I ran and asked the ghost woods
How much to be free
Tell me what is
And what was

Hurt me with dead words
Make a prison without love

How much to be free

There is no sacrifice
No limbs for shelter
Show them what is
And what was
Show them how to surrender

I ran and asked the ghost woods
How much to be free

You let your demons be known
You gave them names
And made them your home
I stared while most looked away
I dove in so deep
I nearly drowned
And when I caught my breath
Heartache was all I found
I had to send my demons away
But sometimes they whisper
Come out and play
You don’t understand who I’ve become
We’re on different levels
Though neither has won
I could sit next to you
And still know what to say
I visit you in my mind
But I never stay

Give me little pieces of laughter
and stained glass hearts
We are mosaics of color
hurt by broken shards
that we glue together
Like bits of tiny stars
Give me pieces of patience
and hope measured in yards
Give me the fire that transforms
us into what we are

Dilute us down
Delude us too
The solvent isn’t solving anything
Only making us lose
We are water and bone
Soul and unknown
Chemicals compound
Then break and disbound
Solutions splattered
Spineless tattered
Our volumes broken
Experimental fools

I try to remember yesterday
When I thought about tomorrow
All the paths in front of me
with dreams I could borrow
I longed to be limitless and perfect in my sorrow

Will I regret my collage of memories
when the lights go out
will I sell myself a story
a novella of nothing
so I can avoid human doubt

No one knows
But some believe
Round and round
When it’s your turn
you let go and leave

When you know
and you don’t speak
that evil dilutes
your truth
Eroding
Decaying
People are pawns
Someday the Queen will fall
And when the kingdom is made of bones
there will only be dust for you to stick your head into

Certain things matter
Most do not
Movements in the water
Tsunamis of the heart
Global rubble
Mind junk
People focus on themselves
Not each other
Earthquakes in the dark
Certain things matter
Angry ants storming the hill
Blind bees swarming the hive
We are natural disasters
And create our own demise

The altruistic traveler
Will always circle worlds
But will never find a home

Bleed out or
Bleed into one
Some have served their time
Some have just begun
We keep fighting
But no war has been won
Bleed out or
Bleed into one

Shout out or
Scream that it's done
Some read the signs
Some bite their tongues
White noise can be silenced
with a gun
Shout out or
Scream that it's done

Bleed out or
Bleed into one
Some are left behind
Some don't know how to run
Cover their eyes
Black out the sun
Bleed out or
Bleed into one

And when he looks down upon us
Can any say they were justified
and they won?

My heart bleeds out and is done

I told you

I know what you know

Even though it hurt

But you don't know what I know

And never will

the Machine that is me
is a little twisted
the cogs overwork themselves
creating production pods of hurt
wires get crossed
my mouth glitches
and spArks fly

when I die
maybe I can ask why
I'm defeCtive
placed here to suffer

I could put my trust in god
or in the motHer
I could look to the stars above
like the old models
did they have it any better?

take your pill
just get greased
talk about baseball
polItics
moNey
be a good machine

I'd rather rust and rot and fall asleep
my machine is brokEn
or this world is

the days are generic like cheap beer
fade in and out and disappear
I drink them down
like they are
champagne and caviar dreams
these days
nothing is as it seems
I just expect
the rub
the bruise
the burn
the wisest fool
with nothing to learn
I hold out my heart
it's right here on my sleeve
such a
pretty
useless
silly thing
there is no new thing that is under the sun
another beer and the day is done

What did I do today?
Not enough
I didn't pray
I sat in a bar and wasted my life away
I didn't think about helping anyone but me
I am human and living in dichotomy
I don't want to write
I don't want to be a poet
I want to be ignorant of this world though I know it
What did I do today?
Nothing and everything
It ends the same way
The sun goes down
My eyes close and the world sleeps in its sin
The sun comes up
And I ask myself this question again

The capacity for love
I'm filled with it
It's in my every bone
It's in my every move
It hits on every nerve
It's in everything I do

And with so much love
there is so much hurt.

What have we become?
we trust and depend on no one
we just think about ourselves
we are all offended and blaming someone else
like savages choosing sides
throwing insults and thumping signs
internet surfing and asking life's meanings
Where is God?
Who is Becky?

you are different
I must hate you
I am perfect
I am special

hours turn into days
days into years

there is no breathing when you are living fear

we are different but feel the same pain

inside that toilet stall we all **** the same

We've sent each other over 8,000 messages.
Some were silly.
Some were sweet.
Some were boring.
Some turned me on like crazy.
Some really made me insanely angry.
But I can't bring myself to hit delete.

The heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wants you.

The brain knows what the brain knows and my brain speaks truth.

My heart has taken over.
I'm on autopilot.
And you're the fuel.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
I'm going to crash and burn.
I let go of the wheel.

The heart wants what the heart wants.
It ignores truth.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
I'm crashing over you.

When does ambition become greed?
When does need become self-indulgence?
When does therapy become whining?
We all want to be special.

Pretty Perfect Life Entrepreneurs.

Is it really human nature to not accept what we are?
An idealist can never handle problems that are hard.
A narcissist sees no problem at all.
And we all become recycled trash in a philosophical junkyard.

It's all or nothing
There is no happy medium
There is no lucky normal
It's not one or two dimensional
It's intergalactic existential
My mind is a spinning universe
Imploding with each new scenario

And I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings

head trauma
a finale to the played out drama
the bandages are about to come off
and you can't make it stop
you will have to look at what's underneath
the person you were fine with leaving to sleep

sad sleeping beauty
trapped in a cocoon of misery

she took back her hope
and now the fallout is going to make you choke
the fat lady's singing "that's all she wrote"
I won't suffer anymore of your
head trauma
sick games twisted plays fear and barter
the cuts have healed the burn has peeled
I've been reconstructed to let myself feel
and I don't have to deal with you
any longer

A lone observer I am
But in my mind
In my head
There are more colors than can ever be counted
And I paint pictures of you

He surprised me with flowers
The way I felt about him was already a surprise
Like finding home and being welcomed inside
Calming like lavender
His smile made me feel sunny yellow
He held me in warm orange
that turned deep red like a rose
He let me go before the flowers wilted
Another surprise
I've never hated flowers before.

Control

You don't have it
But won't let go
You made me less than a person
Bullied and belittled
Just a dumb whispering girl

You took my spark
You killed my heart
You fed on me
I was a zombie
with no control

You hate that I got it back
and I'll never it let go

blurring a line
defining an edge
I have to find a way
to make my colors blend
I'm only happy
when I'm me
and my canvas is black with complexity
I draw the lines
straight and clean
but sometimes that isn't
what is seen
blurring a line
defining an edge
I am alive through my pen
I work on my portrait endlessly
my cells are words
my blood a river of poetry
an unfinished work
an oeuvre of me

I left with nothing
and I could do it again
I learned how strong I am
I found my voice again
and you can't break me

Sometimes I wear anger, hate and spite
in a layer of ugly clothes
but I always cast them off
they don't permeate my soul
because you can't break me

I didn't want a war
but I'll fight til the end
I'm a ******* fox
I always find a hen
and you can't break me

You can wait to play the martyr
Cry like a babe needing it's mother
You can say I'm a *****
but I'll never be a liar
and you can't break me

I don't need money
I don't need fame
I don't need attention
I found myself
I know my name
and you can't break me

I'm in a funk
Let's get drunk
Let's scream and yell
and raise some hell
And when we're done
with our stupid fun
I'll turn and run
I'm a hang man hung
I love the beginning
though I know the end
Pain inflicted again and again

Let's get drunk
The ship is sunk
There is no reversal
I'm a skeletal vessel
Riding the storm
broken and torn
weathered and worn
nothing to mourn
The captain took my treasure
and then the rocks became my friends
I'm crashing against them again and again

Kick out the crutch
False fixes are always temporary bandages

Fit in

or breathe in your own skin
Shed the past
Don't let the snake skin choke like a net
Close your eyes
to what's outside your cocoon
The noise so loud you wish for a silent tomb
But don't give up
You'll be a butterfly soon

***.  *****.  Stuff.
This is poetry in the 21st century.
Can't.  Get.  Enough.
Humans are just selfish vices made up of flesh.

Snap.  Snap.
Dramatic Bass Line.
This is not a poem about how poetry is good.
This is a poem about how the poet doesn't care about the reader.
The poet wants to prove how smart he is.
Green.   Carpet.  Zebra.
Dramatic Bass Line.
Snap.  Snap.

You can't fill a hole in your heart with *****
or drugs
or ***
or expensive shoes
You can't stuff it with money
Fancy lies only make temporary glue
It will burst open even bigger than before
demanding
more
more
more
and take until there's nothing left of you

10:30AM in a gas station
on a Sunday
Her hair screams "walk of shame"
but her Michael Kors bag
keeps it classy
She's waiting for some greasy food
to fulfill her unmet nocturnal needs
I shouldn't judge her
Maybe she just has "hat head"
And I'm here buying toilet paper

My kid is better than yours
We live perfect lives
on our spotless floors
with our noses so high
they touch the vaulted ceilings
in our perfect house
on a perfect street
We are the Jones's
except I cry myself to sleep
My husband and I don't even speak
unless it's about our perfect darlings
who can do no wrong
We are a nuclear family
I'm just waiting for the bomb
Johnny's a bully and Mary's a brat
But no one will notice anything
but our greenbacks
I lost myself so long ago
I stopped keeping track
It's a beautiful life
And I'm the perfect wife

I am a house
with paint in ugly layers
of caked on hurt, ***** hate and manipulation
I'm scraping it off
strip by strip
to my foundation
and rebuilding my soul

I am the God of my own worlds
I produce pain
I am cruel
Love is rare
A precious jewel
I create it all on the page
Mined diamonds from my mind
Or ****** battles written in rhyme

I am the God
I say what's real
I am the author
I make you feel

We are small like specks of sand
Petals picked by wrinkled hands
Beyond the bounds of space and time
In a dream you'll always be mine

I'll find you in time
You'll always be mine

There might be nothing left of me
Or everyone will think I'm crazy
My existence is the eye of the storm
but in the eye of the rose our love is born

I'll find you in time
You'll always be mine

We would no longer see the stars
Only hear the beating of our hearts
I'll close my eyes and say goodbye
and know I have no reason to cry

I'll find you in time
You'll always be mine

Writers are *****
Writers are ******
Getting high off a mental fix
Arrogant-self-indulgent-I'm-Smarter-Than-You-Narcissists
Diag­nosing their own disorders no need for a therapist
Id-ego-super-ego-creating their own analysis:

Buy my book so I can feel (more) important!

Writers are *****
Writers are ******
******* out their minds doing word tricks
self-centered-egomaniacal -lunatics

Buy my book so I can feel (more) important!

when I get drunk
I think of you
so I get drunk
to have an excuse
to dwell in you
you're my muse
***** heartache
double shots of you

Sound the trumpets
Blare the horns
Let loose the rockets
I am reborn
No more limbo
And just hanging on
I'll never be the same
There's no telling what I'll become

Pop the champagne corks
Bang the drums
Hear the boom of the cannons
My life has just begun
No more maybe
And just hanging on
Life is for living
There's no telling what I'll become

I didn't think there were words that would make me stop loving you

And then you proved me wrong

You're not who I thought you were

You made up the words and we sang the song

It must be a joke

And the joke is on me

"I love her" is not in my vocabulary

What are you singing to her

A duet of lust never felt for me

The song written for another is the saddest form of poetry

I have dreams, not delusions.  Finally myself, not an illusion.

Moving against the current
It would be easy
to just let go
to not have to trudge along
every step harder then the last
I might be submerged
drowned by the deep unknown
Hope as small as specks of sand
that fall through my fingers
I'll keep moving along
holding my heart above me
shielding it from the waves
and if my bridges are burned
I'll build new ones

Seconds are kisses
Let's stop time
It's my enemy now
I want to live in this alternate universe
with movies, underwear and wine
Kisses are seconds
Let's dream divine
Movies are minutes
We are the actors
and our futures are boundless
Limitless our kisses will stop time