We set a paper ship
upon the waters
in hope it will never know a storm
we have bared of our past
In hopes that maybe to gather
they could fair better than us
as clear skies graced our thought
now storm clouds loom heavy.
It's never as we planned
but never our fault.

Those paper ships slip
from between our fingertips
before we are ready to set sail
We watch them bob
upon traitorous waters
standing upon stormy land
and know only,
when they are lost at sea
that our casting off
has failed

Under moonlit nobility gets beyond our controls and storms
we seldom grasp, the ships sink faster than the images we have lives since painted within our thoughts.
It all comes full circle in the end

Full circle begins
when weeping upon a midnight beach
waiting for the debris to float in
To sit upon the sand
and not understand
how paper boats can't float
without sails
We set them out upon stormy seas
Hoping them fine and fair weather
only to see them smashed upon the shore
with no guidance from above
just a single feather
Buried deeply in their chest
a single hope
they could fly
now they lay broken
upon a distant shore
dying under a whisper
of... *I tried

Taking your life was the most selfish and selfless thing I have ever done and will ever do. Oliver and I, we shared the mutual consensus that no one in the world had ever loved us as much as we loved each other. Moreover, we understood one another; we shared the commonalty of unstable upbringings, of neglect, and most pertinently, of loneliness.

We’d dually been abused, rejected, and abandoned by those who were supposed to be our caretakers and guardians and parents. Perhaps, that in itself was how we’d grown such an indestructible bond.

And yet.

I saw a glint of a monster inside of you. The previous night. A manifestation of the horrors you’d faced, suddenly channeled through you. From that moment onward, I began to understand the truth. All of the anguish you’d survived may one day define you. One day, the innocence would be gone and in its place, the product of your childhood would be born.

On the last morning of your life, who you were, was living proof of good. Proof that a person could exist so pure, and kind to the very core. The best and most honorable person in my life. The only friend I’d ever known. I wanted to preserve your memory; a perfect relic, never to be tainted by the evil which would one day consume you.

I knew that as you lived, you were the only entity I’d felt genuine compassion for. The only human I’d ever loved. The only person in the whole world who could ever hurt me. That vulnerability ran like
poison through my logic.

And so, I resolved.

I was in a strange place most call it Florida the land of sweltering heat and bad choices .
I had no friends to speak of I was alone afraid but not naked unlike those ******'s on TV .

Hey **** **** the rude oversized man yelled at me from my comfy usal sleeping place underneath the booth .

What did I ******* tell you bout sleeping in this place ?
Umm honestly dude I was to drunk to remember that and I was far to busy trying to pick up your sister man she's gotta great rack your family must be so proud.

look ******* I'm tired of your **** and smart mouth every night its the same old **** with you .
You get blasted insult half the place then crawl off and try to sleep making me have to beat your *** and toss you out the door you ever get tired of getting slapped around?

Well now that you put it that way it does seem like a vicious cycle
but hey I mean does your sister ever tire of turning tricks in the restroom to help pay for your *** change ?

The over sized bouncer seemed slightly upset at that last comment as his steroid fed veins popped up on his neck wow he must be really ******* guess it truly would matter to someone who cared .

You ******* I'm going beat the **** out of your drunken *** .
I just love it when you talk **** sweetheart but why not skip the foreplay I mean sure who doesn't enjoy some heavy petting and **** grabbing maybe a sloppy kiss or two I'm kidding only women dig that **** men don't need to set the mood usually.
Hey want to ****?
Works just fine ah romance isn't it grand?

The muscle bound frustrated weight lifter was on the verge of blowing a gasket but I never judge a man by his ****** preference I mean seriously I went to college I mean  I didn't study there or anything but hey at those drunken frat parties its not like anyone noticed I didn't belong .
Besides the jocks were far to busy trying to ******* the cheerleaders .

Yeah remind me never to dress up like a cheerleader again on Halloween .
And never tell a football **** you used to be a tight end
that **** hurt but enough with memory lane darlings .

My ******* dance partner slash sleep interrupting bouncer ******* .
Was licking his chops just imaging the thought of twisting my spine in several directions  .

Sure  he may not have been smart but when you bench press a small car and stand seven foot tall does it truly ******* matter?

For a second my buzz wore off and allowed something I seldom have to slip back into my thoughts .
Common sense cause the thought of being turned into a human basket ball truly didn't sound all that alluring

Look Conan sure you can get all  riod raged over my lack of respect for the rules but much like ******* who own this site you will learn its best to ignore me and bury my work while eight year olds trend ripping off pop songs  .
And yes kids that's what we call a dig  don't worry  its far from the last .

I mean sure we can fight you can break my bones bruise my ego but one way or the other I will probably surprise you much like your parents did when they informed you weren't really there's.
I mean most people want to wash the **** off them the gorillas at the zoo throw at them .
Where your mom cleaned it up took it home and named it whatever the hell your name is.

You ******* loud mouthed ***** that's it no more talking lets do this .
There wasn't any reasoning with this unhappy muscle monkey .
Guess my charm was lost in his lift heavy things up then put them down logic .

We went into the alley along with half the people that were in the bar apparently they truly were starved for entertainment.
That and they wanted to see me be murdered.
Tuff crowd must have been something I said .

Kick his ******* *** Frank! One guy yelled .
Yeah break his jaw Franky another woman said .
Don't worry this is going to be a cake walk guys.

The bouncer said as he pounded his fist into his hand a few times .
For all his puffing up he seemed perplexed why I  hadn't even taken off my glasses or put down my beer for that matter .

I just viewed him getting more and more angry as I laughed .
Only further enraging him more .

What the ******* laughing at ******!!!
You really really sure you want to do this big guy?
Yeah stupid why you think I'm out here ?

Honestly I thought for a change of atmosphere maybe the smell of some fresh garbage in the air.

Just shut the **** up the talk ends now!!!

He walked forward his hands clenched but was thrown off as I put my hands up .
I just got to say before this sorry .

What the hell are you talking bout you stupid ******* ?
Well sorry cause it's really going to hurt there big guy .

Yeah when I crush your skull you got that right *******!.

No silly muscle man my surprise.
He laughed looking at me as if I were  half insane almost puzzled much the way most people view me .

What ******* surprise !?

I took a nice long sip of my bourbon and coke .
Well big guy your standing in a puddle of **** and I got a police issue tazer .

He didn't even have a chance to look down as he would have noticed the little red dot on his chest .

Oh **** was all that the mountain of a man muttered as his body was lit up like a Christmas tree.

The thud sounded like a old oak hitting the ground .
I kept pulling the trigger as he flopped around like a fish outta water .
The crowd looked at me with a sense of disgust the old woman who had cheered on the want to be pro wrestler to break my neck  .

Looked at me and said you are a no good cheat .
Why thank you my drunken washed up old **** of a friend .

They all began to head back into the bar as I left the human boulder laying in a puddle of **** .

Remember children never fight fair always fight to win.

Fin.

“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.”
That's Arthur C. Clarke.
My wife always believed we are not;
She was convinced we are not alone.
11 months ago,
My sweet wife said to me,
“Wouldn’t a pair of tiny feet
Pattering around the house
Sound so sugary sweet?”
10 months ago,
The doctor told me how
My count was pretty low and
Asked my wife about a bike accident
From when she was 10.
My wife cried a little, and then
At home, she cried
More than I’d ever seen her.
“I don’t want to be alone,” she said,
But I told her we’re never alone,
As long as we have God.
She told me, in one of the worlds out there,
We are complete.
The ‘S’ in universes keeps her hopeful,
And content.
8 months ago,
I sat in the waiting room
With my sweet wife who had
Been puking and aching for weeks.
The doctor called it a miracle
And said our lonely days were gone.
My wife said she was glad
We weren’t going to be alone,
With just her and me.
7 months ago,
My wife ate right, and exercised,
And sang to her belly, and
Did all of the things
She was told to do;
But it was not enough, because
1 month ago,
My wife — my sweet, lovely wife —
She tripped on the staircase-
That last creaky step I swore I’d fix-
And fell, and bled and bled.
The doctor said he was sorry,
That my wife, she’d be okay, but
That there was nothing to be done
About the young one.
My wife cried much more
Than she had cried 4 months before.
She said she didn’t want to be alone.
“But we are not alone,”
I held her and I said,
“We have God in our midst,
we are not alone.”
A week ago,
I put out a sign
That declared ‘Garage Sale’
(Unabashedly, as if mocking us)
And lay out a motley of miniature clothes and objects-
Unused cribs and
Tiny, unworn shoes.

One day ago,
I said all the right things,
And loved and supported her,
And held her through her tears, but
Right now, as I cry
More than I’ve ever cried before,
And ask why I couldn’t be enough,
She is packing up her trunk,
Saying she can’t take it, saying
*“I just want to be alone.”

I don't know how
To tell you why
The days move slow
And so do I
Drawn out in your parlor
I am drunk off a memory
I am drink off the thought of putting my fist straight through your head
I can't forget any word of what you said
Honest open I showed you my world and you promised
You promised
But I'm the one you wanted to fill the void no I'm not the one you needed
I was your toy
And the date is set
The bed is made
Your heart is set
And I shouldn't have stayed this long
I'm just too busy picturing a 1000 forms of revenge
While you're too busy talking about the lines of your new dress
Spinning twirling the focus of the party
You talk over me and I sit complacently ready to tear you apart
You took root in my heart and walked away time after time after time
But the difference is that I'm big enough to recognize what fault is mine
So I'm seasick listening to the harrowing details of your relationship with god
All your devoted disciples sit at your feet so isn't it odd that
My fingernails are digging into the inside of my palms
Isnt it strange that
I'm acting like something is wrong
But as you continue to spit **** to all our mutual friends at somebody else's birthday party
I've decided that I will let you have no part of me
And so it's 2am and I'm coming clean in your doorway
I'm a mess of track marks and contraditctions but all I can say is
You're not my fix
No you're not my fix anymore
You're not my fix
I'm not your girl anymore
The date is set but I'm not coming around
No I'm not coming around anymore.

..still waiting for it
clinging onto the last vestige
of hope
pretending to be sane
waiting for closure
and deliverance from pain