Right now I am living. I am doing what I love.
I know people that make me feel things. Hatred. Love. Anxiety. Calmness.
With every moment that occurs I know I am alive. I am.
My heart is beating.
I can think.
I can breathe.
I can live.
I do.

The difference is dying.
Right now I am dying. Still, I am doing what I love.
I am spending time with the people who make me feel. Love. Hatred. Calmness. Anxiety.
With every minute that passes I know it cannot be repeated. Because I am dying.
My heart is beating.
I can think.
I can breathe.
I can live.
For now.

But I will die.
The world is not made of my time.
Life is made of lots of smaller times, all different sizes.
My time is uncertain, as uncertain as yours.
I cannot change this. You cannot change this.
Only time will ever know.

Met a man on Denmark Street,
Thought of him throughout the week.
Said that he had plans to go away.
He wept as I walked out of sight,
I cried for him all that night.
I wonder if he made it to today.

I met a ******* Old Mold Road,
She said her mum was going bald.
Didn't know what she was going to find.
Saw her again one day ago,
Her eyes were lacking that lively glow.
I wonder if she left her life behind.

In the cold of the snow,
Or the biting chill of many winters that you've known,
Think of all the people left out in the world all on their own,
Maybe they want nothing or all they want is just a home.
Maybe all they want is just a home.

Met a ******* windy lanes,
She tried to shelter from the rain,
But her coat was wet and soaking through.
I watched as she got on a train,
Her smile didn't shine the same.
I wonder if she's moved to somewhere new.

Think back now to how you are,
Have you really come that far?
Is anything that much of your own?
Some people will travel miles,
To be let down but still give smiles,
In a hope that they're not left just skin and bones.

Frantically reaching down for some grounding,
Feeling lighter than ever.
Feet firm, fingers stretched.
Eyes frantically darting around,
Looking for a hook or
Something to hold on to.
Grasping at the sticky air.

A pause.

Exhale.

Let go,
Not giving up.
Lose control in order to gain control.
Wander alone for security and wonder,
What happened to safety in numbers?
No voices getting heard,
All drowning in conversation.

A pause.

Inhale.

Head up, mind back.
Dizziness is relieving.
Lost in familiar places,
Home but not quite.
A lone ranger, alone,
Yet still not lonely.

A pause.

A breath.

Why me again?
Well, it's not actually me, it's you.
But again?
Not one, or two,
Or three, but four.
And I can't cry this time, not again.
How do I cope?
I mean, it's harder for you.
But I don't know if I can cope again.
What if you're not successful,
What if you deteriorate,
What if the same happens to you?
What will I do?
I guess you're not going to be doing much.
But I'm glad I'm not you,
I couldn't be so unable.
So tired yet tiring
Ready to be retiring
I don't think I'll ever be you.

I don't quite know how
You manage to make me feel
As loved as you do.

As the waves rattle
Into tomorrow's likeness
I know we'll be fine

This one's different.
I don't have a plan.
I suppose you could say this is like my feelings, real life.
You can't plan everything, even if you try.
You constantly learn, in many ways.
Through your mistakes.
Through helping and teaching others.
Through being you and living life.
I'm not saying you have to love it, or live it well.
Who judges whether you're living life 'well'?
Surely if you're living you're doing something right?
I wish I had the answers.
It would be nice to know what to do.
But right now I don't.
A lack of inspiration? Possibly.
A lack if you? Probably.
Life isn't simple, though we try.
With our charts and graphs and proof of goodness, well I think that's where we're wrong.
Why do we need to prove the goodness? Why not the bad, the unfortunate?

This may be a ramble, and sure, I'm not perfect.
I am living.
I am human.
I am me.
And that matters.

On the first day the lightning struck,
Piercing straight into my heart.
On the second day the thunder rumbled,
Shaking my bones in agony.
The third day followed with windy weather,
Blowing my thoughts and feelings out of proportion.
Day four brought the rain,
Flooding eyes and brains with tears and fears.
Fifth came the dull fog,
Clouding up my judgement.
Day six was pretty fine,
Everything was calming.
Day seven arrived with drought,
Drying out the hurt.
The weeks went on,
Seasons ever changing.
And as the weather grew colder, with ice and snow,
My heart was freezing with it, unable to ever let you go.

The heat bubbles through his insides.
He knows it needs to settle.
People stare, wondering what it is.
What's happened?
He's heard the lies.
He's seen the deceiving faces.
Tornadoes twist in his tendons.
Every muscle tensing and cramping.
From his toes to his fingers and straight to his brain.
The storm that's erupted is getting insane.

It's all too much.
He struggles to breathe.
He gives out a sigh,
A little relief.
But he knows this will happen again.
No matter of why or when.
It will happen again, exactly the same.
And one day he won't be able to stop it.

Who knew that people
Would find love at any point
Randomly through life.

I'll start from the beginning, where I first heard of you.
I could dream of meeting, but I didn't think it would come true.
Happily we arranged, but sadly you declined,
And now I don't know what to do.

I used to write you letters, and hope you would reply.
Sometimes in life it's not as we expect, I didn't think it would be like this.
I imagined myself calling, smiling at the thought with cold aspirations,
But now I don't know what to do.

And as you lay there, still as can be,
I knew we could never truly meet.
Maybe in another life I could keep you safe.
But just for now I'll watch from here and hold on to the idea of hope.

Moving further on with life is sometimes harder than it seems,
Especially when you start to question "what does life really mean?"
I'll tell you now, from my experience, you never really know.
What you have is meaningless until you have to let it go.

Playing this game, like
It's as fun for me as you.
It isn't. It *****.

I'm constantly last.
But you keep that consistent,
You always need more.

I won't be able
To help your cause once we're through,
You don't deserve me.

It's all take, no give.
You effortlessly ignore,
For you, it's easy.

I can slip away,
Faster than you'll ever know.
Than you'll ever care.

Just watch me leave you.
Believe me, I can. I will.
One day. Just leave you.