I'm cautious to a fault
I've never stared down
The barrel of a gun
I've never held
A blade to my wrists
But I've thought about it.

I was never a girl of extremes
I've never drunk
Poison until I passed out
I've never let my lips
Inhale ash
But I contemplated it.

I was never careless
After a few painful infatuations
And unrequited feelings
I fell in love
And this time, he loves me too
But somehow my heart is still fractured.

I cannot help but wonder
How someone so sensible
So careful
Can still be so messed up
When they have done nothing but
Tread without fault.

The thoughts and feelings
That I do my best to ignore
Stifle me, suffocate me
Even overwhelm me, sometimes
I'm cautious to a fault
And it terrifies me.

We are e(i)ther
On top of the world
Or pi(c)king up the pieces
There is no inbetween
No sh(a)des of grey
O(n)ly black or white
Only euphoric or broken
(T)hey say you should
Love deep(l)y
Or n(o)t at all
But i(s) it possible
To lov(e) someone too much?
I'm not sure of an(y)thing
All I kn(o)w is
I don't think I'll be able to
S(u)rvive
If my already fissured heart
Cracks clean in two(.)

Softly, so softly
My love, kiss me
Slowly, so slowly
Darling, caress my skin
Closer, so much closer
Let me feel you,
Let me breathe you in

Honey, I've been waiting so long
To hear you gently moan my name
For you to tell me you love me
With the same breath
Warm smiles
Lust filled eyes
I'm trembling inside

Oh, oh, oh
Love, you're all mine
And I, am melting.

It is perfectly possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone. It is perfectly possible to be surrounded by your best friends and feel like strangers. It's nobody's fault, sometimes the people you've known for ten years decide their part in your story is over and that's okay. It does you no good to hang on to people you no longer feel yourself around. Life is short and you shouldn't have to make yourself a lesser version of what you could be just to hold on to someone who doesn't want you anymore. People change and that's okay, you have to let these things go. It's not easy but you made a similar mistake before, you held onto someone who didn't care about you or your heart and you allowed them to proceed in stamping all over it. It took a long time to recover but when you finally let go of the terrible, horrible feelings weighing you down what happened? You allowed the most wonderful person to come into your life, you healed your soul and you haven't looked back since. This won't be easy, you love them and you never wanted to let them go like this but it's time to move on from all the bad feelings and just allow yourself to be. Be what? Anything you want. Change is certainly coming but it is a good change, you'll meet new people who are like minded and who value you. You won't have to step on eggshells anymore. You can finally be who you are meant to be and live the life you deserve to have. Let go. Forgive. Be free.

I'll love you forever
And I know that sounds foolish
I am just eighteen
I have no concept of time
What do I know about forever?
I'll love you forever
Even though, truthfully,
Forever scares me more than anything
And oblivion is terrifying
But doesn't fear teach you courage?
I'll love you forever
Even though I am young
And still have my life to live
This journey I'm on, I need to believe
You are part of me, aren't you?
I'll love you forever
Because you ignite my bones
And you allow my soul to shine brighter than every star in the galaxy
Isn't that the greatest kind of love?

Isn't it funny how
You can grow up with someone
And how they can be
Your best friend
For over half your life
And then suddenly
They start to drift away
And there's nothing you can do
To pull them back
The current is too strong
You know in your heart
They don't want you anymore
It wasn't meant to be
You blame yourself
You cry and cry until there's nothing left in you anymore
You cry until the fight is all gone
You fall
You crumble
Isn't it funny how
The ones who used to know you better than anyone
Can suddenly feel like
A stranger.

Paranoia seeps in my veins
You bit me
And now I'm poisoned
He tries to **** the venom out
Only I can do that
But I am not strong enough
This delirium
Is all I have left
Of you, of us
Ten years
Left to crumble into dust.