"what do you want?"
"I don't know."
"Yes you do. listen to your heart."
"how do I do that?"
"close your eyes and breathe. you'll hear voices. that's your heart talking. what does it say?"
"I don't understand. It says get better. feel better. but i'm not sick."
"what makes you so sure it's talking about you? listen closer. concentrate."
"it says it wants YOU to feel better. it wants you to stop blaming yourself. to feel happy. to be proud."

He is an exponential function.
Small rate of change at the beginning,
But he grows fast when he reaches a certain age.
    
I am a function of a straight line.
A big constant ***** since the beginning,
But I also have a y-intercept way bigger than zero.
    
Let our age be the inputs,
And our maturity be the outputs.
At year zero,
We didn’t know each other.
We didn’t know we would cross each other one day.
      
We have been working so hard.
We have been living in different countries.
We were like two parallel lines,
Which would never meet each other.
    
But at year 20 for me,
And at year 30 for him,
We finally crossed each other,
And we were smart enough to find our intersection.
      
We are still growing into different directions,
Because that probably will be our only intersection.
But we only need that one intersection,
Because we are all independent now.
We don’t need other people to input data anymore.

This Christmas,
I want to be truly okay
To finally see light in everyday besides the sun and the stars but the shine of my own
To smile genuinely without care
I want to love and be loved no matter how hard I could be
I want my thoughts to vanish along with the sadness
To soar and fly and feel free
To to have a glimpse of what a magnificent life could be
No concrete wish, just happiness

It would be great

You know what I want?
I want a guy friend.
I have had two guy friends EVER
and I ended up technically dating both
...yeah, that ended badly.
Anyway,
they never really were
particularly close to me though,
when we were friends
we rarely talked
I couldn’t ask them guy stuff
I couldn’t text them random stuff
I couldn’t ask them for advice or vent to them
I wasn’t really close with them
What I want is for a guy
Around my age
So, high school age
To be my friend
Not my boyfriend
Not in a flirtationship
Just a friend
A guy in high school (so around my age)
Who I can send “hellooooo” to seven times
without them freaking out
like girls can do with their friends who are girls
A guy I can just talk to about life
Without drama
Without random *******
that always happens between girls
just a guy who can know me
inside out
who can be my “male influence”
who can tease me
who I can tease back
who I can rant to about my love life
and he can give a boy’s opinion and view on it
a guy who I can listen to
about his life
help him with his girl love life problems
a guy who is willing to trust me
a guy who will talk to me
a guy I can be REAL friends with
I just want a guy friend.
But I don’t know where to find one… :(