I could spend the rest of my nights searching for another you
trying on lovers like new pairs of shoes
knowing the sun will rise along with the memories
but I'd rather spend my morning hours with thoughts of you
than have to pretend his hands will ever compare to the way your words made me feel

I left you like a bad habit
I couldn't stop biting my nails but I can go weeks without thinking of you
there were days when your bedsheets were my home
and I don't lay awake thinking of the way she's tangled in them
but when he kissed me I looked to see if you were watching
and for a moment I wondered if you wished you were him

I need to work on my patience
traffic brings out the worst in me and waiting in line makes my hands shake
but for you
for you I'd wait ten lifetimes
it is perfectly fine that I do not consume all of your thoughts
I think mine are enough for the both of us

to the only one who can rest my anxious heart
to the only one who can quiet my foolish thoughts
to the Father that created me
knowing I would turn my back on him
to the one whose arms were open when I returned
to the sweet promises you have always kept
to the one whose pursuit was steady in my wandering
you're the only place I can make my home
so even in the uncertainty I will dwell in you
and I am not sure of almost anything
but I am sure that wherever I go, you are with me

one by one I am burning all of the bridges
the warmest I've ever been was the night I lost you
it hurt the way it does when you swallow a pill
your chest tightening and the strangest discomfort
and it seems like it might feel this way forever
until it doesn't
losing you didn't feel like a disaster
it messes with my mind because I've never known how to let someone walk away
without begging them to stay
it's as if from the first night we met I was preparing for goodbye
I've had far too many glimpses of the kind of love that wrecks you
to ever settle for going through the motions

I wore your shirt home on Tuesday
1 am and the way the street lights danced across your skin
I'm not sure if I knew you then
I'm not sure if I could picture more than present tense between us
but the present felt so nice and I liked the way your hand fit in mine
maybe I knew the entire time I was never meant for someone like you
Sunday still took me by surprise
I think you taught me you can lose someone without feeling like you've lost yourself
I think you taught me I can care for a person without it being the end of me

I've been drawing silver lines in all the words you never said
I should've read the silence as more than just comfort
you taught me that chemistry is vital
and your arms felt nice wrapped around me
but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of him
so believe me when I say I don't hate you
not even a little bit, not even at all
I hope you found in her what I wanted us to be
we both deserve the kind of love that makes our heads spin