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May 9 · 454
radio silence
noah May 9
nothing but dead air
for so long
the radio static
hums loud and strong
May 5 · 253
185
noah May 5
185
since Dec. 6 2019
i've been sick
39%
May 4 · 89
summer rain
noah May 4
warm drops of water drip past my eyes
like the hot sparks of insanity in my mind
so i'll keep my visions to myself
and with them i'll go to hide
May 4 · 54
anger
noah May 4
don't
go through life
hating everything yet
still expecting
love
13531
Apr 25 · 91
ghost town
noah Apr 25
walking down main street
but for once it's just my feet
quietly beating the ground
my soft breath's the only sound
the lights are on in every home
but still i know that i'm alone
idk i wrote this in february
Apr 25 · 398
Idolatry
noah Apr 25
it was never love
it was a little kid
obsessed with the image
of sunshine and ivy vines
of summer nights and hugs so tight
that he'd lose his breath forever
and become a god himself
it was the dream
of an abused child
a dream of a love that was endless
and unerring and true
it took 2 years of therapy to realize i never loved you
Apr 13 · 936
713
noah Apr 13
713
i am
not real
im the icky feelings
that float in your brain
im a stuffed person, a memory of pain
black and green
dirt and bugs, everything unclean
a stone in the grass
a bone by the tracks
made from sky and trees
the kind of love that weakens knees
im everything there is to see
everything and everyone
except me
Apr 5 · 87
hospital walls
noah Apr 5
white and cold
like memories old
Feb 14 · 199
l-o-v-e
noah Feb 14
i used to think i was worthless without you
and sometimes it still feels that way
but ive learned to have love for myself
and it gets easier every day
Feb 10 · 155
my garden
noah Feb 10
i plant
rose and sage
lavender and mint
poison ivy and nettle
i love my plants
but there are pests
in every garden

you just have to know how to get rid of them
Feb 10 · 108
it wont last
noah Feb 10
i keep telling myself that
like a mantra
it'll pass
it wont last
they'll move on
everything will be okay

but what if its not
what if it doesnt
what if it just keeps going and going
forever until we die
and if it does
do i even want to be alive?
Feb 10 · 66
my friends
noah Feb 10
to all of my best pals
the ones who made life bearable
those who were there for me at my worst
and loved me immeasurably at my best
to the ones i've lost
and the ones i'll make along the way
to all of the best friends
because you guys truly are the best
i love you all
to atlas. ollie, ari, max, kaliyah, all of you ive lost, and lastly, those of you who support me here. love you guys
Feb 1 · 101
cold weather
noah Feb 1
i wander
leisurely
through the woods
lifting stones
and shuffling through the leaves
feeling the wind pick up
goosebumps prickle my arms
the clouds are heavy
with new times to come
and for once
im ready for the storm
Feb 1 · 88
nirvana
noah Feb 1
i am at a place
of absolute peace
and honesty
a place of trust
and hope
noah Jan 31
i breathe
i burst forth
i am not afraid
to know who i am
and to leave the bad times behind
let me know if you ever want to be friends again. im still on your side
Jan 31 · 60
what i've lost
noah Jan 31
i've lost
everything
lost my love
for the arts
for my friends
i've lost my love
the only one i've ever known
i've lost before
and i will lose again
i'm sure
i'll lose him
to old love
and i'll lose her
to something new

but it's okay
i'll get back up
start again
find new love
and new friends
Jan 25 · 432
easy peasy
noah Jan 25
for once
i agree
i think we are better
as nothing at all
im happier now
and i'll let you be the same
no harm done
in doing nothing at all
your life is none of my business
i only wanted to know you were okay
still breathing and alive
thats as far as my interest goes
Jan 25 · 73
everything has an end
noah Jan 25
we are all equals
in times eyes
Dec 2021 · 105
bud
noah Dec 2021
bud
bursting
blooming
i am
growing
making friends
good friends
friends i love
friends i can trust
i am just a bud of a person
just now learning who i am
but i like what i see
and im glad to become
something beautiful
i can wait to be my own person
Dec 2021 · 88
there for a friend
noah Dec 2021
you seem happy whenever im around
and i hope to the gods that its true
because you deserve happiness
whether you believe it or not
i care about you
again, whether you believe that or not
Nov 2021 · 222
fight it
noah Nov 2021
hop skip jump
to the worst conclusions
she doesn't like you
he's going to leave you
they all despise you
you're the worst
anxiety and paranoia
tickle my brain 24/7
til' i hate myself
and you too
i hate insecurities they make me mean
Nov 2021 · 87
lifeless
noah Nov 2021
who am i
but the memory of a friend,
a ghost of the girl i could be
when i wrote more than words
a real poet, i was
when i was more of me
im not sure if this is any good, but it is what it is
Nov 2021 · 180
whatever
noah Nov 2021
i should feel bad
for losing a friend
to the demons that chase me too
but in his eyes
i was never enough
and that will always be true
Nov 2021 · 152
sick of being sick
noah Nov 2021
i am so sick
of feeling my own soggy brain
drag itself in circles
around the same old ****
i am so sick
of caring about people
who want nothing to do with me
i am so sick
of trying
and trying
and trying
keeping myself alive
for a fantasy
a joke of a life
that i'll never acheive
i am so incredibly sick
of pretending to be okay
so i can be there for the people around me
when do i get to be the one that needs help?
Nov 2021 · 97
friends
noah Nov 2021
we're not friends
what we are is a joke
just a pair of kids
playing some ****** up game
where i try and try and try
and you give nothing back
when have i ever not been there for you?
have i not been good enough for you?
because even now
im sitting here
thinking about deleting this
because i know itll hurt your feelings
and *******
i love you
and i cant stop loving you
believe me
ive tried
so sure
go **** yourself
because nobody cares
nobody important at least
Nov 2021 · 337
mediocre, at best
noah Nov 2021
i am a person
built out of lies
look close and you'll see
the decaying of my mind
years of my own mediocrity
has put a fog over my eyes

i'm nothing special
nothing big, nothing great
i'm not even good
i'm something to hate
i'll never be better than average and it hurts me to know that
Nov 2021 · 558
lonely
noah Nov 2021
"you get to choose whether being by yourself is loneliness or freedom"
Nov 2021 · 97
waves
noah Nov 2021
up and down
and up
and down

it'll stay that way
for a long time

the up and down
the dark water

coming up
rising high
crashing down
suffocating
then relief, again
briefly
for a moment
air
space
wide, open space
the nothing
before the roll and crash
of another wave

yes, it'll be like that
for good long while
maybe forever, even
Nov 2021 · 69
more about love and stuff
noah Nov 2021
speaking of summer nights
reminds me of warm skin under dark skies
when dreams float heavy in our eyes
connecting your mind to mine
keeping my heart in line
eggs
Nov 2021 · 272
i can't be sorry
noah Nov 2021
its not that i don't love you
(although i really don't)
it's that i can't keep hating myself for you
i cant keep saying im sorry
Oct 2021 · 82
im sorry
noah Oct 2021
i love you
i love you
ill say again
and again
as many times
as i have to
to get it stuck
in your head
i love you
with no reason
i just do
i cant explain it, it just is
Oct 2021 · 226
oceans
noah Oct 2021
i like it at the bottom of the ocean
even if it means i drown
at least i cant feel the waves
tossing me around
Oct 2021 · 57
Untitled
noah Oct 2021
i miss you
all the time
i want you to be happy
you make me happy
i love you
i dont know how
or why
i just do
i love your smile
it lights me up inside
and i love your laugh
it makes me giggle
i love the way you make me feel
so grown up but still young and free
i love he way you touch me
like im something to be cherished
i love you
so much
Sep 2021 · 83
Untitled
noah Sep 2021
I've lost my will
My need to speak
My words are just words
And my lungs have grown weak
There is no more beauty
To be spilled from my heart
My hands have gone stiff
Incapable of art

Do you ever wish to go back
To before we all died
Before the lights went dim
Before we went out with the tide
I miss being happy
noah May 2021
i want to be loved
and held
and helped
i want to be
something small
to carry around in a lovers pocket
like a rock
a nice smooth
nearly round rock
like a squished oval in shape
i want someone to look at me
for hours
discovering and observing
but never judging
i want someone
who sees the cracks in my stone skin
and runs their thumb over them
cherishing the contrast
from light to dark
i want the tiny dimples and spots on my face
to be seen like glittering minerals
embedded in stone
trapped from years of movement and change
i want someone to look at me
and see my journey
appreciate the things hidden within

i want to be loved
the way i loved
when i was still young
and fun
as a kid, i loved rocks. each one was somehow new and special to me, even the so called normal ones. i never want to lose that appreciatin for the ordinary, if i did, i dont think i would be me anymore.
May 2021 · 245
changed my mind
noah May 2021
i dont want to be pretty or perfect
i dont want to be loved
or held close and adored
i dont want to be her world
her sunshine, her favorite person

i dont want people to depend on me
it hurts too much to let them down

i dont want those memories back
of being wrong, feeling evil and disgusted with myself
i never want to see those guilty scars
the ones i used to write anger on my arms

i dont want to hate myself
which means i cant let anyone love me
am i considering breaking up with the prettiest, kindest, most perfect woman i have ever met because i cant get over my past failures and pains? yes!!! will i do it? IM TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO  BUT IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE AND ******* I ******* HATE MYSELF
Apr 2021 · 140
happy
noah Apr 2021
i realized something
recently

i don't care anymore
what people think of me

i love my friends
and i have real ones now
people that make me laugh
and never judge

they think of me
i love them, im so happy i met them <3
Apr 2021 · 87
synonymous
noah Apr 2021
every goodbye
is followed by a hello
and every storm
has a ******* rainbow
im stupid
and im young
and i dont understand things like love
and im glad
that some six months ago
i survived myself
because yeah
life is worth living
more often than
it isnt
i agree, **** *****, but not always, and that is the key.
noah Apr 2021
my poetry is not art anymore
it isn't expression
it isn't even honest
it's filtered and edited
so as not to be disturbing
or concerning
to any number of people
often all that is left of me then
is anger

but in truth
in a final attempt
at honesty in my art
I am lonely.
and confused and stupid and tired and heartbroken and homesick
and so many other human things

to be disgustingly honest
and simple minded
in the least amount of words
I love you
Is this a vision or a memory? Am I breathing or just pushing air through my chest?
Apr 2021 · 153
ew
noah Apr 2021
ew
i was
just another chapter
another character
i was
never special
or different
from any of the others
and somehow
i manage
to still make it
about me
the level of hatred for myself inside of me is suffocating
Mar 2021 · 922
4am kind of lonely
noah Mar 2021
4am
is lonely
it always is
it isnt her fault
she's a heavy sleeper
4am
has a different kind of
lonely
it makes your brain tired
and your eyes stay wide
sometimes
i just wish
i had a friend
to talk to
when 4am
comes around
again
idk i guess i wish i had someone to talk to for those 6 hours she sleeps every night. even just a casual friend to send stupid *** memes to, just to stay away from that feeling.
Mar 2021 · 106
noncompetition
noah Mar 2021
i don't know what he's afraid of
im not the competition
im not even playing the game anymore
he won a long time ago
and i gave up

i don't deserve that love anyways
i won't ever be that beautiful
pretty isn't always all you need
Mar 2021 · 189
matching pfps
noah Mar 2021
because
i dont know
because i like her
she makes me smile
and shut up
noah Mar 2021
how long have i been
letting myself drown
in good intentions
**** people really **** huh
Mar 2021 · 151
fuck you, all of you
noah Mar 2021
i hope when i die
every last one of you
cries your ******* eyes out
i hope you say sweet meaningless things
over my open grave
i hope you say that i was a friend
a sister, and a loving daughter
i hope you all drown in your ******* lies
you dont know me
none of you know me
when was the last time any of you cared how i felt?
how long has it been since you gave a ****?
no, *******, i hope you all ******* burn.
im so done with everything just go away
Mar 2021 · 111
i dont fucking know, okay?
noah Mar 2021
dont touch me
god, dont ******* touch me
i dont know why im shaking
stop asking me questions
its too much for my brain
i dont know anything
i dont want to be alone
i thought i had it controlled
thought this could work
but it isnt its not working
and every step closer is a little worse
this isnt art anymore
this is me dying in words on a screen
im losing it
everything
ive already lost my mind
dont pity me though
i wont let you
im not helpless or pathetic
im angry
because i deserved better
from myself and from the rest of you
i hope when im gone
you all learn how to be human
because now
this world isnt worth suffering on
im fed up with stories and metaphors
pretty words
"poetry"
its not a safe space its a ******* nightmare
nowhere is safe anymore
it all hurts
im a disappointment
and a ******* freak
and i ******* hate it here
i hate my body and i hate myself
who i am
learning who i am was supposed to be
fun and romantic and life-changing
instead it just made me lonely
because all i realized was
ive always been my only friend
the others were imaginary all along
im having like 2 mental breakdowns a day and i cant stop having panic attacks over nothing i dont know whats wrong with me but i want it to stop and it feels like not a single person gives a ****.
Mar 2021 · 114
bad, good, and bad again
noah Mar 2021
back
and forth
on my little swing
of happy
and sad
of love
and fear
of hope
and rage
it's getting old
and i'm getting
dizzy, sick
once again
the bad days come back for me every time
Mar 2021 · 375
missing person
noah Mar 2021
i cannot feel my skin
im not somewhere else
but im not here either
im missing
Mar 2021 · 105
please
noah Mar 2021
im running out of ways
to tell you that i am dying
i think im done
asking for help
whats the point in screaming yourself hoarse
when nobody's even listening?

i know
there isnt much anybody can do to save me
so i may as well shut up
and leave quietly, without a scene

it will hurt enough
without knowing that nobody cared
blissful ignorance. if i dont tell anybody how bad it is, they cant be blamed for doing nothing
noah Mar 2021
im so ******* lonely
that even love feels
a little too much for me
i don't want to be loved anymore
i just want to rot
im sick of everything
even ****** i can't stand it here
i wanna go home
and drown in the saltwater
let the bubbles from my lips
be my only goodbye
no more dreams of pretty boys
and happy homes
that life was for a girl who died long ago
im sick of trying to be her again
the pretty, peachy, happy girl
she died and she ******* deserved it
for all her sins
pretty boys are liars
and nothing good is real
im tired, no
******* exhausted
and honestly
im ready to die
dw im not gonna **** myself, im not stupid
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