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 Apr 2018 Starving Artist
Thomas
Anxiety anxiety,
O my anxiety,

I fear all and fear all of my fears,

Anxiety anxiety
O god my anxiety,

Distractions, distractions,
I try to fill my mind,

Anxiety anxiety,
O god please end the torture,

I’ll want to scream to empty my mind,
But I’m afraid of what  people think of me,
If it would actually help,

Anxiety anxiety,
Why do I think about everything,


Anxiety anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety,
anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety,
anxiety...
It’s a poem
Arms tightly linger around my waist.
Holding me close, trapped in place.
Oxygen lodged in my throat
I can’t breathe.
I began to choke.

When the emptiness settles in deep,
She always reminds me no one loves me.
Heavily intoxicated by my tears,
Dancing in the gloomy atmosphere.

Hurtful words hang in my ear,
Maybe this was meant to be.
Me and lonely.
Together it seems.
Dying in love for eternity.
Hopeless.
 Apr 2018 Starving Artist
Umi
What I am,
Is not what you are,
Because unlike you, I never was human.
Never was able to really feel emotions, which you all adore,
Been called a demon for that reason, a monster which was deserted,
Emptiness, calm and drenched in the sorrow of never fitting in is what embellishes me, an ornament of true, cruel sadness, undetected.
And yes, I don't understand you, perhaps I don't even want to, knowing what humans are like, I accepted my fate of being alone,
I let my fingernails grow long and sharp to at least fit into the picture of a monster you have put me, because what else do I have left ?
A heart, perhaps which desires to take those under its wing whom suffered the same tragity, orphans with no place or rejected, abused.
And a body, carrying a thousand marks done by a knife, or these nails, in a cold desperate wishing to be normal at least for a day, to not be alone and deserted, with no one left to talk but a silly pen, a pocket watch which is about to stop ticking calmly, gently very soon.
An ember of light, triggers some emotions at rare occasions, which fade into nothingness as the day begins to face it's end, ah, phantoms
So, what I am,
Is not what you are,
Because I am...
A demon.

~ Umi
Living with the asperger syndrome is sure a pain, at least for me.
Such a delicate matter,
“we don’t talk about that”.
So unwilling, a feeling,
let’s ignore all the facts.

Let’s ignore the signs,
because to speak would bring truth.
It’s an out of bounds subject,
that’s strictly uncouth.

A therapist, what for?
You’re gonna be fine.
What do you mean you’re depressed?
Just have a glass of wine.

What do you mean you texted?
Of course I didn’t leave you on read.
You’re being over dramatic,
of course you’re not better off dead.

Sorry, I’ve been busy,
ya I know you wanted to talk.
Is it important?
Cause I’m going for a walk.

Haven’t heard from you in awhile,
are you doing ok?
Hello?! Are you there?!
It’s been like three days!

Ok, you’re starting to scare me,
please answer your phone.
No one can get ahold of you,
Hello? Hello?!
Why is it we cure pain with pain?

A burn with utter incineration?

A cut with mortal stabs and fatal slices?

A tear with larger rips and further shredding?

A break with complete shatter and growing fractures?

A love with a deeper, truer, more honest and raw  love?
I think I'm getting worse at this poem thing.
I've basically stopped rhyming altogether it seems,
at least to me.
Pain is...
Being able to imagine a future with him
Someone who will never love you.

Pain is...
Loneliness
Sadness
Being overlooked
Wishing for the impossible
Seeing everyone run from you.

Pain is spirit breaking,
Tear jerking torment.

That's what pain is.
 Apr 2018 Starving Artist
a
suicide
 Apr 2018 Starving Artist
a
i said goodbye
instead of goodnight
but you just smiled
and turned out the light
if you can't take life's **** anymore please call 1-800-273-TALK and press 1.
Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **
 Apr 2018 Starving Artist
z
when people are in love
they often say
they simply fell
tripped over their own two feet
face forward
and into the arms of their beloved

i did more than simply fall
onto the ground of your love

you, for me
were an ocean
and i dived
headfirst
roughly
harshly
almost painfully
into the waters of “you”

i knew i could not swim
but i did so anyway
i was drowning
entangled in you
surrounded by this being of “you”
engulfed in this feeling of “you”

and i did not know what came over me
but i let myself drown
i did not try to swim back up
because if i went back to land,
releasing myself from your grasp
that would mean losing the feeling of “you”

and after
submerging into the depth
the love
the passion
of “you”

how could i ever leave?
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