I have twisted mind, my souls bent out of shape.
I’m reaching out, screaming but it’s much too late
The demons mind’s made up, there’s no turning back
My bags have been packed and my shoes are laced up
I don’t want this I don’t but the benefits I reap
Are too much and that I don’t wish to cease
Shut my mouth walk right on by
The scale is where my mind lies
Holding out on this is all that I know
A size 1 will not do at all
The demon lies in me she knows what she wants
And like it or not she’ll get it all in time
For my body, life, soul are all that’s at risk
She needs what she takes and I need what she gives.

I am the flipper
Rejection of shots
And I don't hurt when I dig deep
And I go underground

I am
'Good with words'
yet words seldom ever seem to fall out
Of my flippant mouth

I am nothing that I wish to be
Borderline rambunctious
And my thoughts constantly spill over
When I spout in a crowd

Flipper is flippantly
Objecting
Objectify me now
I am the silent breather that never sends chills down your spine
Yet you wonder if my calling
Has gone overtime

Flipper speak
Flipper be gone
Flipper take shelter
Flipper don't make a sound

Flipper give you best smiles
Flipper win all their hearts
Flipper give them charisma
Flipper keep all your darts

Flipper tires from trying now
Rusting with time
Have I let my guard down
Or am I at last
Feeling fine?

Call it anxiety
Call if whatever you wish
C'mon call it an excuse
Isn't it brilliant to use?

Flipper: better or worse?
Flipper sets off a fuse
Flipper takes over mind
Flipper takes over news

Hush now stories are dry
For you let Flipper in
Build your walls up so high
Just to keep our your sin

Yet
Humans do lie
Courage comes from within
Sometimes it pays to hurt when you let your heart win

Scars criss cross my mind
Faded lines tangled like a web
The web of fears deep within me
Has my heart in a chokehold
And keeps me trapped within my anxieties
My pale skin and fat rolls become more rigid
Like the iron bars on a gilded cage
My words are trapped in the prison I've become
Social obligations becoming my shackles
Due dates I'm too weary to handle
And events I won't attend
My body has become my prison,
But there's no bail,
The security too strong for a jail break
All there is is eternity,
And a lifetime sentence

Here we go again
Or maybe it's just me this time
I'm always so anxious
Worried
Nerve-stricken
Constantly afraid of your next move
I shouldn't be
But I can't help myself
"I'm sorry..."
Spilling from my mouth
Before I have time to think
Like I inconsiderately bumped into you
Maybe this was a mistake
Maybe I am a mistake
If that's the case
You may as well leave
... Again

Wanting, waiting, hoping, praying
For the weight to go away.
I want to be able to breath
To see,
To hear,
To touch another's hand.
Without having this tight,
Horrible feeling just above my heart.
My friend says I can control it,
If I want to
But I don't think he understands just what it is to wake up and fear the wind
Or the sun
Or the leaves or the trees or the people or the walls or the feelings.
Or myself.
I fear what I don't understand or can't control.
But I don't understand myself,
And I can't control myself.
So I wake up and I'm scared of the things within myself that make me 'me' because I don't know how to prove to myself that I'm not something to be feared.
I call it fear because there's no other word that can be related.
But its not fear
Or anxiety
Or paranoia
Or insecurity
Its a thought process one goes through when they can't trust themself.

"Having depression and anxiety is so conflicting because, its wanting to do everything, but wanting to do nothing at all, its wanting to score high on a test, but not having the energy to study, its being afraid to lose your best friends, but not having the energy to hang out with them, its sitting in your bed at 3 in the morning worrying about the future you don't even want to have."