Liz Carlson

Liz Carlson Jul 2019

dear one,
my heart breaks at the thought of you.
you deserved to live,
but that right was taken away from you.
God made you to become something, someone great.

I know you're safe in Heaven,
but I still see your life being taken away so vividly and painfully.
I'm sorry, dear one.

I wish I could have done something,
but your mom's mind was set.
maybe she was scared or felt stuck,
maybe she felt like there wasn't another option.

still,
your life is now gone.
all you could have been is gone.

you never got to experience all the joys and pains of life.
you never got to speak your first word, see your first sunset, graduate high school, go on your first date, get married, or have your own family.

i'm so sorry, dear one.
my heart aches for all you could've been.
i love you,
sweet one.

#pain #sad #death #love #family #life #abortion #child #children #baby

Liz Carlson Jun 2019

the times

My, how everything has changed.
Younger me wouldn't even recognize who I am now.
Is that good or bad?
I can't be sure.

Friends I thought I'd never lose,
I'm now watching slip away.

New friends take my hand and join me on this wild ride.
I'm the one to initiate conversations, who am I?

I have guy friends, and I love them so.
Some guys even have feelings for me, but never the right ones.
Still, little me would be in awe.

I thought I would've figured out this faith thing by now,
but sure enough, it's still a struggle.

I've overcome so much, yet peace rarely overcomes my soul.
I sure wish it would, though.

#change #grown #growth #growingup #time

Liz Carlson Jun 2019

Faithful God

Lord, thank you.
You've shown me once again Your faithfulness and love for me.

I prayed a simple prayer in the morning air with desperate lips.
No more than a week later, you started answering it.

You've brought new joy, peace, and laughter in my life.
New men that have taught me that I'm valued and worthy of love and affection.

Thank you, Lord, for these new friends and your love for me.

I pray that You'd keep my heart pure.
Keep these friendships simple and sweet.
No alternative feelings or complications.

Let us be glad in the joy of friendship, and let that be enough for my wandering heart.

Keep my intentions true, Father, and protect us as we grow closer.
Cover us with wisdom and prudence as we move forward.

Thank you, Lord.

#god #christian #friendship #prayer #promise #faithful #guy #guys #boys #identity

Liz Carlson Jun 2019

t

Your diligence scared me off at first
So focused and intense
No time for anyone else.

But then I met the softer you
The you who listens
Who observers
Who lights up the room

That's the you I liked

Despite what others said about you
I gave you a shot

Maybe I expected too much
But is it too much to ask for someone to feel the same?

They say you're closed off
You can't make friends
You hide behind your work

Though it's all true
I see more to you

I see a driven man
Prepared for the future
Hurt by the past
Weary of new faces
Scared of them leaving you behind,
Alone and broken.
Like before.

I stuck around and tried to get to know you
I endured the awkward silences
The moods you'd get in
And at a certain point
I gave up.

Looking into those blue eyes still makes me smile
I laugh at everything you say, even if it's truly not funny
My heart still flutters when your hand draws near to mine

But I know this isn't right.
Maybe someday, but not today.

You need to grow.
You need to move out.
Find your calling
Try something new

I need to learn to love properly
And grow in myself
And I'm leaving soon.

So here we are.
I see you twice a week, if not more, and try to be your friend.
Sometimes it's easy
But when you talk to a new girl,
My eyes can't help but wander over to you two.

I know it'll just take time
But that's something I'm not good at
Waiting
Wanting
Watching
But here I am.

#love #crush #relationship #single

Liz Carlson Apr 2019

.a. pt II.

i don't know what to do with us.
talking is a painful reminder of all that we lost,
and all that we could have been.

but not talking, doesn't seem right either.

you were a constant in my life for so long,
and now we're just drifting apart at sea.

maybe it's time,
but that doesn't seem to make it any easier.

was it all worth it?
i'm not sure.
would i do it all over again?
probably.

#*** #boy #love #crush #breakup #dating #friend #relationship #over #lost

Liz Carlson Apr 2019

.a.

for a millisecond i thought i missed you.
i thought i'd made the wrong choice
to let you go.

but in reality,
i miss how you made me feel.
i miss the phone calls until the early hours in the morning.
i miss the endless laughter and sarcasm between us.

despite the greatness that was our friendship,
anything more than that wouldn't have ended well,
i hope you see that one day.

God brought us together for a few years,
but now we're headed into different directions,
and holding on any longer,
would have lead to even greater heartache.

#relationship #lost #friends #friendship #bye #life #god #love #dating #breakup

Liz Carlson Apr 2019

Untitled

That wasn't how I thought it'd go.
I'm left feeling useless and confused.
Why do we text all the time, if you can't even form a sentence on the phone?

Pure silence filling the room and my heart.
Maybe you were upset and tired,
But you could have at least tried, that's all that I ask,
for you to try to get to know me.

Maybe they were right about you.
You haven't figured out life yet,
and you don't seem to be trying.
You complain about life,
yet you do nothing to change it.
Maybe you were right about you.
You constantly putting yourself down,
Me constantly trying to encourage you,
But maybe all this time, you were right.

Once again, my wanting to see the best in people puts a knife in my back.
I guess this is what I get for being kind.

That

#friend #relationship #love #like #call #phone #text #broken #lonely #sad