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Mar 28 · 71
It was not me you wanted to be with initially,
To give up on your fantasy.

I wasn't her and she wasn't me,
Over and over, different faces, same story.
Dec 2019 · 66
Burst the Bubble
The Misconstrued Dec 2019
How is that you were able to nonchalantly walk ahead while I walked back and now sit in the middle of the six years of space we created?
If you had only waited..
Aug 2019 · 125
The Misconstrued Aug 2019
Slipping through time endlessly,
Come closer, get a better look at me,
Maybe this is as happy as I'll ever be,
Or just maybe I'll wake up from this life if I close my eyes and count to three.
These lines just popped in my head and had to pen them down before I lost them.
Jun 2019 · 94
Thoughts Screaming
The Misconstrued Jun 2019
As I sit here shielded from the rain,
My mouth laced with the cigarette and the coffee I just had,
Wounded and in pain,
Suddenly, the sun shines amidst it all telling me it can't be that bad,
Oh but love! It is!
Life is vicious
The Misconstrued Jun 2019
Rip out my heart,
Carve out my brain,
I just want to stop feeling or thinking ever again.
Feb 2019 · 179
Mirroring my agony
The Misconstrued Feb 2019
I want to stop taking all these pills in all colors, shapes and sizes
I want to stop taking all these bad vices
If only someone assured me that just being you suffices
Sometimes i want to die, burning to ashes
feeling low
The Misconstrued Jan 2019
How can I learn to love myself
when all you taught me was that I am not worthy?
How do I start?
What do I do of the festering wounds that decorate my body?
Jan 2019 · 381
Back to the Grind
The Misconstrued Jan 2019
Riding back home from my short lived adventures,
into the dark oblivion.
The starry night holds no promise of a restful sleep.
I am returning to my pain that I cannot seem to escape,
that dance behind the curtains almost teasing me
till I fall into an almost fitful sleep,
where my demons come engulf me yet again.
Lost. These sentences may not make sense to you but make perfect sense to me as I relate a scene from my life. Time to light up another joint...
Jan 2019 · 228
The Misconstrued Jan 2019
Had by all,
None can have me.
Go figure.
Dec 2018 · 184
As I sit atop a hill
The Misconstrued Dec 2018
My heart aches for you,
Wish you could see through me how much I miss you
You could be at the most beautiful place and still think about your lost love
Dec 2018 · 307
On Edge
The Misconstrued Dec 2018
Stretching myself too thin,
Maybe I should surrender and unleash my demons from within.
Dec 2018 · 349
The light within me
The Misconstrued Dec 2018
is dying.
I am tired of failing yet constantly trying.
It is not just self-realization anymore,
but a friend's comment, in half my confidence tore.
She said she never imagined I would end up this way,
little does she know I am begging my sanity and health to stay,
Instead, life is having its own way,
Me fighting for normalcy, yet my already stamped fate almost does not sway.
Take the painfully sweet escape and jump into the sea
And extinguish the light within me
People often say that once you hit rock bottom and then there's only up from there. I have reached my rock bottom, yet why do I feel like I keep sinking further and further, getting worse and worse
Nov 2018 · 539
Leap of Faith
The Misconstrued Nov 2018
You finally convinced me to jump,
Promising to be right there to catch me,
You gradually walked away as I plunged heart first,
I now lay broken on the ground.
Nov 2018 · 266
First Love
The Misconstrued Nov 2018
Black and white,
Try as you might,
The heart, body, soul and mind,
A humble boy and a sharp tongued girl albeit with a warm heart,
Their personalities were a world apart,
Found balance for over two and a half years,
A love so pure and true despite the occasionally shed tears,
Walking precariously along a tight rope,
filled with dreams and hope,
Her sharp tongue was what finally snapped the rope in half!
Filled with regret and undying love
They'll forever carry those sweet memories and always pray for each others well-being to the one above.
Never can really forget your first love can you?
Nov 2018 · 712
The Misconstrued Nov 2018
In a world where I need love,
Almost every person hides behind these elusive clouds,
And so every cigarette puff calms me down - temporarily,
Every drink drowns my sorrows - temporarily,
Every drag of a joint helps me escape - temporarily,
Every snort of ******* gives me a rush - temporarily,
My compulsive need to meet people to not feel so lonely - temporarily,
Almost every ****** encounter a vain attempt to fill a void,
All these medications failing to shut out these voices,
Don't you see I wasn't meant to be this way?
I look strong, unaffected by anything, such a rebel,
But it has been everyone of you that stripped down the confidence off me,
I'm slipping and people can see,
Yet there's no one willing to save me.
At the crossroads of death and insanity,
Hopefully, temporarily?
Oct 2018 · 565
The Misconstrued Oct 2018
You pop up in my mind in almost every song I hear,
Yearning for you to be near,
or replaying the best memories of us that lay in the past,
Somehow, our love was not destined to last.

Was it really love I ask,
or was it just heartbreak that had cleverly put on a mask?
Because every time I reach out to you,
You slip amidst the shadows of your new life cut off from our love that I thought to be true,
But am I or you to blame?
Maybe it was me, because I finally put an end to our back and forth game.
Oct 2018 · 1.4k
The Misconstrued Oct 2018
I cannot seem to evade this sense of doom,
From the feeling of constantly failing when I was meant to bloom.
Sep 2018 · 221
How the World Works
The Misconstrued Sep 2018
People have their own agenda and objective,
And no matter how much of yourself you give,
I've realized people just take and you're left alone by yourself to live.
I guess people are not selfish but we should learn to stop giving so much of our self and be disappointed when no one is there to help you back.
Aug 2018 · 2.2k
Afraid of Falling Asleep
The Misconstrued Aug 2018
The magical potion that once momentarily erased my pain,
has come to collect its dues,
Desperately trying to scratch out of a body that refuses to acknowledge you're going insane
I lay tormented with nightmares,trembling hands, hallucinations, nausea and fear in all its hues,
Fully aware that I will be trapped not knowing the difference between reality and imagination again,
Yet somehow I convince myself that one more night of alcohol is what I could use
Alcohol withdrawal is very real. So are the nightmares.
Jul 2018 · 834
The Misconstrued Jul 2018
I've treated my body like nothing but just flesh
When really, it has of its own a mind and a soul so warm
Bruised, torn apart, self abused, cut and treated like trash
Pleasure for some or me in need of some self-harm,
I trace each scar along my body over and over
So deserving of this torture
I can feel the agonising pain
All this blood is beginning to leave a huge red stain
Random thoughts that are in dire need of polishing.... Maybe I'll do it later or just leave it as is
Jun 2018 · 681
Do You See The Same Skies?
The Misconstrued Jun 2018
My feelings for you resonate in the rainy skies today,
A storm of emotions that threaten an outburst beyond my control,
And like every rain that falls upon this earth,
I let out my deep anguished cries but for a while,
Until its time to stop and let the sun shine and pretend to the world I'm fine instead.
will the rains ever end?
May 2018 · 2.8k
The Misconstrued May 2018
I binge eat on all possible junk food,
It inexplicably elevates my mood,
Now trapped by people ceaselessly commenting on my increasing weight,
Does anyone else feel like they are putting food in a body they now absolutely hate?
I can’t stop.
Pro tip: compliment her on her haircut or new shade of lipstick instead. Compliment him on his awesome t-shirt instead. Remember, every word makes an impact, negative or positive.
The Misconstrued May 2018
When will I be able to put them to rest,
These monsters in my head.
Why can't I stop my mind from tormenting me and let it go,
Just as easily as people tell me so.
Make it magically end.
Apr 2018 · 231
The Misconstrued Apr 2018
If maybe I could somehow stop my thinking,
I could save myself from sinking,
My life feels like a futile struggle in quick sand,
Oh how I wish my feet could feel some solid land!
All these breakdowns and self harm is my heart crying in despair,
I'm afraid my life is beyond repair.
In need of help but your attention I cannot steer,
How do I make myself disappear?
Mar 2018 · 202
How cruel can you be?
The Misconstrued Mar 2018
He lit up her world,
And then left leaving a little bit of his light with her,
She fuels it with their memories or imaginations,
He visits her time and again to gift her that one more memory,
To keep that light burning forever?
Stuck in a vicious cycle
The Misconstrued Mar 2018
Lost, yet why are we still connected,
Why have I given a part of my soul to you,
Why do you deviate from what is needed and expected,
Why am I in a constant loop of circling back and hoping my dreams come true
Being depressed gets you thinking so much. Fragmented thoughts
Jan 2018 · 124
The Misconstrued Jan 2018
My mind is slipping in and out of crazy,
That fine line between sanity and insanity looks almost blurry and hazy.
Jan 2018 · 775
The Misconstrued Jan 2018
How do I stop my painful dark world from bleeding into reality?
How do I get ahold of my sanity?
How do I erase the life I have before me?
How do I destroy my memory?
How do I put an end to my warped thinking?
How do I save myself from sinking?
It is getting worse.
Dec 2017 · 330
Love, the age-old myth
The Misconstrued Dec 2017
Love, the age-old myth,
Twenty four years of existence and I already know love is an illusion.
Or maybe I do not deserve it.
Its absence hurts me the way someone mourns for her lover or a mother her son.
What does love even look like because I may have a different version of it in my head.
And not getting it makes me wish I was dead.
The Misconstrued Nov 2017
I didn't know what 'I hate you but I love you' meant,
Until thoughts of you consumed me yet I began disliking you up to an extent,
I found myself crying for you,
When actually I should be worried sick about the operation I'm about to go through,
I constantly wait for your overly concerned text or call,
You just tell me not to have an expectation list so tall,
You tell me work keeps you busy and you've always been this way,
But my depressed lonely mind knows we were inseparable back in the day,
You know something is not right,
When you think about it and want to **** yourself and give up this half a decade long fight.
A mindless fight for love.
Is my mind driving me crazy?
The Misconstrued Oct 2017
I started it.
I let you stay in love with me while I was with someone else,
All the while smothering my feelings, my vain attempts to **** it.

You claimed to be with other women to get over me,
Until you found the woman you fell in love with,
Who almost set you free.

Whispered promises of love we shared,
While we held each others heart hostage,
We united with other bodies and hurting each others feelings were not spared.

I wish I had the courage to make it stop,
Instead of us pretending to be okay with it,
And letting a shot at a life together drop.

I am like the book on your night table that you keep but never read,
Even though you were in love with her,
You said I was also what you need.

You thought all that died that day was your unborn child with her,
A part of my soul died too,
Knowing that you two almost held a beautiful moment so dear.

What I did not know was that I was capable of dying a death more painful,
when you made love to her again,
right after I shared my body with you, a union I thought was magical and beautiful.

You casually shrugged and asked me what did I expect,
well then please put an end to this misery that was once love,
and erase everything right up till the first time we met
Did we push it too far? There's no simple love is there?
Oct 2017 · 174
-The End-
The Misconstrued Oct 2017
My end will almost be poetic,
Me painted all over the pavement... Oh! So dramatic!
Over and over, at least that's the way I imagine it to be,
Everything just how I fantasise about it,  right down to the T.
Aug 2017 · 416
The Misconstrued Aug 2017
Whisky,*****, ***,
Anything I could get my hands on,
Only a temporary escape, such a pity,
Something to smooth out the rough edges of reality,
Blur out the past,
Those incessant barrage of disconnected memories flashing before my eyes so fast,
Numb myself for one night from all the sorrow,
And promise to press the replay button tomorrow.
Aug 2017 · 215
Mere Words
The Misconstrued Aug 2017
For if I could relive my past,
I'd make you hit me more,
Because the wounds won't last,
It's the scars by your pointed words that will remain.
Don't you all wish certain things could be unheard?
Aug 2017 · 276
Loss of Words
The Misconstrued Aug 2017
If only you could see that my words hold heart wrenching pain,
You wouldn't be able to read them again.
Aug 2017 · 333
The Misconstrued Aug 2017
In a bid to escape my painful reality,
I lock myself up within the nightmares of my past,
All the while destroying every part of me.
Describes me and my friend
Aug 2017 · 299
You Think I am Crazy
The Misconstrued Aug 2017
I wish you could see the scars, bruises and cuts that decorate my body,
Maybe then you will understand why I flinch every time you try to come close to me,
Maybe then you will see the demons through my eyes that have trapped me,
Maybe then you will know why I act out on all these insecurities I have within me,
Till then, go ahead and misunderstand me.
You think I am crazy.
People cannot fathom what depression is least try to sympathize with people. They need you more than ever.
Jun 2017 · 345
Reaching Out for Help
The Misconstrued Jun 2017
People perceive wounded and hurt only if it is something they can see
Vision fails them when you approach them with sickness of the mind
All I need is your love and understanding before I ensure it is the end of me
Exhausted from deviating myself from the path of self destruction
Oh that euphoric feeling! It just lingers around to consume me
I am my own victim I am told
But from where I stand, don’t you see that that’s what you made me to be?
People cannot understand something that they cannot feel themselves. Few may be sympathetic and make their exit.
Apr 2017 · 2.9k
Stay Strong My Clingy Cuckoo
The Misconstrued Apr 2017
You are strong
Stayed afloat so long
You are tired, I understand
But I promise there'll be a beacon of light and you'll find it
Or more like don't stress, it'll come along
Till then, just keep staying strong
Words of encouragement for my friend like me.  Already sent it to her, it's up here as a message for every depressed person to stay strong.
P.S. - I know you're reading this cuckoo
Apr 2017 · 1.0k
So Much More Than Friendship
The Misconstrued Apr 2017
My love for you consumes me.
Yet I step back.
Fully knowing that you keep me high up on a pedestal and adoringly love me for who I am, no judgements.
Then why this back and forth?
Is it time or distance or our varied lifestyle or personality or is it just the undecided me?
It was never meant to be.
Yet I'm addicted to your calming reasonable voice.
You always find me in my darkness.
Is it just my selfish need?
How cruel can I be?
You know the answer to this,
It's to stay away from the likes of me.
Yet determination failed us.
Maybe this time you'll succeed?
Apr 2017 · 465
Is It All Worth It?
The Misconstrued Apr 2017
I do not know where I am.
I do not recognize this place.
This darkness feels so empty.
Maybe it would help you decide if I tell you where I come from.
Misunderstood, broken, verbally abused.
Fat shamed and even made fun of because of my looks!
It all adds up to my path to insanity.
All I ever wanted was love and tranquility.
But fate decided that it should be denied.
Now all I have are my failed attempts at filling up that deep black empty void.
Romanticized so many ways to give up my life.
But my hesitation should be viewed as courage or cowardice?
Now as I lay here contemplating the reason for my existence through all this pain,
should I try my hand at giving up my life again?
Tried summing up my life in words. Words cannot even come close to describing my heart wrenching pain.
Apr 2017 · 578
The Misconstrued Apr 2017
Lost love?
Those memories are like a rusty knife plunged into you.
Deep into your gut.
It twists and turns till you can taste blood.
Until it pulls out only to stab you over and over.
Blood spurting, blurring your vision and your world out.
Such is the pain.
Addicted to it that I keep letting my memories take over me again and again.
Apr 2017 · 554
Raw Pain
The Misconstrued Apr 2017
Those sweet endearments and promises would once upon a time tug at the strings of my heart.
Now those same lost endearments and broken promises threaten to wrench out my very heart.
The excruciating pain feels like the walls are closing in on me.
It’s getting hard to breathe.
Slowly making me lose the will to live?
As I desperately flail my arms in the dark to reach out to my once colorful past, reality hits me in the face like a bright painful ray of light telling me there’s nothing.
Should I comfort myself that I at least have the ability to still feel something?
Apr 2017 · 844
Monotonous Life
The Misconstrued Apr 2017
I am just going through the motions of life.
Days blend into nights.
I merely exist; just numb to life around me.
I just self destruct believing I am punishing myself for my stupidity.
But I secretly still hold a gleam of hope that someone will see through me.
Apr 2017 · 941
A Silent Cry for Help?
The Misconstrued Apr 2017
I imagine an alternate universe, a better version of myself, accepted and loved by all.
More importantly, loved by the ones I loved and lost.
He picked me up from my misery only to drop me from a greater height into a deeper pit of depression.
I am grieving for people who aren't even dead.
I cannot cope anymore with life getting heavier and overwhelming.
I fear I will break down into something far more badly than I already am.
It's not just him you know? It's everything that life threw at me since I can't remember when.
I won't lie; I find comfort in this misery.
Isn't it funny that I want to stay in it and get out at the same time?
Apr 2017 · 784
If I had to Choose
The Misconstrued Apr 2017
For if I had to choose
I would choose to think you were a coward
A coward to up and run
Because I so badly want to believe in the notion called love
Something I have believed in for so long
But it begins to fade as I desperately try to grasp it
As fragments of it remain
I try to crush it in anger
I begin hating my ridiculous beliefs
I always said you saved me from myself
You just picked me up
I tripped over my notion of love
****** bruises and scars that will remain
As you just dust off and walk away
Time heals everything you say
I tear myself apart, ripping through the wounds
Punishing myself for my stupidity
Falling for the notion of love
This relationship but had a timestamp
You were just meant to be a refreshing chapter, I will convince myself
Because I am scared I might not believe in love again.
This was just word *****. Fragments of what was in my head. An attempt at pain bring translated into words on paper.

— The End —