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179 · Dec 2020
10:27
nevaeh Dec 2020
i would like to let you know
that at one point in life
i had something to say
but these days it seems
all of those important things
are just so far away
jeez im getting real ******* bad at this
175 · Jan 2021
good nights
nevaeh Jan 2021
i remember nights of running through the grass
catching the moths that fluttered around the dim street lights
blowing dandelion fluff into the dark sky

the sound of bare feet on endless black rivers of asphalt
the hum of late night drivers on the highway just a few fences over
hushed laughter echoing back from the empty night

i remember when we were kids
when math was easy and our hearts were free
unburdened by love or lust

i remember being cheerful and sad
but never both at once, i remember being simple
when everyone said what they meant

when i went on cute little dates with pretty girls
hold her hand and buy her a soda, going nowhere, but having fun
drop her off under the porch light and kiss her cheek

i remember sleepovers and secrets
whispers through the dark, when friends were just friends
when joining the circus was just a dream

before addictions and *** and heartbreak
i remember the humble, effortless, quiet nights
saying goodnight on good nights
remember when nighttime was magical and fun? now it all just seems so heavy.
174 · Feb 2022
it wont last
nevaeh Feb 2022
i keep telling myself that
like a mantra
it'll pass
it wont last
they'll move on
everything will be okay

but what if its not
what if it doesnt
what if it just keeps going and going
forever until we die
and if it does
do i even want to be alive?
173 · Dec 2019
manic
nevaeh Dec 2019
i purge every word in my skull

until my brain is all fuzzy

and i can finally fall asleep
171 · Sep 2020
hello, midnight
nevaeh Sep 2020
~
oh stars, how do you shine
on a night like tonight?
oh moon, you coward soul,
why do you hide?
~
sleep evades us,
we midnight thinkers
we conscious dreamers
us poets of the night
~
we that drag ourselves
to and fro
under the sun
we that welcome
miss midnight
and her quiet humdrum
~
we that smile
under the cool moon
under the burning stars
and cry out
hello, midnight!
~
insomnia is better with friends
170 · Sep 2020
my baby
nevaeh Sep 2020
i already have a kid

she steals my scrunchies
and knocks my **** over
she eats the feathers off of my dream catchers
and sleeps on my chest
she bites me all the time
and apologizes with dead crickets
she chews apart all of the wires in my house
and frequently gets her head stuck in cups

she's a little ****
but she's the best baby
(the only baby)
i could ever want
🖤 my baby
168 · May 2023
You left me
nevaeh May 2023
I needed you
To be the one
I was wrong about
And you left.
166 · Oct 2019
the King
nevaeh Oct 2019
i don't know how to love you
or if i shouldn't even try.
i don't know how to pull you through
or watch you fall and cry.
i don't know if the world will end
or if i'll ride your throne.
i don't know how to play pretend
or turn you back from stone.
i don't know if you'll be my King
or if i'll fall away.
i don't know if i'll let you sing
or if you'll choose to stay.
165 · Jan 2021
frog rock
nevaeh Jan 2021
wandering and stumbling
along the way
through the dense woods
on a cool sunny day
her soft skin and sweet smile
the fresh breeze through her hair
so simple and calming
the smell of earth in the air
deep green and bright blue
wood and birds and stone
its so easy when i'm with her
to not feel so alone
@ mother nature
164 · Sep 2020
absent
nevaeh Sep 2020
is it possible
to be the only single person
on earth?

i feel like everybody's got somebody
maybe not a girlfriend or boyfriend
but at least a best friend
a favorite cousin
a loving parent

i don't have anything like that
i don't have any one person
that i'm close with
i have friends
but none of them really know me
it isn't their fault though - i don't talk to them really
164 · Nov 2020
Amber
nevaeh Nov 2020
it wasn't anything, really
just a cashier helping a customer
nothing out of the norm

except for that flicker
just a second, when she met my eyes
hers went dim

and i knew
instantly, from the way her face fell
the confusion and pain and loss in her eyes
this woman i've never seen before
knows my face

and for that split second
she thought she was looking at Her
when she saw me

my eyes, my nose, my lips
they were Hers first

She had a high school sweetheart, a best friend
She was a student and a friend and a daughter
She was my mom

She left me a very long time ago
and maybe i've moved forward from that
but it still hurts
to see the hole She ripped in the world
when She left us all
it always happens when i'm in my home town
163 · Apr 2022
ghost town
nevaeh Apr 2022
walking down main street
but for once it's just my feet
quietly beating the ground
my soft breath's the only sound
the lights are on in every home
but still i know that i'm alone
idk i wrote this in february
162 · Aug 2020
temporary
nevaeh Aug 2020
doodles on our arms
temporary tattoos
he wears my art
on his skin
a walking
breathing
canvas

he said he loves me
but that's only temporary
emotions are temporary nothing is real
162 · Dec 2019
dear ten-year-old me
nevaeh Dec 2019
look around you,
enjoy the hair clips and lip gloss
those moon-shoes and silly-bands.
too-long legs and frizzy hair
are the worst of your problems now
but it gets a whole lot darker,
and not a thing will stop
when you can't find a candle.
i wish i had been happier when i was a kid. all i wanted was to grow up and be mature. i definitely thought my life was the worst, but maturity kind of ***** and now i just wanna go back.
162 · Sep 2020
c
nevaeh Sep 2020
c
i love you
still
i think i always
will
i don't know whats happening anymore

i hope you're okay and i'm not making things worse somehow
161 · Jul 2022
these days
nevaeh Jul 2022
long walks under the sun, my cheeks bright pink from the heat, coffee shops and brunch dates, picnics and tall trees, hotel rooms and hot tubs, old books and a new library card, listening and learning and loving more than i have in years, becoming and blooming brighter than before
Every day is better than the last 🍃
160 · Feb 2022
cold weather
nevaeh Feb 2022
i wander
leisurely
through the woods
lifting stones
and shuffling through the leaves
feeling the wind pick up
goosebumps prickle my arms
the clouds are heavy
with new times to come
and for once
im ready for the storm
160 · Oct 2020
cinnamon boy
nevaeh Oct 2020
it feels like you came with the cold
like suddenly you fell from the autumn sky
and warmed me up inside.
i wanted you for your fiery red
before i found myself like an addict,
craving you at the most inopportune times
craving your comfort
like a warm sweater in december.
i love you without the all sugar on top
even bitter and dry and burning my tongue
coating my throat until i choke
with tears on my cheeks.
i wanted you before i knew what it meant
but even after
you hold my mind hostage
keeping me breathing and warm.

i could never live without you.
not at all.
the real og's will remember this one
-
reposted poetry because i used to be better at this
156 · Dec 2021
bud
nevaeh Dec 2021
bud
bursting
blooming
i am
growing
making friends
good friends
friends i love
friends i can trust
i am just a bud of a person
just now learning who i am
but i like what i see
and im glad to become
something beautiful
i can wait to be my own person
156 · Jan 2021
no. 331
nevaeh Jan 2021
if you sit and stare
let your vision blur
bad things start to look
a whole lot prettier
#ah
156 · Nov 2021
lifeless
nevaeh Nov 2021
who am i
but the memory of a friend,
a ghost of the girl i could be
when i wrote more than words
a real poet, i was
when i was more of me
im not sure if this is any good, but it is what it is
155 · Jan 2020
skin
nevaeh Jan 2020
I walked alone on a cold night, through trees and over graves, to meet my dancing partner. She was solemn and sweet, but thin, too thin; a skeleton. I held her and we spun and swayed in the dark, under the stars. Soon her brittle fingers were warm and lush between mine, and She smiled: not my smile, but my lips, my eyes and skin. Not me but a ghost wearing my face. Slowly as we danced, her body swelled and filled, thicker and warm. She was smaller then me, her bones too short, my skin too loose on her slim wrists and hips. My own  heartbeat slowed as I felt hers grow beneath her ribs. We twirled under the stars and she dipped me, now light, low to the ground, yet no blood rushed to my cheeks, my heart skipped no beat but lacked one entirely. She gasped, a first breath; new and refreshed, Alive. No air flowed to my lungs, for I found that I had none. She lay me gently on the grass, disturbing the nights dew and wetting my skull. She walked away with all of me, and I wondered if anybody ever noticed that I was not me, but a dead girl wearing skin.
154 · Feb 2022
nirvana
nevaeh Feb 2022
i am at a place
of absolute peace
and honesty
a place of trust
and hope
154 · Apr 2020
mirrors
nevaeh Apr 2020
i hung up my mirror this morning
and i realized
it wasn't my face i saw

not a "pretty girl" anymore
but a woman
the same woman that my mother was
the woman my sisters would be
the woman that i regrettably am.

i saw a person that would no doubt
run from every one of her problems
abandon her life
over and over
until she had nothing left

i saw a face that i had seen in my dreams
in my nightmares
and in life all the same

i took the mirror back down
and broke it
154 · Dec 2019
pictures
nevaeh Dec 2019
this tinsel tickles my chin
and makes my arms itch.
i wonder
how long i have to smile
before i throw a rock at this lady's camera
and say **** it
to my christmas card?
i hate taking photos.
154 · Apr 2022
hospital walls
nevaeh Apr 2022
white and cold
like memories old
152 · Dec 2019
you
nevaeh Dec 2019
you
you are denim and stains
you are safety pins and chains
you are the moon and the rain
you are a heart and a brain
you are all fun and games
you are love,
you are pain.
you are everything.
literally everything.
i know you want to know how i feel. i'm probably just as confusing to you as you are to me, but it feels like i couldn't say all the things that i feel without losing them.
151 · Nov 2021
friends
nevaeh Nov 2021
we're not friends
what we are is a joke
just a pair of kids
playing some ****** up game
where i try and try and try
and you give nothing back
when have i ever not been there for you?
have i not been good enough for you?
because even now
im sitting here
thinking about deleting this
because i know itll hurt your feelings
and *******
i love you
and i cant stop loving you
believe me
ive tried
so sure
go **** yourself
because nobody cares
nobody important at least
150 · Feb 2021
always forever
nevaeh Feb 2021
forever is too long
when forever
is really only
a few more weeks
at best.

and besides,
i really cant handle
losing one more person
in this ******* world.

so my plan is a simple one:

just don't hold on
and you'll never
have to let go.
forever never lasts babe, let's just be for now and hope for tomorrow, okay?
148 · Feb 2021
not love poetry
nevaeh Feb 2021
i can't think
i can't think
i don't know
i want to write you a song
im sorry
im high
i love you
and im so ******* high wow
i have lots of thoughts
and they're all very confusing
im gonna try to catch them
and spit them out here

ummm
first of all
this is not a love poem
i knowyou know i love you
and there's nothing i can do about it

deep inside
im hoping i can say something so meaningful
so moving, that you fall in love with me again
and take me back. but thats selfish
and unrealistc
because i dont even know if im speaking english
and im supposed to be happy for you
if he makes you happy

but anyways
this supposed to be about how
i realized that this is beyond my control
an that it is absolutely about you
im trying to understand
i want to understand
im going to end this
before i say anyhing else stupid
148 · Dec 2020
ego
nevaeh Dec 2020
ego
take a hit and hold it in
**** reality
let the bitter smoke fill that hole in your chest
til' nothing means anything
and you can laugh at yourself again
"i'll write you back when i can breathe"
148 · Oct 2020
all hallows' eve
nevaeh Oct 2020
tricks and treats
giggles and screams
under the full moon
this halloween
🎃
im actually working 9 hours on halloween so maybe not for me
148 · Mar 2021
please
nevaeh Mar 2021
im running out of ways
to tell you that i am dying
i think im done
asking for help
whats the point in screaming yourself hoarse
when nobody's even listening?

i know
there isnt much anybody can do to save me
so i may as well shut up
and leave quietly, without a scene

it will hurt enough
without knowing that nobody cared
blissful ignorance. if i dont tell anybody how bad it is, they cant be blamed for doing nothing
146 · Mar 2021
the only good friend
nevaeh Mar 2021
your'e my best friend
you do not make me feel used
you are not one of many
you'e the only one
that matters
it's okay
it's okay
it's okay
i miss you too
and it's okay
you'e a good friend
you're my best friend
and that's okay
calm down, we're okay
145 · Dec 2021
there for a friend
nevaeh Dec 2021
you seem happy whenever im around
and i hope to the gods that its true
because you deserve happiness
whether you believe it or not
i care about you
again, whether you believe that or not
145 · Jan 2023
echoes of a broken poet
nevaeh Jan 2023
late nights
when I know he's leaving me
and I sit in the cold
broken hearted

fog clouds
and I hear them, the echoes
of her in their voices
I can't stand it

it seeps
deep into my pores, filling my veins
with doubt, anger, confusion
bringing it all back
I'm incoherent, freezing to death.
145 · May 2023
Untitled
nevaeh May 2023
I know you love someone else now
and I hope she makes you happy
Gives you all the things I never could
And I know you're never coming back
But I still miss you
Every day
Every sleepless night is full of thoughts
About how I could have been better
Should have been better
Every little thing I did wrong
Every little regret
My head is haunted by your love
By the things I've lost
By the ghost of your arms around me
The smell of your hair
I hate myself
For everything.
144 · Jan 2021
sick
nevaeh Jan 2021
sick sick sick
sick to the stomach
sick in the head

ill and unsightly
avert your eyes
too tall, too skinny
i don't like it
haha yeah i hate myself what about it
144 · Mar 2021
noncompetition
nevaeh Mar 2021
i don't know what he's afraid of
im not the competition
im not even playing the game anymore
he won a long time ago
and i gave up

i don't deserve that love anyways
i won't ever be that beautiful
pretty isn't always all you need
144 · Aug 2020
small
nevaeh Aug 2020
tall, actually,
taller than me, even.
i know.
that's ridiculous.
he's 6'3.

...

wow.

kissing him is
kinda good.
i don't have to lean over
i actually kinda hafta go up on my tippy toes

i have never felt small before.
i was the 5 foot 4th grader
"sasquatch girl"
"amazon"
"scyscraper"
"the lurch"
for crying out loud.

but he can hold me
he makes me feel special
he makes me feel
small
143 · Feb 2020
what you should know
nevaeh Feb 2020
it scares me to know that you keep things from me. that there are things you don't say. because if you can lie and say you're fine then how do i know you aren't lying when you say you love me? how can i trust that anything you say is real if you can't even say the things that are hurting you inside. whats worse is that you tell him. yes, i have done my own share of such things, but all of that is just physical, it doesn't mean anything. why can you not just talk to me? just, say what it is and i will listen. i may not understand but i will hear what you have to say.

but what you should really know is that i will always be honest with you. because when i start lying to you, i won't know what lies i've told myself

you should also know that i will always love you. even if we separate and bridges burn, you have made your mark and like it or not you will be in my heart forever.

or
if you do change (inside or out) no matter what i will love you. not your clothes or the things you do, but you. changing yourself can't change the way i feel right now.

and things aren't perfect, they probably never will be.
and i told myself i wouldn't do this.
i told myself that you needed to work things out on your own
but i keep telling myself that if i just shove things at you eventually you will understand that i care about you. that you'll forget whatever it is that you can't tell me and just see me and see that i love you but im starting to feel like you never will. if you can just stop making things your fault, stop making things big and bad and just let them be what they are.
im angry and sad and none of it is your fault but i wish sometimes that things were easier than they are
143 · Sep 2020
spin the bottle
nevaeh Sep 2020
boredom is heavy
and makes you think
so we spin the bottle
and sip our drinks
we watch it whirl
then kiss our friends
make nothing of it
but boredom's end
at a basement party because school is for losers
143 · Nov 2021
waves
nevaeh Nov 2021
up and down
and up
and down

it'll stay that way
for a long time

the up and down
the dark water

coming up
rising high
crashing down
suffocating
then relief, again
briefly
for a moment
air
space
wide, open space
the nothing
before the roll and crash
of another wave

yes, it'll be like that
for good long while
maybe forever, even
142 · Aug 2022
I love you, I'm sorry
nevaeh Aug 2022
Please don't remember me
Continue your lives
Be happy
I want you to know
It was never your fault
It was nobody's fault
But mine
And who was I kidding, really?
With my little facade of okayness
Like all things, my life
was temporary
142 · Nov 2019
vain
nevaeh Nov 2019
vanity is a poison
injected at birth
that festers and grows
until the victim is so weak and alone
and separated from reality
that it can devour her whole
and leave her to rot
as a cold, empty, ghost of a woman
142 · Mar 2021
i dont fucking know, okay?
nevaeh Mar 2021
dont touch me
god, dont ******* touch me
i dont know why im shaking
stop asking me questions
its too much for my brain
i dont know anything
i dont want to be alone
i thought i had it controlled
thought this could work
but it isnt its not working
and every step closer is a little worse
this isnt art anymore
this is me dying in words on a screen
im losing it
everything
ive already lost my mind
dont pity me though
i wont let you
im not helpless or pathetic
im angry
because i deserved better
from myself and from the rest of you
i hope when im gone
you all learn how to be human
because now
this world isnt worth suffering on
im fed up with stories and metaphors
pretty words
"poetry"
its not a safe space its a ******* nightmare
nowhere is safe anymore
it all hurts
im a disappointment
and a ******* freak
and i ******* hate it here
i hate my body and i hate myself
who i am
learning who i am was supposed to be
fun and romantic and life-changing
instead it just made me lonely
because all i realized was
ive always been my only friend
the others were imaginary all along
im having like 2 mental breakdowns a day and i cant stop having panic attacks over nothing i dont know whats wrong with me but i want it to stop and it feels like not a single person gives a ****.
142 · Oct 2019
~
nevaeh Oct 2019
~
I
never
loved
you

~
141 · Dec 2019
before death
nevaeh Dec 2019
lets have quiet kisses
quiet nights
loud thoughts
bold moves
blushing cheeks
sweet words
calm days
lets live
life
before we
die.
i want to say so much but i don't know how and im scared i might never be able to.
141 · Aug 2020
170
nevaeh Aug 2020
170
i have a friend
one real friend
her name is crystal
she could never hurt anyone really
but people are afraid

she is calm and sweet
and furious
there is fire in her soul
and loneliness too
i think

we are the same
terrifying and lonely
natural enemies of the world
a perfect pair
much love to crystal the giant rose tarantula
140 · Sep 2020
lightning
nevaeh Sep 2020
if you were
if you could
if you wanted to
then i would
if you knew
and that was it

then i think lightning
just might hit
strike me over and over
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