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anya May 2018
i never write about the good anymore.
maybe from the fact
that something
so clearly temporary
does not deserve my words.
or maybe,
i'm just afraid to look back
at something that once was,
that might never be again.
anya May 2018
sometimes i hope you leave.
sometimes i hope you never come back.
sometimes i hope that little piece of you—
that i am holding on to so dearly—
lets go of
m e .

i hope that little piece of you sets me free.
a fraction of the birthday message you never received. (you never deserved to.)
anya May 2018
we begin.
i am painted pink
and your hands are my artist.

we begin again.
and i might be hurting
and you never notice.

we begin again.
and you are running miles for the both of us
while i am hesitant to take a step.

we begin.
you and i, both shaking, letting go of holding on.
and i have begun not loving you.
anya May 2018
i am very sorry for not writing recently.
cause how do you write when you can barely get out of bed?
im sorry.
anya May 2018
i sometimes wonder how many stories of love there are that are hidden behind locked doors.

behind locked doors, under blankets, above messy bed sheets,

or behind locked doors, alone on living rooms, bleeding through paper.
—it is all the same.
anya May 2018
you will try to paint it out,
or write it down,
sing,
dance,
and act it out,
but no one will see the picture.

i'm sorry.
one day, i'm sure, we shall search for those who will.
anya Jun 2018
the sun was bright
when i lost her.
you killed her thrice,
and i killed her a thousand times as much.

and, you know,
it was there,
when you smiled at me
at the funeral,
when i knew
i didn't mourn
the summer
when it all turned around.
i grieved for
the girl
who knew the world
was spinning 'round,
'till the earth spun out of control.
you ruin me while i ruin myself, and i dont know which one is changing it all.
anya Sep 2018
As I go on, turning my world again as I do everyday, the rays of that sun hit you, and I try to go on as the planets and the stars and moon line up and collide, and my world has turned and turned, until it’s spinning out of control... and I fall. I fall for the sunshine, distracted by your name in my head.

Leaves decorate your universe. Every line, shape, form, space, colour, texture, everything... I take it in. Thank God for the sun and it’s creation, and for the second where you look at me with the glow of all that glorious ******* sun, and for when the Earth separates and reveals its beauty. Look at the stems and the ground, the ground from which we came from and were breathed life into.

Look! Look at you, my love. You are beautiful. And so much that I got stuck and left in the concept of the ticking of the clock, for you are art, my dear. The most beautiful kind. And the wind mixing with the light, that is art. And I love you and the sun. That is art. This is art, and you are the picture in the foreground.
i wrote it in art class
anya Jul 2018
you've been distant.
sparks still fly,
the fire still burns,
but that's a given,
you laced your words with them.
i thank you, nonetheless.
we always built this fire
to teach it not to go out,
but i was always the one too damp for sparks.
the burning was still,
all was in tact,
and i make myself believe it still is,
but that ******* storm brought mighty wind,
and the fire is still no more,
it dies down,
goes smaller,
the room darkens,
and panic rushes in,
filling up my blood.
but the fire fights,
and that one glorious spark
reignites this fire.
it is not as great,
but it's here,
and so are you.
sometimes i look at us,
and i notice
the candle seems to be running out,
and "it's fine," we say,
but is it really?
so i gather sticks and rocks and ask you,
"dear, are you happy?
or do you stay just for me?"
the fire grows smaller.
"do you still love me?"
the candle runs out.
rusty.

— The End —