Is it just listening to an old song with a friend
Is it writing a new one about a love that will never end
It’s hard to know what you’re thinking
You want me to play the music first
When it’s over the message will be in the next verse

Being with you is the choice between walking
Or a car not understanding what it is your saying
A sidewalk is easy on the eyes
Once we open the door it’s never the same
Where we go next is never the way we came

You think it’s going to be different
But that’s no reason to try again
We are what we are
But what you want to forget
Is not the feeling when we first met

Give me the time of day when I ask
Tell me the weather is important to talk about
I wonder if normal is better
We broke all the glasses long ago
I know you’re thirsty but your heart won’t say so

You think it’s going to be the same
But that’s no reason not to try again
We are what we are
But what you can’t forget
Is the feeling when you finally left

A dream is never too old
It will never be over
For it is your breath upon which it relies
And as long as your heart beats
Or promises are made to yourself
The gratitude of life will remember

Love is worthy of you
As you are of it
And art is your mistress
Wait not another moment
Live believing in chance
Your dream will know what to do

But do not rely solely upon fate
You are destiny knowing the secret
Love will always be true
If you will live
As if you have already found it
Because it is trying to find you

I can remember the flag waving against the respectful sky
We sat on the bench watching
The metallic sounds of its status played deftly by the wind
We sat on the bench listening
It is not good sometimes to see how they leave this place
We sat on the bench praying
But you saw the birth of your memories instead of their end
We sat on the bench remembering

The distance between his last breath and my birth an instant
I sat on the bench painfully
Yet I find myself wanting tomorrow to hurry up and arrive
I sat on the bench impatiently
I wanted to try to slow it down and the sun finally agreed
I sat on the bench slowly
The flag waved again filled by the wind his breath kept alive
I sat on the bench faithfully

A dream with two sides
One of peace one of death
Carrying the bones of main street
Washed by the baptism of oppression
But somehow it doesn’t seem real
Because it didn’t happen to  you

A place with no mercy
Even shame awaits permission to speak
Where prayers vanish in disbelief
They are trying to take you there
To suspend your faith in mankind
Is to find one unwilling to agree with you

The work has come undone
The pages are no longer full of wonder
To speak of history is to pretend to agree
Once again those in the middle cannot hide
And to walk on which side of the bullet
Is the choice that now confronts you

What is sentiment
except lament of choice
Or the things
we want to remember
I will not say
I am glad to be free
Or that I’m sorry
I removed my chains
Would you that
what you chose failed
Would you that
what failed you buried
Do I thank the bridge
I crossed in cautious haste
Or curse the feet
that took the first step
And though
the span seemed endless
The thought
of water flowing below
Made me wonder
if the other side existed
Had I become
concrete, steel and form
A span existing
only in dreams of lust
Or a mountain
ignoring clouds and stars
A difficult way of living
but what is life if not?
I cannot smell flowers
while building bridges apart
But it will never burn
because of you my love
I will name the one
upon which I stand after you
There is nothing to say
because I can never turn back
What I thought to do
became only what I was able
You know why I did it
I crossed because of you
But the distance served
is the time I have to know myself

His arrogance
knew no boundary for enthusiasm
He had done things
for which only God would punish
And ignored things
for which he would never pay
The song, written,
only to be heard generations later
Waiting for anyone,
able to choose their conscience
Sitting, on top of darkness,
morning light breathing slowly
Is this the final day
to live for a moment without regard
For what use, tomorrow
yesterday, vengeance unrequited
Who will remember
the ancestor of suffering, giving it life
The angry one, though
his freedom rode no underground train
Instead strengthened
by the roar of the tide turning again
For those who walk,
crossing land untouched by soiled feet
The path towards the sun
where the agony of forgiveness will set
Quietly waiting its turn
for God to tell them, I know you

Is there another way
Where we are no longer plagued by guilt
For the time we must take for ourselves
Or by people who cut corners and sleep well
While we must choose between judgment
Or forgiveness
Know each will fall short of its mark

What I’ve imagined
Is only a dream that can never be true
For there are too many of us
But where we belong
And where we are needed
Is the same place
Yet what is further away
The discovery of our true self
And the peace it promises?
Or the journey around the world
Taking pictures
While we try to forget?

We wait and then our life changes
Nobody can teach us how not to be sad
Because it is sad
It is not something that we should ignore
And we pray for the time to pass
So we can find that place

What we are known for
War
Leisure
Comfort
Power
And we read the ancient words
Written by those who knew of these things
But who died in anguish
As confused as to their fate
As to their birth

We watch people perform
Their actions staged for us
Rehearsed over and over
It all seems so natural
And we escape in amazement
But we cannot rehearse
Our life is improvisation
An artist is given latitude to experiment
We believe in their courage
Yet we are expected to get it right
Every time
Every day
Or else we are judged

And that is where we went
To be judged
To live with it
No matter the good inside of us

I wanted to ride a slow mule
And let it decide where I should go
Could I survive if it chose the wrong direction
Would I have enough water
Would the moon guide us?
Would it make me crazy
Maybe it would be best
The old man nobody talks to
Only trailed by their opinions
Thinking I’m already dead
But they would never know
For the crazy man watches them
He no longer matters to them
So he walks alone
Freely
Watching how you improvise
But still he learns
That is what is crazy
He is old
Yet still he learns

He does not want to die in confusion
He wants instead to die with hope
The hope a mother has for her baby
And he will be ready
For he found what was inside
And he no longer needs to take pictures
For now he can see
Because he decided to look

And he believes what he has found

For it is only to love someone
A humble woman
One who does not think she is pretty
Even if she is
It is not to be better than her
But instead to share your own humilty
For this is how we must wait
Knowing our place
And who better to be by your side
But someone who will wait
Because she taught you how

I wonder if this is how it will end
“Yeah, I remember him”
What more can it be anyway
Just to fit into someone’s life
Even if you didn’t talk for years

Everybody is already there
We’re just playing out the hand now
Somebody new doesn’t stand a chance
They can’t compete with the past
I’m already a made man

If I can stand you for a week
Then that’s a close to love as I get
You can’t suffocate me
That’s why I got rid of the pillows
We’ll lay flat long enough to breathe

What I say is what I think
But the way I turn at any time
Depends on the way time looks at me
I will always consider your feelings
But I’m going to push my personality far

I’m looking for another door
Different than the one I came through
An entrance awaits on the other side
But is it leaving or just passing by
It depends how big the thought is

You finally did what I no longer care about
That’s what twenty years on does to you
I could borrow more money than I’ve made
Somebody trusts me that much
Or is it a trap like when you said I love you?

To know who your true love is
Is to know of something good

Time holds the secret close
Suppressing reflections of the past
All the mirrors have been removed
For to see yourself is to remember
The things you know to be true

You say look into your eyes if I’m leaving
I say look into my eyes to know I’m staying

But I stay with you from a distance
Suffering from the paleness of still blood
Trying to make it run listening to the news
The world is killing itself because living is too hard
It’s not hard for me even if it really is
It always turns out alright
But every minute feels like the end is near

Just knowing someone like you
It’s why I know waiting is worth all the rest

I’m not throwing my life away
Living for something meant for you is life
Because we met
And it can never be taken away
Somebody is thinking about you
Always

Do not fear the love that can live alone
It is the fantasy of life
And it is real my love

I have more than one life
Instead of all of it being the same
I won’t regret what’s to come
I’ve decided to tell you how much I love you
But first I need sleep on the bottom of a pool

Everything is organized
Every problem, every gift I have
Always together but waiting its turn
I’ve decided to tell you more than you tell me
But first I need to jump out of a boat for a swim

I can do it
I can set the sun
I can draw the tide
I can do it
I can conquer my pride
I don’t care if I say it first
I don’t care if I say it first

Something simple is easy
A kiss a smile some flowers for you
Put them all together and it’s a song
I know it’s true it’s the one I played for you

I’m not going to ask you why
I know why because it’s the same for me
I forgot what it was like to be nervous
I’ve decided that it’s good to not be so sure
But first I need to wring a towel out on my head

I can do it
I can set the sun
I can draw the tide
I can do it
I can conquer my pride
I don’t care if I say it first
I don’t care if I say it first

When you find something
There is something you lose
You have to be willing
You can't be afraid
That's who you are now
But you will remember what you lost
For those are the steps you first took
And while you may never take them again
They remind you that no matter where you stand
You will find another place
If you are strong enough to begin again

I know your boy friends name
But not yours
It's better that way
I don't want to be so personal

He let me know as we talked
You didn't react
But you didn't stop talking to me
You touched me when you walked out

You know it's there
Maybe I'll send you some flowers
He'll either love you like you deserve
Or get out of my way

I don't want to steal you
You have to set yourself free
I won't tell you what I'm thinking
You already know

You know it's there
Maybe I'll write you a poem
He'll either **** me tonight
Or ask you to marry him

I lit five candles
That’s all I had
I like to be close to small fires
It makes me reminisce about places I’ve never been
And think about those who are gone now
Gone against their will

I can look at a picture and make it about me
The silence in their faces
It leaves room for my imagination
I know what happened ten years later
But those silent faces only cared about today
They seem so sure about the moment
Comfort in the past is because you know how it ends

People put on their best side when a camera is near
It’s as if that is all that will be remembered
And not their fears and suffering
Or their mistakes
That’s why sometimes it seems those were the good old days
A mustered smile overcoming all that has happened
A knowing pensive wrinkle free shadow of youth
You can find so much to envy

We know where to find happiness
It’s always with a crowd
Communal
Mentally holding hands with our own kind
But what is our own kind?
The color of our skin?
The food we like to eat?
The places we like to visit?
The music we like to hear?

We fight against it so much
Is it so wrong to like certain things
It seems as if it is
Certain sounds
Certain faces
But that is what being free is about
Comfort in a field
Or on a mountain
Who is with you doesn’t really matter
Because who is there is like you anyway
Whatever their name

We know where to find happiness
It’s always being alone
With candles burning
Five candles
They burn not to hurt you
Only to find peace
To stare into a simple flame
And yet not understand its source
Is that not life itself?

I’m your neighbor I’ll do you a favor
But I can’t solve all your problems
Leaving town is hard but I started the car
At least summer’s turning to autumn

I don’t mind clouds or music too loud
As long as it’s my stereo playing
It’s the same with my children’s minds
I just need to know they aren’t worrying

I like to complain
I’m good at it
I got the world figured out
But they never listen
Some people aren’t so smart
Even though they think they are
Telling me what they know
Helps them smile in the rain

I have a piano and a bank account
But I wish I could play the guitar
I know a few chords but not enough
It’s easier to carry around in my car

I’m heading some way out of here
But I noticed the sofa seems the same
I left for a while but never did open the door
There’s a way out but it’s not the way I came

I like to smile
I’m good at it
Even if the world won’t
What else can you do
People like to drink
I wish they’d drink with me
There was someone once
But only for a little while

Leaving doesn’t always mean goodbye
The corner booth in Pecos isn’t how I say hello
Being that kind of lonely is not for me
I’ll stay right here and pretend it’s the place to be

I like to smile and complain
I’m good at it
Catch me when the water’s running
That’s the best time
You might think I only like blue skies
But that’s not how life is
That’s why I like clouds
I like things that come back again

I was discrete when you wanted a show
I gave you a show but you wanted discrete
I was naked when you wanted a suit
I wore a suit but you wanted me naked
I asked you what you wanted
But you didn’t want to know

Surprise me
But she really wanted something else
I had to take the chance
Fifty girls said I guessed
When I should have asked
Fifty girls said I asked
When I should have guessed

I made a record all about you
The guitar was your *******
The drums were your ***
A flute was your red lips
But when you spread your legs
I ****** the needle
And scratched my eyes out

I was dangerous when you wanted safe
I  was safe when you wanted dangerous
I wanted *** when you wanted talk
I wanted talk when you wanted ***
I asked you what you wanted
But you didn’t want to talk about it

Surprise me
But she always wanted something else
I had to take a chance
Fifty girls said I don't like that
When I thought they did
Fifty girls said they liked that
When I thought they didn't

Surprise me
Shock my eyes
Surprise me
Scream into my ears
Surprise me
Ravage my body

I never knew what happened
Until you told  me fifty years later

I need
to know that to defend the indefensible
is not to turn your back on your race
or what is right

I need
to know that to assume inerrancy
is to make yourself God
above all light

I need
to know that our hearts are the same
as are the fears we harbor inside
for our children at night

I need
to know that those whom we accuse
and carry a badge or a sign
are black and white

I need
to know that fear is not always evil
that a mistake is not intent
but in whose sight?

I need
to know that we must come together
for our world has been weakened
by the battle we fight

On a tide-less shore
Ignored by a slumbering moon
The religion of the innocent
Howls at vacuous skies for guidance
Upon every braying sound
Stands the super-natural law
Believe in me
Descendant of moral decay
You stand with nature
Perplexed
Unknowing of yourself
Or the doctor declaring you unfit for life
You admire those who send gun-boats
And ignore those who hunger
For you have simplified the means of proof
Or further you require none at all
For as still as cut grass
It is enough that you may walk upon it again
In this way you may unencumber your mind
No obstacle to navigate
No foul smell
Only the fresh air of soft ignorance
Caressing your mind
For believing in very little
Allows you to believe in things great
Things you never witnessed
Not of God
But of this earth
To the detriment of all others
For what you were told
Was that sand is white
And black is night
Because that upon which you walk
And build castles
Is far greater than that which you cannot touch
And this you believed
Though in the heart of every child
Is a lantern
Waiting to be lit by love
To guide them to the gathering place
Where flesh becomes spirit
And white sand becomes brown as the tide rises
Waiting to be consumed by the ocean
To make the salt of the earth
If only you had a match

What we may discern from our certainty
Is rather a matter of scope
Than of integrity
If we provide for the limits of our comfort
We save your eyes from the truth
But ignorance we will court
I could take up the matter up with the sun
To pry from it as needed for guidance
For light when there is none
But it is far too busy to care for closed minds
Everything of the past felt it’s rays
Everything except time
It is my humility that remains tethered
To the front when charging a hill
To the back if honored
It is the only way we can find our purpose
To walk in hand with common men
To look beneath the surface
The fears that insist upon our opinion
Must be regarded as trespasses
Upon our souls dominion
And if the measure of our chosen domain
Is a circle drawn by our bare feet
Then truth will die in vain

Have you run from your conscience?
You are a half-breed believer
You do not know where you belong
You cannot decide
Who is right and who is wrong

Find the human being inside you
That is where you will begin
It is the easy road
And the right one
It will help you carry the load

Whether cheap robes and scarves
And a beaten brow
Or summer dresses
And a Kentucky wide-brim
The truth cares not who it caresses

You could not decide what to believe
So believe in me
And what I tell you today
Is that you need no one
Except that from which you ran away

Opposite ends of the sunshine
Though warmth reaches us all
It cannot tell us how we should feel
Sometimes we don’t understand
Why would the sun fail to see
What is false and what is real?

Opposite ends of the ocean
Crushed by water or is it distance
Is the deep the same as the surface?
Still we stand on distant shores
As swells dance with the moon
Another light uncaring about justice

Opposite ends of the earth
Taking turns with light and dark
Leaving messages on the moon
I see you but you do not know me
Will we decide to meet halfway
Will it be midnight or high noon?

Opposite ends of the rainbow
Is it gold we hoard or colors?
Will love decide which is right
Through a prism we see images
The times of our life and pain
Can love share as we share light?

An island is of the earth
As is the water all around
Mountains and streams
You and I
All share the same mother

When the earth is bleeding
And so too our hearts
The blackened skies
That make us afraid
Are stains upon our soul

Separated from God
A bird covered in oil
Every breath one of survival
Crying out
What has become of us?

Take my hand
I will clean each feather
To fly again, freely
We are more than suffering
Though pain is my teacher

To stare into the sun
Without blinking
Is to see life for a moment
But only blindness will remain
Unless you can hear my voice

Do not push me away
For I want nothing from you
Is it so hard to imagine
Someone different than you
Wanting only for you to live?

Here is my narrative and it is not about forgiving murders... it is related to the underlying problem.

Sometimes, you can't love your neighbor because it's a very high standard that has been asked of us. For some reason it is so much easier to hate them; to wish that they get what they deserve. But outside love and forgiveness there is another place; acceptance. And to accept someone is not only that they are who they are but that it may be that you will always have an uneasy or superficial relationship with them because your differences are so pronounced. But that is ok. It is ok if you do not hurt them in any way. It is ok if you help them if they need your help. It is ok if you treat them as you might a stranger when holding the door for them as they enter a building. With decency and civility. But escalating the tension is never the answer.

Forgiving someone who hurt you or your family can almost be as much a miracle as walking on water. It is holy forgiveness. And to love your enemy is even more of a miracle because not only are you walking on water, you are possibly raising the dead. And these laws of physics that we all accept to be true are as sure a fact as our belief that we cannot love our enemy or even forgive them. But should we give up on the idea? Is the only alternative to our inability to love our enemy is to **** them?

NO

NEVER

EVER

The only way to love someone is to prioritize the feeling. The only way to forgive them is to understand that forgiveness can mean withdrawing from the battlefield. To soften your opinion of them means that you have decided to understand their point of view. And to understand their point of view is to be honest with yourself. How would you feel? And to love them is to see their entire being and know that the stress in their life may be so much greater than your own, that they are only human and if not for the grace of God there you will go.

Forgiveness like a diet is a process and though things may not ever be as they were they will be better than they are now. If only you will begin. Identify what must be done. See the goal. Take small steps; I don't want to injure someone. More steps; I will withdraw from engagement. More steps; I will establish what is important and why. More steps; I will do what is humanly possible. More steps; I will accept what I must and regain my moral compass. More steps; I will live my life and though I will remember, I will try to smile again; I will not hurt them; I will not take my revenge.

Whatever the problem may be we must dedicate ourselves to the proposition that we owe a dying man the decency of investigating the manner of his death; and if it is his fault then we must accept that truth; and if it wasn't then we must act on that truth without regard to who is at fault. There is no person who is more important than the right to life given to our fellow man.


"Father, father
We don't need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we've got to find a way
To bring some lovin' here today, oh oh oh"

Marvin Gaye

"If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.

Nelson Mandela

"People respond in accordance to how you relate to them. If you approach them on the basis of violence, that's how they'll react. But if you say, 'We want peace, we want stability,' we can then do a lot of things that will contribute towards the progress of our society."

Nelson Mandela

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend."

Martin Luther King Jr.

"Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars... Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

Martin Luther King Jr.

You know I've been there babe
It doesn't mean I want to go back
It just means I know why
I know why you can't go there

I can't prove anything to you
It's just the chance you have to take
It's the same way for me
You have as much power as I do

Where do we go now?
Where is our safe place?
Is it a place or a time
I think you're worth it
Forget the places I've been
I'm ready for you to move in

You know I've felt it babe
I thought somebody was the one
That kind of hope is hard to replace
Especially when it hurts so bad

Where do we go now?
Where is our safe place?
I know love is worth it
But I won't know if this is it
Until enough time passes
Do you have time enough for me?

I know how I feel
And there are so many words to say
You said I say them all too easily
So I'll say what is hard
I love you

It's not a song
Not something without commitment
I have my way to make them feel
But also a way to walk away
Without saying I do

Words can hit the mark
So can two bodies laying naked
Until we have a problem
How can we really know
If our love is true

I can't bluff you anymore
It's easy to live alone without fear
But I will never be a man
Until I see the tears
That I planted inside of you

It’s better to be implied
Suggested
Make them feel something
Tears without a reason
Longing without knowing why
Faith in a silent night
Nothing sure
That is what she said
It’s better than the truth

It’s not too dark yet
Hope sleeps too
To awaken is another light
The one that never dims
Only your point of view

Did every step prepare for this
Or just bring me here
Without warning
Or experience
I don’t know the purpose
Or what it implies
The world came into my  own
Without a wall
Only what is true

I am older now
And I have reached the mountaintop
But I am not ill
Nor is my time short
No more so than any other sane man
If that is how I may be able to live

Rational
Hopeful
Sober

I carry nothing on my back
No deeds to draw upon to quench my thirst
Only a mind full of conscious humility
And regret

My silent face is a sign of contemplation
For vanity and pride die where the air cannot be set on fire
My heart beats slowly like a peaceful creek
Fed by unknown headwaters
A confluence of  spirit and silent motive

I see how I have measured myself wrongly
For what glory upon which man may dine
Is of benefit to my dead body?
I desire only the destruction to a legacy of pleasure
For now I see the journey has just begun

Each plateau of discovery
Met by one of even greater challenge
Where men of ******* echo their stories
I made haste from the dangers of the unknown
Where men of privilege boast of their medals
I lingered with what I have always known
But what concern was it to the clouds that gather above me
For their charge is to rain and thunder upon every man equally
But what is equal to one who must shame those with an umbrella?

I will not have the use of the tools upon which I relied
For they are as beneficial as a feather for a rebuke
Or a cane for forgiveness
My legs have reached the end of their useful life
And I have no wings
There is no emotion that will carry me beyond my excuses
Grief, joy, bewilderment
None can avail themselves of purpose to me

We are all walking on a grade of sliding pebbles
Some of us realize it more than others
We all live with uncertainties that can happen at any time
But what is uncertainty when the top of the mountain is all there is
Is it the uncertainty of our marriage to disappointment
Or how to live born into ******* whether enslaved or ignorant
What we must find within ourselves is the discovery
For the mountain is only another obstacle before the doors of freedom

To be free
It is a choice
Right or wrong
To believe or not
To know where another man may fail
You may succeed
And to know the full measure of another man lies within your patience
And your desire to give him all the time he needs

The first man I trusted
was one who didn’t need anything from me
He’d help me or my ma cross the street
even if he’d never see another dime or dream come true
There was a time I didn’t think like that
because the air I was breathing had already been sold
I could only hear the sounds of an angry man’s hammer
but that story has already been told

I saw him changing someone’s tire
It was hot and ***** but that was how he lived
Being able to help someone with a home
is a day off for a man with a sign
Being able to hear someone say thank you
is love inside his mother’s letter
He knows what you’re thinking
he’ll take the blame if it makes you feel better

I saw someone spill his guts
but he was wearing a mask on his face
It’s not like he didn’t believe
It’s just that we didn’t understand
So it was time to wake up in a new bed
and pretend he was better off alone
Maybe we’d better leave him be
There’s too many questions and not enough homes

I never thought I’d live this long
with eyes knowing how it’s going to end
That’s nothing new it’s just a matter of time, but
you know the price of your coffin by what’s important to you
There’s nothing I like about chance
I’d rather be broke than watch another man’s hand
I knew a girl once who disagreed
She had a pretty face, I had a bottle full of sand

She said there are women waiting to love you
How can I when it’s me who must to learn to love
Where I start is where you are if that’s the way
You know in time you will return yourself there

At the bus stop feeling plain but not about to board
I’ve forgotten how it goes but you know that’s it
I wanted to remember being poor ready for the stars
But I tripped over success and it destroyed my mind

There’s a chorus somewhere but who would remember
I don’t want what is easy and small to be the life
You keep looking at me as if I’ve lost my direction
I might sleep with you babe but still I dream alone

Give me the real thing but you’re a girl why would I ask
This time you smile in front of shadows you live behind
You won’t tell me your ******* so you fake another
Watching you walk away is how I love thanks for asking

I should never have left our apartment
But the courage in your words left me no choice
I watched your face trying to ignore what you said
It all came from a place deeper than your voice

At first I thought it was just a warning
But then you told me I didn’t get it
That’s when I knew that it was real
And now I know that you really meant it

When you find a feather
You know it’s a part of something greater
What flew away once landed at my window
You knew that love for me would never be the same
And now that you have taken flight
How else would I know that you were right

I wish we had been born long ago
Quiet evenings walking a path of leaves
It could be that time has not long enough passed
This the night air told me true love believes

I can see what it means to you
To live a life knowing of a happy end
And as the camera slowly recedes
The movie we made is now a memory
But though I know what is true, still
You play a game of forget and pretend

When you find a feather
You know it’s a part of something greater
What flew away once landed at my window
You knew that love for me would never be the same
And now that you have taken flight
I must live knowing that you were right

Just a lot of talk
That’s all I can say
Fill the world up
Fill the air with my ways
Even if they didn’t ask for that from me

Do I have an alternative
Suburban myths say no
Great change means great suffering
A madman’s dream
He only needs a friend to know if it’s possible
Let’s meet at dawn for another try

A lock on the past
And her heart
But not upon mine
She allows me to be free
If then the chance remains
For my return to her side
But what I remember
Is a movie with no end
And a tragedy is how I must live
With love I cannot ignore
And a soul I cannot abandon

I wondered if I could do it
Nothing but water
Sickness from within
Unprepared for the unknown
Day after day
A test of my will
Trying to see something
Something I’ve never seen
Or anyone else

Still I have nightmares
Even as I stand in watch
Each swell sheaths my thoughts
Is it for what I have done
Or what I have seen?
Written in scrolls
Attached to trees of life
Sashed by what divides mind and flesh
Every entry penned is a ritual
Or was it just a moment recorded on my mind?

You thought you left yours behind
But I can see it on the horizon
You didn’t know where to go
So I went there for you
The tears behind my eyes wait
When I reach what you can no longer feel
I will give it a gentle whisper to come home

Come here baby
Let's cry about it together
We're not the things we dreamed
But we have each other
Forget about what is missing
If we can't have something
Let's have something else
You love me
I know you do
I'm just on a different road
Why won't you drive my way?

Through the vision you have given me
I found the peace in my heart
But it was not as I thought it would be
To know comfort was not of knowledge
Only perception
But to know peace was not of perception
Only knowledge
And what I came to know was not how I’ve been sleeping

True love can feel fingers separated by glass
Smile knowing of the coming storm
Live on after the loss of a child
It is so that we must feel these things if we are to be alive

Born from dark murky shadows into bright cold lights
It is life that begins without peace
Or knowledge
Or perception
But though a flower will grow as destined with water and sunshine
A baby can be a rose for beauty
A tree for shade
A sunset for comfort
An ocean framed by palms and dreams
If only someone will show him how

Will he know a slave feels love
That a hero knows fear
That a woman can be brave
That men **** for a God of love
That the desire for equality is seen as subversive
As a **** growing in a green meadow
Will he know these things
And will he recognize it as peace in his heart

He will know
as…
An honest man
even as an island
as…
A civilized man
even as a bruise
as…
A dignified man
even as a victim
as…
A strong man
even as a pauper

It is this peace…
to be willing to live outside while it rains
… because outside is who you are
to be willing to be struck down in the streets
… because the streets are who you are
to be willing to be cursed as you speak the truth
… because the truth is who you are

Peace

It is not what you think
If you don't
It is not how to escape
Because you cannot
It is not what you pretend
If it is wrong
It is not about power
If that is what you want

It is only who you are
Who you are
No matter how much turmoil all around you

Bark stripped from a tree
I tried to smooth them
Make them whole again
So you could only see the rings
But all you wanted were promises
What is in your head?
All this love stuff is too much
It’s too much
It cuts us into little pieces
Or strips of memories
Laid upon the floor
Knowing each other
But living apart
We don’t want to admit it
We are the story
Out of the light
That’s what you said
Turn it off
It’s better that I don’t see all of that
That’s what you said
Just make your mistakes with me
Make another layer out of what’s left
It probably will feel good
You know how to fake it
You know how to make yourself
But you need pieces of me to do it right

You made your bed
You wouldn't listen to me
You didn't ask the mirror either
You answered your own question
You're the fairest one of all
And I wasn't the one who could reach you
So pull the covers up tight over your head
Accept the darkness

Your picture tells me more than I could ever say
But not enough to tell me what I should think
It is because your smile has become so effortless
The corners of your mouth learned without me

There is a love affair between us in my mind
That is why you have settled for being alone
My dreamscape desires made the choice for you
Living in silent madness is better than what is real

I thought to tell you but I'm so far away
Like distant paintings with faded signatures
The captured love of another man’s memory
Has become my own way of missing you

There is nothing anyone can say that I would hear
Only you understand what I have dreamed
Let me whisper words upon your lonely canvas
Painting a new sunrise upon your sleepless soul


Copyright © Mark R. Lecuona 2016 ®

* No part of this poem may be used or reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way or form or by any means electronic, mechanical, recording, or otherwise without the written permission of the author.

I was wondering how old my blood was
I haven’t bled in a long time
At least not on the outside
Maybe I should set some of it free
Free to find a different body to love

But I’m the nearest patient to the cure
It’s hard to give up your life for another
That’s exactly what we ask them to do
And they cry and can never explain
There is no perception to convince
No reality to ignore
They know

I could never be a tool for God
My dreams are not to bend your will
I will not control you
It is your choice

I could never be an example for God
My dreams are not to bend my will
I cannot stop sinning
That is my choice

I don’t know if I’m supposed to be a hammer
Or a wrench
Should I put something inside of you
Or remove the pain you came home with

I could age ten years in two months
I could reject the new world
Let all my gray hair grow
Let the sun wrinkle my face
And become angry at feet on my lawn

But I want to be wiser than that
Without trying to be

The memory of a child may not be the truth
The lack of understanding creates dreams
Dreams that become reality
Reality that becomes who you are
Even if you mother says it never happened

I thought about carrying a book with me
It would full of subversive quotes
World weary conclusions
Nothing about money
But instead I carry it in my head
I know all these things
It’s hard to live past it like watching mile markers
We record them in our head
But after a while all we see are green rectangles

I wanted to walk up to a woman
A stranger
Tell her she’s the one
Kiss her
And watch the look on her face

It could never happen
The days of bravery are over
Now we must fear one another
Fear feelings
Fear the past
Fear the culture
Fear their space

So I wait
Wait to give you  my blood
But I’m not a hammer
Or a wrench
It is to be given freely
To take nothing away
So we can share the things together
But not to be afraid
To believe in something
Naïve
Idealistic
Free

What would I say
   if I were not so meek
What you already know
   that I cannot speak
What we are
   that we cannot share
What we will be
    if only we dare
What I want
   that you want too
What I want
   if only it were true

You are
   a gift to these times
With the dignity
   of a survivor
And the sadness
   of those bearing a loss
Inside you the hope
   for a happy moment
While you carry
   the message forward
Always remembering
    to live as grace does
Not making enemies
   of those who fear you
For they know
   your wrath is justified
But not to your
   heart which wants to love
That is who you are
   if only they will let you

How meadows
   cannot green or divide hills
How lakes
   cannot ripple or remain flat
How tears
   cannot dry in time for another
How wounds
   cannot heal or blood clot
How truth
   buries its lies in unmarked graves
How revenge
   fears justice will turn its back
How reckoning
   fails to pay its debts
How love
   becomes hate by war
How children
   are born old by poverty
How dignity
   cannot calm itself
How eyes
   see knowing their crime
How memories
   only crack mirrors
How confessions
   ask only for mercy
How shame
   walks pretended of grace
How forgiveness
   needed to tell the truth first
How black men
   turn the other cheek

I have the information
I just need the space
The wave is about to crash
The cloud is about to burst
The child is about to cry
In the instant before the sound
Stepping outside the window
Risk no longer considered
Staring as if no one is there
Even if it is the love of your life
She knows
I cannot reach her like that
She knows that about me too
We're both a little older
It means we are preparing
I read the words
But it was not the language I desired
For the tongue was familiar to me
The mystery was too easily explained
As was the explanation from the fire
Who wouldn't believe nature turning on itself
But I've not seen that
And I've never seen a wave not crash
But I've seen a cloud change its mind
If only I could make up mine

There’s a man standing at the end
He said, “I’ll welcome you but only when
you walk the length and breadth
gasping for air and cursing the depth
of the suffering you can’t overcome”

It’s a path not a nail my son

There’s a woman standing at the head
She said, “Be born into this misery instead
of thinking it’s something more or less,
it doesn’t mean what we all bless
or any of the things we have become”

It’s a path not a sword my son

There’s a mist floating you cannot find
It revealed something to your mind
“It is not where there is water or dust
or within the heart of shiny things that rust,
but you are deaf because you only play a drum”

It’s a path not a stone my son

There’s a light alternating between dim and bright
It waits while you gather for a life without sight
But what guides you will not speak as you wish
It only feeds those starving for bread and fish
While you walk with those who will not come

It's a path not a judgment my son

I don’t know what to take seriously
It seems it is only how I feel anymore
Anymore
How I feel anymore

I’ve passed the world by
Watching for the smiling grievers
Just like me
Trapped by choices made long ago

The way a sad man can laugh
Is just another miracle of life

Hopping, stone to stone
The distance widening each time
The place to stand ever smaller
As long as my feet are dry
I will be held together by these small joys

I think I have been blinded somehow
It seems I’ve lost my way
My way
I’ve lost my way

I don’t have to make myself write something
That is where I live now
Not in a closet
Not in the jungle
I don’t have to prove that to you

I wonder about someone who takes life literally
With a sword in their hand, dividing life before them
I’ve felt the blade, ****** deeply
And they told me it was God saving me
Still, I continue on

I am subdued not by sadness but by outrage
I am subdued not by outrage but by sadness
Hopping, stone to stone
Carefully placed before me
An old man cannot survive without his dignity

I think I’ve not prepared myself for this
The greatest challenge of a life
My life
The greatest challenge of my life

Who can say
That a white man is wrong
Without saying all white men are wrong?

Who can say
That a black man is wrong
Without saying all black men are wrong?

Who will say it?
Who will admit it?
Who can judge righteously?
Who can judge at all?

Who can say
That a religious man is wrong
Without saying all religious men are wrong?

Who can say
That an atheist is wrong
Without saying all atheists are wrong?

Who will say it?
Who will admit it?
Who can judge righteously?
Who can judge at all?

Who can say
That a gay man is wrong
Without saying all gay man are wrong?

Who can say
That a straight man is wrong
Without saying all straight men are wrong?

Who will say it?
Who will admit it?
Who can judge righteously?
Who can judge at all?

Who can say
That a rich man is wrong
Without saying all rich men are wrong?

Who can say
That a poor man is wrong
Without saying all poor men are wrong?

Who will say it?
Who will admit it?
Who can judge righteously?
Who can judge at all?

It’s not looking for me
It hides on the wrong side of a cloud
Where the sun is still bright
And my tears cannot blur its light

I asked the shadow why
But it would rather be silent than loud
I’m not sure how to make it right
The moon lights the wrong side of night

Waiting for something
Waiting for someone
They cannot hear you
If they are not near you
Tell them
Tell them
Or someone else will

I can’t feel it inside
Not when everybody acts so proud
The sky is for birds in flight
But blue reflections know nothing of sight

Waiting for something
Waiting for someone
They can’t hear you
They’re not near you
You didn’t tell them
You didn’t tell them
But someone else did

Just calm down
He said it to nobody in particular
But she knew who he was talking to
Believe in me
That’s what she wanted to say
But she didn’t know if it was true

You marry somebody
It doesn’t have to be the wrong time
It doesn’t have to be the wrong one
You tried that life
But one day there’s something more
The stars stopped leading you home

How do  you live
You left behind the blood you planted
Your heart travels well but not today
You feel the tremors
That is who you are and it is dying
Even the sun decided to walk away

The harvest is done
The people who were born with hope
Live inside a prayer watching waiting
What can we do
The land of our birth is on fire again
But my soul lives in the land of believing

They don’t think of me
I left and they said my tears are my affair
If only a baby could decide for its mother
I want to tell you
I can never go back so why do I cry for them
Comfort for my children is not their savior

I'm not giving it away
I mean it
You think this is an act?
Day after day
You know me now
It's blowing right through me
The hurricane inside my veins
You may think you are more than I can handle
But I don't recognize rocks or sand
The sun needs me to rise
It needs me to set
That's what you watch for
But I'm always there
There are no more questions
I'm always there
The chair that fell over
The light that won't turn green
The day that won't end
An argument
Ambiguity
Discomfort
These things matter
They do
You do
I do
I want to be everything
Because I see everything
Everything
Both sides
Right
Wrong
Wrong
Right
It's that way
They believe it
I feel it
I tell you now
You don't know them
Unless you give yourself up
Then you are free
Free to be crushed by their world
Crushed because you know now
They are human
They are JUST LIKE YOU
Do you know that?
Do you?
I wonder sometimes

I had to tell him
It will make your soul bleed
But you will never see it
It will make your heart burn
And one day you will feel it
But it won’t be what you thought
Because it was drained, not filled
Even though you once smiled about it

Somebody will tell him
To master your desires is the seed
But you won’t understand it
You think it is your turn
And being a man is accepting it
It won’t be sold, but instead bought
Because it’s the garden you tilled
The fruit you chose will die in it

Somebody will say so
Somebody will say so
Live the night
Forget the light
Somebody will say so
Which way will you go?

His mind will tell him
This is how a boy is freed
But you will be a prisoner to it
They say the hard way is how you learn
And a weak man will always choose it
What you found and what you sought
Would it be you were tempted or willed
The way of your prayers will reveal it

Somebody will say so
Somebody will say so
Live the light
Reject the night
Somebody will say so
Which way will you go?

Without knowing how it happened
A man’s heart can fail him
His father gone, his spirit dampened
His children near, for a while, but then
Gone as meant to be
Would it be worse if they stay
But while longing is an empty knee
The time must come for them to fly away

But which pieces did they take
And which pieces do remain?
There is no accounting of what did break
Only a heart that must learn to live again
To trust once again in the sky
An old friend watching as you return
Is to know life becomes a cry
As wings become flight and ashes an urn

To wait for the next great love
Is the way of heartache
The time we give to what we are thinking of
Is only what we decide to forsake
But did my every loss soften my mind
For I know of your sadness too
And in it I have finally come to find
That the time is now for me to comfort you

I know the hole is there
i haven’t filled it
instead i step over it
(mercy to my past)
i can’t fill it
i won’t
it is who i am

But if i fill the hole
i must use the dirt
the dirt that was in the hole
(before it was a hole)
it’s next to the hole
and i could put it back
but it won’t be the same

To write about it
is to put the dirt back
it is your life
(it is all you know)
and it must be filled
it must be filled, right?
any way you can

Your life is in disarray
you didn’t ask for this
but you are still alive
(someone needs you)
we can’t speak our minds
unless it is art
dirt that becomes art

But must i fill the hole?
what would i accomplish
i would rather be myself
(what i have become)
so instead i speak
i’m not going to fall in
I’m not going to bury myself

I cannot deny myself
what path born to us remains?
instead it is my challenge
(to land on my feet)
i cannot live in my hole
but do not be sad for mefor
it is my light that has escaped

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