Alabaster boy
Unlearn the things they have told you
Harsh lips and uncaring smiles
The ones who hated you
And the lips
That were supposed
To love

Alabaster boy
I want to untie the stitches
Of the scars on your left arm
Those crimson red slashed grins
Taunting you
Mocking you
I cannot heal them
But I can drown out their cries

Alabaster boy
You are so beautiful
Carved from marble
Soft as snow
Warm as laughter

Alabaster boy
Let me undo the damage
From years ago
Let me kiss every inch
Of your beautiful skin
Let me heal
With kind lips
And soft eyes-

Alabaster boy
I will treat you
With the reverence you deserve
Until you can look in the mirror
And see your beauty painted whole.

I have a hole
Inside my chest
I try to fill it up.
With voice
With words
With love
With dodie tickets.

Nothing sticks.

Like glitter in the wound,
I bleed out.

I don’t play chess with love.
There is no strategy, no foresight,
No due process; only a knot in the gut
Which prevents all action
That does not result in your touch.

I don’t chase after love.
I lie in wait, in unfamiliar places,
Abandoned mines and filthy drunk tanks-
Watch morning break through the cloud
With stupid hope there are no more false dawns.

I don’t bear false witness to love.
I tie a ribbon to the loaded gun
And hand it over to the woman
Holding a scalpel with a smile
And earnest for my confession.

I don’t want to do this anymore.
My heavy limbs, lack of light.
Waking up to Ground Zero
And sleeping with a lie of chemicals .
I don’t want to forget how to love.

I don’t think the choice is mine.

I have a hole
Inside my chest
I slowly fill it up.
With laughter
With inside jokes
With love
With positivity posts.

Something heals.

Like puzzle pieces slotting,
I am home.

I am waving at you across the dark.
I tried screaming but your ears were trained
To happy melodies,
Better sounds,
And all in the reception of G-d.

I tried reaching blindly for your arm
But only grasped the warmth
From where your body had been.
I am always holding out
For thin air.

I tried conspiring potions, pheromones
To dethrone you from your impassible place
Amongst the glory of creation.
I was always terrified,
Too scared to walk amongst the living.

I tried to lace your lips with my promise
So even when I cannot kiss you
I steal your words,
your taste,
your lipstick..

I am still waiting for you.
I fumble at the switch
In a room of locked doors and iron windows.
Too scared to let the light in without you.
Too scared that when I do

You will be gone.

So,
Here's to the lost soul
The one who wants to go right but goes left
For no apparent reason

The one who dreams high and stumbles upon the depth

The one who is as tangled as the knotted
Earphone

The one who wants to go out and
Stay at home, the same time

The one who wonders why they didn't chose the former or the later and vice versa
Upon choosing the former and the later
And regrets anyway

Here's to the one who have no idea what they are doing with life

The one who wants to do better
But does the same thing everyday

The one who feels
Entire world is running infront of their eyes
And they are bounded just like trees from their roots

Here's to the one who don't know who they are
Or
why they are
Or
What they are

Here's to the lost soul
Who often don't see the charisma of their own reflection
Because
They are so lost
In their own thought
In their own world

They.
Them.
They are here.
And everything is because of them.
They control everything and anything.
The reason is from them.
They hurt you,
If you try to hurt me.
They hurt me,
If I try to hurt you.
The dolls inside of me love you,
But they hate you.
D o l l s.
They live inside of me,
And get out whenever they want to.
Sooner or later they always come back,
Because I am my dolls,
And they are me.
Do what they tell you to.
Only them can control what is ours.
Live with the thought that you can't escape.
Lie like you believe me.
So you can answer me like you mean it.

Now, do you know my dolls?
*And where are yours?