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 Feb 2016
Akemi
How many people ****** in this room?
Hopped up on speed or coke
Throwing their heads against the walls
Until they cracked like piggy jars

Crutch in a crescent
I lost a good friend because I couldn’t bear her
******* random strangers
As if *** meant more than friendship

**** these patriarchal structures
Disneyfied landscapes
Monogamous nuclear values

This world is wretched
And I took a part in it
10:35am, January 7th 2016

*** isn't sacred
stop enforcing the human body
in patriarchal *******
 Dec 2015
Akemi
There’s nothing there anymore
Empty space
A neck without a head

I remember how you taught me to tie my tongue
Or maybe I taught myself
Doesn’t matter

I just wanted to fill the space
So we made nooses on our deathbed
I caught your breath and framed it
‘Holly blooming’
Before asphyxiating

Never did pick up my head from your apartment
You’ve probably moved away
Shifted flesh and become someone else

Doesn’t matter
Never did
4:11am, December 8th 2015

What a pointless thing we had.
 Aug 2015
Akemi
Smoke under your clothes
Who’d know?
Summer died beneath you
In some apartment we ****** in
5:23am, August 2nd 2015

Where did you go?
 Jun 2015
Akemi
Lovers in the lines disappearing
Folding fading

Hazy in the midnight
Waning grey

My eyes were flickering lights
Passing stories unsaid
And a comfort I can’t remember

Curve gone crooked
I left my head here
I left my head

Misread your softness
Misspoke some promise
Blurred in the wind
7:56pm, May 29th 2015
 Aug 2014
Akemi
You were a laughter in the haze
A sweet smiling charmer by the entrance way
Falling for nothing is too easy
I’m aroused, I’m around, please me

It was the lip gloss, it was the perfume
It was the sweat, and the death of restraints
It was the vacant way you came
Falling for nothing

We were in motion with the windows ablaze
I was a searchlight without a face
Scanning every inch of your skin for love
Shedding my flesh from above

My cruel lover
My cruel lover
I played the part just as well
9:00pm, June 11th 2014

We might as well be strangers.
 Aug 2014
Akemi
Restless, you lie
Draped in autumn gold
You brush the dirt from your wings
And the leaves from your soul

You trail the night
Fire-flight through your skin
Brightest at the horizon
Distant and brief

Cold fire, wild love
Your passion spills over
Spills out
Cold desire, wild love
Your passion is dire
Count me out
7:41am, January 2nd 2014

I need someone I can trust . . .
 Aug 2014
Akemi
Blood come, blood lust
Pulse and closed trickle
Pledged and disloyal
Come beckon her closer

The red grin dismantles
Flesh as well as the cleaver
Pain left drowned within
Infinite desire

And heir blackens and boils
Skin softer than petals
Split apart for the curious /
The insatiable

Come beckon her closer
Come beckon her closer
We all die in the moment
And live for nothing.
8:17pm, November 28th 2013

Desire, attachment, replacement.
 Aug 2014
Akemi
Every new rise
You ghost further from touch
Your pastel eyes
Dried their watercolour love

Once formless on skin
We were formless in lust
But two hundred nights
Left me desolate

Knotted and heaving
Out of breath, out of season
Losing sleep, losing purpose
Am I not enough?

Knotted and heaving
Out of breath, out of season
Once something worth knowing
But you’re not enough.
2:07am, October 19th 2013

You can't ever hope to replace love with lust. Don't ever be so desperate or foolish as me.
 Aug 2014
Akemi
Half found terrified—half lost fearless age
I’ve only the courage to get me through the day
And my perspective has been waning with each sleepless night
Lost in faces I no longer recognise

I’m certain I follow the same as my father
Running from the troubles of east coast
Or my brother, and my mother
Letting all my loved ones go

I’m too weak to fight my fear of lovers getting close
Too tired to wake from the delirium
That I hurt my own soul
Too changed to shine on and get through the day
Without a stutter in my thoughts
That I’ve made a mistake

I’m not sorry that I let you in
More that I cut you off without a thank you
Or a goodbye
Kiss
But my lips tremble and my hands shake at the slightest sign
That life is getting on and getting by
Without me by your side
9:35am, September 17th 2013

Be fearless, or be alone.
 Aug 2014
Akemi
Wicked gaze draws the life
To blossom bright through too wide eyes
Overexposed, like blowing bulbs
They crackle and crack
Leaking dead hope
1:57am, January 19th 2013

Sometimes you fall in love with someone,
who will do not good to you.
Who casts their eyes through you,
uses you,
and others,
breaking your heart,
and hopes.
 Aug 2014
Akemi
Wither your wings go
Yet, forth you walk
To parting lips, blackened
Breath
Sheathing nervous impulse

Behind roiling haze
You were immortal, once
Gazing without seeing
A glass heart
Full of hope

Life flushed your veins gold
Sunk its teeth
Into warm pulse
Carried two sets
Of two strands
To a place, called home

But fear
Etched its make
Into the hollow of your soul
Creasing aspirations
Careless in their birth
And growth

Lying, in a lull
You flicker through
Replays
Fingers lacing
Soft wake,
Soft skin,
Immeasurable
8:08pm, February 28th 2013

The closer you get, the easier I can see you for what you are
And it is something I do not like
I do not want to know your kind

Before I knew you
We were untouched by each other
And you could never have moved me
Through joy, anger, and fear

But life blossomed when you arrived
And brought such warmth

Then you discovered the real me, as I discovered the real you

I remember so many good times
That will stick with me
But I’m not sure if I want you to
 Aug 2014
Akemi
I’ll catch the summer breath in your hair
The receding waves cast their nets and retire
Vacant white tumbles free
And I’ve set my sights to a horizon I’ll never meet
You cradle fears and hopes
Inside wild ambition, escaping youth
I’d want to escape for reasons other than
The unstable hues of you
I’ve often watched the lines reach your eyes
And spun a tale of bliss from blindness
Never knowing whether the shores of your beginning
Will meet the ends of mine, at all
In starlit night I’ve touched affection
The purposeless cry mixed with human interpretation
Shifting from beauty to a sheltering ache
Makes me wonder if I’m fleeting like the days left in our wake
11:23am, January 7th 2013

I've never met someone so carefree. I fear there is no holding her, and when she decides to leave, she will leave--like fleeting Summer; an inevitability. I will cherish our time, with aching regret. But that's her nature, I think, and I can't bear to think what I'd be doing to her if I tried to stop that. If I tried to change her.

Despite this, I've selfishly attached so many of my hopes onto her. I wish I could follow that smile halfway across the world and back, but I'm tied down by responsibility. Responsibility I'd throw away if possible. I'd do anything to wake to such a smile, every day. I wonder if she ever feels the same.

I think I felt such affection returned once . . . on a cloudless Summer's night, lit by star- and street-light. Bright silver of the moon melted into the street's orange glow, lighting pavement, sand and distant waves. A backdrop that stilled as her amused eyes grew soft, and lips replaced words.
 Aug 2014
Akemi
Stolen light, comes to life in the downpour
Awake in the dead of night, shutters open to collapsing skies
Folded up, I felt the warmth of five points held to mine
And a breath to distill fear
As regular as my heartbeat
2:09am, February 5th 2013

The streetlamps dappled the grey roads with a ghostly yellow haze. They were like artificial suns, alive only in the night, as if they’d selfishly stolen the life from the sun to power themselves.
I lay awake, listening to the pouring rain, holding her in my arms.
While asleep, she reached out to grab my hand, and brought it close, wrapping both hers around it.
Such a small motion spoke of so much unspoken affection.
It dispelled the fears I'd collected over the last month.
Her breath alternated between calm and ragged, occasionally voicing some distress I couldn’t see myself--it was a rhythm my heart followed that night.

— The End —