I’m scared of dying

I’m tired of crying

I look in her eyes

She says I’m lying

She says I’m ugly

She says I’m a *****

I leave the mirror

And slit my wrists

She left her mark

I felt her sting

The voice in my head

Urges me to bring

The blade to my arm

Not sure if I’m living

I go to sleep

I wake up again

I go see her

For another conversation.

You know what I want?
I want a guy friend.
I have had two guy friends EVER
and I ended up technically dating both
...yeah, that ended badly.
Anyway,
they never really were
particularly close to me though,
when we were friends
we rarely talked
I couldn’t ask them guy stuff
I couldn’t text them random stuff
I couldn’t ask them for advice or vent to them
I wasn’t really close with them
What I want is for a guy
Around my age
So, high school age
To be my friend
Not my boyfriend
Not in a flirtationship
Just a friend
A guy in high school (so around my age)
Who I can send “hellooooo” to seven times
without them freaking out
like girls can do with their friends who are girls
A guy I can just talk to about life
Without drama
Without random *******
that always happens between girls
just a guy who can know me
inside out
who can be my “male influence”
who can tease me
who I can tease back
who I can rant to about my love life
and he can give a boy’s opinion and view on it
a guy who I can listen to
about his life
help him with his girl love life problems
a guy who is willing to trust me
a guy who will talk to me
a guy I can be REAL friends with
I just want a guy friend.
But I don’t know where to find one… :(

I'll smile,
     pretend
  I'm okay...
Better than the
          truth
   Anyways.

Little moist drops of heaven
       Trickling down my throat
    The heavenly burn,
                   delicious
Synonymous with an Angel's wings
               fluttering in my esophagus
     Liquid lightning, striking
          Almost blasphemous
 A devilish game of Russian Roulette
              With four shot glasses,
   Three rogues and one gent
Emotions getting looser
    Clothing getting tighter
           The taste becoming
     Sweeter
          Liquefied demon tears
Playing a wicked game
            with my insides
    Putting a beautiful curse on my mind
             Melted Whiskey Raindrops
     Sending shivers down my spine
           This hellish war of love, hate and
                    Intoxication
   Has never felt so
                  *Divine

Well if you're wanting honest,
sometimes I know it all.

I have said it before,
and with this, they will surely have a ball.

But here's another truth.
I know nothing at all

Blame it on my worldly youth,
certainly not the alcohol.

I have persisted in being right,
but self-righteous? I ain't that type.

Hollywood smile, and a body to match
Seemingly lovely, but there's certainly a catch.

Watch your sins and thy evil back.
I am of light, and in fact,
I am coming for atonement
of those opponents who lack
grace and love behind their backs

I AM SEEKING.
dethronement,in the form of modern day locust.
A plague on your houses, as I focus
on what you hide out of sight.
**I find my best days
come after ridding the world
of the longest and darkest nights.