A heart is like a piece of parchment,
Being on the receiving end
Of a barbed word or
Spiteful action,
Crumples up the paper.
No matter how much you smooth it out,
It can never be the same again,
And each crease will be a reminder, a scar,
Of the pain and torment you went through.
It is your choice whether the scar causes further pain,
Repeating the trauma you went through over and over in your mind’s eye,
Or you see them as life’s rich tapestry,
A sign of your strength
An indicator of who you are,
A lesson learned.

Everyone is a keeper of secrets,
Little white lies
Sometimes big whoppers,
Even telling your child
Santa IS real.
But the most damaging, destructive and toxic
Are those you hide from yourself
Because the pain is too much to bear

Shame arises
When emotional needs
Are not met.
Ignored as a young child,
Misunderstood,
Misinformed,
Misjudged.
Taught you and your needs weren’t important,
Not seen, not heard,
Behave according to their high expectations,
Not be an inconvenience,
Not in the way,
For you,
Your thoughts,
Demands,
Wishes,
Desire,
Intent
Weren’t important.
You believe what this care giver says,
The person most important to you in your life then,
The one with lapsed responsibility,
Supposedly caring for your mental health and well-being,
Who encouraged you to believe you are not worthy.
Learnt to live life apologetically
According to others’ will and demands,
Let others do what they want with you,
While hanging your head in shame.
Enough I say!
Now is the time to change,
To live life for you,
Make demands,
Be unreasonable,
Put yourself first,
Desire,
Throw yourself into what you want to do
With wild abandon,
To live,
Love,
Be,
Do,
With passionate intent
And purpose.

Do not be sad and miserable
because she has
gone.
Rejoice and be happy
for she has
Lived,
And
Loved.
And in so living
She made you
Who you are
Today,
So give thanks and gratitude,
And know
That you will meet
Once again.

Hiding your God-given light
Is a tragedy,
A waste,
A deprivation.
Shine bright
Baby girl
For all the world to see,
And be
Who you are meant to be.

No amount of darkness
Can hide a tiny light.
Having faith enables you to
Shine forth,
Radiate your essence,
Share your brilliance,
Inspire others
Along this journey called life,
For there is nothing
The devil can do to you
When you truly believe.

Should is a crippler,
“You should do this”,
“You should do that”,
“You should think the other”.
According to whom pray tell?
Do they know my mind?
What I’ve been through?
What I’m up to?
Who I am?
Do they have my best interests at heart?
No.
They only serve themselves,
To keep me in the box they have deigned for me,
To live up, or down, to their expectations,
So they can feel superior
And better about themselves.
**** that!
I am me.
This is my life, not yours.
I choose to be and do what I want.
Just because you messed up your life,
Doesn’t give you a right to mess up mine too,
To control me,
Keep me small,
Playing your tune.
So go **** yourself,
For this is me,
I am me,
I do what the **** I want,
With, or without, your approval.

I am so grateful
To those who went before me
Signposting the way,
Patiently,
Over and over,
Until I had the grace to listen
And to learn
And to respond.
And now it is my turn
To repay that kindness,
To pass it forward,
And signpost the way to those behind me
With love, patience and kindness.

There is no ratio of sin,
No sliding scale,
Good is good,
Bad is bad,
Sin is sin,
No matter how big or small.
But have hope!
For all sin is forgiven
When we truly repent.
So pray to your God
Seek forgiveness,
Learn from your mistake,
Then move on,
A better person than whence you start

Sink or swim,
That is the question.
The seductive abyss,
Or the choppy waves,
Which choose you?

The mermaid of the deep
Beckons,
Seductively calling
My name,
“Come hither,
Come rest your weary head”.
No! It’s a lie!
There’s no rest in that direction,
Only torment and pain and confusion.
So reluctantly at first,
I rise above it,
I feast my eyes beyond,
I float,
And swim safely to shore,
Slowly, exhaustedly,
But more
Stronger every time,
I resist the urge
To drown

Like a modern day Sleeping Beauty,
Living 50 years of her life
In a trance like daze,
Oblivious to all,
Viewing the world through the twisted lens and filter
Of a controlling bully.
Learning to be her own worst enemy,
Flagellating herself like a aesthetic,
Living as a timid scurrying mouse
Fearing the light of day,
To a ridiculously enraged roaring lionness protecting her brood.
Awoken from her deep slumber
By Prince Charming’s sweetest gentlest kiss,
She rose to fight another day,
This time standing in her power,
Slaying her enemies,
And all who had kept her playing small
To further their own ends,
Now shining in the glow of her brilliance
Saying “******* one and all,
I am me,
THIS is who I am,
I am proud of what I’ve achieved,
Now I sing my own song,
Dance to my own tune,
Play my own game”,
As she galloped off astride her gallant steed
Amid a swirl of dust
Towards sunset’s rosy glow

Slow down for God’s sake,
Your mind,
Your thoughts,
Your actions,
Notice that around you,
Hear the birds sing,
Smell the roses by the roadside,
Pick up on clues and contrails,
Listen and learn,
Hear first, speak second,
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason,
Do this now,
Before it’s too late

Slowly
Learning and
Understanding and
Becoming
More confident
More assertive
More bad-***
Till you
Can stand
In your power
And no ******
Can come close
To you
Unless you say so

I am humbled by your presence Lord,
Thank you
For revealing yourself to me
And showing me,
Even in times of pain and adversity
That encapsulated my life,
On reflection
You were always there
Always protecting
Always looking after me
Just waiting
Till I was ready to acknowledge You in my life,
And realise I have the strength
To rise above these demons and devilish thoughts
Wanting to drag me back into the abyss
To my comfort zone of familiarity,
But no place for me anymore,
I now choose to release myself from these shackles
And bird cage of a prison
For the door is open
And I now choose to soar
And rejoice in the glory that comes
From accepting You in my life

All my life
Living under a cloud of doom and fear and negativity,
Believing I was deficient in some way,
I’d done something really bad,
But knowing not what.

Guilt now in tatters,
Shame no longer around,
Worry retreating,
As I finally discover
All I’m guilty of
Is being

Socially
Inept!

All you need to do is send
SOS,
When overtaken by dementors,
When stuck in a web of loneliness,
When wallowing in a well of self pity,
Just three characters is all it takes,
S O S,
And in response
A kind word,
How can I help?
What do you need right now?
Would you like to talk?
Or to pray for you?
But you need to ask for help
You need to send that
SOS

When something comes up that I need to address
I don’t eat
I don’t drink
My stomach churns.
That is a sign to
Look inwards
Trust my gut
Ask questions
Explore
Write poetry
Journal
Sit
Be
Know I’m safe
Trust the process
For my soul is wanting
To be heard
It wants to speak
And it’s the only way it can get
My attention

Relax into the embrace
Soul’s embrace
All encompassing embrace
Of divine love
The oh so powerful
Feminine energy,
Breathe
Into the deep warming embrace
Knowing you are safe
Protected
And loved
Very much

Sometimes the all-consuming intensity gets to me
And I need space
To step back
And reflect
And clear my head
So I can return refreshed
And renewed
And in control of my life once again

The hardest thing of all
During this fight between good and evil,
And yet the most important,
Is standing in your truth,
Holding the line,
Staying strong,
And being true to yourself,
Even when contrary to popular opinion.

Despite the devil’s best attempts
To drag me down rabbit holes and muddle my thinking,
Or drown me in the lake of despondency and despair,
I’m still standing.
And not only that,
Full of tenacity, hope and courage,
And with God on my side
I won’t just survive,
But thrive.

Once again
Succumbing
To the sleepy seductiveness,
Eyelids drooping,
Breath deepening,
Drifting off
In the arms of Morpheus,
Yet sofa bound,
Til waking in the early hours,
Neck taught,
Limbs frigid,
Dragging leaden feet upstairs
To the comfort of my waiting bed
And dreamless sleep.

Parting is such sweet sorrow,
Reeling with joy
From precious moments shared;
Then sadness at being apart,
Pangs of unhappiness,
Spasms of loneliness,
All the more acute,
When preceded by such
Exquisiteness.