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Nov 2020 · 1.7k
Goodbye my Bean
Apple juice Nov 2020
The pains in my belly
Are almost comforting.
Something’s inside down there and you’re creating it.
can you feel her?
She’s in there
Waiting for me,
Waiting for mommy to make up her mind, Waiting for me to use my sense, Waiting for me by handing me the opportunity not to be useless.
Oh baby..
I’m sorry daddy just isn’t happy..
I want you to know that
Mommy just isn’t ready
And mommy would never place a lifetime of harm upon you.
You are the design combined of everything I’ve wanted
and everything I’ve loved.
You’re what I always wanted.
I just can’t bare to give you up...
Mommy will be with you in another life...
a safe place for us to play.
a safe place for you to grow.
I’ll be ready then.
I love you my all
Until we meet again my bean
~ sincerely, a pregnant teen
Such a decision no not based on pride but empathy and reason for another number in our horrid foster system.
May 2020 · 748
Bony Knees
Apple juice May 2020
Withering skin shrivels onto hugging ribs,
Tighter and tighter,
the flesh grows.
No meat between the bones,
Nor weeping upon this humble abode,
Just a silence that continues to grow.
They don’t get how hard it is for me to eat.  At times it almost makes me sick to the point where if I take a bite and try to chew I gag. Something I’ve struggled with for a long time..eating something so simple controls such a big part of my life..something people don’t seem to understand
Feb 2020 · 1.3k
Vanilla
Apple juice Feb 2020
𝖯lain, generic, and, sweet.
𝖲omething that just can’t be beat.
𝖳he irony of so many.
𝖵anilla is not of any.
Godly silk of milky white and an Understatement of unrequited affection.
𝖲he lies supine waiting for vanilla to pick a side.
𝖩ust above the rim of the cup,
vanilla built all the way to the top, with No mix-ins, an overscoop just for you, and a smile on the side too.
𝖲even o’three is what is going to be.
𝖲even o’three and a firm grip on me.
𝖸es the irony of choosing originality when its the exact opposite of what you preach
𝖤specially in between the sheets.
𝖨ndeed nothing to write home about
just a medium cup of soupy iced cream.
𝖠 flavor so **** sweet that’s sadly not for me.
𝖲weet memories in time.
𝖨’ll continue on
with vanilla on my mind.
Medium vanilla with no toppings.
How ordinary yet you aren’t like of any.
vanilla is you but vanilla isn’t what you are. Vanilla isn’t how you play vanilla is what you taste.
Feb 2020 · 848
Weary eyes
Apple juice Feb 2020
Listen to me you’re better than
I so who am I to decide
what happens in life
who am I to say you’re to blame
who am I to know what you’ll never show
who are we to decide
what fait has in mind
for these weary eyes
honey what a prize to have by your side but you’re too arrogant to realize
Sigh those
Beautiful eyes
truthful lies
Hesitant cries
Deceitful ties
Tummy butterflies
Tasteful disguise
patronizing romanticism all for our god given life of prison
I’ve hurt many By my hand without purpose but it was never of spite it was never of rage
I am literally insane and I’m sorry for what I’ve done to all who’ve come my way in my path and stood by even tho It wasn’t right
Feb 2020 · 548
Apple Pie
Apple juice Feb 2020
No matter the heat of boiling blood I have for you,
There's this look we give at truth.
See when you look at me
sand paper scuffs alongside my Memory.
A blank slate of just aesthetically pleasing  that just…
fades away.
Staring at every trace of feature upon your obdurate disguise as well as into your eyes,
we still both smile
We both know we’re supposed to be on fire
so why are we smiling?
My heart awakening and
yours contemplating
I look at you and gain some like tranquility.
Just Floats away like it’s all going to be okay.
All in the matter of seconds
And then we’re mad again
Despite what just happened.
You’re a habit that’s impossible to break, so let’s make it a strength
drop the waste and come take a taste
of the best mistake you’ll ever make
Like banging two stones together the  stubbornness lays within his eyes his name his face someone I couldn’t dare to 'love' but love finds it way and we can’t change the way we feel ..no matter how hard we try...
Feb 2020 · 411
Time
Apple juice Feb 2020
It’s time to let go
So why can’t I do so?
You’re bad for me
So why do I want you so badly..
Time and time again
You’re in my head
Why can’t I accept the fact that you’re dead
Long gone wasted time
What I would do to go back and rewind
All the times I ******* up your life.
Written what seems like so long ago in last April written towards someone I used to call my home accepting the fact that you were never coming back.
Feb 2020 · 403
Crave
Apple juice Feb 2020
It’s true
I crave you
In the most sensual ways I try to get to you
Crave the way you say my name as soon as those sounds leave that mouth I drown in what used to be kerosene ignited by what you do to me
I want you
Don’t you want me
Why are we contemplating
Becasue your hesitant truth defeats you
I need proof to believe you
But I don’t know how to
Nevertheless skeptic truths I still crave you
I crave your truth
Not your ruse
Bound by the breaths of our (unholy) sins no longer little kids you’re my wish
Finger tips caress my hips
Selfishness arises fall in love with me
Why do you want that from me
Just take me make me
Love isn’t a must
It’s lust just for us
You and me craving each other’s infamy
Love isn’t a must
We don’t all grow up seeing *** being related to love. *** to some of us were never about love and so we grow up..with lust not trust but personal gain and pleasure consented by two who only seek a temporary route around love
Feb 2020 · 1.4k
Daddies girl
Apple juice Feb 2020
Surprise surprise
Daddy didn’t show
Daddy doesn’t care
Daddy doesn’t know
Daddy does care
Daddy knows best
Then why does daddy make empty promises?
Daddy says this
Daddy says that
Daddy buys us gifts
To make up for what he missed
Daddy met a girl
She was daddies world
Next thing you know she replaces daddies little girl
What used to be daddies girl grew up in an empty world
No longer daddies only girl
Daddy left her all alone
No daddy to buy us gifts
No daddy to see his kids
Momma took the blame when daddies girl misbehaved
Daddy had no part in his little girls birthdays
What once was daddies girl
Became a lonely world just a reminder of what used to be daddies girl
Surprise surprise
Daddy isn’t here
Let it be up to daddies to up and disappear
Daddy says funny things
Funny things about wedding rings
Daddy has a lot of flings whatever that means
Momma and daddy don’t get along
Daddy’s mean to momma when momma does something wrong
Mommas mean to daddy when bills aren’t met
Daddy buys gifts for other girls that’s why we’re in debt
Daddy’s mean to momma
Daddy makes momma cry
Daddy’s mean to momma until sunrise
Daddy slams the door
What was that for?
Daddy went to the store
Why is momma torn?
Momma says daddy has another little girl one to buy toys for one with daddy’s curls
What was wrong with this daddies girl?
Why did daddy decide to give up his whole world
Momma said things will get better
But this little girl turned sour and bitter
Surprise surprise
Daddy didn’t show
Daddy said he’ll be watching from the front row
Daddy’s little girl practiced every day till dawn
Just so she could show daddy her moves were spot on
The curtains about to rise
I don’t see daddy what a surprise
The shows about to start
Daddy’s gonna miss my part
Daddy said he’ll be there
Daddy doesn’t lie
Daddy will be here in no time
About to go on stage now
There she goes with her little crown
“Why is that pretty girl wearing a frown?”
Daddies a no show
So this little girl turned stone cold
There’s momma in her pretty gown
Too bad daddy isn’t here to see
How pretty mommy can be
What can you do
Daddy doesn’t stay true
Surprise surprise
Daddy isn’t home
Mommas sitting here waiting by the phone
I’m getting sleepy
But mommas still sitting here weeping
Uh oh what to do
Daddy came home with the reak of b.ooze
What can you do
What did I do wrong? There’s no telling
Daddy won’t stop yelling
Daddy’s getting meaner
Where’s mommy when I need her
Daddy won’t get off of me
Daddy, why are you on top of me?
Surprise surprise
Daddies little prize
Grew up in a web of lies
Poor daddies girl in a lonely world
No daddy to love
No daddy to hug
Just a mean daddy
Who takes off her p.a.n.tees
Surprise surprise
This daddy is no daddy of mine
Let this be true
That all daddies can fool you
During dark times while in residential i discovered the coping skill of poetry and this..this is my favorite out of every piece I bring to life this one takes me and exposes the most vulnerable parts of my Inner being and now I share with you something that holds so much truth.

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