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Luca Abate May 2015
It jumps back to feeling so alone
And its scary, the worlds a scary place
And i don't feel like i have a hand i can reach out to
So i can take baby steps back into the water

But it's a lose lose situation
If i stay back and isolate, i lose
If i go out and do things, i lose
When I stay in my room i grieve
But when I go out
I have more to grieve about

I lose, and I lose, and I just keep losing
And somehow getting help wasn't enough
And now things are progressively worse
Just so....so....so bad

My feelings jump large gaps
"I'm fine, leave me alone"
"I hate it here, i want to **** myself"
"I can't think, i'm getting anxious"

My GAD kills me
Everyday becoming anxious of when ill become anxious
Anxiety gets the best of me
Anxiety makes my wrists bleed
Anxiety makes me yell and scream
Anxiety.....just hates me

I want to **** it
I want to **** others
Left, right, left, right
I can't cry but...i do sometimes

And then i lose inspiration
and unfortunately i end this poem
cuz i forgot what to say
Luca Abate Feb 2016
This world, is disgusting.
Filled with wild beasts
whom we walk with and upon
everyday.
Beasts in disguise,
vile ignorance,
they horrify me.
I'm also a beast
and i hate my kind.
I have something different
something the other ones dont have
I dont know what it is
nor will i ever
But it's there
as a weapon
and a blessing
Why Humans have the cruel hand
Luca Abate Feb 2016
Fast boiling heat
Passes like a bullet
But with more pain
More suffering
Burns down to the bone
And past bone and flesh
To the soul
Burns and blood
A hot mess
Luca Abate Feb 2015
Her eyes are the most beautiful things here
They start to fill up with tear
But only when I'm around her
So It's best I leave my dear

© Luca Abate
Luca Abate Feb 2016
Yesterday was too much,
I don’t want any more
The only thing I see now is
This stone floor-cold city,
The core of these rows
An institution for dying flesh
Joy-sterilized by apathy
Monotonous death-bringing concrete

My heart barely beats
I get nauseated when moving

[Sample from a Swedish children’s show:]
“A hermit, what does this say? a hermit wants to live alone, he can’t stand the sights or sounds of other people”
“I’ve reached a conclusion, there’s no place for me in this world”
“My book isn’t for sale, and I don’t want to be disturbed by anyone. Good bye”

A soul colored like ashes
A city, a block of misery
Continuous woe

I love you
Song by Lifelover
Luca Abate Feb 2015
It is true indeed that you do not know me
As I do not know you
But when I first saw you
My mind's senses were altered
Odd, as you've done nothing wrong to my knowledge
But it's as if I foresee a rude awakening in your eyes
Your spiritual stench draws me near as you walk towards that girl
A beautiful girl she is indeed
Then why must you suddenly attack her?
The words fired from your mouth
Invisibly pierce through her chest
Your friends begin to laugh
You feel proud
Cause' your a man
You make fun of women without second thoughts
Because you don't care what other people think
That is what being a man is all about right?
Making innocent girls cry
As they flee to a dark spot where they bleed from the wrists
I bet you feel like a manly man, don't you?
You're a sick *******, that's what you are
In fear your words may hurt another, I continue to follow you around
There, those two boys at there lockers, you close in on your prey
Although you restrain from using your words
I learned shortly after, because you wanted to use your actions
How are those boys mothers going to feel
When their little boy comes home with a black eye
Oh but wait!
A manly man doesn't care what others think!
They even disrespect their own mothers!
Why manly man?
Why must have you hurt those boys
Because they were homosexual?
I have news manly man
Love, knows no gender
I've had enough
I'm fed up with you manly man!
Your heart is as cold as the night!
And your only goal is to show others that too!
Not if I can stop it, manly man
You just wait and see
I'll make sure you never walk again
Or even better
I'll make sure you'll never use your body again
I'll make it a package deal and take out your voice too!
No more words, no more limbs, I'll leave you crippled and mangled
But I'm sure you'll be fine
I mean, after all, you are a manly man
Right?
But I'll let you live, you know why?
Because I'm a real man
And I stick up for others, and I respect my mother
I respect girls, boys, blacks, whites
But never someone like you

© Luca Abate
Luca Abate May 2015
Red, flows the rivers of blood
Escaping from my arm and wrist
All memories of course
Since i refuse to pick up the blade

But the longer i stare at the healing scars
The greater my temptation grows
A violent addiction
Like a lion in a cage

The strange urge is kept away yet another day
And for that I am grateful, but for what?
Surely it won't hurt to go at it again
The wounds heal, the scars fade, no?

Never the less, I won't do it
I've come to far, to throw my towel
And in all of this, my friends
I believe there's a message to receive

If you are to find me
With the monster's claws on my arm
Then truly you will know
Something is very wrong

© Luca Abate
Luca Abate Jun 2015
If there was a way to stop my blood
Build a dam next to my heart
To stop my broken emotions from flood
I'd much rather die alone
Eternal youth means nothing to me

My loneliness eats me away
And I'm reminded everyday
The hopelessness so strong...overpowering
Enough to change who you are
As it did to me

A different person is what I am
****** up is what I am
Angry is what I am
Depressed is what I am
Anxious is what I am
Worthlessness… nearly a character wearing my skin

Others inform me otherwise
But you know as well as I
Words are nothing, show me something
I need support as much as I want

I long to love
Unfortunately seeming impossible
As self-esteem is brainwashing
Yet convincing enough, that you're "incompatabl"
Therefore I fear no one will reach out to me

Heart to heart
Hand to hand
Somebody show me this passion
Quickly…please
This probably came from my depressive side, sometimes I'm just not happy
Luca Abate Feb 2015
violent thoughts
broken feelings
execration
as i walk this earth
no release
from what's built inside
i try to fight it
through living lies
how can this be
everyone just makes me sick
when will the pressure
build up so high
that i can no longer
keep it inside of me
the struggle inside
that plagues me
will be released
upon the human race
Song by Harm's Way
Luca Abate Feb 2015
Let the blood from your forehead
Trickle down your face
So you can witness
The Thinners Of The Herd

© Luca Abate
Dedicated to Code Orange
Luca Abate Feb 2015
your precious time ends now
others will see your distress
you filthy disgusting cow
i'll make sure your body will be left a mess

your life shall end at the end of a noose
or shall i go for a more painful approach?
have blood flow from your back like juice
crush your throat under my foot like a roach

do you understand how badly i want you to die?
i'm going to crucify you somewhere where everyone will see
just why your nowhere as good as me

         © Luca Abate
Luca Abate Feb 2016
I have committed suicide already, it's just all on the inside

— The End —