she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
she sets the stage
and pulls the puppet strings
but no one can touch hers
and when she gets bored
she packs up her playthings and goes home

selfish she
is plastic
without a heart
selfish she
is toxic
leaving her mark

a levy of limbs
a boudoir of bones
selfish she
plays her game
never lonely
but always alone

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
selfish she
laughs as she breaks her dolls

You're as
deep
as a
puddle.

And I'm
shallow enough
to still
*******.

It seems
my dreams
can't keep
well enough
alone

it's been
months since
I've thought
of you

and you
show up
feeling like
home

the dream you
is better than
the real deal

he makes me
think I
should go
back to sleep

the dream you
has never
left me

it seems
I can't keep
well enough
alone

you only love me in my dreams

in the dark
make your own light
open your eyes
shining
like moons
stars twinkling bright
a pale luminescence
a flicker that becomes fire

you're the dark
before dawn
you will rise
and the sun
will become your own

in the dark
make your own light
open your eyes
leading
like a beacon
lost ships of the night
a gleamed guide
a thought that becomes inspiration

you're the outcome
that hasn't begun
strike the match
and find
your way home

I want to
start over
something fresh
and brand new

Dewdrops kissing
the morning
describe my
thoughts of you

smells like
and tastes like
time to go home now

restless
senseless
time to go home now

falling
crawling
time to go home now

open
broken
**time to go home now

what would you
do to me
if I let you do
shiny, shine
pieces of you
injected
around my eyes
little folds of
my face
function to feel
pregnant with question
the primacy question
malfunctional
destructional
stitched together
survival
survive
patterns of red
mixtures of blue
me becoming
intertwining you
physical fight
as I bite
my own lip
hold it down
make it sick
what would you
do to me
if I let you do
blood red
pieces of you
pregnant with question
the primacy question

dysfunctional hands drenched in faith

Don’t expect a journey
But you can come along for the ride
I’ve left a trail of wreckage
That’s miles wide
And I’ll never let you inside
My heart’s been always broken
And I pretend and I lie
I’ll smile
While I rip your heart in two
It’s all I know how to do
Because mine was ripped apart long ago
Before I knew what love was
And the pain is now numb
I feel nothing for no one
Don’t expect a journey
But it’s fun on the ride
And this train’s running out of time
The next crash might be the one
When it all comes undone
You might be the one
Yea you might be the one

You're my bell
I hear your name
and lose control
you ring
without saying anything
I can hear it
like your whispering
a silent symphony
filling the hole
where my heart used to be
You're my bell
you take me there
without trying at all
effortless and simple bliss
healing this hole inside of me
You're my bell
but it is
my heart
that sings

Sometimes trees look
very big
with the wind
blowing their leaves
like teeth ready to eat
a small bird
They're not supposed
to be mean
They're supposed to
love and provide
give birds a home
in this cruel world
in some places
the ground is barren
there is nothing
as far as the eye can see
yet birds exist
strong
flying
I am that bird
without a tree

Tired
your eyes reflect
in a coffee cup
all the things
you've had to
overcome
pieces of burnt paper
breathed in your mouth
Staring
your hair falls
and covers your eyes
the cup is empty
and so are you

If you say
goodbye
my heart
will harden
as I know
that I
cannot be
without you
now
in my
picture of Heaven
resting in the
foyer of my hope

I don't let flowers bloom because I'm scared of weeds.

Snowflake, snowflake
fall to the ground
light and gentle
without a sound

Winter, winter
your air consumes me
in peaceful stillness
tranquil beauty

Cold, smooth stone
smooth like a hundred rivers
washed over
giving it shape
a long journey
of lost pirate ships in the deep
overgrown moss
like a carpet
under my feet
Cold, smooth stone
tell me
the tales of lovers
against your surface
the sun beating on you
and the moon
caressing your beauty
children dancing
using you as a stepping stone
Freckle-faced smiles
turning into serious eyes
campfires burning
enchanting legends of ghost stories
starry nights without sleep
Cold, smooth stone
tell me the
secret of reasoning
a thought, a mood, a moment
the feel of our skin connecting
laughter loud and in one voice
Cold, smooth stone
tell me the mysteries
of life.

I hate people
and their mouths
especially when my indiscretions
come bumbling out
and now they know
how much
you loved my mouth
last night.

two ships in a bottle
the colors of blue and purple
rain falling
into the ocean
pain into a bigger whole
atmosphere awaited
there I must go
the same notes again and again
lost souls
my lost friends
I want to rewind
let me go back to
lonely feeling
gray trees in November
candy coated moth *****
hard to swallow
hard to chew
my mouth is sour
and I miss you
three notes over and over
a cold October
messages washed into me
church bells singing
rocky sounds
blood hounds
barking
that time is playing its trick on you
distant sounds
that mean nothing
a pen that will not write
Dead.
memories that I try to remember
I must forget
your heart shaped locket
Miss Clare

There is a monster
inside me
that I inherited
from my father
The only thing
he's given me
I'd like to think I'm stronger
than that last drink
that puts me over the edge
that last drink
that makes everyone my friend
that last drink
that makes me slam and shout
that last drink
that lets the monster out

But I'm not.

There is nothing more exciting
than the perfume of your skin
I smell my hands
after caressing you
you are in
my eyes
nose
lips
I taste you on my tongue
sweet dew honey
heavy my eyes close
my head falls
under your spell
my armor unfolds itself
I am undone

Oh, you were a pretty girl
a happy, simple girl
dancing on brown, cracked linoleum
Oh, you were pretty
at the sweet age
when no one could harm you
at that sweet age
with your hair wrapped up in Christmas bows
Oh, you were pretty
The dust couldn't settle
in the corners of your face
the way it settled in the faded, green curtains
and the dirt couldn't cover the gleam in your eyes
the way it covered the old, broken pictures
Oh, you were a pretty girl
a happy, simple girl
dancing on brown, cracked linoleum
Oh, you were pretty

The pen
I hold
in my hand
weaves its web
of magic
round
my fingers
little electric shocks
that flow on paper
enchanted currents
that paint
the artist
in the world
as a dreamer
in a dream

just a few more words
get them out on paper
they need to come out
like blood on a razor

it makes me feel whole
it makes me feel clean

though I am neither
somewhere in between

just a few more words
until I feel better
maybe this time
it will last a bit longer
or maybe I'll write til my fingers bleed

Diamond rings
bring broken dreams
I hear the rain
and feel its sting
I play ignore and endure
until I can't take any more
no one will keep me chained
and I'm not scared of anything

Damaged pearls
fill this world
why must they change?
Rub out their flaws
but I still feel their scars
put them on fancy strings
and I'm not scared of anything

I don't need jewelry or make-up
to play cover-up
I don't need a man to tell me
I'm good enough
I don't need a king to rule
I'm the ******* Queen
and I'm not scared of anything

time wasted
a fool no longer
dreams hastened
sparks catch
and feed the fire

No more shadows on my back
No more spinning wheels
No more constant attack
I want a heart that can feel

Wars waged
a slave no longer
hope made
there is more to life than desire

No more shadows on my back
No more spinning wheels
No more constant attack
I want a heart that can feel

Beats broken
this glue works no longer
courage spoken
I will become stronger

No more shadows on my back
No more spinning wheels
No more constant attack
I want a heart that can feel

I wish I wasn't like you
spineless and broken
trying to pull through
angry at your slightest move
silenced and removed
I wish I wasn't like you
wearing a happy mask
being ruled by the past
and never forgetting who I am
all I feel is
permanent red
I wish I wasn't like you

Waves waving
in discretion
You're amethyst
in a doll's dress
glitter glittering
sliding with
the pendulum
Feet march
to tread to
the lockdown of me
they said
put her to rest
but that wouldn't
be enough
the waves are
still waving
stick the stick
to this
wedding cake fix
layer lay me
down in strips
sub sunset
on a color wheel
glitter glittering
like sand
touching
the waves waving
in discretion
and this is
stronger than
my will
this is the lockdown of me
they said
put her to rest
but that wouldn't
be enough

You invaded me
like a secret army
flipping switches
I didn't know existed
the battle was won
with all the lights on
a fluorescent surrender
to the commander
love foe
you ignored the show
vividly dimmed
you let me go
when I was eager
to become
your prisoner
call back your spies
transmitting heartbeats
of lies
they've built a blockade
around my heart
these soldiers still marching
make them depart
a remorse code
with no answer
quiet noise
against the fire
of the bombs still burning
your armies retreated
and not returning
I'm a nuclear wasteland
a sad spectacle show
while you've moved on
ready to conquer
another foe

I had a dream
that you weren't a fantasy
I had a dream
that you wanted me
late at night
don't know what to do
all alone
thinking of you
can't forget the words that you said
round and round
they play in my head
I had a dream
that you weren't a fantasy
I had a dream
that you wanted me

Why won't you wake up with me?

Tears
salty drops of transparent fears
hidden like ghosts in an attic
they fall down my face
in streams
and grow into rivers
of sadness
a deep blackness
growing deeper
Tears
have molded the lines
on my face
throughout the years
like the unseen scar
of my broken heart
and tears
wet reminders
of childhood fears
are my companion
as long as
we're apart

A man who thought he was
higher than God
walked on and on
through every town
A soldier to fate
he said you'll never forget my name
and his name lies fresh on my tongue
Like the blood from the first punch
his thoughts relied on greed
a man who thought he was
higher than God
a man to make men bleed

I want to be everything to you
But it won't be enough
The lynx keeps my secrets
She watches the world
As she guards my house on a cloud
Where you smile and say
You never left
You see through my illusions
As I stand in the warm summer rain
It pounds all around me
Announcing my rebirth
Your fingers catching little drops of water
Revealing me in their depths