She is just so ******* confusing. I guess I just have to keep living life on normally and see what happens. I will be me. I will figure out how to play this chaotic game of life. I will carry this burden until I find someone else. Then I will carry their burden too because that’s the type of person that I am. When I love someone, I want them to be happy and I will do whatever it is in my power to make them happy. If the one I love doesn’t want to be with me and wants to be with that other guy (who I hear is a terrible person), then so be it. If she is happy, then everything is fine. That is the only thing that matters. I just hope that this rotten man won't be her downfall. I want her to know that if she is struck down by this man, I will always be here to support her in whatever way. I love you…

I was used as a temporary coping device.
I am trying not to be ignored, but also trying not to be seen as clingy.
I will continue feeling pain without changing anything and just see what happens.

Actually feeling like death is better,
Better than letting her borrow my sweater,
Cold but she needs the warmth more and pleasure,
Doesn’t come easy when we’re talking Heather,
Endlessly flowing love has nowhere to go,
Fire and water that will burn and will flow,
Getting pain and repose all in one blow,
How do you regulate love? no one knows,
Infidelity fills the atmosphere,
Just like how the mug and all of your beer,
Kills you over time quickly drawing you near,
Little voices, the insanity premier,
More drugs to drown the drastic discomfort,
No way you know how much I have suffered,
Open the blinds but keep emotions covered,
Painfully black and white out the colors of,
Quirky emotions that fall off the shelf,
Remind yourself that nobody can help,
So you end up understanding that the self,
Tortures you and you can’t blame anyone else,
Under pressure and stress twenty-four seven,
Violence seeping out pores till’ I’m deafened,
Woke-wise so I won’t make it to heaven,
Xenophobe so no change cause depression,
Yields surprising results in the face of,
Zipped up introverts in the place of poets.

I ran like I said I would,
Something I never thought could,
Possibly happen to someone like me,
A depressed sailor that is lost at sea,
It's mid-day, but it's so cold,
Out in this dumb tale untold,
My mom has probably called the police,
And tried to put my sisters minds at ease,
By telling them some white lie,
So they don't worry and cry,
Probably tried calling all of my friends,
Which might just cause a reaction which sends,
Their parents out to find me,
This is realistically,
The current outcome of this sad, sad day,
Maybe I am also lost in my ways,
Just like my eldest sister,
Gives two *****, but I still missed her,
When she was at the mental hospital,
Doesn't have a way to cope, like riddles,
Poems, playing music or just listening,
Acts ******, but wants to grow up and sing,
Then there is the step-brother and father,
A couple ***** I try to not bother,
With even though I have to live with them,
Living is ******* bile, mucus, and phlegm,
All mixed into one "delicious" dessert,
Continue eating but it ******* hurts,
As I'm freezing in the cold and writing,
I think I realized the lie I'm fighting,
Maybe I'm trying to see who still cares,
Mainly the girl in all of my nightmares,
I dream of her at least once every night,
Nothing scary either, never a fright,
Dreams of fairly normal activities,
No matter what it is, puts me at ease,
Because her presence is what I care for,
That's how I know it's love deep in my core,
Boiling for someone who doesn't love me,
At least that is how I've come to perceive,
The relationship between me and her,
A lovely ***** that is obsessed with fur,
Sometimes I like to see how long I can,
Go on in a poem without the mention,
Of heartbreak or the heartbreaker, Heather,
As fierce as a lion, yet a feather,
Something delicate, couldn't hurt a soul,
But could tear a heart and let em' just roll,
On with life and never mention a thing,
Like there was nothing there, like it don't sting,
I guess I failed and I mentioned her name,
I am the only person that's to blame,
I might just attempt round two tomorrow,
Meanwhile, leave me to drown in my sorrow.

I remember the day I came to meet you for the first time in early August,
I remember being invited back at least once every week for two and a half months,
I remember the special look you gave me and what it meant,
I remember how you sought human contact around me and how you acted henceforth,
I remember the awkward sliding beneath my legs and how it became a norm,
I remember the unrelenting clinginess that I so desired,
I remember you grabbing me by the arm and taking me somewhere nobody could find us,
I remember the moistness of your lips against mine,
I remember the full weight of your body on mine as you nestled against me,
I remember the regret you felt,
I remember the regret i felt once I perceived your shame,
I remember the persistent, yet subtle avoidance,
And I still come across your circumvention resulting in mass amounts of pain to this day.

"What a little ******* *****,
He’ll never come cross a chick,
That will wanna **** his ****,
So why the hell does he think,
My mouth gonna be his kink,
Imma let him drown and sink,
In his vast tide of loneliness,
**** his wavy-haired holiness,
Just there to steal his coziness,
Nah *****, **** the harmonious,
And **** humans, they’re odious,
Leave em’ rotting in moldiness,
Let em’ express their emotions,
And question all of their notions,
Cause they’re all losers and broken,
Why not speak, you’re all unspoken,
But let’s not cause a commotion,
Cause I think now we’re approaching,
The part where I tell you something,
When music had the bass bumping,
And mons push and our lips touching,
And to your **** blood was rushing,
I was high, think you’re disgusting,
******* *****, please become nothing."

Although the things that I said are probably not true,
I'm just seeing the worst outcome from her point of view,
Now I'm going off with my old friends and my new crew,
Starting a rap group called Dugtrio, gonna make our debut.

Sitting here alone,
Feeling the pain of heartbreak,
As I write some poems.

I wish I was invisible,
I could easily hide away,
This has to be a miracle,
A wish that will come true someday.

Sure, there are people that want to see me,
But they are just few less than a dozen,
I wish I could remove the debris cause,
The one who I want to see me, doesn’t.

She used to see me quite clearly,
Back when I think and hope she cared,
Back when there was intimacy,
When I held her when she was scared.

I will cover up with fake emotion,
Until I can finally realize,
That there are many fish in the ocean,
Fish that are venomous sharks I despise.

You gave me a feeling that I can not replicate,
And I can't always see you because you sit and wait,
For another man that poisons you and even deflates,
Any chance of learning love in a positive way,
You know this already, but you still play his game,
As I am out preaching, he is butchering your name,
I think it's about time you knock him out of the frame,
All he's brought in the past is depression and shame,
I have to sit in sadness while he calls you babe,
My love is depleting, this does not feel great,
For some reason, your presence forever elates,
Still something on my chest when I'm around you, it's weight,
Tryna' keep my distance but not completely go away,
My feelings are dulling quickly, turning from white to gray,
My life portrays the perfect 'heart broken man' cliche,
My emotions were treated like some game you play.

I messed up the other day,
I was out on my way,
To Get some sodas for a party,
Passing up Honda's and Harley's,
On my 44-Inch long-board,
Going and coming back with no reward,
Cause I was going 30 down the street,
The road was slick, I slipped and tried to land on my feet,
But I was going too fast,
I must've missed the forecast,
And it was pitch black,
So, who knew it was wet,
Flipped a couple times, messed up my back,
And whiplash to my neck,
Had to walk five minutes back home,
Tried to wave down cars but I continued to roam,
Cause nobody's tryna' pick up a ****** man,
On the side of the street that can barely stand,
Eventually got home to the poker party,
Parents looked at me and yelled, "Good God Almighty",
Go clean yourself up, you might need stitches,
Where's your long-board, I said it's back in one of the ditches,
Hopped in the shower to clean out the dirt,
But the pressure on the wounds really hurt,
The adrenaline rush dulled the pain,
But it was ending, blood dripping down the drain,
I brought up this story three days later,
Not to show you that I'm a bad skater,
But to show that the hole in my heart, that massive crater,
Hurts more than all my physical pain, yeah, it's a lot greater,
Never felt pain like a broken heart,
It is literally off the charts,
They asked me for my pain level,1-10,
It hurts like the devil, I said eleven,
Thousand four hundred sixty-eight,
Below sixty-nine, let's get one thing straight,
It was only a kiss and an exchanging of words,
For two and a half months but now that's for the birds,
Apparently, because emotions mean nothing,
When you're a ***, but to me they mean something,
Now I think I got my point across,
Now I'll go back to enduring my albatross,
Now I'll hold my pillow tighter in the night,
Cause I left a killer, a beautiful white,
Girl that left me to die,
You think you're so ******* sly,
Going around with different guys,
Making all of them cry,
Buying into all of your lies,
Now my anger is getting to me,
I should leave, I should say goodbye,
I can't perceive even though I have good eyes,
That's the last time I'm deceived,
By a girl that has disguised,
Herself to look like an angel,
I'm not mad though,
I just want to strangle,
Anyone that wants you,
I'll stop now, I'm so confused,
I've been bruised, misused, then refused,
A relationship, man this is abuse,
You're the only one that's amused,
I can't stop the rhyming yo,
This must be diffused,
Now my motto is bros before hoes,
It's time to elude...

Use the strange abstractions,
and temporarily use distractions,
which creates a sudden reaction,
temporarily forgetting attractions,
to people that meet your satisfaction,
but don't like your inaction,
cause you're a social freak that can't have a normal ******* interaction.

I really love her, but she really loves him,
And he doesn't love her, but just likes her slim body that will do anything on his **** command,
But I love her for her, she's the fairest in the land,
She takes me to her home to become so intimate,
She reaches her limit but my love is limitless,
She labels me as son and asks me to call her mom,
Strange fetish or excuse to snuggle, either way brings me to ROM,
The
Realm
Of
Madness,
That's where I'm stuck right now,
Stuck in between her way of life and the Tao,
Remaining friends and never anything less,
Hopefully more than friends if I make progress,
But I am not the one getting touchy feely here,
Because I don't want to make her uncomfortable or fear me,
Because I might drop,
From my current spot,
And lose the trust I've earned,
The whole entire lot,
So I say ***** love,
***** life,
I don't want to die,
I just don't want to exist,
I can see through the mist,
Wrote down reasons to live,
It was a small list,
Why must my breathing persist...