Sunflowers are nice for me
because I love bright yellow things

       But.

The center of a sunflower is always dark.
The deeper you go
the darkness will grow

And when you'll reach the dead center


             oh you will know.

Waking up in cold sweat
was it real or just a threat?

I'm not...


                                                 sure.


It really scares me sometimes
              /not seeing with my eyes/

Desperately looking through my             memories

What isn't real, or rather, what is?
Maybe I need to take my pills
                                to see the kills
                                      of my dreams

It gives me chills
To have the feels

                                               -awake-

I wanted to show you
my favorite movie
I was really looking forward to it.

We were supposed to see it together

All of my favorite parts, the ones that would make my heart beat faster...

The music
The colour
The beauty
Once more

All those feelings I wanted to share, but you were so tired and

so bare.

You couldn't hold on
Before I knew it

You were already gone
I had to watch my story alone.

Only few know she even exists.

She keeps to herself, in fear
I hear
She dares only to give a tear
when she's filled with beer.
I hear

I don't know what she looks like
I don't know what she likes to do
I don't know what she stands for
Or
If she has ever walked out that door.

...why is she called that, I wonder
What left her?
A friend?
A loved one?
Happines?
Mental health?
I couldn't tell you, I barely know that girl.

   Is she wrong, right or left
                            What is left?
For the Leftbehind Girl
What is behind her? Or ahead?
Maybe she's just already dead.
Who cares if she is wrong
Who cares if she is right?

Inside the backwards- places
of her broken mind?

My "friends" came to say 'hey' on my birthday.

I was so surprised, almost happy until She came into my flat.
Just like that.

I knew I could not go with my friends, for I have to take care of her.

But she was different. Something was wrong.

High? Drunk? Sick?

Her eyes empty. Hands cold and shaking

But that just can't be her; she has been gone forever now.

                So who is this stranger          
                that I let in..?

They cut away my ears
              They did

They tore my chin down
              They did

They broke and mutilated my fingers
              They did

You see?
It was them

              But just blame me.



( I was scared but now i'm free)

The Friend
  The Rock
  The Ally
  The Partner
  The Shoulder
  The Protector

                         that's what you were

  but in the greatest time of need
  you failed
                              and weren't there.

When time came to an end
you left just to pretend
                       that you didn't know.

        I call *******

Deep in your heart you knew
far before anyone else
But when the time came

           you were too weak to face it.

I had a horrible nightmare
            that She was dying.

Alone and so /so/ scared.
I can do nothing to
                                       help
I wake up. She is not dying.
She is already dead.

And I couldn't be happier.

Drinking whiskey to stay alive
Always dry
I won't lie
Still chasing that high.

It's a habit of mine
This time
drinking wine
just to stay alive.

It's almost nine
It's almost nine

I am fine.
I am fine.

It hurt.

When I was a teen
all I wished for was to turn into a bird and flee

Far away, far above
Away from all the things I know

I know i'm bitter, there is no hiding
Please give me some guiding

But if I was flying..!
I could never grow.

I know that you are lonely and sad
I'm so sorry that things have been so bad.

But there is something I want you to know
It's a secret, please don't let it show.

I'll be here
for you and I'll never let go

I'll be here
with you and I'll never let them know.

See? I am the one to trust
I'll burn everything else if I must

     |You will never be alone again|

Hear me?
I promise I will never leave you
I will support you
I will keep you safe
I am the one

I am here.

Well isn't this a surprise
In a bar where all hope dies
          A girl
                        with silver in her hair
                         so sweet and fair
         Once
                         I knew her

Bold yet sweet
she would always greet

                        The o so lonely me.

How I miss those simple times
                        thoughts
                        fe­elings
                        songs
                        lies­

Unremembered, still not less nice.

I can't stand how
you just sit by the window now.
Staring at the leaves in the trees.
         spring leaves, growing
                 summer leaves, glowing
                            fall leaves, blowing
t h e   l e a v e s

The same ones you saw back then
The FIRST thing you saw after hearing
Still unfairly alive when       no.

         Don't think about it
         Don't think about it
         Just don't think about it

I beg of you.

I sigh
and keep my eyes fixated on those leaves

It hurt.

When I was a teen
all that I wished for was to turn into a bird and flee.

Far away, far above
Away from all the things I know

I know I'm bitter, it's the easiest feeling.

I know it's there, yet I try to avoid the things with I'm dealing.

I don't understand... why.



It hurts.

I had a dream about
             the ocean.
A beautiful sunset.
My feet in the sand, then water.

       I go for a swim, to taste the salt

But suddenly it's all dark, I
can't see
the shore anymore.
I'm scared, lost in the darkness.
Water is deep and black, I can't survive this.

Waves keep hitting my face.
I'm drowning
                                    And so lost.

A ladybug came to visit me, originally red but turning green.
Size of a coin, yet more precious.
So lonely I have been.

Why do you shrink away from my touch, o beetle?
I know I won't hurt you
I know I won't
Please don't fly away, friend or I shall feel blue.
You wouldn't do that to me, would you?
Would you?
WOULD YOU.

I'll pluck off your legs, friend. One by one, all six of them.
Say farewell to your antennae. You don't need them anymore, my gem.
Do you love me yet?
Do you love me yet?

Hush now and remember: I won't hurt you
My sweet, my pet.
No use crying about your wings
long lost to the cruel winds
Love, can't you see how safe you are?
                         With me
                         Only me.

I thought it would be just a normal day
seeing the way
clouds drifted across the sky
That is why
I wasn’t prepared
I got scared
when I heard that cry

The entire world screaming as one
Clouds catching on purple fire
blazing into the void of space
Thousand times more scorching
than Hell itself

Seas turning even more poisonous
than they already were
Swallowing lands to feed
the flames above

            Safe to say, there was panic.

Every living creature
in senseless horror
Tearing each other apart
just for a chance
to save themselves

                                     But there is no escape.

In no time
fiery skies and toxic waters
caught them

Devouring
Tormenting
Burning
Drowning

They were fed pleasures and pains
unknown to God
They were shown their innermost thoughts
and they retched in disgust
at the sight of their true selves

Mutilated beyond any recognition
so they could be born anew

Now
they were ready
Now
They were monsters.

P r e s s u r e

They were already out
Gleaming, white
also brown, maybe a dash of black?
I couldn't have known.
but I feel wrong, as if they have already grown.

P r e s s u r e

Sockets of mine
are blind, fine

P r e s s u r e

I keep on pushing
and pushing
If that's what it takes

P r e s s u r e

To get my eyes back
yes
The pressure I can endure, but maybe not my own
face.

I’m the Earth
waiting
baiting
Humans I have no
faith in

Lose yourself in the euphoria of
mating

I’m done
hating

                     This is poetry of the 1/5 rating

Take the blame
Pain
Shame
I’m just saying

“There is no way to win this game!”



...that’s lame

Page after page
days go by

Ink will flow
I just want to know

why
             can’t you glow?
                                          You’re finally lost
                                          No one to save you
                                          What did it cost?
                                          What did it cost?

You will be forgotten
Buried deep
                       In cold and dark
                       You can only weep


but you are home again.