You know this is wrong,

You’re overwhelmed, let me help you

You’ve put your mind on hold,

We can make it disappear,

You know I’m the one

More fickle than the seasons
fragile like thawing ice

attached with a firm grip
clutching like a baby’s hand.

Desperate but never dangerous
susceptible yet not defenceless
acquiescent, though a fool.

They are the simpleton’s
that embrace counterfeit fables,
illusions of promise

And at the end
that makes them break

I pray for the day you crave my touch more than anything

And I will watch you wither in sorrow

As I have.

My throat is numb,
I don’t feel the barbwire in my esophagus

My feet are purple,
I’m dangling them with an anchor

My wrists swollen,
fingers about to fall from restriction

My face bloated,
from every love bite.

Lips, still red
always smiling

The first thing I reach for in the morning

is you.

Yet you’ve changed,
you’re a box
full of bad habits.

I wish I could leave you in the ash tray like all all my stress,
I’m struggling to quit this, to quit us

This wrong side of heaven
This pairing

But I let the pollution fester

I want to leave you in the ash tray,
but what if it still burnt
and started a wildfire.

I remember my place,
the one you promised me

You were going to shower me with jewels and royalty. While I danced for you in that throne room.

My kingdom has gone dark, somehow you left me,

yet we are still the king and queen of a miraculous tragedy.

ignited like a lighter,
fluid burning quick

rot on my skin, scars up you face

i watch you perish in debauch
while you hold my hand

cut open my stomach,
and gut me

dissect the tumour,
that you left in me

do i still look like the girl you used to know?

with my intestines on display,
and a smile on my face

remember what you did to me

a man you could miss for two days straight,
wouldn’t miss you for a year

i miss those days where i’d **** on lollipops and cigarettes,
i miss those days when it seemed like you missed me, and you hugged me so tight.

those days when we didn’t worry about debt and the slanted kisses on ones wrist.

i miss those days.
i miss that one yesterday.

the jacket you left here still smells like cigarettes,
yet i'm wearing it because it makes me feel like i'm not alone

i swallowed a pill today.
a happy pill, the others said.

i felt no joy, only my pain.
so i took two the next day.

still no change,  they said
it could take a few days.

so i took another pill today.
and i feel like it's stuck in my throat