I’m never alright

So I’ll take my life

With this sharpened knife

I cry every night

It blurs my sight

So the crooked cuts

Along my skin

Have just begun

As the night begins

It’s unstoppable

And the addiction wins

Though the pain is lost

I’ll soon be forgotten

I’m left to rot

In this pit of pills

I’ll eat my way out

Swallow them all

By the time I reach ground

I’m already gone.

All I want to do is die

But all that I can do is cry

I go around searching for love

Because I know I never get enough

But I’m fairly certain I never will

Even now

I still want to ****

**** myself

for lack of a better word

I wish I was a bird

I’d fly high into the sky

Away from humanity

Away from everyone who is just plain

Sick of me.

Don’t let me wake up.

Dear God,

Just don’t let me get up.

As my blood pours from my arms

Just tell me,

Will this be enough?

Will this be able to end my wake?

Keep my eyes from opening

Day after day?

Doom me to an everlasting sleep

From all these cuts that are all so deep

I sleep.

The sheets of my bed

Are drenched in red

And I dream that soon

I shall be dead.

I’m tired of trying

There have been too many tears

All these nights that I’ve been crying

The burns on my arms

I’m terrible at hiding

But no one cares

So I don’t have to keep fighting

My parents don’t know

The pain I’m still going through

I’m “as happy as can be”

Who knew

There are cuts on my stomach

My hips

My legs

I don’t tell anyone

About this pain in my head

No one knows

About my long-term sedative

I’m getting better

Except for the fact

That I don’t want to live

I feel so ashamed

Because I’ve tried so hard

To fight for you

But it’s hard

And I’m still scarred

But I want you to be proud

Of this smile that’s been misplaced

Not of the make-up running down my face

Not of the blood that seeps through my skin

I’m “getting better”

Though I’m dying within

I’m ready to go

My thoughts always win

I’ve lost everything

Though I had nothing

To begin

With

My open eyes

Every night

I still cry

In the bathroom at school

My shoelace

******* high

Just a loop around my neck

Just a jump away

I’m ready to go

And my body will sway

Back and forth against the door

I just know you’ll be okay

Without me you’re safer

When I’m gone it’ll brighten your day

I’m sorry I made you go away

I’m sorry I made you feel that way

I hope my tears will brush the pain away

I’ll be gone soon

So say

“Hooray!”

I won’t bother you

Another day.

I’m sorry.

I meant to say,

“I love you.”

I meant to stay with you

I’m so happy when I’m with you

I wish you could say that too

I meant to say,

“I miss you.”

Your voice fills me with joy

But I’m going to stay away

You treated me like a toy

But now you say you love me

With all of your heart

I meant to say,

“I’m done.”

Because you ripped me apart

But I decided to play along

I gave you my heart

I meant to say,

“It’s over.”

But I let you start

Reeling me in

As you begin

To steal my heart

And break it

You win.

You’re my sad addiction

And still I let you in

Even though you **** me

I love you

And it feels like a sin

Every time we start again

You’re intentions seem so true

But time goes by

And I lose hope

And my thoughts turn so cruel

I love you to death

But it comes too soon

If you don’t love me,

What else is there left to do?

But I mend my heart

And push you out of me

Then months later

You speak,

“I love you so much,

I don’t want you to leave.”

I’m blinded by love

And I cannot see

What you’re trying to do to me

You’re my sad addiction

And I’ll never leave

I’ll never be

Where I’m supposed to be

I’ll never be okay

I’ll never be free

And it’s all because

Of the boy who broke me.

I’m numb

I can’t feel the world

I can’t see the light

I’m a hopeless girl

I have a cold heart

I’m not even there

I’m a soulless body

And I don’t even care

If I slit my wrists

And I bleed out

I’ll count the minutes

Until I’m out

In an endless sleep

I weep

And no one knows

There is nothing but cuts

Beneath my clothes

I cry

As I try

To hide the pain

But it’s all the same

I’ll try to make

Myself

Go away

And I’m the only one to blame

And I have nothing else to say

I promised you that I would stay

But not today

I pray

You won’t be angry

If I don’t wake

Tomorrow day

Because my whole world

Has turned gray

And soon

I know I’ll fade

Fade away

And disappear

Please hold

The memory of me

So dear

I can’t

I can’t

I can’t go on

Even with you

I’m still not strong

I say I can’t do this

On my own

But even with you

I do not grow

I’m still not happy

Just please know

I love you dearly

But I have to go

Sing me a song

While I sleep

Keep me warm

And please don’t leave

Just stay with me

Throughout the night

And everything

Will be

Alright

I love you so much

So please don’t cry

Everything will be

Alright

I’ll die in the night

Free of fright

And everything

Will be

Alright.

My heart is black

And made of coal

With demons eating

At my soul

They sit inside

And they conspire

They **** my mind

And fuel the fire