So i guess this is 4
Touching the stove and watching it burn your skin
Realizing that you have to breathe
Slipping and falling
Feeling his hands on you
His hands on you
His hands on you
Nightmares
Doctor checks
Hospital trips
Therapy?
Therapy

So I guess this is 13
Losing your friends
Getting your period
Crying over your First heartbreak
Watching your parents separate
Cutting your skin
Starving your body
Sleepless nights

So I guess this is 18
Watching your first love get married
Finding out your second loves likes boys
Leaving home
Getting tattoos to cover scars
First kiss
First time having ***
First time realizing it hurts when someone uses you
Second time
Spending days crying

So I guess this is 19
Seeing your body as a work of art
Going to movies
Eating dinner
Going to concerts
All by yourself
And enjoying it
Getting more tattoos
For no reason other than I like them
Sleeping through the night
Starting to write again
Standing up to your fears
Speaking up
Speaking your poetry in public
So I guess this is 19
I'm so glad I made it

We are the perfect definition of almost
Two parallel lines that get so close
They almost kiss
Almost touch
Almost
You go to bed while I rise
You're in South Carolina and I'm in Texas
I'm Texas while you're in South Carolina
We just barely missed each other
Almost met
Almost
We are 11:12
The missed calls
The last seconds of the song on the radio
The first kiss that didn't happen
The eyes that didn't meet
The unspoken apologies
The parallel lines
We are almost
all the Failed potential in the world
Stuck in one word
Two syllables
Six letters
You almost loved me
I was almost enough
We almost happened
Almost

We don't talk anymore
So I'll write you letters in the stars, that way I'll know for sure
that you'll read them
I'll say, "I miss you"
"I hope we talk again"
"I hope you're well"
I'll be like the moon
And love you from a distance
We don't talk anymore
And I'm not sure what hurts more
The things you said
Or the ones you didn't

But if you leave, promise me this
Promise me you'll find someone who
Can't wait to hear about the crazy
Dreams you had the night before
Someone who knows about the
Whale birthmark on your thigh
Someone who thinks your laugh
Is the only sunshine they'll need
And your eyes are the only stars
They want to look into at night
Someone who gets giddy when
They think about holding your hand
Find someone who knows the places
Your hands have been and appreciates
their strength they hold despite it all
Someone who understands
Your banter and feistiness
Find someone who loves you for
Who you are not what you have
Overall, if you decide to leave
I hope you find someone
Who can love you in all the ways
I couldn't

You were like
the first word in a poem
The first note in a symphony
the first beam of sunlight
in the morning
and the first star
in the night sky
I loved you more than
the moon loves the sun
the ocean loves the shore
my lungs love the air I breathe
but what if we were
the dark before a dawn
the rain before a rainbow
the calm before the crash
what if all we were was prologue

My heart
hold so much
evidence of history
but so do museums,
art galleries and cemeteries.
Maybe someday my heart
will be on display
for having survived.

Every I love you I said 

sounded a little more

like a goodbye

but it was only because

your heart is a restless ocean 

and I never was good
with learning 
the tide cycles

I.
Hell for me was knowing I'd never love another the same way I loved you.

II.
They tell me someone can't be both the poison and the curing potion but you somehow managed to cure a wound and cause another.

III.
I remember the exact moment I fell in love with you except I wasn't just falling, I was drowning. I should've known.

IV.
Everything reminds me of you, even the things that don't.

V.
We met at the wrong time. I'm still waiting for the moment you and time are on my side.

VI.
When we first met I was blue. I didn't love my sadness until  you told me your favorite color was navy blue.

VII. 

I loved the cold until I found an indescribable winter inside me the day you left.

There were words
Waiting to be said
There were things
Hidden in my head
That would hurt him
So I kept quiet instead

You always said
"10 years down the road
we'll laugh about this!"
but it's almost been 3 years
and I can barely talk about it
above a whisper

I. Realize that everything is temporary-including your happiness, including your sadness.

II. Sit down at a table for two and realize your heart is big enough to fill up both seats.

III. Cry out with the rain enough tears to fill an ocean and teach yourself how to swim.

IV. Scream their name into the wind until the wind itself decides to take it away.

V. Begin watching supernovas. Realize how beautiful something can be even when it has been dead for years.

VI. Look in the history books. Realize that even the best love stories all had to come to an end.

VII. Realize that surviving heartbreak is not as clean cut as a mathematical equation. It is a messy art.

You'll always be my soulmate
you'll always have
a part of my heart
and that scares me
but science says
that after 7 years
every cell in my body will be replaced, so maybe in 7 years
I will be a new person
and you will be someone else
and I will no longer love you
with the undying love that I do

Because sometimes home
Is not so much a physical space
As much as a psychical place
I felt the way the first nomad
Must've felt the day they
Decided to stay
Home became a person
Love became a man
So to the man that had dreams
Of Duke, alligators & playing God
Please remember her
Don't forget the girl that had dreams of saving the world
Don't forget you were her world

I lied to my mother about talking to you because last time I told her we talked, she cried.
2. My biggest fear is that no matter what I do, I won't ever get over you.
3. Everywhere I go, I find you. I suppose it's because I carry you in my heart.
4. I didn't believe in soul mates until I met you. You didn't complete me, you complemented me.
5. Sometimes I can't sleep because I'm thinking of you. Other nights I don't want to sleep because I know I'll dream of you.
6. You make my hands shake and my stomach hurt. I don't think love is suppose to feel this way.
7. I miss you even when you're not away. I hate it but it's always been that way.
8. Sometimes I think we were meant to be. Everything was right except our timing.
9. It's been two years too late but I still look for your face in a crowded room.
10. You felt like home but if there's anything I've learned recently, it's that home is so very temporary.
11. I never knew craving touch was a thing until I saw your hands.
12. You are the whirlwind of thoughts I could never put into words.
13. I write about you like you put the stars in the sky.
14. I don't want to forget you but somedays I regret you.
15. I don't always like you but I always love you.

This is not how I wanted it to be
At least not between you and me
He left and the roses died
Pain stayed but the tears dried
This is not how I wanted it to be
At least not between you and me
Two years ago we sat as lovers
Today we stand alone as strangers
This is not how I wanted it to be
At least not between you and me
I prayed the feelings would go away
And that peace would come to stay
This is not how I wanted it to be
Especially not between you and me
We sleep under the same sky tonight
I guess that's how I sleep at night

New Year’s Resolutions
1. Learn to love myself.
2. Learn to accept.
3. Learn to forgive.
4. Learn to forget.
5. Forget him.
6. Forget him.
7. Forget him.
8. Forget him.
9. Forget him.
10. Forget him.

With love
Comes pain
Just like clouds
Let go of rain
I've always been scared
Not of the loving
But of the leaving
Left scarred from the times
My heart has been broken
You were the first risk
I had taken in a while
I think what made me do it
Was the denial
That somehow this was different
We were a
never ending North/South cycle
I soon forgot where I ended
And where you began
I told you I loved you
But it sounded more like a goodbye
I hope that someday
You understand why

You see, forgetting you
is not a one time thing
it's a constant daily battle
stop thinking about him
remember the times
he stood you up
remember the times
he broke your heart
remember the things
he said in his anger
remember the way
he left you all alone
remember how
he gave no explanation
oh but remember
the roses he brought you
remember the late night conversations
remember the first time
he told you he loved you
remember the secrets
he confided in you
no, stop
stop
remember what's good for you
remember he's not good for you
remember what you deserve
forget him every day
every morning when you wake up
and your brain wants to bring him up
remember the nights you spent
crying on your bed
remember your best friend
cursing his name
remember your mother
cursing herself for not stopping you
remember your brother
cursing himself for not protecting you
remember the days at the hospital
the pills, the drops, the shots
remember what is best for you
he is not best for you
remember that
and forget him
every year
every month
every week
every day
every second
if that's what it takes

A man is not a blood bank
A place to **** out
The pieces of self esteem
You could not get from ourselves

A boy is not a mirror
One to tell you
Who you are
Or the price of your beauty

A man is not an escape
From reality
A call away from danger
He is not a rescue button

A boy is not a measuring tape
To see the heights of our potential
He will look at you with cold eyes
That will throw the balance off

A man is not a blood bank
A rescue
An escape
A man is a companion
An equal
A friend

So stop looking for blood
In brittle skeletons

He hides a small birthmark that has the shape of a whale on his upper thigh that he treasures. I think that's why he's always loved the ocean.

2. He is like winter: cold and distant for a while but then slowly melts away. He'll be silent for days, but don't worry...he will come back in time.

3. He'll say "I miss you" in the dead of night, in the cold of winter, in the break of dawn or in the heat of the summer. He will drop it like a bomb and it'll shatter your bones but remember he's not yours  to hold forever.

4. He will want you to hug him and he will want it so bad that he will ask you to do it. Please don't ever turn this opportunity down, you will never want to know the pain of not feeling his warmth.

5. His love will feel like a forest fire but it'll leave trails of ash when it's gone. Learn to deal with the burn as you enjoy the heat.

6. You will swim oceans for him and reach for the moon but sometimes even that will not be enough.

I tell you it’s dark inside 

You say turn on a light

I say it hurts my eyes

I’ve gotten use to the dark 

I can feel my way to my heart 

And lay down on its surface

I can tiptoe my way

Around hopelessness 

Slip on a few things 

But not fall

But you’re still new to it 

You still trip on my

Newly discovered fears

Still drown in my overwhelming 

Sea of sadness 

You've gotten bruises

From slipping on my silence 

You have fallen on my weariness

And I’m sorry 
I never meant for it 

To swallow you too 

Loving you makes a difference 

But you can't fix a ****
With nothing but a twig 

You can take a horse to a spring 

But you can't make it drink 

You can love me all you want 

But I have to learn 

To love myself 

Enough to turn on the light 

I will try to ease my eyes
to the light 
But fire eventually burns out
Even candles know that

I’m sorry I’m not okay 

I wish I was

If only it were 

To be well enough 

To look into your eyes 

And not feel like I’m drowning

To be able to feel 

The trace of your hands on mine

And not wish you didn’t have to

Feel the scars 

I’m sorry I’m not okay 

I really wish I was 

If only to be able to tell you
How much I love you 

Enough to not die for you

Enough to live with you

I still remember
the first day I saw you
Your curls were
not yet existent
I said, "hello"
You said, "nice shoes"
I wasn't fully prepared
For someone who'd notice
shoes but I guess
You'd be the exception
2 years went by too fast
We walked the DC streets
Your hands on my back
My eyes on your eyes
We sat down on the floor
Of a library full of stories
And read love poems
Other people had written
"I promise you
I will try harder"
You read
These words were stuck in my head
You were only 22
I was barely 17
The day you told me you loved me
But try as you might
You couldn't love me sober
When you reached out
You reached beyond me
You changed my name
Into someone else's
How was I supposed to know
Love didn't always have to hurt
I haven't heard from you in a while
But some silent nights
I still listen to your voice
Even after going so long without it
I realized nothing had really changed
You still sounded like someone
Who had never truly been mine

You were a hell of a swimmer
But my sadness was an ocean
That took you by surprise
I wrote you messages
On sea shells
On day by the shore
"I think I'll love you forever"
"I'm sorry it happened this way"
"I miss you"
I think a part of me wished
The waters would swallow the feeling
You were a hell a swimmer
But my sadness was an ocean
And our loved drowned in it
I'm sorry it happened this way

Acho que a gente
Olha a os demais
Com o olho da mente
Você me calma
Do meu coração
Até os profundezas da minha alma
Eu fique com homens
que falavam que me amavam
Mas confundi sus golpes
Y os nomes que me chamavam
Com as carícias do amor
Que lamentavelmente deixavam
meu corpo de um cor
De azul e vermelho
Acho que você me olha
com o olho da mente
Você não é como os outros
Você não é como os demais

I think heartbreak
Is much like a storm
It comes unexpectedly
Throwing us off into the cold
Flipping our lives upside down
Destroying the flowers that grew
On the walls of our hearts  
Some days I wonder
When my heart will decide
To plant flowers
That grow in water

"I carry your heart with me
(I carry it in my heart)"
I still do
I always will
If ever anyone carries my heart
It will be you

I can't say goodbye
Because I know that it'll hurt
And I know that I'll cry
So for now I'll say goodnight
For now we'll be okay
And tomorrow we'll be alright
We'll soon be apart
Who knows for how long
But know I keep you in my heart
We'll be far away
But sleeping under the same sky
And I will miss you
So instead of saying goodbye
I'll say see you later alligator
See you soon baboon

If you look in the corners
Of my heart
You'll find One
One was the first to plant
The small seed of love
In my young heart
From it flourished a red rose
He found it so beautiful
He decided to rip the petals off
Once he held them in his hands
He decided to go find another rose
One was the first
I wanted him to be the last
He was there in the past
He will be there in the future

Two
Was the second to arrive
He found the red rose
And saw that it was dry
His eyes were oceans
And he drowned the Rose in them
He was not satisfied with having
Only one Rose
He found someone else
To be his last
I opened the door for him to leave
So he wrote his name in the past

Three
Was the Christopher Columbus
Of the oceans of my heart
Three rediscovered the dying rose
And nurtured it
til the petals grew back
He wanted to erase the past
So he painted the petals white
And said it represented innocence
He adored the Rose
And admired its' beauty
He sang songs for it
Believing it would
Grow more beautiful
2 months too late
He realized it never would
He loved the idea of the Rose
Not the reality of caring for it
So he ripped it out from the roots
And wrecked it with his hands
He left empty handed
And left me empty hearted
Three was the third
I still dream about him
Being the last
I wish he wasn't
Stuck in the past

Four
Was a gardener
He knew his way around flowers
And had with him many dying roses
I should have known
He planted a rose bush
Fed it love poems and pretty songs
His voice was the only water
The roses would ever need
Once they had bloomed
He ripped them out
And went on his way
Onto some other heart
He was never truly mine
I had always been his
He won't be my last
He left too many scars
I put him in my past

Sometimes I think
Our love was like fireworks
Lighting up with night sky
In my soul
I said, "***** caution labels
I've dealt with these before"
But I stepped too close
To the explosion
My heart shattered
It wasn't your intention to hurt me
It wasn't my intention to fall
Some nights I still stay up
Just to see the fireworks explode
Just to feel like I did
When you told me you loved me
Just to remember
That sometimes
Even the most painful experiences
Can be beautiful
We were beautiful
I hope you remember us that way too

Sometimes I think
We were meant be
Perhaps in another dimension
You and me
Met in a coffee shop
At some small university
Or maybe our parents were friends
And we met as babies
Grew up as best friends
Became lovers at eighteen
Perhaps you were the king
And I was your queen
In some faraway Kingdom
Barely out of our Tweens
Or maybe we met
One night in a dream
Wanting to be real
Like ghosts want to be seen
I still think about you
Though I only see you in dreams
I wish it weren't true
But we're stuck in this dimension

Dear brother
Your heart has been torn
By yet another
Whose arms like spiderwebs
Brought your heart into her mouth
And let her teeth clash into it

Dear brother
I know the feeling
Like you will find no other
But I promise you
That every final paper
Results from many rough drafts

Dear brother
I see the love oozing out of you
Waiting to be shared with another
But learn to use it on yourself first
Please

Dear brother
You are not
someone else's "Other"
You are your own
You are enough

Dear brother
I know you have given up on
Finding another
But for now now we have
Each other

And dear brother
May we both learn
To love again yet another