There's a girl with walls around her
Walls that were built to protect her from the evils of the world
Walls with masks hanging
Each showing a different face
But

I see her behind her walls

The more she's hurt
The thicker the walls become
Effectively deterring anyone from getting close
Yet trapping her inside
But

I see her behind her walls

The facades she brings forth
Are carefully calculated
To minimise any foul play
So that she doesn't have to have her heart
And soul scarred and broken again
But

I see her behind her walls

She runs behind her walls
Flinging sarcasm, insults and indifference
Whenever someone tries to get close
As she's learned time and again
That every time she brings down her walls and allow someone into her heart with the promise that she doesn't need her walls anymore
They tear her defenses down from the inside
Leaving her to rebuild all by herself
But

I see her behind her walls

I come knocking on her walls
Calling for her to let me in
Telling her that
I see her behind her walls
And that I love her
And that I'm not asking her to bring down her walls
But to build our own walls
Just us

Can you see us behind our walls?
You're not welcome

These urges are getting stronger,
Becoming harder and harder to fight.
I thought I was strong,
But I am weak
I'm craving the pain,
The blood.
I thought I was better
But this overwhelming wave
Of sadness
Is back in full force
And I'm addicted to the pain
Giving in to the urges is inevitable
It's easier this way.

"It takes five seconds or less to fall apart. It takes a lifetime to put ourselves together."

Addicted.

Every month.

This month it's been every week.

I can feel myself learning.

I've learned to rebuild.

Rebuild. Relapse. Rebuild. Relapse.

But when will I stop going back.

Relapse.

-InTheWorldOfCyn

It starts on day one

The hardest moment in your life.
Is stepping up.
Throwing away the blades.
Flushing the pills.
Breaking the lighters.
Healing the wounds.

Day one is the most important.
Right after day two.

But my darling.
What if I don't make it to day one?

It takes many reasons to recover but one to relapse.

I think it's been a while
Since the day it seemed to be over
And above all the sadness that piled
I still can't believe you did not say goodbye

No notes, no goodbyes
No notes to tell me that it is a lie
That I should not believe you will come back
That I should not listen to the same old soundtrack

Not a single word to remind me that it is gone
To remind me that you have already moved on
To remind me how stupid I was to trust you
You left me hanging

You left me
Without a word
Without a clue
Hanging