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Lydia Aug 2018
I could cry
I'm exhausted
anxious
lonely
on edge
lately I feel like I've been walking on a mental tightrope
unbalanced and ready to slip at anytime
I keep telling myself I need more sleep
or it's just this birth control in my arm,
but I've told myself these same things since I was 14 years old
and I've slept since then
I've switched birth control since then,
I've still hurt myself since then
Lydia Aug 2018
lately I walk in to work alone
I go to break and flop down on the bench and light up a cigarette and if I feel like talking I can
or if I don't I can just sit for ten minutes
I get to be just purely me
fresh start, new people, new opportunities
it's actually refreshing to do this on my own this time
I leave work alone
I rush out to my car like I used to in the old days
turn up the volume on the radio to all my ****** songs
roll the windows down
smoke a cigarette
and sit in silence
I've never been happier
Lydia Aug 2018
hold my breath and count to five
I do this multiple times a day to keep myself from losing it
Lydia Aug 2018
There are women inside of me screaming to get out
Figured it was worth posting. Sometimes I write little things and then keep them on hidden
Lydia Aug 2018
I took off all my clothes
looked straight at the mirror and repeated
İ love myself
I love myself
I love myself
as if I truly believed it
like a stranger in my skin I imagined what other people see
the words blended together and melted like butter
my mind tricked itself into thinking I had never looked at my reflection and thought it was gross
I made myself lie
and then I put on my clothes
brushed my hair
and turned off the light
Lydia Aug 2018
what makes us so different is the way that we think
how everything we take in, we view as we are
not how "they" might be
seeing into someone's perspective is as impossible
as counting the stars
and just like those billions of tiny, twinkling lights
we all burn out at some point
when no one is paying attention
Lydia Jul 2018
Why do I pick people with problems, as if I don't have enough already?

I can barely breathe through my own flaws, how am I supposed to love someone through theirs?
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