My heart is heavy, my eyes are damp
But I have this overwhelming feeling
It isn't melancholic or bitter
I have this expanding feeling
It bursts right from my very core
Travelling down my nervous system
To the very tips of my fingers and toes
I feel it when I kiss him, when he holds me close
It grows and grows and grows
And this feeling
It would not be possible
Without the ones who I felt it for first
Who demonstrated it unconditionally  
From when I was very little to now
I have this infinite feeling
That keeps me safe against the unexpected, against the worry
Who needs blood? Or genetics?
As long as the people who really care about you are always there,
Who needs it?
Hold on tight to your family,
To the ones who keep you safe,
To the ones who teach you to grow
Never take them for granted
No matter how dysfunctional it is
Family is family
This infinite love, this bond
Can never be broken
Blood may be thicker than water, but
Bonds are stronger than blood.

I want to burn that image of you
In my memory forever
I want to remember every single detail
Of that moment
Of you, of me, of us
Your sparkling blue eyes felt like freedom
Your slightly self conscious smile felt like home
Wrapped up in your arms
Dancing to a crazy beat
Spinning wildly without a care
Oh you make me feel so alive
You always have
I want to burn that moment in my memory forever
I never ever want to forget how much I adore you
I never ever want to forget how
you set me free

I believe our lives are complied of a montage of moments. I believe some of these moments have infinite meaning and certain choice can influence the rest of your life forever.

I've wanted to write about us for as long as I can remember but I could never find the words that were quite right. Our love is not an epic star crossed lovers tale nor is it the will they won't they series that keeps you hooked. Our love is not extravagant, it is not the sort of thing best selling books and Hollywood films are made of. However it is meaningful. Our love is ours.

Maybe I'll never find the right words and my metaphors will forever be cliche but I will try anyways. I have to. You are simply one of the most incredible people I have ever met and I believe that more people should see you the way I do. You are perceived as ordinary but that couldn't be further from the truth. You find me when I am lost and your every breath is filled with life. You make me want to be better. I am. I am a better person with you.

And while we cannot always be together physically, we are usually separated by miles and miles, my heart, my soul, the very essence of my being is with you. You see me completely, all the gory, vulnerable, mad bits as well as the good. You know first hand how difficult I can be but you love me anyways. And you know what? I love who I am when I'm with you.

So that is why I'll keep on attempting to put what is ours into words. For you. I want you to know how amazing you are and how much I love every part of you, even the parts that sometimes drive me mad.

We might not have had love at first sight but let me tell you we don't need it. I fall in love with you more and more everyday. This love is ours.  Now where do I begin?

To save oneself one must learn to love themselves completely.

I keep expecting you to love the things I hate.

To accept them even.

Trouble is you don't believe in accepting this twisted up part of me.

I don't blame you, it's ugly and vile, it wraps me into something I don't like.

You say to accept it would mean there would never be progress.

But what if progress can only come from acceptance?

Maybe it's not your acceptance I need, or anyone else's.

Maybe all I need is to learn to accept myself.

To understand that I'll have setbacks on my journey to recover like anyone else.

To forget the past and future, to live only in the right here and now.

If I learnt to accept and love myself maybe I won't expect mountains from you.

I'd be able to give myself the world and everything else I so desparetly need.

Perhaps then, I wouldn't suffocate you so.

Perhaps then, I'd be free.

You were the girl
Who still wanted to play unicorns with me
When I was eight
You were the girl
Who I discussed some of my favourite books with
When I was ten
You were the girl
Who spent nights searching music
And sharing it with me
When I was thirteen
You were the girl
Who I spoke on the phone with about secret crushes for hours on end
When I was fifteen
You were the girl
Who I went to some of the best concerts with
When I was sixteen
You were the girl
Who's drunken confession over a toilet bowl made my stomach drop
When I was eighteen
You were the girl
Who was once my best friend for ten whole years only to turn into a complete stranger
When I was nineteen.

(Sometimes I miss you but I'm moving on)

I always dreamed
Reimagining myself
Into someone with more confidence
Someone who is bold, brave, wise
Someone who can achieve everything
I can only wish for
I always dreamed of praise
For appreciation for what I do
Who I am
I strived for it
With each new reinvention of myself
Only to be disappointed
I am constantly unsure
Of who I am
Or where I'm going
And I just want to be me
Without restraint
And I can't shake the feeling
That I've been so lost in these ideas
Of who I should be
That I'll never be able to find
I'll never be able to be
Appreciated
For who I really am.

Time is fleeting.
You can recreate a moment
But you can never get it back.
It will elude you forever
Even in your memories.
I think that's how you know you
Love someone.
While you'd love to live those special Moments again,
To revel in those magic feelings,
You're content with knowing there are so many
Moments together
You still have to live.
It's exciting when you think about life that way.
It's a collection of little things,
Little pieces that make the whole You
And it's different for every person.
I'm happy you're the person
I can spend my collection of little things with.