How dare you think you have the power to take your own life.
You are loved,
you are worth it.

I once knew a girl
who loved with all her heart
who was happy in her skin
who thanked her mom everyday
who danced her problems away
and
cared about her future

Now I see that girl...
she is afraid to give her heart away
she hates her reflection
she yells at her mom and slams the doors
she keeps the pain inside
and
she smoked cigarettes and takes **** hits day after day.



if you look real hard
in the mirror you will find
the girl is inside

The feeling of love lost
the feeling of you gone.
I messed it up I really did.

We were happy
you were happy
I was depressed
dark, and sad.
you loved me tenderly
you were kind
you were one of a kind
my kind of man.

I thought it was too good to be true,
the last time we made love
I cried when we were through.
You were all mine and yet I was empty.
You loved me till the end of time but I lost something
So I wanted to find it,
but I didn't want you help.

I needed to figure this out alone,
but how could I tell
tell you all of this without sounding stupid,
without you taking me into love
so I lied

I told you I fell out of love.
I told you I felt nothing.
I told you to stay away from me.
You wanted one last kiss, I  gave you nothing.
You came around later that night,
you asked me            
if you should give up
I said yes
and I bit my lip
and you got in your car
and cried and left
and I sat on my street and watched you drive away
and I cried
and cried
and it was gone
our love was lost,
we were done
and I was lost.

I never quite found what I was looking for
but I know that I would have found it a lot faster
if I was with you.

How can you miss something
that was never yours
how can you want something that was forbidden?
I was taken
but you were there
your curly, dark, **** hair.

I was taken,
but you were not
you were rugged **** and hot.

you and I were close as can be,
close as can be with a boyfriend
a boyfriend who called and texted
until I iced up
swearing and yelling that I ****** up
I cheated
I kissed you
we ****** and I lied

little did he know
I wouldn't even sit by your side.
you were fragile, so fragile
I didn't want to touch you
I didn't want to shake you
or wake you from your living dream
I thought you would just break apart.
You big old mystery.
He didn't know I felt this way,
he suspected and he accused

Things unsaid,
things undone
you untouched,
me unloved.
unraveling feelings
unraveling thoughts

I thought I was happy,
so did he,
we loved each other long,
long and tenderly
It was familiar, it was safe.
He didn't know I wanted
all I didn't have

The weird thing is I was happy
and that's what makes this so bad.

You wouldn't be good, poisonous practically.
You were forbidden fruit, but I was hungry.

Now that you are gone
theres nothing I could do
I have a few regrets
one, was not reaching out and touching you.

I wake up
a shiver runs up my spine
because you are not there
to calm me back to sleep
to lull me back to dreams

I shiver because you are gone.

When someone is gone
it hurts your heart
the way no one can describe or compare
a different kind of hurt
you don't know it because it's their hurt,
their love
their memories
that have vanished from
their heart.


When someone is gone there is an empty spot in your day
there is something missing, that they do
there is something missing, that they say
there is something missing that you feel
it feels lonely and dark
sometimes it doesn't feel real.

the moment you know,
everything changes
they are here and gone in a flash.


your heart is heavy
your eyes are sore
your stomach is queazy
your legs are weak.

what do you do without your love
pray?
cry?
scream?

you have to live and live for them
you have to thrive and thrive for them
you do the things you want to do
and you do the things they cannot do
you do it all for them
you do it because they can't
you do it because they didn't want to.

The vacant stare
sunken in eyes
sad eyes I saw
sitting at a table during prom night.
Right now you could really sue  shoulder
hanging on to the edge till its over.

So much going around but you were
too calm
too collected.
I knew that blank expression from experience.


I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not mad.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no

My mom told me not to worry her.
My brother told me I was scaring him.
My bestfriend...I hit her and told her never to speak to me again.
I wouldn't let me boyfriend kiss me.

They all wanted to help
helpless
They all wanted to care
selfish
They all tried to comfort
they weren’t you

I yelled and screamed
I couldn’t breathe.
I shut them out,
I cursed at you.
I hated you
I cried for you
I resented you
up there by choice, how dare you.
But now I know you are my angel instead
you look after me in trouble and I do miss you.
So do they
you had to have it your **** way.
I only see you in my head
but for now that’s okay.

Something about the way you were
You were broken from head to heart  
but I needed saving.

I wish you wrote a letter
I wish you ran away,
left me out.
I wish you said goodbye
I wish you never told me
I didn’t want to cry.  
Is anybody out there?
I wanted you to stay.
Sometimes I wish you would have taken me too..
far far away.

We were 1 week to late weren’t we,
funny how things play out.
You knew all the steps, you hid it well.
When I got that call I wept and fell
on my knees and cried and pleaded,
please please come back
that’s all I needed.






You weren’t all there, in that head of yours.
dark and empty
you were sad but you lived like you would die
tomorrow
tomorrow came too soon and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.

I started to go crazy
I saw A’s on the floor
and had prayers that were answered in seconds.
I had bets that wouldn’t lose.
The wind surrounded me.
Songs of u s played on repeat.
I thought it was all you.

Your color was blue,
and everyone knew
but no one was as blue
blue as you.