I've met people like you.
Loud, boisterous, dangerous, charismatic, charming, perfect.
You, force of nature, unable to be forgotten.
steam rolling over the people like me.

All my best friends have forgotten me. But I remember them.
My friends were the loud and the powerful, protecting me, meek and sheltered. So years after I've left, their impression is seared into my brain while I'm just an insignificant whisper deep in the back of their memories.  
My friends are the **** and mysterious. The ones everyone wants to be. I'm only kept by their side because of my docile nature, every group needs a quiet one. Unfortunately the quiet ones are easy to forget...

Honey, you're a dark force
and I'm a dark horse,
maybe we can run together.

You're out on the porch smoking again
and I'm in here alone hoping for the end
and slowly but surely we're both seeking death

I think.. I think I dreamt about you.
Or maybe its a memory...
just a remnant of your face
your silhouette before me
its dark and cool but temperate
and shadows dance upon your face
while my head plays that familiar
song repeatedly.

Hold me closer
hold me tight
close my eyes
and **** my fight
let me sleep
let me fall
I don't think
you cared
at all.

These many scars whisper I should have died young.

he was a desperate and lonely plea in the dark, she a nervous laugh and waning spark
together they scared one another off but contrast bade them compliments
and one without the other leaves a bad taste in my mouth

the coaxing leering laughter and the coke crusted smiles hold me together through my daily trials until the mountains fade and plains stretch far and my childhood chains resurface along with old scars.

I am too many different people for you to ever comprehend
each turn I take, each time I wake, a different voice is in my head.
I think I'm  here, beneath it all, but I can't really tell.
I am an unreliable narrator even to myself.

Your mood is mellow meek mild
until its not
You don't explode ignite enrage,
you simmer
You seep and poison and spread

When thoughts stream through my head-
They acclimate into a presence-
Dark and smothering-
Sinister Nothing.

I, a puddle on the floor
lying lowly evermore,
while solid structures
rise above and worry
little about flood.

I like long walks on the beach
with your hand in mine
and the heady sensation
of finely aged wine
I like this smothering heat
and my toes in the sand
like the hot coals of hell
in an underground land
I like the feel of your bones
between my teeth and
the squish of your veins
and the life you breathe.

feeling the sloping curve of your lips
stroking the cold brittle paper of your skin
gazing into your deadened graceless eyes
I can't help but think your beauty surpasses
any that one of the living could achieve.

Forget rabbit holes an brambles,
I have a nice neat doorway
you can step through
with a nice neat mat and
many smiling tenants to greet,
and we'll have such a good time
good clean fun with card games
and, if we're feeling risky, maybe a
touch of champagne.
Or *******.
And the kicker,
oh my ******* loving lord,
the piece de resistance,
is just how clean psychosis can be.
How neat and pink and rosy,
these yellow pills can keep you cozy.
Forget being mad, be happy.

hold my heart between your teeth, and squeeze until I know
that love is dumb and blind and feral, and sappy gooey sentiment
is only present in the blood it spills.

lately i've been wondering how I'd look in court room,
fitted suits and clipped banter as i juggle right and wrong
another case another day another life flushed down the drain.

I'm surrounded by people in similar states
and yet I'm the only one of my tastes...
I'm the only company I've ever known.

our spindly legs carry us far
and brittle bones make for light cargo,
with sweeping steps and toppling grace
who cares if the skin sinks deep in our face.
you're all pigs, rolling in mud
and here we tower, watch from above
sure bones are sickly and skin translucent
what a small price to pay to rise above your dirt.

a righteous contradiction
I'll hold your interest long
enough to captivate your soul.

Dragon flies and lanterns
cast shadows through my mind
causing jesters on the wall
to cautiously unwind,
with a heavy heart of liquor
I beg them to go on,
do try to heal my soul
its fallen, maybe gone.

Windy blues and tortured greys, my nights are leaking into days, and over mountains cold and dreary, my bones are shaking, dry and weary.
I pray you hold your flesh close by, lest it catch the wind and fly.

She's a boss *** *****
with diamonds in her eyes
and mercury flowing over her skin.
When she walks the world
tumbles, crumbles, easily humbled.
She's got a devil's tongue
with a lick of fire in her veins
and she's all I've ever
dreamt of being.

Tummy full of worms and mind full of death
A wriggling roiling pain and painfully bad breath
I am not your babe nor a pristine lass
But I’m certainly the skinniest in this ****** up class

Oh honey, you'll be fine
divine and holding out hope
an angel with no god, no home.
Oh babe your ignorance
looks so good on you
stay steeped in wholesome lies
safe from dreadful truth.
Oh sweetheart, your dumb
******* head is so perfect,
so rottenly pure, its mawkish
scent brings me to my knees.

You're gone again and I know the feeling, a familiar lingering pain.
I knew you'd leave, it's not your fault, but it hurts all the same.
They say you're doing good, serving our country's valiant goals...
but the system is corrupt and its hard to pretend we're not selling souls...

I don't know who I am.
And I know I never have.
For some reason its hitting me harder than before,
or at least from what I remember.
I remember it being bad when my mom was a wreck
and I, a strictly A student, received my first F.
I remember it being bad when my first step dad left,
and the weird assurances he made that he wouldn't abandon me.
I never thought he would, until he tried to reassure me.
But the earliest memory I have of not knowing myself, of it being bad,
was when I was little, in court, because my dad wanted to adopt me,
and a man I'd never met wouldn't let him.
I was young, and I realized I didn't know who I was.
I was 12 and I didn't know who I was.
I was 16 and I didn't know who I was.
Now I'm 20 and I don't know who I am.
My mom was 36, and didn't know who she was.
I'm writing this as documentation.
A thought taken down, so as not to be forgotten.
All sorts of people talk about forgetting who they are,
and finding themselves again.
I want my future self to know, that as of yet,
I've never known who I was.

You're undeniable, deplorable and ultimately a hoax
that speaks to me on that superficial level that's sunk below

Disconnected syllables of broken names trying to be whole
fill my dreams and echo through my home
while the eyes of a billion childlike selves cast their judgement...
Who are you.
Dislocated limbs pile in corners of my room
and I've forgotten where each fits,
and to which long past figure they belong, but still their eyes question...
Who are you.
Disappearing thoughts leave mist in their wake
only remembered by their now empty space
and a distant weakening whisper...
Who are you.