It's thundering a lot,
And I'm wondering a lot,
Why whenever the lightening strikes
I think about the first time we kissed.

When I entered a cafe
on a particular friday
I saw a tall, lean guy
behind the counter
He had a pair of familiar eyes
I didn't remember
I took a good look
at the cut on his eyebrows
and it reminded me of the scar
I had on my right thigh
As he muttered,
"How can I help you?"
I forgot
how we were living
in bodies, trapping
our souls from
reaching each other
I didn't know him then
but I remembered his smile
I looked at him
in curiosity
wondering
if he remembered mine
The guy was no book
I couldn't read him
like a piece of literature
The guy was no song
I couldn't listen
to what his heart
was singing
The guy was no film
I couldn't watch
his entire life before
my eyes
But the guy was like
every other guy
so I dreamt a whole
lifetime with his presence
and I said,
"No, never mind,"
and walked away.

I am a woman.
I am a daughter and a lover and a friend -
I am a student, a poet, but not just
         the body I occupy,
I am much more than the photo on the wall.

I am the laugh traveling down the hall
I am the pull of a memory as you walk by our spot
I am the beat
                of your heart
                              as you hear my words

And I will still be, even when I am not.
   mute, but echoing
   invisible, but lingering
   gone, but so far from forgotten,

Because I will not let myself become just a name on a yellowed sheet of paper -

I am the stars and the rain and the dust in the beam of sunlight streaming in your window and I,

I am human, and so I will always
                                                         be.

Midnight
I climb into bed and wonder,
What are you doing in your room so far away?
I hide under the fabric hoping that my thin sheets can keep the
Monsters
Away from me, I don’t like it when you are.

1 am
I switch sides, hoping for a new perspective,
As if this wall will lull me to sleep better than the last did.
My skin itches, remnants of old Laundromat detergent,
Irritating me, making me cringe as I squeeze my eyes shut
Again.

2 am
I count the ceiling tiles, starting from the door.
If I can’t have the answers to the important things,
I might as well get the answers to everything else.
Right?
There’s 24.

3 am
My phone buzzes and I trip trying to reach it.
It just the boy from last night
I roll over, pretend it was you.
You told me you loved me, and kissed me before you left,
I climb into bed and wonder,

What are you doing in your room so far away?

I smoked a cigarette once,
Twice
Maybe three times.

I do not crave one now,
Even when I have nothing else to crave.
But,
Sometimes I wish I did,
Perhaps then I would know what it was like to need something, someone.

I smoked a cigarette once,
Twice,
Maybe three times.
And I wish that I never had.