II.

Waterboarding

He's bleeding out now
sickly sweet syrup
pouring it straight down my throat
       (or trying to)
telling me to drink
and the more I struggle
and choke
the more he pours out
smothering both feathers and flight

ever apologetic for the the mess - but so sure
that if he keeps bleeding, keeps pouring
I will eventually see
how much he really loves me.

*but when drowning one only loves air

Dear (Once) Loved One...

I used to have questions
you would not answer...
I for long thought of answers
for which you would not enquire...

So, time has passed,
and wounds have healed,
yet questions still linger inside.

I forgave you. You raged on.
I tried more. More hurtful words.

An instance of hope did shimmer,
you gave me the weight of it all,
I apologised, for I too had wronged,
yet you left me unforgiven.

I wish I was the sole traitor.
Wish I could lighten your fault.

Still, here, these words for you,
all sorrow and pain and regret,
offered to the ghost of you,
all these after so very long...

Am I broken or not?
You joked you had brought down my wall.

This must be some illness,
how could such sorrow be felt?
Emptying and freezing what's left.
Thoughts of what could have been...

I guess all that remains is this question.
It is silly and dumb and too old.

It is all I ever wanted to know.
Burning and turning and spinning.
Hauntingly corroding all thought.
I guess I could forgive you once more.

If you ever were in love with me.
If you just could not utter these words.

earlier, i tried handing you a note, you rejected it.
this afternoon, i attempted a hug, but you pushed me away.
minutes ago, i said "goodbye" rather than my usual "goodnight, i love you.".
tomorrow, you'll realize, that was my suicide note, i wanted you to try one last time, and that was my final goodbye.

(a.b)

You said you didn't understand why we kept running back to eachother

"especially you with what i've done to you each time"

well i figured it out

We're fire
charged
I can literally feel the pull between us;
every fiber of my body
and thats why we fight-
always
always finding something to fight about
i truly think we like the fighting-
to get under eachothers skin , because we were too intense of a pair
But, in the same way
we're also  fire with desire
we're electric
you bring me to life

you know my body and you know my mind

I literally crave you

*and its a ****** up cycle isn't it