I T A K E P A I N K I L L E R S T O N U M B T H E P A I N O F L I V I N G

I want you more than the first man, Adam needed Eve.

Everyday different people like my poems,but do they know that we'll never meet and converse in real?

Every year I wish you happy birthday in my heart,even though I know you don't celebrate it.

Only real poets understand my work- said everyone

But my love, nobody is meant to be as depressed as you are.*


            Then why do they continue      
             To write when I can't.
             I lack inspiration but they don't.
             I hardly like their posts,when I exist within their reality.
           let my heart be depressed
           With their art.

Every word you speak is not relevant to meThe lives of Socrates and Plato do not matter to me Yet when your eyes light up,my heart does too
How do I avoid falling inlove with my lecturer like many girls do

Is it an anamoly that I have still not found the direction I'm supposed to be headed?

I needed more than just a kiss on my lips
I wanted you
I needed more than you holding my hand in private
I wanted your heart
I needed more than your poetic words
I wanted the truth
I needed more than those looks you gave me at the back of the class
I wanted us to be official

Everyone has a fancy car to drive
When I still use my feet
Everyone can buy fancy clothes
But I only get what I need
Everyone travels the world
Whilst I stay home
Everyone has money at their disposal
When my parents count what they have...

But It doesn't matter,
Because my parents did their best
To raise me exceptionally within their means <3

Thank you

Thinking thoughts of what should have been- confuse the brain.

I want you more than the air I breathe,yet you continue to play hide and seek with your feelings. Happy four years of nothing on October the 13th. Happy happy happy!

Why am I standing still,when you walked away a long time ago.

Let's begin the journeyTo refreshing our soulsWith poetic words on paper
We take the bull by the hornsTo achieve the dreams that our parents have not dreamed for us but our own
Where we conquer each of our failures to wear the crown of our successes
Hold on tight to your roller coaster
Let not the ride of life terrify the potential that lies hidden inside
When your soul screams to be kept alive Rewrite your story with a climatic twist Before the clock stops and your heart regrets Never achieving anything

Failure champions success.

Light the match,watch it burn
Hear the wood crackle as the wood burns awayHold the cigarette to your lips and light the end
Slowly inhale exhale the stress
Then watch the smoke disappear with your problems into the air

Why am I so rotten to the core?
That even the slightest bit of sympathy doesn't cross my heart
Even my smile has wilted away like roses on a winters day
Why don't I believe in love anymore?
How is it that my hearts gone cold
I have no empathy towards others
And inside the well of laughter has been replaced with tears
Why am I am I so rotten to the core
When I have so much to live for.

Lets paint portraits with our bodies
And my ******* will be the masterpiece
Your kiss will the paint brush
And your body the canvas
We can make as many mistakes as we want
Because it's the meaning that matters
Lets paint portraits with our bodies
And my lips will be your paint
Interpret our moans as art
Because what's a painting
If it can't be remembered

My life runs in circles
Whilst the flock avoids my space
Every word I speak
Brings destruction to my family
The truth tears apart relationships
When the lies destroy my soul
It's hard being the black sheep
But it's all I know
Every time I do my best
It fails before my eyes
And my depression was never a big enough sign for them to see me down
Black sheep black sheep
**** yourself now
Before you reproduce
A flock surrounded by bad luck

I've done many bad things in my life
I've said things that have hurt others
I've stringed sentences and words into lies
Yet somehow it is only my heart that gets broken
I've sugar coated words to protect others
Looked on judgingly at their problems,when really I should have sorted out my own
Yet how do I rebuild my life
Before there is nothing left of my soul?

Where am I going?
Where have i been?
Why do the plants sleep when there is no sunlight?
How does the earth dance without the animals feeling it?
Why do the clocks never lose track of time even when they're wrong?
Why can't I use all of my brain?
Then perhaps I could go to sleep instead of waking up tired again...

Dear God

Tell him that he is not a coward
That every word he writes
Is my poetic justice
Let him know that he is not his father
And my experiences without my father
Will not cloud my judgements

Amen

The mind has nothing left to write
But the soul yearns to be heard

I don't have friends
Not because I can't make any
But
Because the fear of getting too close and being left abandoned
Is too much to bear
So
I guess,my thoughts will forever be my best friends

You know when I said I wanted you
I never lied and now that it's been a year - I have zero ***** to give!!!

Does the dream of heaven
Seem foreshadowed by my sin
When I've fixated my life to being religious I've failed because I didn't listen His psalms and songs and the cry of David and his disciples
Was the ring tone to my ordeals and sorrows But it's time I acknowledged the fact that my experiences with God Were imagined and Now I search beyond the boundaries of depression to break every chain of oppression And every lie this tongue has spoken I release now to the heavens So that every burden that I carry Doesn't keep me from getting to the gates of heaven And I pray he saves me from every decision that brought weakness to this spirit Because when the devil confidently came in I was tired of reading my bible but God heard me faintly and brought me back here to testify that his word is alive Even though his son died once upon a time, He lived an honest life And that's what I want in my life To live and die and rise again
To see his face and just praise his name. Everyday

Is it possible to run out of words to speak?

I'm shy because I like you
But then you don't notice that...

49 days,1182  hours,70945 minutes,4256723 seconds
Left
And yet my feelings remain
Living in the present
No matter how many times I tell myself
You belong in the past..

When the pedals of a rose wither away,
They return more vibrant on another day.

-problems never last too long. Appreciate the growth that they spurt within.

Beauty is not defined by your skin colour,
Hair colour,
Eye colour,
Freckles,
Dimples,
Piercings,
Tattoos,
Birth marks,
Beauty spots,
Or your ****** features.
Beauty doesn't care whether you are
Tall,
Short,
A little chubby,
Or skinny,
Whether you have a thigh gap,
Or stretch marks,
Silver stripes or scars.
Beauty is not meant to be physical but rather what resides within.

He held her heart in his hands
Controlling her with bursts of passion
He was sincere and kind to her
But not in public
He confided his love to those around her
Yet she never knew
And his silence killed their dalliance
When his eyes met hers
Their minds grew their emotional bond
Yet his fear of love pushed her away
Whilst she plunged deeper in her emotions
And then she left
Because he could now longer control her
Only to find out -He had lost his first love

I have to stop being so negative,
It's not good for my soul,
My dreams,
My potential,
My heart,
It's not good for me.
It's not good for anyone..

I just wanna throw up already,
-Really.I'm not bulimic.

Would you love me if I showed you all of me.
If I showed you parts of me only known to myself.
Would you leave if you found out how deeply scarred my soul is.
Or how tormented my mind is by thoughts that might not even be real.
Would you kiss my lips knowing how many bad words they would have spoken against my selfesteem.
Would you hold the same hands that inflicted harm on my skin with scissor blades.
Would you...

Make
Me
Feel
Human

Fall
In
Love
With
Me
Today

Don't
Leave
Me
Instead
Make
Me
Believe
In
Love

The clouds are none
And the skies grey
He holds are hand,after the years and years
And still it makes her smile
The windows cry,hiding what's really inside
The trains come and go
Unaware of how gloomy and cold
The people outside really are
What miserable weather to have
Especially when the aged lovers make their way home...

I only miss you when the rain pours because that's the day my demons found yours

What's the use of living,when we're all dead inside anyway?

I am happy
I am sad.

Choke me already.
Dance with me.
Hit my head against the wall.
Kiss me in the rain.
Leave bruises on my arm.
Make love to me again.

I am happy.
I am sad.

I've found my true love.

I                                         And
Don't                                      You
Have                                               Can't
The                                                  Do
Courage                                     Anything
To                                                About
Believe                                        It
In                                               Because
Myself                                     We're
(Yet)                                 The same...

He makes his way through the white office corridors
The fresh aroma of cigarettes,heavily enticing
He smiles.
"Morning" he says with a chuckle at the end
His wedding band is off,again
The ten year gap in age is not enough to keep my feelings away
But he's a father to a child,19 years my younger
My focus remains on the computer screens before me
And when he walks away I take another breathe
Knowing had I looked him in the eyes I'd've fallen inlove further

his lips suckled her right breast
as she lay closely to his chest
the windows swung to the melody of the wind
he didn't mind the scars on her chest or those from her burst appendix
and in all the time that he touched her
she never once did moan in pleasure or respond
his left hand fiddled with her hair
whilst the other found itself entwined with hers
"you're beautiful",he'd whispered every time he raised his head
the rain poured
entering the wide open windows on the second floor
but still she did not respond
her body remained cold and her lips blue
they remained alone for hours in the hidden room
he made love to her until he couldn't move
and when he was done cleaned her up
before closing the windows and mopping the floors
because the next day was her funeral

And finally,
I was not alone.
I never was.
My feelings were mutual,with those who too belonged to the world
I am home.

Run my love,
After your dreams
You'll find me here waiting.

-said nobody.

His lips fed darkness into her soul
Always leaving her empty and alone
And when death called,he persuaded her to answer
"I'll find you tomorrow",he said before he'd go
But when that day came,all was a mistake
And she was left with no home
Wondering in a space
Whilst her earthly companions mourned...

How could you let me drown
Knowing that I couldn't swim
Yet till this day I do not regret
That I still love you.