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Nov 2018 · 243
A Cigarette Love Affair.
Cath Williams Nov 2018
inhale.
1
hold it in your chest
2
hold it in your lungs
3
hold it in your heart
pause.
how long does it take to fill
4
a chest
5
your lungs
6
my heart
Stop.
exhale.
1
release your chest
2
release your lungs
3
release your heart
pause.
how do you feel
4
loneliness
5
anxiety
6
heartbreak
Stop.
linger.
1
inhale

pause
3
exhale
pause.
how could you
4
live
5
exist
6
die
Stop.
Jan 2018 · 312
Paused.
Cath Williams Jan 2018
Frantically reaching down for some grounding,
Feeling lighter than ever.
Feet firm, fingers stretched.
Eyes frantically darting around,
Looking for a hook or
Something to hold on to.
Grasping at the sticky air.

A pause.

Exhale.

Let go,
Not giving up.
Lose control in order to gain control.
Wander alone for security and wonder,
What happened to safety in numbers?
No voices getting heard,
All drowning in conversation.

A pause.

Inhale.

Head up, mind back.
Dizziness is relieving.
Lost in familiar places,
Home but not quite.
A lone ranger, alone,
Yet still not lonely.

A pause.

A breath.
Nov 2017 · 361
Self Confessed Mess.
Cath Williams Nov 2017
My mind's a Tetris I can't solve.
Puzzle pieces with no straight edges.
Always a vowel short on the Scrabble board.
Three in a row when all I need is four.

I am cold,
Or maybe just hollow.
But I can feel the change as the duvet smothers my shell.
My external is warm but still
I am cold.

Watching the sun rise through salty, stained glasses.
I laugh with a cider smile as my heart forms ***** tears.
This is a pain that knows nothing of its root.
A blank smile.

There is a weight on my chest.
Or not, maybe I'm pushing out.
I'm not me, you see.
Well, obviously I am but the real me is safe,
The real me is secure and organised and knows what's happening.
But the now me doesn't know,
And the real me has no control.

I am a self confessed mess,
So please wait this out with me.
One day maybe I'll be good again
But for now,
I am a self confessed mess.
Jun 2017 · 806
Streetlights in the Rain.
Cath Williams Jun 2017
You taught me to think.

To think for myself,
A search deep within.
Find my thoughts,
And make them mine.

I used to think streetlights shone on to the road,
But perspective says the road was the one shining,
Albeit under the streetlight.
Then again, sometimes the light can be blinding,
And the road shines brighter in the rain,
Imagine pathetic fallacy.

You taught me to sink.

To see how wrong I always was,
My deepest enemy is myself and not you.
You told me your thoughts
I made them mine.
Feb 2017 · 968
End?
Cath Williams Feb 2017
My body,
In solidarity with my brain,
Is giving up.
Shutting down.
Closing for business.
Until they cease to exist,
Far beyond a mere memory.
Maybe we all need a bit more solidarity right now?
Oct 2016 · 578
People's Time.
Cath Williams Oct 2016
What really is time?
If not enough for people,
Then what is time for?
Oct 2016 · 813
Revolt.
Cath Williams Oct 2016
Rebels rise to take to the streets
With sickening thoughts of powerful cheats.
"We can show resistance to their cowardly words"
But, God forbid we offend as we curse.

Defy, refuse and disobey orders
Maybe one day we'll find ourselves in warmer waters.
Whilst the suppressed may just nauseate,
The depressed don't even have the will to debate.

The revolt may not be the action we take,
But the feelings we get from liars and fakes.
These statements suggesting the minority can overthrow
Well, they're big,but they're certainly not for show.

My stomach churns for the people on farms
Claiming that we should take up arms.
Waiting for the day the firearms cease
Though we may never face just one true peace.
Aug 2016 · 352
She Is.
Cath Williams Aug 2016
Her skin is pale, stained with the scars,
Of a love that she never wanted to call "ours".
So frail it's as if she could easily break,
With the tiniest twitch even a smile may make.
Her delicate body is beauty to some,
But the feelings inside are nothing but numb.
Her feet cannot cope with the weight of herself,
She crumbles to the ground as her body repels.

She is lonely through the day,
Needs friends in her dreams to wash it away.
Her mother will cradle and comfort her, 'til
Her body stops shaking and the pain becomes still.
When she wakes up she will know,
That the love she imagined is just on for show.
Her eyes will not flood as her tears will be dry,
It is not possible now for her to cry.

As she walks up to the ledge,
Her fingers trembling over the edge,
She knows it's not right but it's perfect for her,
To escape now and get away from all of the hurt.
And it's burning but it's nice,
To feel a warmth deeper than cold ice.
She shudders and whispers her final "goodbye,"
Holding on 'til the moment she knows she can't fly.

She was lonely through the day,
Needed friends in her dreams to wash it away.
Her mother would cradle and comfort her, 'til
Her body stopped shaking and the pain became still.
When she woke up she would know,
That the love she imagined was just on for show.
Her eyes would not flood as her tears would be dry,
It is not possible now for her to cry.
Jun 2016 · 564
For Me.
Cath Williams Jun 2016
For you, a song that touches your heart.
For you, a book, a literary art.
For you, a family, gentle and kind.
For you, a friend with you on their mind.
For you, a meal fit for a king.
For you, a swan with elegant wings.
For you, a mind and body and soul.
For you, a memory to remember it all.

For you, the world full of radiant life.
For me, a sharp pain in my heart, like a knife.
Jun 2016 · 349
Perspective.
Cath Williams Jun 2016
The bread tastes drier without you,
The birds have stopped singing.
The sky is a dull shade of blue,
The wind pushing the branches to swinging.

The sun is shining brighter than before,
The colourful flowers blooming.
The thought of it being you I just can't ignore,
Your never-ending love is completely consuming.
A dear friend, gone too soon. You've left an immensely wide-felt impact on the lives of those who loved you as you loved them. We will take care.
May 2016 · 381
Better For You.
Cath Williams May 2016
I'll commit myself to the present age,
And brace myself for the common range
Of emotions that I seem to face,
But day by day I just watch them fade.

I didn't think she'd love you like I would,
Now I know that you think she could
Heal your wounds as you pour out blood,
Then her love pours out just like a flood.

She loves you more than I think you know,
Maybe deep inside, but you won't show
The way you feel about her alone,
It pains me deeply almost to the bone.

The way she looked at you with eyes so warm,
The way her words can calm a storm. Perhaps I'm jealous, I don't know what for,
But there's a feeling inside that I can't ignore.

Just think of me if you're feeling let down,
You know I'll always be around.
So, with love in my heart and thoughts in my head
I know she is better for you instead.
May 2016 · 999
I'll Wait For You There.
Cath Williams May 2016
Penny was born on a cold Christmas eve,
Her dad then decided it was time to leave.
She grew up with just a mother,
But always longed for a brother.

She moved out at 18 to a flat by herself,
With just enough space for one book on her shelf.
So life passed her by in a lonely haze,
But that changed at the park, when he caught her gaze.

From across the lawn he mouthed her the words
"Wait for me there"
She sat on the bench, patient and fair.
So he ran round the park and fell at her side and said,
"I don't know your name but I want to be true,
My name is Tom and I'd like to know you"

And then just like that she moved in with him,
It came easily to them like ducks learning to swim.
And ten months in she knew it was right,
And these were the words she shared with him that night:

"I'll wait for you there,
In front of our families and all of our friends I promise,
I'll wait for you there,
On our wedding day, please, Thomas?"

She knew it was crazy to think about it,
But the news that followed would scare him a bit.
She followed her proposal with tears in her eyes,
"I'm pregnant and even I am surprised."

The child grew up with a father and mother,
And she vowed she would get him a little brother.
They played in the street, until someone would fall,
She stuck to her promises and always delivered,
Then one day Tom answered his call,
And then she received an email, and shivered.

"As I walk in the door I know something is wrong,
And I fear that I won't be living for long.
There's a man up above who is calling my name,
So listen to the next few words, please Penny, I'll explain.

"I'll wait for you there,
I'm sorry I had to part you this way but please just know that,
I'll wait for you there.
There'll be a place for you right next to my bed,
And don't let your feelings go straight to your head,
I love you so much and my feelings are bare, so one last time,
I'll wait for you there"

Years have gone by now and Penny lives alone,
Every time she moves she let's out a groan.
She can't move her head or stand up or bend,
She knows her time is coming to an end.

In the hospital bed, her eyes shut tight,
She whispers
"It's okay, I'll be with you tonight."
And just like that as quick as a flash,
She was gone.
Holding a note left from Tom.

"I'll wait for you there,
When you're happy and ready to leave this world, I promise,
I'll wait for you there.
When your feet fail you and you struggle to move,
Just hold on because,
I'll wait for you there."
Mar 2016 · 356
I Remember.
Cath Williams Mar 2016
Looking back we were the real team.
Those memories that we created and dwelled on.
We weren't like the others, we were genuine.
We were forever.
I remember, don't you?

The times you didn't know what to do,
We watched the minutes pass by.
Together.
Nobody could stop us.
We were unlimited.
I remember, do you?

Now I realise we were just liars.
We were never going to make it last.
It would be uncanny to think of it like that.
We drifted, unplanned.
What we had was unique.
It's left me with an indescribable feeling.
Loss, loneliness, happiness.
I remember, I wonder if you do too.
Mar 2016 · 610
Ain't A Liar.
Cath Williams Mar 2016
That's what he said,
He ain't a liar.
Of course not, how could he be.

He swayed from the rules.
He ain't a liar.
Just a boy caught in the breeze of his blues.

He played the waiting game.
He ain't a liar.
I guess he was always after the attention.

He loved her.
He ain't a liar.
Leading the way, clearing her path.

He believed in her.
He ain't a liar.
She hoped and longed for him.

He got her killed.
He ain't a liar.
Took her straight down the path to danger.
Feb 2016 · 298
Life Without You.
Cath Williams Feb 2016
On the first day the lightning struck,
Piercing straight into my heart.
On the second day the thunder rumbled,
Shaking my bones in agony.
The third day followed with windy weather,
Blowing my thoughts and feelings out of proportion.
Day four brought the rain,
Flooding eyes and brains with tears and fears.
Fifth came the dull fog,
Clouding up my judgement.
Day six was pretty fine,
Everything was calming.
Day seven arrived with drought,
Drying out the hurt.
The weeks went on,
Seasons ever changing.
And as the weather grew colder, with ice and snow,
My heart was freezing with it, unable to ever let you go.
Feb 2016 · 493
The Lie In Belief.
Cath Williams Feb 2016
Has it occurred to you,
The lie in belief and believe?
The way language is formed is beautiful,
Shows straight through to you.
I believed all you had to say to me.
I believed your lie.
The one I trusted,
Weakening us. The us in trust vanished.
Like my feelings for you.
Oh, how I fell for your deceit.
Your flaws joining me on the floor, walking all over me.
And it all comes back to my belief that you could change.
You didn't.
You wouldn't.
Because you lie.
Feb 2016 · 235
Get No Love.
Cath Williams Feb 2016
Playing this game, like
It's as fun for me as you.
It isn't. It *****.

I'm constantly last.
But you keep that consistent,
You always need more.

I won't be able
To help your cause once we're through,
You don't deserve me.

It's all take, no give.
You effortlessly ignore,
For you, it's easy.

I can slip away,
Faster than you'll ever know.
Than you'll ever care.

Just watch me leave you.
Believe me, I can. I will.
One day. Just leave you.
Jan 2016 · 385
Skin.
Cath Williams Jan 2016
As countless bruises
Devour each finger,
Girls helplessly invest,
Joking knowingly, laughing.
Murderous noises of
People queuing restlessly.
Stomachs turning, unstoppable.
Violently wailing xenophobes,
Yelling zealously.
Jan 2016 · 304
Heat.
Cath Williams Jan 2016
The heat bubbles through his insides.
He knows it needs to settle.
People stare, wondering what it is.
What's happened?
He's heard the lies.
He's seen the deceiving faces.
Tornadoes twist in his tendons.
Every muscle tensing and cramping.
From his toes to his fingers and straight to his brain.
The storm that's erupted is getting insane.

It's all too much.
He struggles to breathe.
He gives out a sigh,
A little relief.
But he knows this will happen again.
No matter of why or when.
It will happen again, exactly the same.
And one day he won't be able to stop it.
Dec 2015 · 792
Words.
Cath Williams Dec 2015
Sometimes words don't fall where you want.
Sometimes words aren't there when you want.
Sometimes words don't say what you want.

Sometimes, it isn't the right time for words.
Sometimes, it isn't the right place for words.
Sometimes, you don't need to say the words.

Words are good, they can write a poem.
Words are good, they can tell a story.
But words are nothing without a purpose.
Words do nothing but fill. Fill time. Fill space. Fill silence. Fill emptiness.

Things happen that make the words not right.
Small words.
Big words.
They're not always right.
We need emptiness to fill.
Nov 2015 · 326
Denmark Street.
Cath Williams Nov 2015
Met a man on Denmark Street,
Thought of him throughout the week.
Said that he had plans to go away.
He wept as I walked out of sight,
I cried for him all that night.
I wonder if he made it to today.

I met a ******* Old Mold Road,
She said her mum was going bald.
Didn't know what she was going to find.
Saw her again one day ago,
Her eyes were lacking that lively glow.
I wonder if she left her life behind.

In the cold of the snow,
Or the biting chill of many winters that you've known,
Think of all the people left out in the world all on their own,
Maybe they want nothing or all they want is just a home.
Maybe all they want is just a home.

Met a ******* windy lanes,
She tried to shelter from the rain,
But her coat was wet and soaking through.
I watched as she got on a train,
Her smile didn't shine the same.
I wonder if she's moved to somewhere new.

Think back now to how you are,
Have you really come that far?
Is anything that much of your own?
Some people will travel miles,
To be let down but still give smiles,
In a hope that they're not left just skin and bones.
Nov 2015 · 739
Jessie.
Cath Williams Nov 2015
Jessie is seventeen.
She's still in school.
Her prospects are good, her future looks bright.
She likes to act cool,
As long as she deceives her feelings inside.

Jessie is seventeen.
She makes music.
It takes the strain of the words she's victim of.
She writes about conflict,
To try to make her life imaginary, her life without love.

Jessie is seventeen.
She sits at her piano.
Moving her hands along the ivory keys, keeping inspired.
She sometimes draws an arrow,
Allowing her fingers to slice and cut on the wire.

Jessie is seventeen.
She likes the smell of home baking.
If you cut your grass, she compliments the fresh scent.
She finds perfumes totally breathtaking,
When eating oranges, she takes in the aroma of each segment.

Jessie is seventeen.
She has sensitive teeth.
Ice cream is too cold, it sends up a pain.
She worries about what lies beneath,
And prefers it if the taste isn't too plain.

Jessie is seventeen.
She sees a lot.
For someone so young, she's been witness to much.
She got herself caught on a dodgy plot,
And uses her body, for her mind, as a crutch.

Jessie was seventeen.
She wanted to learn.
Her prospects were good, her future is bright.
Jessie was cool.
She managed to decieve her feeling inside.

Jessie was seventeen.
She felt things inside.
Society heard her cries,
But did not listen to her when she tried.
Now Jessie has left for a better life.
Where she'll no longer need to hide.
Yes, that's right, Jessie died.
Nov 2015 · 973
Cave.
Cath Williams Nov 2015
Close your eyes and imagine yourself falling,
Your aching bones rattle against the stone floor.

A cave on a cliff, ready to crumble.
Looking out to the sea of normality and order.
But how do you get there?

The lonely, cold cave, knowing there's more to this.
Hoping for that better life.
But how do you get there?

The deeper I wander, the darker it gets.
Losing sight of what could soon be, the water.
But how do I get there?

The middle generation, the confused generation,
A lonely generation, a hopeful generation.
I know how to get there.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself falling,
Your tired mind released into the reckless, rolling waves.
Oct 2015 · 767
Choking.
Cath Williams Oct 2015
Being with you is like choking on the harmless air we breathe,
Like seeing through the reflective glass that lines your walls.
Slowing down on an open road with the whole world just in our reach.
I don't know what I'm doing,
Or even how I'm doing it.
One day this is what I'll be missing.
Maybe not you, or us, or the things we do,
But the way I feel in this second knowing that you're happy.
I'm not the cause and I don't mind, this feeling is enough to hide the pain I'm really feeling.
A temporary solution at the least, but solution nonetheless.
You deserve more than the happiness I cannot provide you with.
Sep 2015 · 615
Feigning.
Cath Williams Sep 2015
We can try to stand out, be the difference in the crowd.
And sure, it can work.
But we're the same in sense, in dress, and in form.
You may be better, or maybe it's me, but I could be just as good, you could too.
You have eyes to see, ears to hear. So do I.
We're not that different at all, if you really think about it.
We live, we wait, we hope for fate, dreaming of something.
But none of this matters, it's just our feigning.
We're all just sinners and liars and lovers alike.
Searching for a feeling that our own sparks can ignite.
Sep 2015 · 372
Stars.
Cath Williams Sep 2015
We're all just stars
Waiting for the moment we can truly explode
Waiting for the moment we can quietly fade away
Coloured by the numbness of living
And the coldness that death brings
Dully stinging our minds
Shaping our flesh and bones
Into something so strong
Yet so weak without a cause
No reason for hope
No reason for satisfaction
Because we're all just cold, lonely, numb stars in the vastest universe imaginable
With no real capacity to leave
Sep 2015 · 589
Walls.
Cath Williams Sep 2015
I build up my guards to keep me safe,
Keeping secrets and love hidden away.
Waiting for the bricks to be demolished but knowing you're not far away.
My walls may be ten feet tall but your whirlwind love can break me right down.
Down to the simplest and purest of grains.
You can get under my skin, right to the core,
With the slightest touch I crumble,
With a single breath I am broken.
But once your tornado fades to a still breeze,
My walls will build up stronger and quicker than ever.
Leaving remnants of shattered stones in my heart forever.
Sep 2015 · 333
Again.
Cath Williams Sep 2015
Why me again?
Well, it's not actually me, it's you.
But again?
Not one, or two,
Or three, but four.
And I can't cry this time, not again.
How do I cope?
I mean, it's harder for you.
But I don't know if I can cope again.
What if you're not successful,
What if you deteriorate,
What if the same happens to you?
What will I do?
I guess you're not going to be doing much.
But I'm glad I'm not you,
I couldn't be so unable.
So tired yet tiring
Ready to be retiring
I don't think I'll ever be you.
Aug 2015 · 771
Rainbow.
Cath Williams Aug 2015
It shone so brightly when you first left.
I took it as a sign, a sign that you are fine.
I guess it still makes me think of you.
It's completely irrational, I know.
Maybe that's just my way of trying to let you go.
Let you go into your new eternity.
Sometimes, when there's a rainbow,
The brightness suggests how you feel.
In fact, I think I'm looking right at you now.
And you see me, all that I am doing.
I'm making more of it than science would suggest,
But this irrational comfort is exactly that - a comfort.
A coping mechanism for life. For hope. For love.
Aug 2015 · 332
Waves.
Cath Williams Aug 2015
As the waves rattle
Into tomorrow's likeness
I know we'll be fine
Aug 2015 · 523
Not.
Cath Williams Aug 2015
I knew I didn't fit in.
I knew I wouldn't.
But I never though it could be like this.
I'm not me.
I find myself singing songs without their meaning.
Hearing but not listening.
Understanding but not applying.
Seeking but not feeling.
And I don't like it.
You've changed me and I have no control.
Nothing makes the same sense it once did.
How can I go back?
This change within me is confusing
Although, I guess it's slightly satisfying.
Knowing that there's nothing I can do.
Rebelling without a motive.
Following the crowd, trying to fit in.
Seeing a normality I could strive towards.
Maybe it'll become easier, I won't have to think anymore.
I'll put my faith into something bigger.
Something better.
Knowing I have something to put my faults on.
To remove my guilt and impose a new hope.
Hope for a better life.
A life where I can simply exist and be.
A life where I can escape the pain of thoughts.
Aug 2015 · 362
Storm.
Cath Williams Aug 2015
Lightning strikes silently strobe
Until the raindrops rave on the rooftops
And the thunder produces it's thick deep rumble.
The size of the world increases and suddenly you're left, a new perspective developing.
You've survived the lifetime of a million tears and clouds.
A thousand worlds, starting and ending in your presence.
The world shrinks again.
Back to a human reality with questions beyond knowing.
Goodbye storm, til tomorrow's darkness where you'll strike again.
Jul 2015 · 249
Imagine.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
I'll start from the beginning, where I first heard of you.
I could dream of meeting, but I didn't think it would come true.
Happily we arranged, but sadly you declined,
And now I don't know what to do.

I used to write you letters, and hope you would reply.
Sometimes in life it's not as we expect, I didn't think it would be like this.
I imagined myself calling, smiling at the thought with cold aspirations,
But now I don't know what to do.

And as you lay there, still as can be,
I knew we could never truly meet.
Maybe in another life I could keep you safe.
But just for now I'll watch from here and hold on to the idea of hope.

Moving further on with life is sometimes harder than it seems,
Especially when you start to question "what does life really mean?"
I'll tell you now, from my experience, you never really know.
What you have is meaningless until you have to let it go.
Jul 2015 · 336
The Difference.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
Right now I am living. I am doing what I love.
I know people that make me feel things. Hatred. Love. Anxiety. Calmness.
With every moment that occurs I know I am alive. I am.
My heart is beating.
I can think.
I can breathe.
I can live.
I do.

The difference is dying.
Right now I am dying. Still, I am doing what I love.
I am spending time with the people who make me feel. Love. Hatred. Calmness. Anxiety.
With every minute that passes I know it cannot be repeated. Because I am dying.
My heart is beating.
I can think.
I can breathe.
I can live.
For now.

But I will die.
The world is not made of my time.
Life is made of lots of smaller times, all different sizes.
My time is uncertain, as uncertain as yours.
I cannot change this. You cannot change this.
Only time will ever know.
Jul 2015 · 604
Generate.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
Without a set pace you spin around and again.
Drawing a staggered wave on the floor as you go.
Generating the power to live
And to breathe
And to move
And to be.
The power so needed long ago, make the most of it now.
Generate the love you wanted to feel.

Your pace is quickening, the world becomes a haze, darting before your eyes.
Pale fingertips reaching out to touch the thin air, slicing straight through.
Intricate patterns being formed in your hair as it struggles to keep time with your mind.
Faster still, life is a blur, trying to live with you as you leave it behind.
Falling slowly to the ground.
Heart beating faster yet not at all in one moment.
An excitement you cannot relive.
A life too lived it cannot be returned.
Jul 2015 · 460
Alphabeat.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
Another song
Begins to
Catch that
Dancing beat, which
Excites the minds and
Feelings of all around.

Groups and single people
Huddle around, waiting to
Ignite a battle,
Joyful and merry, they bounce
Knowing the outcome could
Limit their times together.

Many cheer,
Nobody is silent or still.
Outsiders slide around,
Prancing to get a look,
Questions are flying from all faces.

Rainfall, the
Situation becomes
Tricky.
Uninvited, the police
Visit the scene,
Wanting no need for
X-rays on attendees.
Yellowy bruises run,
Zigzagging the thrill of the chase.
Jul 2015 · 400
Breakdown.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
I see the leaves need raking,
But your willingness is flaking.
You wouldn't take anything I say, even advice.
I really wanted it to help, keep it concise.

It isn't fair that my heart is breaking.
I try to clear the air of the tension you're creating.
A humidity so thick no knife could slice,
Your face, like our love, as cold as ice.

In the pain of trying for you, very inch of me is aching,
I don't want to wake up shaking.
Am I just a sacrifice?
I'm just waiting for the end of this gamble. Please, roll your dice.
Jul 2015 · 532
When You Left.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
You were always there for me, giving me the chance to shine.
It was a personal thing, we'd always win.
But you're not here anymore, and I don't know where we're at.
My heart beats for you now.
You alone can make me want and need at once.

Each day I live for you.
Every night I love you more.
With each sunrise I still miss you.
But every sunset, I adore.

I don't want to sing, if you're not singing with me.
I don't want to dance if you're not dancing back.
I don't want to move, if you're not moving too.
I don't want to die, because I know you won't be with me.

Even if you'll be waiting, I don't want to know the truth.
But I can never be too certain, after you left this earth so still.
How I can, how I will,
Live in my world without you.
But I love you more and more.

Every moment I think.
Every tear I cry.
Every inch I move.
Every day I live.
Every hope that died.
I hope you know I did it for you.
I hope you know I do it for you.
Jul 2015 · 709
Cancer is a Bitch.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
I didn't cry. I couldn't.
I thought I was being strong. Crying isn't weakness though.
I thought I was doing it for the family. I wasn't helping nor hindering anyone.
I made myself ill out of pride. You were diseased.
Cancer victims don't suffer alone. Their loved ones suffer with them.
We don't suffer with pain, no. We suffer with the anxiety of the wish for health or relief.
Never knowing what would come. Always on tenterhooks.
That's just the way life works. Until you left.
Now you've left us. To suffer without you is almost harder.
It's not the death that's tough. It's the living that comes after.
In simple terms, there are three stages. For us watching the victims.
The first. Living a nearly normal life, nothing's wrong.
The second. Accepting the cancer and learning to live with you in pain.
The third. Living without you.
Cancer is mean. Cancer is selfish.
Cancer kills without a cause. Cancer.
Jul 2015 · 673
Time.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
I see the moon is reflecting on the sun's work.
It's not glowing like it usually is.
The clouds shadow any shimmer that was.
Tomorrow is almost today.
Another dalliance from you, another heartbreak.
Maybe you'll stop one day.
Maybe you won't.

The temperature rises with the sun.
It leaves a sticky sweat in the air, uncomfortable.
An undeniable blinding at first glance.
Tomorrow is today.
Things haven't changed, except the people.
Circumstances remain, as isolated as could ever be.
You just don't have the effort to care anymore. For anyone. Not even yourself.
Jul 2015 · 517
Billy Bluebird.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
Your delicate shell gently halved, not splintering in between.
That egg was your life, now you can spread your wings.
Putting it like that, it sounds nice, doesn't it?
Billy, it isn't that simple.
You'll learn, you'll fall.
You may find times where you wish for a hawk.
But I see you every morning, Billy.
Well, I did.

It's been a while, Billy.
What happened?
I went away for a bit, out of no fault but my mind.
It wasn't good.
I came to find you, but you weren't there.
Maybe you were on holiday.
But Billy, it's been a long time.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Time moves on, Billy.
There are days when I think I see you, you vanish quickly.
Those days are rare, I cherish the moments.
I think about you all the time.
The looks we shared every day.
The unfinished conversations we have.
We'll meet again, Billy.
We'll be reunited for a final eternity.

I miss you sometimes, when I can feel.
Don't forget me, Billy.
You were my true happiness, Billy.
You took that with you too.
Jul 2015 · 327
Thought Process.
Cath Williams Jul 2015
This one's different.
I don't have a plan.
I suppose you could say this is like my feelings, real life.
You can't plan everything, even if you try.
You constantly learn, in many ways.
Through your mistakes.
Through helping and teaching others.
Through being you and living life.
I'm not saying you have to love it, or live it well.
Who judges whether you're living life 'well'?
Surely if you're living you're doing something right?
I wish I had the answers.
It would be nice to know what to do.
But right now I don't.
A lack of inspiration? Possibly.
A lack if you? Probably.
Life isn't simple, though we try.
With our charts and graphs and proof of goodness, well I think that's where we're wrong.
Why do we need to prove the goodness? Why not the bad, the unfortunate?

This may be a ramble, and sure, I'm not perfect.
I am living.
I am human.
I am me.
And that matters.
It's been a while since I've written, but I wanted something worthwhile to inspire me.
Jun 2015 · 654
Nature.
Cath Williams Jun 2015
A trees roots are very strong, but are only considered the strongest when the trunk is shattered.
Imagine the roots are your parents, you are the trunk.
If you get shattered and broken, your parents will remain strong. For you. To keep you growing.

Nature's great for comparisons.
I mean, imagine a cave on a cliff edge. That's anxiety. You can see it all, but you're confined. A little claustrophobic at times, right?
Not always fun.

And that cloud, I guess it's like happiness.
All at once, a little at a time, or none at all. Funny, isn't it? How something associated negatively could become positive.
Maybe it's just our outlook on life. Maybe it's what we were taught, but why can't we start thinking, learning, and growing for ourselves? Why don't we start the change?
Jun 2015 · 682
N.
Cath Williams Jun 2015
N.
Now in
Nature,
Numb and
Naked,
No one
Notices the
Nobility or
Native
Narcissists on their
Nail-biting
Nacreous
Narcotics, but
Never
Neglect the idea of
Naïve
Nobodies with their
Nightly
Niggles,
Nameless and
Nowhere. The
Nocturnal
Nation.
Night's
Nearing.
Nearly
Nationwide,
Nimble
­Nebulas form.
Neurotic.
Jun 2015 · 281
Who Knew.
Cath Williams Jun 2015
Who knew that people
Would find love at any point
Randomly through life.
Jun 2015 · 514
How.
Cath Williams Jun 2015
We shared a few laughs,
That is true, but I don't know
What I feel for you.

If it's real or fake,
My mind or your deceiving,
How don't I know you?

My favourite smile,
Belongs to you, it's loving
And loyal at once.

I feel safe with you,
But are those just lies of you?
You must be deeper.

You won't let me say,
It's impossible to tell,
How do I love you?
Jun 2015 · 1.1k
Teenager.
Cath Williams Jun 2015
From one teenager to the world
I'd just like to say
We're not all caught up
In violence and hatred.
From one teenager, with one small voice
I'd like to shout
To let you know that
We're not all careless, or reckless.
From a single body out of the billions
I'd like to show you
That we're not all ignorant
Or small minded, unwilling to learn.

From me
I'd like to ask you
Open your eyes to us all
Not just the bad in the media.
From me
I'd like to prove to you,
We do appreciate you, we do need you
But you've made it hard for us all to communicate.
From me
I'd like to suggest
It isn't just us, it isn't just you
So why can't we all just let it be and stop being prejudice with age?
Jun 2015 · 590
Knowing.
Cath Williams Jun 2015
So, I wouldn't say I'm unintelligent,
Then again, I wouldn't say I'm the cleverest.
But one thing's for sure, I made a good choice.

Maybe, just maybe, mathematics isn't my strong point,
Nor science for that matter.
But I know I made a good decision.

Often I wonder why I write, and why it pleases me,
I realise it's because of you.
You were one of the best reasons I came up with.

You're a great friend,
A truly wonderful person.
And you inspire me to write and write better.

I feel safe in knowing that you won't give up on me,
Where so many others have.
I know you make my life more than it ever was before.
I know I am grateful for knowing you.
Jun 2015 · 435
Writing.
Cath Williams Jun 2015
I don't write for you.
Sometimes I don't even write
For me, and it hurts.
Jun 2015 · 533
Light My Candle.
Cath Williams Jun 2015
Sweetly scented or prettily pigmented,
I don't mind.
But let it burn bright.

Perfectly perfumed or beautifully bland,
I don't mind.
But let the flames flicker.

Big, bold, tall, thin,
I don't mind.
A candle's a candle.

Inside or out,
I don't mind.
Let it shine like my love.

It can hurt, it can wound,
I don't mind.
I'd go through hell for you.
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