Waking up to a heavy chest
My body begging me to sleep again
And my anxiety begins the second I realize I'm alive
I'm trying to learn to function
With all of this negative energy inside me
I know it'll pass and
I know it'll get better
But right now it hurts
I feel unloved
Unloveable
I feel lost inside myself
A place I can't stay too long
Before I lose my mind
I can tell myself I'm worth it and
That my worth isn't defined by others
And it works for a bit
Until something else comes up and
My heart loses its energy
And I either feel like giving up
Or ready to fight everyone

Freud says tattoos
Are
The Manifestation
Of a
Trauma

Every point
A
Separate pain
We
Have
Suffered

It took
Two
And a
Half
Hours

To complete
The
Diary
Of my
Trauma

And half a million perforations

To convert
Those
Memories
Into something

New

And

Beautiful

To finally
Let go
Of the past

you will never be forgotten.
ever.
your name twisted into metaphors and colors and distractions will forever
be painted across pages and pages of her favorite brand of notebook,
no matter how many she burns
there will always be one she forgot,
and she will only find it once she had almost forgotten you.
she will find the one Papyrus notebook
and all of your metaphors and colors and disractions will come flooding back,
just like how the ocean in your eyes
flooded her heart all those years ago.

How long can an affection last?
How long can one ride a jeep?
How many times can a person shift from a jeep to another?

Would you ride along with me?
Would you accompany me?
If you do, would you sit beside me?

I felt you beside me...a strand of hair, perhaps
I wonder if you felt my goosebumps;
I'm rubbing my arms for you not to feel it...

All of those were mere imagination,
It's a long shot
How can you be beside me if you were the one driving?
How could've I felt you, if I never rode shotgun

Lastly, how would you feel me if I'm still riding the previous jeep;
And I only saw you from afar and thought, perhaps we could be...something amazing, something beautiful, something that could last

I stay late,
Wake up early
Waiting for something to happen,
Waiting for things to be better
Then I asked myself,
"Is this right?"
If you want something,
Go get it!

Not all things will fall at you,
You go digging for treasures

Walking
Wandering
Thinking

As I continue moving
Here, it's all spinning
Spiraling into my doom

I am lost
Floating into my own madness
It's killing me

I want to fall
I want to fly
Anywhere,
Just not floating

Bad or good
I just want something new

I want a new universe to explore
I want to get out of my "home"

Am I already blinded by Earthly things?
Or is this what it's supposed to be?

I walked home
With my suit and tie
About a few kilometers from where I was

Looking straight ahead,
Because I'm scared of ghosts or "spirits"
I walked fast, brisk-walked;
Scared of people that might harm me,


I slowed down,
Walked normally
Then,
Slowly,
Slowly, and
Slowly,
I stopped.
Paused for a moment,


Why be scared of something you created?
Why be scared of your thoughts?
Why be afraid of scenarios you made?

Lastly,
I looked at myself,
From top to bottom,
I told myself,
"Suit and tie, baby"
Got nothing to be scared about, **CONFIDENCE

I used to be a vehicle with such fuel to go on,
To go places where I thought was unreachable;
I have this fuel, a special one

I used to be this vehicle who moves steadily with strong force,
Though you are strong, this vehicle is weak,
But still, we moved somewhat steady;
Because of that "strong" force

Now, it's just a vehicle, a weak one;
One that cannot go on,
One that lost the force,
One that lost the fuel,

How can this vehicle accelerate now?
How can this move forward?

A 'me' that lost 'you' is,
lost,
stopped,
Immovable

A revolution is almost done,
And your light still shines upon me,
And I'm still looking for it

And each rotation made
I long for you
I need the light,
The warmth, that you gave me

But what can I do,
I'm just a moon
Waiting for you to shine upon me,
To give light to this world

A moon that wandered elsewhere,
Now desperately looks for a sun

Well it seems that all those days,
All those nights
They were worth it

You now bloom as a beautiful daisy
You look ever- lovely

Now you'll give smiles to everyone
And not just shine on me
I know that you're too beautiful,
For me to pick and keep

My days of watering you is done
I can sadly say I've lost the 'one'

There will be someone...
That'll be your 'sun'