You want me to steep myself in your fantasy
Like a bag of tea
But I am not a bag of tea.
I cannot make your dull story any more tasteful
I cannot be the woman of your dreams.
I will not make you any better
Because I am not a bag of tea.
Soak me in scalding water
I refuse to let myself go
I refuse to let anything seep
I am bitter and sheltered
And certainly not your cup of tea
I cannot soothe you to sleep
Or give you the energy you need
I will not nurse you back to health, becoming your new home remedy
**Because I am not a bag of tea.

Maybe this is the reason for my obsession with the sea
Throw me in, the tide will pull me under and yet I want to be submerged
I want my skin to soak up the water and become dry from the excess salt
I am the ocean as the ocean is me
With every churning wave, my heart lurches in sync
When anger boils up in my core, you will see a storm on the horizon

The wind, constantly driving me forward

Best friends with the sun and sand,
Every white cap slapping the shore
Is just the noise of colliding hands
As the gentle push and pull of the tide slowly rocks me to sleep
I begin to dream about my undoubted obsession with the sea

I envy those who can eat without conscience
I long for the infamous day when "things will get better"
I strive for an impossibility that I can feel within my reach
I expend the necessary energy to achieve a negative net
My mind rattles with number and limits
Counting the minutes 'til my next meal
Portion control and restrictions
Fighting the urges of binges
They say I'm just skin and bones
But what I see is all I'll know

And then the memories came flooding back
A tidal wave just relentlessly knocking me off my feet
A constant reminder of being alone
When these songs were my only friend
The only thing keeping me here
staying with me while I heave torrential sobs in the dead of night
Calming my nerves when everything became too much
Helping me get through good and bad days alike
Screaming what I could never say
Holding me together when all I could do was fall apart
It was and forever will be the glue keeping me intact

I said I'm ******* fine
But you never asked in the first place
I'm not ******* fine
But you believed me, now how does this tatse?
This blood on your hands
Spilled from veins
Washed away with bleach
Let's cover it up
Cause nothing's ever as it seems
Paint a smile
On a canvas of pain
They hate you now, but now it's "what a shame"
Where were the compliments
When I was around to hear them
Your words could've lifted me up
But not up from the grave
I'm so sorry
So sorry I couldn't make the grade

To be perfectly honest,
You went from my whole world to not even a part of it
I'd never admit I miss you
Put on a brave face around you
Make you think everythings okay
But my insides are crumbling with the need to see you again
To touch your skin
To be in your current interest

To be perfectly honest,
I feel as though a certain ***** has been ripped out of me
Somewhere near where my heart used to be
There is a gaping hole growing bigger every minute I don't see you.
I know where it is
It's in the palm of your hand
And the further apart we are
The less it starts to beat
I haven't seen you in so long
I'm really missing your embrace
I told myself I was strong
That it was just a crush
That I didn't need you
But if that was true, then why am I hurting so much?
I refuse to allow myself to cry
I must stay strong
but "staying strong"are just words
Words you say when you don't want to get involved
They're intangible
And often unintelligible
They hold no meaning nor volume
Just two-dimensional scapegoats and
To be perfectly honest, I'm just really ******* missing you

I'll give myself away
Throw away everything I've known
I'll change myself if youll stay
I dont want me if you go

Take my soul
Take my life
They're nothing without you
Take my goals
Take our nights
I have nothing left to do

I'll sit here rotting away
Like I did
Before you brought me
Back to life
I'll just sit here
Waiting
With no day and no knight

These calories have made their way into my dreams
A place where I used to feel comfortable
Like anything could happen and I was, for the most part, optimistic
They've infected my subconscious and now
I'm not allowed to have that imaginary meal for fear
It may put on some imaginary weight.

I used to say you were the only thing that consumed my sleep
But I'd be lying if I say that this isn't an increasing occurrence, these numbers
These numbers, always in the forefront of my mind
Never leaving me alone for a moment to think
With infected sleep, there's no safe place for me
No place to run from these numbers, these *calories

There was an army of ants in the plastic plants
So I poured light through a magnifying glass
And I created a fire on the artificial grass

They scurried and hurried
with flames on their backs
Like soldiers on a hopeless plain,
searching for invisible barracks

And I sighed as they died,
because we are all the same:
Scurrying and hurrying from invisible pain

Go away girl, go away
and let me pack my dreams
Now where did I put those yesteryears
made up with broken seams
Where shall I sweep the pieces
my God they still look new
There's a taxi waiting at the door
but there's only room for you