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1.5k · Apr 2023
Moon and Sun
nevaeh Apr 2023
She is my moon and sun
She pulls my tides
And brings heat to my skin
She fills my darkness
And brightens my skies
And even when there are clouds
I know she is there
Waiting for the storm to fade
For the earth to turn
So I can see
Yet another side of her
nevaeh Jan 2021
i know he's not mine
has never been mine

but i wanna be his favorite
the kind of girl he'll never forget
i wanna be the kind of girl
that you can't help but regret
i know i'm nothing special
just another ex
but godfuckingdammit
i wanna be the best

always fighting that urge for control
the urge to break a heart and hold it just out of reach
pull people in and then push them back
keep them just far enough, so they cant help but stay
without ever touching me, or breaking my heart
and turning out more and more
empty, angry, painful people
just. like. me.
how do you not hate me yet?
1.2k · Mar 2021
4am kind of lonely
nevaeh Mar 2021
4am
is lonely
it always is
it isnt her fault
she's a heavy sleeper
4am
has a different kind of
lonely
it makes your brain tired
and your eyes stay wide
sometimes
i just wish
i had a friend
to talk to
when 4am
comes around
again
idk i guess i wish i had someone to talk to for those 6 hours she sleeps every night. even just a casual friend to send stupid *** memes to, just to stay away from that feeling.
1.1k · Apr 2022
713
nevaeh Apr 2022
713
i am
not real
im the icky feelings
that float in your brain
im a stuffed person, a memory of pain
black and green
dirt and bugs, everything unclean
a stone in the grass
a bone by the tracks
made from sky and trees
the kind of love that weakens knees
im everything there is to see
everything and everyone
except me
961 · Oct 2019
cerebellum
nevaeh Oct 2019
endorphins flood my mind
bubbling up behind my eyes
in vivid blues, greens, and pinks,
setting every nerve on edge
solid pounding through my veins
pushing lava to the surface
lighting it on fire
heating the soft trails
your fingers leave on my skin.
771 · Feb 2020
step one of eternity
nevaeh Feb 2020
i made this week difficult.

i was struggling with myself and i made it hard for you too.
i turned nothing into problems
and blamed those problems for my ****-ups.

i hurt you
and i knew i was hurting you
and i did it anyway.

i said things
and made you sound like the bad guy

but i was a *****.

and im sorry.
i will spend forever saying sorry and hoping you still think it's okay.
nevaeh Dec 2020
(okay so i understand if you cant source these things naturally but its much better if you do)

so my go-to tea base is a blend of rose hips, allspice, and chicory for general good vibes

and for nice winter-y vibes this solstice you can add cinnamon sticks, clove, and dried orange peels for added comfort and prosperity in the new year
BONUS: add a teeny tiny bit of arrowroot for ultra good vibes and a sweeter flavor :)
if u add too much it will thicken and turn super gross so be VERY careful babes <3
721 · Oct 2020
princess
nevaeh Oct 2020
this dress is itchy
these children are loud
it smells like feet
i have never felt less
like a princess

but you make it easy
to keep smiling
my princess smile is real tonight
699 · Jul 2023
Untitled
nevaeh Jul 2023
I think you're beautiful
In a way I've never experienced beauty before
686 · May 2022
radio silence
nevaeh May 2022
nothing but dead air
for so long
the radio static
hums loud and strong
629 · Nov 2019
unknown
nevaeh Nov 2019
unknown i follow you
quietly in the dark
listen to your every word
the sound of L's and S's
slipping off your tongue
the curve of your chin
the edge of your jaw
the slight dip in your temple
the arc of your brow
every detail
in perfect clarity
unknown i cherish it
relish in it, even
until each finite drop has been lapped up
by my guilty, relentless eyes
628 · Nov 2021
lonely
nevaeh Nov 2021
"you get to choose whether being by yourself is loneliness or freedom"
625 · Feb 2021
if i could
nevaeh Feb 2021
i'd **** myself

not suicide, no, even that isn't enough
for all that i've done.

no, i'd rip myself
limb from limb
tear the muscles
that bind my long slender legs
let metal and body meet
shatter the bones that cross
inside my scarred arms
i'd tear out my ugly heart
douse it in kerosene
watch it burn and melt
bubble and turn black
i'd take the stomach
sunken deep inside
cut it lovingly apart
and feed it to the devil
i'd take razor to skin
dig out my empty eyes
shave off my pretty lips
mutilate my lovely face
til the only thing left
is pink and white
burns and scars
like the ones inside
you can all hate me, because in the end, i hate myself more.
589 · Oct 2020
perfection
nevaeh Oct 2020
you
your body
your face

isn't perfect

but they are by far
the best
face and body
i have ever seen

🖤
i understand being unhappy with yourself but just remember i love you okay
nevaeh Mar 2021
how long have i been
letting myself drown
in good intentions
**** people really **** huh
557 · Jan 2021
pretty empty things
nevaeh Jan 2021
the words you say
he smiles we fake
the way you save face

all the pretty, empty things

let them go
hit me, scream, cry
throw something, be mad
tell me how much you hate me
scream until i hate you back
let go of the pretty things
be empty
sick of the passive aggressive, just be aggressive.
510 · Oct 2020
nyctophilia vs. insomnia
nevaeh Oct 2020
i could sleep
if i wanted to
but why would i
nighttime is so beautiful
484 · Jan 2021
sugardaddy
nevaeh Jan 2021
6 feet and 4 inches of man
and, oh boy, is he a man
perfectly cut between soft and strong
with just enough hair on his chest
and a little hair on his face too

he's an amazing kisser
and great with his hands
somehow gentle
and so powerful
at the same time

he's just
so very, very good.
yummy
478 · Jan 2022
easy peasy
nevaeh Jan 2022
for once
i agree
i think we are better
as nothing at all
im happier now
and i'll let you be the same
no harm done
in doing nothing at all
your life is none of my business
i only wanted to know you were okay
still breathing and alive
thats as far as my interest goes
472 · Apr 2022
Idolatry
nevaeh Apr 2022
it was never love
it was a little kid
obsessed with the image
of sunshine and ivy vines
of summer nights and hugs so tight
that he'd lose his breath forever
and become a god himself
it was the dream
of an abused child
a dream of a love that was endless
and unerring and true
it took 2 years of therapy to realize i never loved you
463 · Sep 2019
blue
nevaeh Sep 2019
lost is blue
like the ocean
and your eyes
deep is love
yet solitary
beautiful
broken
434 · Jan 2021
to die alone
nevaeh Jan 2021
it's expected
and accepted
and it's just how
i will go.
419 · Mar 2021
missing person
nevaeh Mar 2021
i cannot feel my skin
im not somewhere else
but im not here either
im missing
397 · Feb 2021
crushed petals
nevaeh Feb 2021
dying red rose petals
darkened at their tips,
become crushed between
my pointed white teeth.
their acrid floral blood
drips from my tongue,
and i wonder once more
what my purpose is here;
why am i still fighting
for a life i don't want to
live anymore?
i ate a rose. it tasted like heartbreak.
382 · Nov 2021
mediocre, at best
nevaeh Nov 2021
i am a person
built out of lies
look close and you'll see
the decaying of my mind
years of my own mediocrity
has put a fog over my eyes

i'm nothing special
nothing big, nothing great
i'm not even good
i'm something to hate
i'll never be better than average and it hurts me to know that
nevaeh Feb 2021
sunset slow kisses
(heavy heavy heavy)
summer sweet smiles
(thin wrists)
denim blue shorts
(thin slits)
over suntan skin
(pink scars)
saltwater breeze
(white hot)
sweet pink ice
(cold thoughts)
midsummer beat
(soft hands)
lets run away
(do it again)
heart pumping
(heavy heart)
soft sand bare feet
(bruised thighs)
hold my hand
(touch my skin)
come with me

(
d r o w n
i t
o u t
)
you and i will be young forever
378 · Oct 2020
crazy
nevaeh Oct 2020
my hair today
is a very good rep
for my soul:

inconsistent
damp
and crazy as ****
i hate my hair it's curly in some spots but not consistently enough to actually be considered "curly"
364 · May 2022
185
nevaeh May 2022
185
since Dec. 6 2019
i've been sick
39%
360 · Mar 2021
homeostasis
nevaeh Mar 2021
my skin is a traitor
flaming and red
hot to the touch
leaving invisible scorch marks
on everything i touch
directly opposing
the chill inside
the freezing cold
of my careless mind
im so tired and i hate this
353 · Nov 2020
bug
nevaeh Nov 2020
bug
it is so hard to know what you want,
what you're trying to say.
you're like a little bug with wings
that won't quit bumping into my eyes
and buzzing in my ear.
but a cute bug
one that reminds me of the ocean and summer camp and being in love.
i would put you a a mason jar
with holes in the top,
so you can breathe. (duh)
and i would take you to my favorite fields
and alleys and stores.
show you all the things that make me happy
and try to make you happy too.

but i dont think
you would like being in a jar.
even one with holes in the top.
repost ~ because i **** now but i was cool then ~ cute lil' bug
nevaeh Jan 2022
i breathe
i burst forth
i am not afraid
to know who i am
and to leave the bad times behind
let me know if you ever want to be friends again. im still on your side
322 · Sep 2020
graffiti and fake feelings
nevaeh Sep 2020
bare feet on the asphalt
empty cans clatter
spray paint cans rattle
running
          running              
                     running                            
from everything we've done
from our responsibilities
from the inevitable
from ourselves, mostly.
~
but never mind all that
tonight there is just
us heathens and the moon
and aerosol colors in a can
tonight we have a bone to pick
with the universe
for making us dysfunctional
for building us broken
~
tonight we will love
no matter the cost
so what if we're hung
is it really a loss?
~
"we" is just me
and the echoes in my brain
the reverberations of myself
in a space once full of color
left black and white
~
i will color it
color it all
shapes and colors
no words
no images
just abstract emotions
just me and memories of you
~
just me
and a stranger
where you used to be
you know, that empty space inside of me that nothing else can fill.
the place filled by a stranger
because not thinking about things is easier than thinking about them
because not talking at all
is easier than trying to figure out what to say
316 · Feb 2021
"alone" before and after
nevaeh Feb 2021
alone before
was quiet
and sad, yes,
but mostly just
me.
alone was just me, by myself
alone.

alone after
is deafening
not just alone
but the absence
of everything
or anything
alone after
is loss
314 · Nov 2021
i can't be sorry
nevaeh Nov 2021
its not that i don't love you
(although i really don't)
it's that i can't keep hating myself for you
i cant keep saying im sorry
313 · Jan 2021
100
nevaeh Jan 2021
100
lately, more and more people have started to look at me
and suddenly i remembered what i hate so much about the world

it has eyes.
******* ****
312 · Dec 2020
where are you?
nevaeh Dec 2020
im still a kid
rambling on and on
about the ways of the moths
******* im a freak
and i just wanna scream
i like pretty colors and pretty girls
in baggy sweaters and silly earrings
i just wanna be me
and let her love that me
i wanna laugh with her and drink peach tea
i wanna spend every night
laughing at her and blushing like mad
i wanna go places, and hold her hand the whole way
me in all my glamorous dramatics
and her quietly tolerating me
i wanna be her big dumb baby
and call her my darling girl
ahhh lesbianisms
306 · Oct 2020
blurred lines
nevaeh Oct 2020
everything can be beautiful
if you can't even tell
what you're looking at
beauty is subjective
297 · Jan 2021
better than sex
nevaeh Jan 2021
it's green and blue
and baby brown eyes
black and maroon
such a pretty smile
just so freakin' cute

she laughs so much
and every day since she said yes
i find myself laughing too

it's holding her hand
and giving her gifts
pulling her close
for an innocent touch

she isn't perfect
and we aren't "in love"
all i can really say
is that she's better than drugs
shes my rock
nevaeh May 2021
i want to be loved
and held
and helped
i want to be
something small
to carry around in a lovers pocket
like a rock
a nice smooth
nearly round rock
like a squished oval in shape
i want someone to look at me
for hours
discovering and observing
but never judging
i want someone
who sees the cracks in my stone skin
and runs their thumb over them
cherishing the contrast
from light to dark
i want the tiny dimples and spots on my face
to be seen like glittering minerals
embedded in stone
trapped from years of movement and change
i want someone to look at me
and see my journey
appreciate the things hidden within

i want to be loved
the way i loved
when i was still young
and fun
as a kid, i loved rocks. each one was somehow new and special to me, even the so called normal ones. i never want to lose that appreciatin for the ordinary, if i did, i dont think i would be me anymore.
289 · Nov 2021
fight it
nevaeh Nov 2021
hop skip jump
to the worst conclusions
she doesn't like you
he's going to leave you
they all despise you
you're the worst
anxiety and paranoia
tickle my brain 24/7
til' i hate myself
and you too
i hate insecurities they make me mean
287 · Feb 2021
bad girl
nevaeh Feb 2021
i cant stand
that he is
prettier
than
me
nevaeh Mar 2021
makes me want to bleed out
and empty my head instead of my stomach
agagagagagag im actually doing great idk whats up with this edgy ****
283 · Mar 2021
mom
nevaeh Mar 2021
mom
this one goes out to all the moms
that lost themselves
that gave up hope
or never had any at all
all the moms that left their kids here
all alone on this sick earth
without a heart to lean on
or half a mind to trust
this is to all the moms
that broke their sons heart
or made a girl impossible to love
this to our moms
and to these moms
i say

*******
i loved you, you were my mother and i had to love you, because i was just a baby, and it isn't my fault that you never loved me back.
275 · Feb 2021
because
nevaeh Feb 2021
i gave him every last thing that i had
and i never got an ounce of it back.
"why are you like this?"
273 · May 2021
changed my mind
nevaeh May 2021
i dont want to be pretty or perfect
i dont want to be loved
or held close and adored
i dont want to be her world
her sunshine, her favorite person

i dont want people to depend on me
it hurts too much to let them down

i dont want those memories back
of being wrong, feeling evil and disgusted with myself
i never want to see those guilty scars
the ones i used to write anger on my arms

i dont want to hate myself
which means i cant let anyone love me
am i considering breaking up with the prettiest, kindest, most perfect woman i have ever met because i cant get over my past failures and pains? yes!!! will i do it? IM TRYING VERY HARD NOT TO  BUT IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE AND ******* I ******* HATE MYSELF
270 · Dec 2019
oh dear
nevaeh Dec 2019
an epidemic
of ghastly proportions

it is the plague
of this era

my sister
will not
shut
up.
268 · Oct 2021
oceans
nevaeh Oct 2021
i like it at the bottom of the ocean
even if i drown
at least i cant feel the waves
tossing me around
266 · Jul 2022
if it ever rains
nevaeh Jul 2022
there is not much to say
in the dry heat of today
but sometimes when it rains
i wish you would've stayed
if you ever come back to this place
thinking of me
please remember that people change
and mistakes will always be made
and i am always here
waiting for a garden to grow
nevaeh Feb 2021
a field rabbit
with a glass of whiskey
called my name
said she missed me

a gentle stream
trickles behind my eyes
the white willow rooted in my lungs
whispers when i breathe
stones sit in my belly
buttons on my heart
sun spots on the ground beneath me
moss grown over my silly art
mushrooms and rocks and bugs and dirt
mother, take me home.
i am a plant
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