they say friends are forever
the older you turn, that can differ

they say memories are meant to stay
truth is, a lot of us change along the way

they say family is meant to last through thick and thin
but, friends can always turn into chosen kin

they say, life is easy once you have it figured
the older you become, life becomes more of a jigsaw to fix.

hello.

its been so long. how are you?

shadows fiercely
dancing around the fire.

with us twirling

a r                             ar                           ar
    ou               ou            ou           ou
           nd.                              nd.          

                                                                          &

soon
we  s l o w down.
the last of our fiery red streak
faintly visible across the room.

Fingers touch
eyes dilating

he moves closer.

One last kiss
long but sweet.

I move away
with memories.

the soft rustle of the wind
blowing the leaves gently
forming a pile soon, once again.
blades of grass swaying with
rhythm of nature.

four walls, my friend these days
white hospital beds, a cold place.

longing to feel the touch of the w i n d.

that the promises that you sugar-coated
would build up like lava
and when it erupts, certain
things did hurt.

the words you used
made my heart skip everyday.
or how at a point of time, you seemed
much more important
than the rest.

the day you went off
with someone else. it was
all too hard to absorb. i had
one too many breakdowns.
or my heart was crushed.

i wish you'd known, how much
you meant to me at a point of time.

I want to
love you.
really really
do. rather you
keep  
pushing            me                a w a y.

I wish that  

i
       would
                         stop
                                
                                   s i n k i n g


down to your
empty promises.

hi i feel like                                                    
a part of me has
sunken for couple of months.
sometimes i try to sleep
late at night, staring
into my dead computer screen
hoping for some kind of instant
fizz from my fingers to type furiously.
otherwise, it's all just one liners broken
off with a dead-end. i feel like i've been
stuck in a rut for far too long. trying to
get back into writing and hoping to
say a hey, hi, hello to the writer in myself
some time soon.

she sits at the
back row of class. can you lov...

can you still love her?
the curly haired girl
who wears thick
black glasses. the one
with the dusky skin tone.
she doesn't have the
perfect thigh gap nor
does she fill her pores
with expensive makeup.
her friends are not the coolest.
reading and doodling are her
fav hobbies. would you still
be around her?
also she was never
popular like your gal pals.

can you
still love her?

11:58

your birthday
is away by two
silent minutes

11:59

I want to
wish you. I really do.
there's this hurt
which makes me
doubt everything
which has happened.

12:00
12:01
12:02
12:03

keeping all
the pain aside
I breathe slowly.

s l o w l y typing the
letters.

everyday i stare
into the screen

hoping words
spill out from
my head

it seems to all
stay within
I don't know
the reason why.

my fingertips feel
numb from pressing
on the same k-e-y-s

everyday i stare
into the screen

my
words

                  l                     g                 to make sense.
  i         l          i      n
      p
s

you took my heart
said you'll return it
but,
gave it to one
with a different name
than me.

i miss you.

my mind doesn't wanna say that

so all i do is
                            wait
                                wait
                                     wait.

                                                         for something.
                                                         i don't know. maybe
                                                         it's hope that you'll
                                                         return my messages.
                                                         maybe. i'm just being
                                                         too easy on you. maybe
                                                         we just shouldn't have met.

d                     n
     r            w        i               g      in your
            o                       n               love. except
                                                      i can't see you.

                                                      cause you're never
                                                                              there.

                                                                                 h                     me.
                                                                                       e         p
                                                                                             l

it's going to
be a lonely
day without
him, my head
w h i s p e r e d.

           probably one of
           the best feelings
           ever in a long time,
           my heart r e m i n d e d.

hey stranger.

so is this what
the dreaded feeling
gets described like?
from best friends
then two individuals
who've stuck with
each other from every
heartbreak
fight
move out's
um.
even grad.

hey stranger.
we're much older
stuck in a more
complicated version
of 'me' than ever before.

hey stranger.
so is this what
drifting away feels like?

when I was younger
home was the best place ever.
whether it was birthdays
which now feels like
a long-lost dream. since we lived in a tiny
house. a family of six huddled up together
in a tiny room to celebrate. maybe times
were simpler or maybe we didn’t have much then.

or on days, mum cooks
which always was a rarity.
she never played an active role
but our younger selves made sure
at the end, we’d be grateful.

things began to shift
when we grew older.

the happy house felt like a dark
gloomy one. smiles began to
be replaced by shoutings.
birthdays began to be less common
and sooner like we all imagined
it would become something
attached with the past.


when i became older
i tried becoming friends with
my younger self. somedays were
a disappointment. somedays we faked it.

I’m still trying to.

cigarette butts on the ash tray.
a bouquet of white roses
neatly tied together with a note
stuck that read, sorry in a sloppy
cursive way. resting on the
on the chair like it was given
couple of hours ago. paintings of
their love hung on cream colored walls.

can't

seem

to
get
rid
of
this
empty
feeling you created.
          -  maybe i shouldn't have met you.

if dreams were real
like they said.

wouldn’t you
   meet me?
                                                        
under                               *    
                                   *      *     *     *      *
                                   *         the      *   *
                          *      *      *          *    *      ­
                                    *        eiffel         *     *  
                          *             *           *             *       *
                        *       *          t o w e r         *         *
                       *    *      *      *        *        *          *     *
                              *    where lovers meet.

one summer morning
        I’ll see you
             again.
              
told
           another dream
                 from a
                 dream
                  itself.

sun setting
waves crashing.
        
a smile forming
hands grateful.
skies darkening
waves quieting
       down.

he reminds me
of sunshine bottled
up in a jar.

the furthest i’ve
fallen

was probably
trying to c - a - t- c- h
that bit of warmth.

when bottled up jars

once tightly shut
never opens.

you taught me
how to look
at things beautifully.
you've called
me beautiful
a number
of times.
&
then one
day you left
since I was no
longer y o u r
type of beautiful.

my heart

is left
confused
broken
hurt
etc
etc
etc.

all the
feelings
which y o u
possibly can't
feel as you
walked
     o f f.

she gave you
everything

all you did
were
lies
with
and a
  b
     r
        o
       k
    e
r
n
    heart.

i
want
to hear
stories
of yourself.

what are
you inspired by?

how were you like
five years ago?

what's the best
thing about life?

feed
me with
realness.

dreamt of watching
the whole world with
you.

little did I know
in your head
i was      n
                    o         t
          h          i              n
                         ­    g

As the city lights glows,
with each hour passing by
she finds her life ticking away.

The blues and red
tinges trying to shadow each other,
she looks at it with a
strange mixture of happiness and guilt

She reaches her hand towards,
the neatly stuck polaroid
on the window pane.

Clutching it tightly,
on her chest
silently sobbing.

As the city lights glows,
she sleeps on the carpeted floor

often sipping on glasses of wine
with each hour ticking away.

i
wanna
tell
you
how
much
                  i miss you.

i saw a
little girl
today.
& she called
me beautiful.

maybe
all we  
need are
more moments
to remind us
we are
beautiful
just by
ourselves.

i want to feel
how tomorrow
feels like without
you. but every s i n g l e  time
you make your
way into my
thoughts
and
all i'm left
with is wondering
"hey, how are you?"

our memories
are fading off
bit by bit.
soon they'll
be nothing left
of us.
just two
strangers heading
off in different
directions.

i wanted to
hold
or more so,
touch everything
forever.

this year taught
me differently.

time just slowly
vanishes away
as soon as
we grow
older.

i don't know how
much longer
this will last
you
me
or even,
us.