you you should
Fear of being who you are
Because every day everyone is telling you
What to do and who to be
And what is acceptable
And what is not.
I’m talking fear of having an opinion
Because someone will shoot it down
Fear of defense or service or selflessness
Because someone won’t approve.
Fear to accept because of fear of acceptance
Fear to truly love someone
Because it’s risky,
And you never know
What someone else really feels.
I cry for the fear of
Every person who can’t be
Who they are and who can’t
Let people see them in their entirety
Because after all everyone urges
And persuades and demands and values
And idolizes and expects,
You don’t even know yourself,
Because you've been too busy
With trying to be so many different
“Someone Else"s.

I ache for this relentless fear.
I mourn the stagnancy of the condition
Of the human soul who is so afraid
To let go of fear
And BE somebody,
To do something or say something, or simply believe,
That the only thing they truly trust
Is the familiarity
Of fear itself.
That’s why fear is frightening
That’s why we should be afraid of fear
Because it stops us, cages us,
Bars us behind the façade we display
And muffles the words of our heart.

I see these things and wonder
Why can’t they change?
Why can’t this need to fear be erased
From the human condition?
And I realize it’s because everyone
Is afraid.

And I’m so afraid too.

I am stretching to the sky,
Learning how to become
Closer to the sun.

I am within the boundaries
Of life on this calm piece
Of earth and peace.

I am in perfect harmony,
Carefully providing
Shade and shelter.

I am a tree,
And I will never stop
Becoming better

I am a tree,
And I will always grow
Closer to the sun.

© 3/10/13

A simple word of farewell,
Hardens the most powerful tears.

Words left unsaid
But one look is enough.

With it comes a sign it's
Directed to the right person.

Concluding it, I leave
A simple, "Me."


© 3/14/13

Let us all lovingly appreciate today
The masterpieces we all have made
And shared, no matter how painful
Or deep they may have been.

I thank you for your inspiration,
The expression each of you have had,
The raw emotions carefully exposed
As the unfolding of petals from a blooming rose

Perhaps we all can learn from each other
From the experiences brought to life
By words in rivers of binding thoughts
And pathways of black-and-white marks

Perhaps there will be a day when poetry is abated
And the world no longer appreciates this day
But that day is not now, today is a day of celebration,
And may we find solace in the poets of all time.


© 3/21/13

If I could be a pure mammal
Upon the sun-blessed earth
Then I would be a tiger
And live in constant dearth

If I could be a free-flying bird
That lives in floating sky
Then I would be a falcon,
Constantly diving to survive.

If I could be a careful insect
Who fears an empty spine,
Then I would be a honeybee,
A small piece in a grand design.

If I could be a scaly reptile
Devoid of female affection,
Then I would be a chameleon
Hiding myself for protection.

If I could be an amphibian,
Who laughs at single worlds,
Then I would be a salamander
Sneaking onto forbidden thresholds.

If I could be a splashing fish
Who is fickle and lost,
Then I would be a goby
Who seldom comes out when flossed.

If I could but be my true self,
I'm rather sure you'd see
That I'm no longer passively
Waiting for death to be free.


© 3/8/13

Today I caught you staring.

At me I hoped, but then she spoke
To the class, and I watched your
Face change and I knew.

                                                            You smiled at her the same way
                                                            That you sometimes smile at me. The
                                                            Color drained slowly from my face as
                                                             I realized how inferior I was.

She hunts, wears stylish clothes,
And has enough money and much
To spare. She's sweet, funny, and
Quite brilliant. I respect her.

                                                              I don't have many clothes. Money is
                                                              Carefully sectioned and cared for
                                                              Because there's barely enough to use
                                                              For wanted things rather than needed.

She has developed an organized,
Clear life. My life is chaotic. I know
I love you from afar, but I hoped that
You had realized our chemistry.

                                                             You were gone Friday. You showed up last
                                                             Period on Monday. I thought it was okay
                                                             To miss you a little bit, that it wasn't a big
                                                             Deal. I realized when you came back I was wrong.

Shivers ran down my spine as
You walked through the door,
Late. You passed my seat normally
But I couldn't get enough air.

                                                             Your friends clapped you on the back,
                                                             Calling your name and drawing your
                                                             Perfect smile. Then they said something
                                                             Shocking- "Happy Birthday!"

In my mind, I painfully smiled
And wished you the best birthday
Even though I knew I wouldn't
Be able to tell you to your face.

                                                              I know you probably don't realize, and
                                                              That I may be unqualified. But you still
                                                              Held the door open with a smile, and I
                                                              Could barely mutter, "Thank you."

As I walked behind you, I wanted
To reach out and ruffle your curly
Hair, then laugh as you turned to me,
Shocked. I wished we could play.

                                                              Instead, I just watched you walk
                                                              The way you always do, and smiled behind
                                                              Your back as you placed your feet with
                                                              Runner's precision, even as I shuffled.

As I moved past you with my
Longer strides, I smiled as I always
Do, with everyone. But perhaps
You caught the undertone of "Happy Birthday."

                                                              But today I came late, and you didn't
                                                              Seem the same as you always did, though
                                                              You talked to me on class-related business,
                                                              Which, even though simple, was enough for me.

But then I caught you looking at
Her. My slight Inferiority Complex
Hit with force, and my hopes were
Dashed to the side. I broke inside.
                                      
                                                               I hope in a couple of years, even if you're
                                                               Interested in her, you'll take me on a
                                                               Date, as friends; nothing serious. That will
                                                               be enough for me, even if it's not my desire.



--
Other thought:
You play the trumpet, and can't sing.
I sing with full heart and care, with my
Often-used, experienced voice. I wish
That someday we could make music together.
--


                                                             This is an ill-formed poem, filled with
                                                             Inconsistency and raw feelings, with
                                                             No revision. But I hope that if/when I
                                                             Show these to you, you'll understand.
                                          &nbsp

Chaotic words whirl about in my heart,
Thundering, Whispering, Yelling, Sighing.
I must write them down. They scream
To be let out, and I am their only outlet.

I am not their master; they come from deep
Within the soul of the universe, the threads
Of which everything is woven.
I merely write them down.

Burning, they spiral through all feelings,
And I am caught up in the emotion
Of their power, their movement.
My mind races to keep up with them.

I write and type, scribbling and mistyping,
Hurrying to catch the wisps they leave
Behind as those words streak through
All thought, all feeling, all experience.

After they have left my hand,
A sudden emptiness overwhelms me.
I cannot change what I have written,
For these words hold their own entity.

A poet lives on these words.
I live on these words. The torrent,
The release, the emptiness, and
The excitement as it begins once more.

I may not seem
Torn up in my appearance
But believe me when I say
I'm torn inside.

© 3/26/13

'Twas no greater an omission
Than others glaring kept
And yet, more than they,
The fault was found in me.

I had a scrape with Death the other day.

Unknowingly, I walked right past him;
I wish I had realized his eye was on me.

My brooding mind was hidden from sight.
A confident facade replaced my true self.

Wind was cold. He traced lines on my body,
Then whipped my hair into a vortex of life.

Night was black, but not as emptiness--
He's always held the shadow of unimaginable life.

I could tell there would be no playing that night.
No one would dare play with Darkness acting this way.

                            I've always been able to hear their whispers.
                            Death, Darkness, Night- even Wind and Ice.

When I realized something was wrong,
I stopped and turned to Wind.

Before I could ask the words on my lips,
He suddenly fell silent. All was still.

Night was quivering. Darkness lay
Almost in fear of another governing force.

That's when I knew-
Death, the most brutal lover, was after me.

I was frozen for a moment, maybe two.
I wanted to deny that it was him.

But when the partner of my words
Stepped out of the shadows, I ran.

Careful, I thought, I must be wary.
Death has many ways of leaping out.

He could lie on the road behind the wheel
Of a taxi cab, or a semi truck.

He could wait for me behind the walls
Of a rickety, abandoned factory.

All this and more ran through my mind.
I shook it off, and ran harder.

Breathe. In. Out. RUN.
Escape. Breathe. In. Out.

I kept running, but there's no place to hide
When the person you hide from is the one
Who knows every nook, every cranny of the earth,
Who waits in every shadow, who knows every hole,
Who has been your acquaintance in days gone past,
But is forced to exist and to reign by a force
That is greater than all.


Realizing at last that to run was frugal,
I stopped, turned, and called out his name.

With his hooded, impassive face covered,
He stepped out to meet me.


A memory flashed between us-
For that is how Death speaks.

I was holding a rose. It was my friend.
I moved my finger to caress its petals.

With the first-experiencing innocence of a child,
I gasped as a thorn drew rubies out of my skin.

I knew what Death meant. He was trying to say
That even the most beautiful friend can betray you- it must.

I sent a torrent of feelings back. I knew (and know) this is
His purpose, but I couldn't accept it was my time to die.

He stopped me by moving a single glide closer,
For he doesn't trod the earth- he sails the air.

He moved his hand up towards his hood,
Which is made from the darkest strands of fate.

I tried to mentally prepare myself
For the vision that was to appear.

I've seen his face before,
But it still strikes the chords of my heart.

Not a horrible face is shown, but neither
Is a human face revealed, when Death pushes back his hood.

Though inhuman, his eyes hold the most intoxicating
Power over my entire body and soul.

His mesmerizing face was shown.
I could hardly breathe.

Finally, my bittersweet smile appeared-
I met one of my darkest secrets.

You want to take me?
I sent through a memory.

Silence and stillness reigned for
A moment, maybe two.

A horse was riding in my direction.
In fear, I thought it intended to trample me.

However, it stopped just before me.
Lowering its head, it breathed into my face.

Death wasn't succumbing to his power and purpose.
On the contrary, he needed to talk to me.

As I stood there waiting, he did the unthinkable-
He broke a rule-- He spoke to me by voice.

"You know I'm meant to take you."
His words were the whisper of madness on my heart.

"And you know I refuse to be drawn into
This web, spun by a cruel pretender of destiny."

Death passed a hand over his face.
"Why must you awaken feeling in me?"

"I know not why we are doomed to this love--
Before you interrupt, you know that is truly what it is."

I could hardly speak a word for the
Thousands of emotions that pushed at
The unstable bindings of my fragile heart,
Once torn in childhood, taken by a master
Of all things dark; a friend of Night and Darkness,
If fear and respect can be melded into friendship.

Inwardly, my brain shook my head at my own
Emotional, silly words. So dramatic!

Yet my soul knew my words spoke
The unchangeable truth.

"Love." Did his voice shake? I didn't know.
I still don't know and can't feign to fathom.

"Why do you refrain from taking my soul,
From tossing my being to Oblivion?"

Death turned, and his blackened wings
Were the only thing I could see for some time.

After a moment, he turned back.
"Because I realize now that you are what makes me feel."

I tried to interject, but he wasn't finished.
"You are the only light in this unending hurricane."

He took a breath. "You saved me from becoming just
A force; an unemotional statue with an unending purpose."

The first emotion I've ever seen on his face appeared,
And my heart leapt into my throat.

"After all this realization, how could I take you?"
He advanced. "I'd rather die myself to save you."

His bitter laugh echoed. "Of course,
In a way, I'm already dead."

His words resounded and echoed
Again and again in my heart.

"I'd rather die myself to save you."
"Of course ... I'm already dead."

My lungs felt suppressed,
And I could hardly push them apart.

"Are you really going to risk yourself
To keep me from the clutches of Oblivion?"

His eyes looked up from their place on the ground.
I knew his answer before it came - "Yes."

For a moment, maybe two, our eyes
Spoke with each other, embraced.

I could hold back no longer. I ran to his black figure
And wrapped my arms around him, the guide to Nothing.

Then those arms, that had held so many souls
Doomed to die, came around me.

How could this master of many
Feel anything for a lowlife like me?

I knew the answer. Because I am the only one
Who has ever loved him.

You may think it's twisted, loving
A master of fate, who keeps Oblivion on a chain,

But,

I cannot help myself.
I suppose it's destiny.

"Take me with you." I whisper softly,
"Don't leave me in this world- I don't belong to it."

I could hardly believe I had said those words.
Yet, I meant them with every fiber of my being.

His eyes searched mine. I could feel
Them trace every line, every curve inside of me.

"You will be subjected into the same job,
The same task as me."

"As long as it means I have you."
I was sick, I AM sick, of the earth.

His voice shook. "We have little time. Already
Hundreds of souls are wondering why it's taking long."

"Please." I whispered. "Keep me by your side."
I needed him, as I still do.

He broke our embrace. "If that is what you desire,
Then first you must meet Oblivion."

I took a step back. "Is that how you gain
Your power - you get it from that beast?"

"This is the only thing that you must do.
Then, we will be separated no longer."

"I am willing to take the risk." Though he inspires fear,
I am determined to stay with him.

Suddenly, I could see the ropes that tie him
To the greater force were pulling, straining.

"I must go. Before I leave, I have one last thing
To tell you. It's important."

"Hurry then. Tell me," I said,
Even though I wanted to keep him there.

"The Meeting of Oblivion can only happen
At the height of the full moon. That's in three days."

"I'll see you then?" I whispered, trying
To keep my voice from shaking.

Wind was back again, whispering
Urgently into my ear, flowing through my fingers.

"No. You will only see Oblivion. But,
After the joining takes place, we'll be together."

He was starting to fade. Desperately,
I grasped at his fingertips. "Don't go!"

The last thing I heard, were his whispered words,
"You know I must" and "I love you."




Now I'm sitting here waiting
For the full moon to rise.

Oblivion and I have never gotten along. To others,
Oblivion is a release, and Death is the greatest fear.

However, I've fallen for one of the greatest
Questions humanity has known.

About ten minutes left, according to Darkness.
Perhaps a bit less, if you believe Night.

If I had realized Death's eyes were on me
Earlier that night, would I have chosen differently?

In some ways, I wish I would have,
But my strange passion keeps me from sensibility.

As I sit here and ponder, and
Tell you my words, I can't help
But think of all I'm giving up to
See the one and only master of my heart.
I see the roses from the past, the mustangs,
The laughter, the mist, the unspoken emotions
That riddle the romantic atmosphere of Night.

It will all be worth it. I'm going to join him.
My only regrets last for a moment, maybe two.

With three minutes left, I'm giving
My farewells to my comrades Night and Darkness.

I whisper to Wind, to tell him I'll miss
His uncontrollable mood swings.

I whisper to all, to tell Ice, when he comes,
That he was my greatest friend.

I know I'll see them all again,
But never in the same way.

Is it worth it -
Going to Meet Oblivion?

I sure hope it is,
For the full moon is at its full height.

Farewell.

How can poetry be written
Without
You
By my side?

This love is death.
It is nothing more than
A crisis of the mind.
It's worse than ****.

Maybe I'll begin to feel
But I'm not sure I can.
I want to possess you
So your heart won't seal.

I plead with you now.
Love no one else
But I'm alone and no more
Can I think this is real -- how?

I plead with my heart:
Don't leave. No longer should
You wait, yet I've realized
I need you- my essential part.

Stay -- I need you through the end
Of it all. When there is nothing left,
I wish to leave this demolishing war
With one thing intact to send.

With all the science of this world,
In all the waters of the earth,
You'd think there'd be someone for me.
The right man would be unfurled.

But no. Instead, this love is death.
It is not real, it merely kills.
I read about love, and wonder this:
*How much can you destroy
      with a mere breath?

beat
The sounds of the drum in my heart
beat
Exciting my senses, tingling everywhere
BEAT
As I see you from a distance
beat
The cool breeze ruffling through your hair


beat
Goes my heart as I sing to the sky
beat
Is the life I'm watching fly by
BEAT
Goes your heart as I dream it to be,
BEAT
Is the life where we could be free


Together.


beat
Is the whisper of the darkened days
beat
Is the pulse of the earth and sun's rays
beat
Is the song of my heart
BEAT
Is the way I soar past the stars, past buildings that scrape mountains or oceans of life, swirling in motions of deep harmony, rhythmically expressing who I want to be, up above, I only wish I knew.... How to start.


beat
I know that I should try
beat*
To stay away from you
beat
For now, it's best that I
beat
Should let you develop, but one last thing:

I

Love

You.

© 3/6/13

Dive into pools of eternal sunlight
Stand under waterfalls of pure liberty
Fly to the stars that gleam with joy
Taste the delicacies of creamy happiness
Prance through fires of blazing passion
Scream to the skies of all that is wonderful
Laugh at the world that tries to faze you
Crash through the seas of torrential love
Dance through glades of a thousand
     songbirds

And you might understand an inkling
Of what you have made me feel

Is the answer
To this simple question
No?


© 3/12/13

Three words, whispered.
Midnight draws near.
A smile, a kiss.

More than I can
Possibly try to handle
Is the raucous breath
That sears my lungs
Once in, once out
Is at first much harder
Than near anything
I have ever done

Then footfall softly
Creeps by my door
And oak's deep creak
Declares I have
A solemn visitor
And two crusted eyelids
Part ever so reluctantly
To discover who looks on

A smile sweetly blesses
My tear-stung face
As I recognize the love
That gazes down at me
Slowly, carefully, I rise,
And an arm meets my side
To take me gently up
Out of the darkness where I lie

Through those eyes,
Warm with patience
And caring support
I find I have strength,
Much more than I believed
I could ever keep again
And neglected legs
Find strength to revive

I find I can stand,
And so, of course, I do
Rising straight into
The loving embrace
Of the one who found me
So far lost in misery
Without a spark of hope--
And brushed my tears away

Arms wrap around me
Warm lips press
Softly on my head
And I hear a whisper
That I more feel than hear
Which tells me tenderly
That absolutely everything
Will be all right

Sometimes I think that
Love's undervalued
Sometimes I believe that
We should be more free

To express and believe what
We feel inside

Sometimes I think that
You don't feel my gaze
Yet sometimes I believe that
You are just afraid

Too many things are left unspoken,
Yeah - you understand what I'm trying to say.

This is what I know when
I'm alone -
This is what I think when
I am cold-
Even if it isn't said in words
You know what is true
By the way that you act and react.

And when your gaze locks into mine
When I feel your smile shine
You know, I know you know,
I breathe differently.

Sometimes I think that
We are locked inside
Sometimes I believe that
We cannot escape

The armored cages we lock
Ourselves into

Too many things are left unspoken,
Yeah - you understand what I'm trying to say.

This is what I know when
I'm alone -
This is what I think when
I am cold-
Even if it isn't said in words
You know what is true
By the way that you act and react.

Do your hands get sweaty?
Does your neck crane to see me?
Do you feel what I do,
Or am I just a foolish girl?

And when your gaze locks into mine
When I feel your smile shine
You know, OH you know... (pause)
I breathe differently.

I breathe differently.

I'm feeling differently.

The effect you have on me...

This is how I feel

And when your gaze locks into mine
When I feel your smile shine
You know, OH you know...
(looong pause)
I breathe differently.

© 3/13/13

May your day be filled
With the gladness we receive
When we help one another
In our time of need

May peace overwhelm you
And open your heart
To the blessings around you
The world, full of art

Pay attention to all
Things beautiful and true
I know when I do this, my
Heart remains close to

My soul. Thank you
For your words this day
May you be prosperous
And happy, I pray.

© 3/6/13

If you would be so kind as to help me get over my writer's block, it would be much appreciated.
How you can help:
- give me a random noun, adjective/adverb, and/or verb.
- give me a subject to write on, or make up a situation for a character/feeling.
-  send me advice
- message me about anything
- continue to stay awesome and inspire me. Thanks for your support through every tiny phrase and feeling!

If there was a way that I could turn
The pages back to that single moment,
I would, but for now, I simply yearn.

Your hands lay below mine,
Gently warming all of the heartache
That I had so recently left behind.

My head lay on your shoulder,
My eyes grazed your sun-kissed face.
Beauty lies not only in the beholder.

I still remember the strength
I felt in your tender embrace,
Each breath in unison and faith.

For a moment, we both had earned
A break from worries and tears,
A step back from hard lessons learned.

You stirred. I reluctantly moved
My loving eyes from your lips,
A quiet smile as a gift was proved.

You softly whispered my name,
A much sweeter sound when from
The mouth that set my soul aflame.

A tear slipped from my eye,
Speaking thousands of volumes
No one else would ever understand.

As your heartrending gaze held
My eyes, you tenderly put your lips
Over the glass tear that wouldn't be withheld.

As time passed we shared our love
That utterly surpassed our beings
Our hearts flying upwards as a dove.

Our bodies lay under the willow tree,
The sun was setting. We were finally free.


© 2/25/13

I glance at the sky.
It's beginning to lighten.
Has the early morning
Really passed so fast?

I've sat here for hours
Buried in homework.
Now I gaze outside
As the world awakes.

Welcome, songbirds.
Good morning to you, world.
You are glorious today, sunrise.
Welcome to the day, earth.

The sun's bright rays flash
And the world is bathed in color
The moisture from the night
Is slowly dried away.

My smile rests upon the earth
And gladness in my heart
But there is still a bothersome fact-
Today is a school day.

Reluctantly, I finish my thoughts.
It's time to get locked in a cage
Barely able to gaze out the window
At the start of spring and its invitation.

Brilliant flashes of life have awakened.
The vibrancy of green is broadcasted
Through the fresh spring grass
And the buds on the blossoming trees.

To the world at this time, I say, "Good Morning!"
To the night at this time, I say, "Good bye!"
To the light of the day, I say, "Welcome!"
To the mystery of darkness I say, "Farewell!"



© 3/21/13

Hey.

I'm sitting here writing poetry
Because I can't stop thinking
About you, and only you.

The way you walk, your shy
Smile, your complete assurance
With your friends, your gaze.

I don't understand how we can
Be so different, and yet the same.
You're such a gentleman.

You're good at writing, but not
As I am. You write poor poetry,
But I can't stop writing poems.

I can't stop writing poems about
You, even if no one but me will
Ever read them. It's strange.

Lately, you're always in my head,
And there's nothing I can do
That will ever change that focus.

You're kind to every girl, but I
Hope you act different towards
Me. It's probably a foolish dream.

You are a bright spot in every day,
But I wonder if I am more than a
Meaningless, hazy face in the crowd.

Today, I confessed to more friends
My feelings for you. But I still turned
That blasted shade of red and stuttered.

I need to get over this insecurity and
Timidity. I rationalize with myself that
What I feel isn't as deep as it really is.

My heart blazes with sheltered emotions,
Of pathways thought just out of reach, but
May not always be unreachable, I hope.

Well, I don't think you'll ever read this,
And you probably won't hear this, but
To you I still say tender, forbidden words:

I love you.


© 3/25/13

The only perspective you let yourself see
From those mesmerizing eyes,
Is that you are utterly inadequate
And may as well not be
And a flurry of other black lies.

You think in the dark of the things you are not
And let them consume you whole,
You believe in your heart you're stupid
Guess what? You forgot
That I love every part of your soul.

You're stuck on depression and melancholy
And I try to help you out,
But there are those times of darkness
When my well-worn key
Is tossed aside as you take another route.

Look inward, love, at the things that are best
The things deep inside that make you
Who you are
Each of your special qualities scream to be noticed
And you need to find them
For yourself
Don't you dare change them
Because they are wonderful
Don't give up faith in yourself
Because I never will
Don't you dare think you are nothing
Because you are my everything

.... You've shrouded yourself in darkness
And you believe that's all you are.
But I see your light.

You're aching.
Don't tell me you aren't-
We've spent too much time together
For you to try to deceive me.

Just when you'd decided
To let me free,
You brought me back because
You couldn't let me go.

Yet,

I know it's her you're dying to see.
I know that the time we've spent together
Is nothing now that you remember
Her, and forget me.

How is it that I feel this way?
My once cold heart, now thawed-
I'm forever changed, and I've changed you.
But now? Your fickle heart betrays us both.

Just recently you told me
That you'd die for me gladly.
How I wish you would have said
You'd live for me instead.

I know you broke millions of hearts
Before you met me, and changed.
But you've thrown that in the dust-
My heart lies in fragments once more.